Where are all the Dommes?

[3S****]

On 13/04/2018 at 9:47 PM, TechnoViking said:

That is deep. "The scene" Now what is the scene. Lets not got tied down in pretentious contentions of lifestyles. This is a sex site. This is basically what bdsm is. I got no problem with that. i just like brutal honesty. Although I may never share this fascination in a lifestyle that seems more about games and pretence. But who knows, maybe there is something here i am missing, but i don't see it yet. 

 

This site is a fetish site, not a sex one.  You're missing that for a start. Orgasm denial or cumming on someones feet isn't really sex...

 

I'm not against hookups, had loads of those while waiting for my sub to come along and got bored of them so stopped those last year, but i've never hooked up for anything BDSM coz mentally i want to know someone before doing that,  and too many guys don't actually want to submit to me they just want to fulfil their own selfish desires, i don't find that appealing personally. Even my last ex didn't get anything that deep from me because i felt he never truly submitted to me and was topping from the bottom so i couldn't truly dominate him anyway.

 

So most of the pretence, i feel, is coming from people who don't respect those they try to interact with.

 

 

 

[Bellissimo1]

On 13/04/2018 at 1:55 PM, TechnoViking said:

Not many on this site or they get so many messages they change profiles. Or finndommes. It is a weird experience. To come here and find out, the kink you want to explore will be exploited if your not careful and doing that to my personality you better be good at it or i am coming after you. 

Great post, well written and on the spot.

[Bellissimo1]

1 minute ago, Bellissimo1 said:

Great post, well written and on the spot.

Remember...the real dominatrix enjoy to dominate. Who DONT want to be dominated.Thats the point.If a masochist ask the sado "please make me suffer" the real sado reply will be "no"

[ey****]

7 hours ago, Bellissimo1 said:

Remember...the real dominatrix enjoy to dominate. Who DONT want to be dominated.Thats the point.If a masochist ask the sado "please make me suffer" the real sado reply will be "no"

sorry, I call bullshit.

Among anything else "real" is a connotation of "one twue way".  

What relationships look like differ between relationships.

I mean, think of it like this - if someone is not enjoying what they are doing in their relationship, it's not going to last.  Relationships are stronger with mutual interests.

Of course, those mutual interests could be around something like CNC but even that relies on some lines, ultimately, not being crossed.

[TechnoViking]

17 hours ago, 3SumQueen said:

 

This site is a fetish site, not a sex one.  You're missing that for a start. Orgasm denial or cumming on someones feet isn't really sex...

 

I'm not against hookups, had loads of those while waiting for my sub to come along and got bored of them so stopped those last year, but i've never hooked up for anything BDSM coz mentally i want to know someone before doing that,  and too many guys don't actually want to submit to me they just want to fulfil their own selfish desires, i don't find that appealing personally. Even my last ex didn't get anything that deep from me because i felt he never truly submitted to me and was topping from the bottom so i couldn't truly dominate him anyway.

 

So most of the pretence, i feel, is coming from people who don't respect those they try to interact with.

This site is what it is. And "fetish" when you strip away all the pretentious games is sex.  The reason we are here is for sexual thrill. And without it why log come to these forums at all. But who you do with it, who you connect to. Now that is the great mystery. 

Edited April 15, 2018 by TechnoViking

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, TechnoViking said:

This site is what it is. And "fetish" when you strip away all the pretentious games is sex.  The reason we are here is for sexual thrill. And without it why log come to these forums at all. But who you do with it, who you connect to. Now that is the great mystery. 

Your interpretation of this website (not the lifestyle as this is a platform for communication not the totality of it) and your motivation for jumping on here is not the same as everyone else’s. 

D/s isn’t just about sex, in fact many dynamics do not include sex - or at least traditional penetrative sex. What it is about is control and the trust you need to have to put yourself (as a bottom/sub/slave) in the hands of another. from the thrill of a scene (Top and bottom) to the depth of ownership (Dom/sub), these dynamics play with peoples minds as well as hearts. If you’ve never experienced sub space or had the thrill of being on the other side to put someone into subspace - well then.... you’ve missed an experience that is far more addictive than ‘just sex’. Then comes experimenting how many ways you can achieve that altered state.... 

