Basic Etiquette & Respect

[Deleted Member]

38 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

I’ve lost track of how many of these posts I’ve seen in nearly a year on here. I’ve written about the problem myself. Everyone agrees it’s a problem but nothing changes. I am becoming more and more cynical and less and less patient with men in my inbox. I block more, I’ve locked down my inbox, I just don’t reply or I give men an earful. I’m afraid to say Charli - this is what a lot of men are like. Not all men, but misogyny runs deep in society and it shows here. 😔

You've nailed it and it's my view that the position and response of women is the key.  To rise above this,  not to engage and be clear about self preservation,  boundaries and sense of self worth.  Demonstrating,  modelling,  living,  speaking and believing your worth will provide some relief from this seemingly persistent and possibly hopeless situation

 

#dontfeedthebeast

 

🔥🔥🔥

[Deleted Member]

46 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

I’ve lost track of how many of these posts I’ve seen in nearly a year on here. I’ve written about the problem myself. Everyone agrees it’s a problem but nothing changes. I am becoming more and more cynical and less and less patient with men in my inbox. I block more, I’ve locked down my inbox, I just don’t reply or I give men an earful. I’m afraid to say Charli - this is what a lot of men are like. Not all men, but misogyny runs deep in society and it shows here. 😔

Same shit, different day 😊.

[Carnelian2]

28 minutes ago, Firewitch said:

You've nailed it and it's my view that the position and response of women is the key.  To rise above this,  not to engage and be clear about self preservation,  boundaries and sense of self worth.  Demonstrating,  modelling,  living,  speaking and believing your worth will provide some relief from this seemingly persistent and possibly hopeless situation

 

#dontfeedthebeast

 

🔥🔥🔥

As women, you are whole people and not just some object to use and throw away. It saddens me to see and hear that some still have that neanderthal attitude. I don't really know what the answer is rather than to stick with it, educate the cretins and hope something sticks.
Respect should not be earned, it should be a given regardless of what label of gender we assign to ourselves or are assigned.

[Deleted Member]

19 minutes ago, Carnelian2 said:

Respect should not be earned, it should be a given regardless of what label of gender we assign to ourselves or are assigned.

Self respect being #1, you're right,  promoting that to all may be a better response especially to the cretins and neanderthals and luddites

Ugg

🔥🔥🔥

[SammyB]

Charli I’m sorry to hear this is continuing to happen and well done for highlighting the issue once again .

I’m kicking around this site a long time now and we have chatted sooo much about this , I’m sure most are fed up hearing me lol on the subject

I have addressed it on the forum , in the lobby and during online munches

Yes some of it is those who don’t understand initially however there are those that choose to be blatant about their disrespect

I think on a whole sadly it almost accepted and their is a new breed of Dom emerging..... I use this term loosely and in my opinion not really Dominant

So many women are coming into the lifestyle too and actively encourage and accept this kinda of behaviour too , I believe we all need to keep reinforcing the message to all those who are new who are just jumping in head first without educating themselves

It’s not appropriate to behave like that
Nor is it right to accept that

So many fall for the if you were sub you would do it

If you were sub you would be comfortable sending nudes to anyone within two texts

I could go on forever it’s definitely a subject that triggers a rant response

What I will also say and ask as a site what is happening to protect members , I know on other sites there are welcome packs and files to read ..... course not everyone will read however I do feel something needs to be put in place

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, Firewitch said:

You've nailed it and it's my view that the position and response of women is the key.  To rise above this,  not to engage and be clear about self preservation,  boundaries and sense of self worth.  Demonstrating,  modelling,  living,  speaking and believing your worth will provide some relief from this seemingly persistent and possibly hopeless situation

#dontfeedthebeasT

🔥🔥🔥

A year ago I would not have known what you meant. I didn’t realise I had to change. But thanks to this site and people like you 😘 I have learnt to recognise my worth and be clear on my boundaries. The bullying won’t stop until you stand up to it. This has actually meant I stood up to years of bullying from my ex & others - such an important lesson. 

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, Primal*** said:

Same shit, different day 😊.

Sadly, yes. But we can choose how we deal with the shit. 

[Deleted Member]

16 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

Sadly, yes. But we can choose how we deal with the shit. 

And thats the important part 😊

[Robad2023]

From my experience you  reap what you sow. 

If you deal with someone with contempt you can expect to be treated with contempt in return.

Many people on here have no tolerance.