Anyway, my point is traditional penetrative sex is not the be all and end all - for some it’s just a part of the play and others it is actually not a part of it at all.

The mind is a wonderful playground and control can be displayed in a myriad of ways. 

 

It probably wouldn’t hurt you to research 

- power exchange

- consent

- soft and hard limits 

- service submission

- subspace

This will give you something else to think about other than ‘sex’, and hopefully make you think  a bit more broadly than this website. 

 

Heels 👠👠 

[TechnoViking]

10 hours ago, MissHeels said:

Your interpretation of this website (not the lifestyle as this is a platform for communication not the totality of it) and your motivation for jumping on here is not the same as everyone else’s. 

D/s isn’t just about sex, in fact many dynamics do not include sex - or at least traditional penetrative sex. What it is about is control and the trust you need to have to put yourself (as a bottom/sub/slave) in the hands of another. from the thrill of a scene (Top and bottom) to the depth of ownership (Dom/sub), these dynamics play with peoples minds as well as hearts. If you’ve never experienced sub space or had the thrill of being on the other side to put someone into subspace - well then.... you’ve missed an experience that is far more addictive than ‘just sex’. Then comes experimenting how many ways you can achieve that altered state.... 

Anyway, my point is traditional penetrative sex is not the be all and end all - for some it’s just a part of the play and others it is actually not a part of it at all.

The mind is a wonderful playground and control can be displayed in a myriad of ways. 

 

It probably wouldn’t hurt you to research 

- power exchange

- consent

- soft and hard limits 

- service submission

- subspace

This will give you something else to think about other than ‘sex’, and hopefully make you think  a bit more broadly than this website. 

 

Heels 👠👠 

Maybe you believe D/s is more than it is. And you keep assuming without asking. I don't play games in life, never have. I only kneel to god. As far as this website is concerned. Some of you gone in the abyss and never came back. 

[ey****]

so what do you believe D/s to be?

[TechnoViking]

On 15/04/2018 at 8:36 AM, Bellissimo1 said:

Remember...the real dominatrix enjoy to dominate. Who DONT want to be dominated.Thats the point.If a masochist ask the sado "please make me suffer" the real sado reply will be "no"

Wise words brah. Now where the fuck are they in this mad house.

[TechnoViking]

3 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

so what do you believe D/s to be?

We all have our own different interpretations of life. I am not here to educate anyone, just to find out what this forum can offer me. MIssheels is better at the vague advice. 

[Deleted Member]

Lol techno - I’m not living on this website, my D/s relationships are real life. I believe you’re the type of person to argue for arguing sake and that you’re actually not interested in bdsm- just trolling. 

That being said the words I’ve typed in previous responses aren’t for you then but for anyone actually interested in bdsm and D/s relationships. 

 

Heels👠👠

 

[TechnoViking]

1 hour ago, MissHeels said:

Lol techno - I’m not living on this website, my D/s relationships are real life. I believe you’re the type of person to argue for arguing sake and that you’re actually not interested in bdsm- just trolling. 

That being said the words I’ve typed in previous responses aren’t for you then but for anyone actually interested in bdsm and D/s relationships. 

 

Heels👠👠

 

nah you are trolling. I tell you what I believe shit happens. You have no idea who I am, you are thousands of miles away. This why you so brave on here. 

[TechnoViking]

mods little penalty points wont stop me, i done allot worse than this shit. You want to protect them from me. you hide behind your rules. 

[ey****]

The reason I asked was not for an education. It was from an interest, that, it seems very unclear what you are looking for or your hoped end game.

On the surface, you have made a number of contradictions - and I'm sure many could be forgiven in thinking you're trolling.

So far the only comment you have agreed with is one suggesting the only true BDSM is ignoring consent.

So I'm curious what you're trying to learn.

Of course, it could be that you're not actually obtuse, but this is how you are coming across.

It's true there's not a one-size solution : and your story will be different to mine and will be different to the next person so far.

However, nobody can help with your story if you won't put out a couple of pages.

[3S****]

On 15/04/2018 at 7:31 PM, TechnoViking said:

This site is what it is. And "fetish" when you strip away all the pretentious games is sex.  The reason we are here is for sexual thrill. And without it why log come to these forums at all. But who you do with it, who you connect to. Now that is the great mystery. 