 

[GABRIELE-7386]

On 1/14/2021 at 4:41 PM, DanteReign said:

Unfortunately, these disrespectful people you talk about are the ones who will not bother to read or take heed of this post.

Well said.

[Ch****]

7 hours ago, superstud said:

From my experience you  reap what you sow. 

If you deal with someone with contempt you can expect to be treated with contempt in return.

Many people on here have no tolerance.

 

I'm sorry if I've misunderstood, but are you suggesting that despite taking no action other than filling in a profile, I have invited *** and disrespect upon myself? No, I do not believe that to be the case.

I openly respect those who approach with kindness and courtesy. Even those that do not get the benefit of the doubt more often than not.

I fail to see how you could possibly know how I treat people without having interacted with me yourself, let alone how you could claim I treat people with contempt.

I openly admit that yes, I have limited tolerance. However, that limited tolerance is for arrogance, rudeness and disrespect. If people approach me nicely, without making assumptions, I am more than happy to be tolerant, even pleasant, and I enjoy conversing with people.

What you see here is the venting of frustration culminated over years, thousands of messages treating me like a slab of meat. That would erode the tolerance of a saint.

I realise this response will likely fall on deaf ears as you appear to have already made up your mind, decided that you are hard done by. But if that is genuinely the view that you have after reading my post, you either didn't read it fully enough to understand or you are part of the problem.

[Deleted Member]

12 hours ago, superstud said:

 

Many people on here have no tolerance.

 

Tolerance for what exactly? Is it unreasonable to expect basic human decency when interacting with another, especially a stranger? 

[Deleted Member]

Hey lady xxx great post! I've seen complaints from older members on here that the app triggered an influx of people after a tinder where they can get up to "things like they do in the nasty porn" 🙄 I've had so many rude responses of "well what are you doing on a dating site, then?" after politely explaining that no, i don't want to dirty talk you through a wank.

[Wo****]

I got called stupid and ugly then blocked today by a so called dominant... after I explained that I wasn't a brat, or submissive and no, he couldn't restrain me. Submission is given not taken. Being 6'2, 210lbs and working with steel doesn't make you a Dom, it makes you a bully. So you could overpower me (possibly) but you can't take my submission.

[Deleted Member]

On 1/15/2021 at 9:45 AM, Curvykate said:

I’ve lost track of how many of these posts I’ve seen in nearly a year on here. I’ve written about the problem myself. Everyone agrees it’s a problem but nothing changes. I am becoming more and more cynical and less and less patient with men in my inbox. I block more, I’ve locked down my inbox, I just don’t reply or I give men an earful. I’m afraid to say Charli - this is what a lot of men are like. Not all men, but misogyny runs deep in society and it shows here. 😔

It’s so sad that women feel we have to put in place measures to discourage and protect ourselves against these asshats. 
 

I’ve had thoughts about how I should re-write my profile to try to prevent some of this, but I’m a friendly, open person and I balk at writing a negative-sounding intro. It shouldn’t be necessary, but needs must, unfortunately. 

[Deleted Member]

What an absolutely excellent piece of prose. Very well written and a pleasure to read. Thank you.

I consider that there is such a huge amount of porn that is freely and readily available that demeans, humiliates and objectifies women, that some men, especially youngsters or those new to the kink scene, think that this is what women want. The women in porn movies are actors, paid for what they do. Yes, some of them do enjoy that which they suffer, but it doesn’t give men the right to treat women disrespectfully or in a bad way. 

My experience on this site and indeed others is is that if you approach people in a kindly way, strike up a conversation with someone with whom you obviously have some sort of common interest, chat courteously and in a non-threatening way, then you are far more likely to develop the relationship and meet someone in person than if you start off by calling them names and expecting that they would like that. Common courtesy, decency, good manners, cleanliness and respect are not optional, they are pre-requisites.

Those who complain that they are not meeting anybody are obviously going about it the wrong way and they may wish to consider altering their approach. Being chatty, friendly, nonthreatening and being genuinely interested in and able to listen to people as well as talk to them certainly works for me. 🙂

[Deleted Member]

31 minutes ago, Lockfairy said:

It’s so sad that women feel we have to put in place measures to discourage and protect ourselves against these asshats. 
 

I’ve had thoughts about how I should re-write my profile to try to prevent some of this, but I’m a friendly, open person and I balk at writing a negative-sounding intro. It shouldn’t be necessary, but needs must, unfortunately. 