I don't get a sexual thrill from coming on here, lmao. I'm definitely not looking for a thrill either. But like Miss Heels has said people are here for their own reasons and they differ.
Tbh all the sex chat puts me off, which is why i hardly use this site. But yes i know this site is predominantly sex focused as it is laid out to be just that.

 

For myself i feel like fetish should just be what draws people together as a common interest. It is objectification and you're basically just reducing people down to objects when all you do is objectify them, that's most definitely what i'm not looking for or to be. Yet all my messages tend to focus on objectification also, which (as you can see on my profile) i reply to a lot less people than what message me.

 

 

[Lugnut-4292]

On 27/02/2018 at 8:27 PM, LittleAngel said:

Yea. . That's all kind of depressing to think I may never find the right Dom for me 😔

Oh, I think you will. You are in the scene and it is just a matter of time and patience. You come across as a lovely person. I never realised what a lucky boy I am to have a dominant wife. Don't tell her though, she will make sure I know it.

L

[QueenShewolf]

On 2/27/2018 at 9:34 PM, eyemblacksheep said:

generally, I think numbers are a lot closer (in the wider kink scene) than implied.  However, 'sub' blokes not getting what they want tend to be the loudest, despite there being a number of events catering to them.  (at a variety of budgets for variant levels of likelihood of play)

Online generally isn't that friendly to women, particularly Dominants.  Twenty quid says if a woman posted on this thread "I am a Dominant woman" she would then be totally bombed by messages.  But, there's probably about a dozen or so reading this thread and eye-rolling.

It doesn't help we seem to treat them as a rarer breed than they are.

Where are they : they are in munches, they are at events, some also offer pro services, most do not, some appear as sub but have a tendency to switch, some are the lady on the vanilla site whose maybe been a bit interested but not been introduced to the world of kink.  Many of which are not actively looking, some of which are open to being served or being served by someone else, but few will advertise this, they're just waiting for those willing to put in the effort to impress them.

Sometimes though, you have to get on a train.  I'm unowned but there's two Mistresses I regularly serve and both of which involve getting a train across the country.  But, this makes our time together even more valuable.

 

Thank you eyemblacksheep. 

Question to the rest.... 

should A Paid Dominatrix be descriminated against for putting a value on her time? 

There are bratts demanding ***. But you would think, after a short conversation, one could distinguish between the two. 

Paying for my time is a way to ensure it isnt wasted. 

I am open, honest and upfront with my guide. My rules are clear to whom I converse with. 

I have honestly been shocked by the status stereotype in my short time on this site.

My hopes were we could all have our place without judgement. 

 

 

[PlusDommeLexi]

Youll find one eventually. There are many Dommes out there looking for subs. Unfortunately it takes time. I see this was posted IN February so here's hoping you've have more luck by now.

[ey****]

7 hours ago, PlusDommeLexi said:

Youll find one eventually. There are many Dommes out there looking for subs. Unfortunately it takes time. I see this was posted IN February so here's hoping you've have more luck by now.

Well, he's disappeared off this site.  He did try exactly the same shit on another site - he probably would have given himself better chances being more patient and less entitled.   Let's be honest, he was hoping for someone to go "I'm a Domme and in your area - so we do exist" so he could hit on her.

[MistressWhilplash]

There are plenty of Lifestyle Dominant Women who decline those approach them because the mutual compatibility isn't there. 

I know many single Dominant Women who are single and looking, but stay among other Dominant Women so they are not bombarded with lists of direct messages where people haven't read their profile, and are not compatible with what the Dominant Woman seeks. 

It is often after chatting at a Munch or Event as friends and seeing the man is Submissive, that is he listens and is obedient, that a Dominant Woman would invite her single Dominant Woman friend along. We protect our own and share issues in people we have spoken to. 

 

So those men who identify as Submissive may have a Submissive Fetish rather than actually be able to listen and be obedient. 

 

Or their previous behaviour has put them on the "stonewall list" of to be avoided. 

 

Or they are too pushy and what they want and do not listen about the Dominant Woman's needs, making himself incompatible with her as she is in control. Whereas he won't give up control in any way. So is actually a bottom. 