I have at times felt the same. But actually strengthening our boundaries makes us stronger and that echoes into real life. I haven’t found that anything other than removing kinks and photos of my boobs made any difference. As most of the asshats don’t read the profile!

[Invisible71]

In every single message I send, be they here or via other apps, respect is key and I often try to rephrase message to make double sure that they can't be read wring

 

However, is it disrespectful to not even reply to a message, even if its a simple "no thank you" 

 

Anyway, have a great Sunday everyone, stay safe. 

 

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, Invisible71 said:

In every single message I send, be they here or via other apps, respect is key and I often try to rephrase message to make double sure that they can't be read wring

 

However, is it disrespectful to not even reply to a message, even if its a simple "no thank you" 

 

Anyway, have a great Sunday everyone, stay safe. 

 

I think that if someone has sent a respectful message, it’s nice to receive some sort of acknowledgment back. However, some women receive so many that I don’t think that’s possible. And depending on the wording of the message, I can often spot someone who will keep arguing about chatting to me and is “being friendly”. I’ve come across that so many times I give up and ignore/No thanks & block. Life is too short. It may mean I occasionally miss someone who is genuine and sincere. I suggest participating in the forum or chat before sending messages is a great way to avoid this with lots of people.

[ey****]

I was reading a post this morning.  I'm sure I've read it before and it's just doing the rounds - but to paraphrase 

The lady was walking her dog by the beach and stopped to take a photo of the sunset.

There was a guy sat there who offered the dog a treat - the lady shrugged and accepted and he gave the dog a treat.  From there he made conversation, you know "lovely dog, what's their name" through to "what's your name, mine is..."

I mean, so far OK.  This is normal.

From there he commented he's seen her around and did she live local - and this is where it starts to get creepy because she'd never noticed him before and this was an indication he'd been watching her.

But still, this could still just be innocent and conversational.  She was uncomfortable so made an excuse about needing to get her dog home, and left.  But, at the time had thought little of it, above being a bit weird.

200 yards later, the dog stopped to sniff something and so she also paused to text a friend. The guy had followed her and was "I thought you were going home?" - and while she smiled and said she was just texting a friend, this was more explanation than owed to a stranger.

He then uses this as an opportunity to ask more personal questions, like, where does she live, does she have any family around, does she live alone

Amongst this he asks for a hug and grabs her before she can say no.  When he let go, she pulls her dog and runs off.  

That was the last she saw of him, but, she had to take a completely long route home in case he continued to follow her and found out where she lived.   She then after that had to consider rerouting and retiming her dog walks, since this felt like he'd deliberately waiting (sat waiting with dog treats, despite no dog)

--

And this has been a simple escalation from someone offering a dog treat "to be nice" into grabbing someone (it's sexually assault, but would never hold up in court) and scaring someone half to death making it clear he'd been monitoring her and wanted to greater.

--

And I think this kinda summarises why people do not reply to some 'nice' messages if they're ultimately not interested.

[Deleted Member]

55 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I was reading a post this morning.  I'm sure I've read it before and it's just doing the rounds - but to paraphrase 

The lady was walking her dog by the beach and stopped to take a photo of the sunset.

There was a guy sat there who offered the dog a treat - the lady shrugged and accepted and he gave the dog a treat.  From there he made conversation, you know "lovely dog, what's their name" through to "what's your name, mine is..."

I mean, so far OK.  This is normal.

From there he commented he's seen her around and did she live local - and this is where it starts to get creepy because she'd never noticed him before and this was an indication he'd been watching her.

But still, this could still just be innocent and conversational.  She was uncomfortable so made an excuse about needing to get her dog home, and left.  But, at the time had thought little of it, above being a bit weird.

200 yards later, the dog stopped to sniff something and so she also paused to text a friend. The guy had followed her and was "I thought you were going home?" - and while she smiled and said she was just texting a friend, this was more explanation than owed to a stranger.

He then uses this as an opportunity to ask more personal questions, like, where does she live, does she have any family around, does she live alone

Amongst this he asks for a hug and grabs her before she can say no.  When he let go, she pulls her dog and runs off.  

That was the last she saw of him, but, she had to take a completely long route home in case he continued to follow her and found out where she lived.   She then after that had to consider rerouting and retiming her dog walks, since this felt like he'd deliberately waiting (sat waiting with dog treats, despite no dog)

--

And this has been a simple escalation from someone offering a dog treat "to be nice" into grabbing someone (it's sexually assault, but would never hold up in court) and scaring someone half to death making it clear he'd been monitoring her and wanted to greater.