Also the men who approach the porn image Woman is says on her profile she offers a service and is a Pro Domina and Lists what she offers and which Chambers she works from, yet because the men only look at her photos and do not clearly read her profile.. 

Yes they still message her thinking she is Lifestyle and get butt heart when they have to pay. 

 

Read profiles and listen and learn obedience once a meet and discussion identifies how the Dominant Woman wants that obedience. And agree IF you can offer what she wants. 

 

Many say yes they can offer what the Dominant Woman wants, when deep inside they know they cannot. So are misrepresenting them self to her. Honest clear communication is the only way to achieving a mutually compatible relationship. Whether you want in the bedroom only Top/bottom Relationship or whether the man wants to give up some or all Control to a Dominant Woman and be in an Active Control Framework Relationship where the Dominant Woman has his obedience and is listened to by him, and where she listens to him, cherishes him and has the final word that he happily submits and is obedient to long term. 

 

And also whether he wants Monogamy or Polyamoury. 

 

Some men say they can be what she seeks but cannot, and when she ends it he cannot let go.  

 

Mistress Whipplash Ma'am 

[MistressWhilplash]

On 7/16/2018 at 7:57 PM, eyemblacksheep said:

Well, he's disappeared off this site.  He did try exactly the same shit on another site - he probably would have given himself better chances being more patient and less entitled.   Let's be honest, he was hoping for someone to go "I'm a Domme and in your area - so we do exist" so he could hit on her.

Yes he did. Some serious issues there. 

 

Mistress Whipplash Ma'am 

[MistressWhilplash]

On 4/15/2018 at 1:54 AM, 3SumQueen said:

This site is a fetish site, not a sex one.  You're missing that for a start. Orgasm denial or cumming on someones feet isn't really sex

This site is many different things to different people. 

For some only quickie hook ups, and some to know people real time, long term. 

 

I am the latter and as a Dominant Woman am known mostly on Fetlife, occasionally I post here but am aware it is still a young site. 

Some friends from Fetlife have posted here, but still go back to Fetlife as there is a larger list of forum discussion Groups there. As this site develops it will also grow. 

 

I look forward to that development as I relish health polite discussion, snark free. 

 

Mistress Whipplash Ma'am 

[3S****]

1 hour ago, MstressWhilplash said:

This site is many different things to different people. 

For some only quickie hook ups, and some to know people real time, long term. 

 

I am the latter and as a Dominant Woman am known mostly on Fetlife, occasionally I post here but am aware it is still a young site. 

Some friends from Fetlife have posted here, but still go back to Fetlife as there is a larger list of forum discussion Groups there. As this site develops it will also grow. 

 

I look forward to that development as I relish health polite discussion, snark free. 

 

Mistress Whipplash Ma'am 

Yeah i know, i already said if you'd bothered to continue reading.

On 4/17/2018 at 4:55 PM, 3SumQueen said:

Here> But like Miss Heels has said people are here for their own reasons and they differ.
 And here> But yes i know this site is predominantly sex focused as it is laid out to be just that.

 

 

 

 

 

[Deleted Member]

It's a difficult balance to strike, I think. I am a professional Dominatrix. It's (part of) what I do for a living and I make no claims to the contrary. I believe it's a worthwhile service (and one that I get off on providing, so...bonus), and frankly, being a proper professional domme/dominatrix takes a LOT of time, effort and care, whether your subs (pets, as I call them) are on or offline. Time, effort and care that I'd prefer to devote to paying pets, for obvious reasons. I absolutely do NOT ask for credit card details on first response, however. Or at all, until my future pet and I are both comfortable with one another, and up for making things official. But I do like to get those discussions out of the way as soon as is appropriate, so we can move on to the fun stuff. 

 

That said, I have witnessed a few newbies on here (and other sites/clubs) who are incredibly clumsy with this conversation and it always makes me laugh a little to myself. 

Edited July 21, 2018 by Deleted Member
Type-os. Grammar matters. ;-)

[Deleted Member]

On 2/27/2018 at 4:07 PM, Elliemay said:

Robustlove I actually experienced that on here the other week. Was chatting away very nicly with a dom then all of a sudden he tells he's my master an I need to hand over all my passwords including online banking. Let's just say he apologised very quickly 😊

Mnn, as a dom myself ide say that was never working, bet that guy says he can push water up a hill