--

And I think this kinda summarises why people do not reply to some 'nice' messages if they're ultimately not interested.

It totally sums it up for me. Women are socialised to be polite and kind and some men do prey on that. It’s hard for many women, much less submissive women to just say “No”. So some men argue the toss about age or location or “can’t we be friends” so we will give in. I couldn’t see it for a long time. But we all have the right to say No and not even give a reason to a complete stranger. Even if it pisses them off, even if we feel guilty - we can do what feels right for us. Every single damn time.

[Deleted Member]

55 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I was reading a post this morning.  I'm sure I've read it before and it's just doing the rounds - but to paraphrase 

The lady was walking her dog by the beach and stopped to take a photo of the sunset.

There was a guy sat there who offered the dog a treat - the lady shrugged and accepted and he gave the dog a treat.  From there he made conversation, you know "lovely dog, what's their name" through to "what's your name, mine is..."

I mean, so far OK.  This is normal.

From there he commented he's seen her around and did she live local - and this is where it starts to get creepy because she'd never noticed him before and this was an indication he'd been watching her.

But still, this could still just be innocent and conversational.  She was uncomfortable so made an excuse about needing to get her dog home, and left.  But, at the time had thought little of it, above being a bit weird.

200 yards later, the dog stopped to sniff something and so she also paused to text a friend. The guy had followed her and was "I thought you were going home?" - and while she smiled and said she was just texting a friend, this was more explanation than owed to a stranger.

He then uses this as an opportunity to ask more personal questions, like, where does she live, does she have any family around, does she live alone

Amongst this he asks for a hug and grabs her before she can say no.  When he let go, she pulls her dog and runs off.  

That was the last she saw of him, but, she had to take a completely long route home in case he continued to follow her and found out where she lived.   She then after that had to consider rerouting and retiming her dog walks, since this felt like he'd deliberately waiting (sat waiting with dog treats, despite no dog)

--

And this has been a simple escalation from someone offering a dog treat "to be nice" into grabbing someone (it's sexually assault, but would never hold up in court) and scaring someone half to death making it clear he'd been monitoring her and wanted to greater.

--

And I think this kinda summarises why people do not reply to some 'nice' messages if they're ultimately not interested.

Absolutely! You only have to respond to some people with a, ‘I’m fine, thanks. You?’, for them to take that as an invitation to unleash their moistest fantasies all over your message board.

[Deleted Member]

1 minute ago, Curvykate said:

It totally sums it up for me. Women are socialised to be polite and kind and some men do prey on that. It’s hard for many women, much less submissive women to just say “No”. So some men argue the toss about age or location or “can’t we be friends” so we will give in. I couldn’t see it for a long time. But we all have the right to say No and not even give a reason to a complete stranger. Even if it pisses them off, even if we feel guilty - we can do what feels right for us. Every single damn time.

Can I just say that I think some men on here are wonderful! I’m in love with one of them. 😍

[ey****]

For another kinda story in two parts, but simpler

-

I can't remember if it was this site or another where there was a discussion about both the awful messages that particularly women receive.  Or those that perceive as nice that then become nasty when rejected. Or the "hey" messages that become tiring small talk to "let's fuck" in 5 messages max.

Anyway, someone on the thread suggested that ladies should act like they're in customer service and treat each new message and interaction as "the first customer of the day" - and I feel this is one of the most awful things I'd read.   Because a suggestion that people owed politeness and 'customer service' just because someone decided to drop something in their mailbox.

--

But, a friend of mine has a very good analogy which I love.

Messages are kinda like junk mail.  If someone puts a pizza menu through your door you wouldn't write to the pizza company to say "sorry, I don't want pizza" - it's ridiculous to suggest otherwise.

So, guys, if you don't get a reply it's cos your message is just like a pizza leaflet and right now she doesn't want pizza

[Deleted Member]

20 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

 

 

21 minutes ago, Lockfairy said:

Absolutely! You only have to respond to some people with a, ‘I’m fine, thanks. You?’, for them to take that as an invitation to unleash their moistest fantasies all over your message board.

Totally right and for me when I don't receive a reply to a message when i can see its been read that in itself is a reply, its a no thanks, plain as day. 

Edited January 17, 2021 by Deleted Member