Advice

[Deleted Member]

So there is this guy from tinder and he asked my after telling me he's a complete virgin of im kinky and i said yes but no experience, and he sent me a bdsm quiz i took it and i already know that im a sub, slave and a LG. He sent me his results and he wants us to be more, he is a switch. Dont get me wrong there isnt anything wrong with being a switch it's just that I literally crawled under my covers at the thought of trying to be a dom. I just really dont see myself as one im 100% sub. And then i told him he needs to get a switch friend and he took it the wrong way thinking thag i mean im not into him, when in fact i meant find someone who can be your friend in the kink world where you can be open amd yalk to anyone and have no regrets. He keeps saying how he wants to explore and how he can surpress the switch anf just be a dom for me, but it is depressing for me that he thinks he has to surpress himself because im 100% sub. Any advice on what to do, do i just block him, do i just say sure surpress that sub side of you when im an inexperienced sub. I just don't know?

[Deleted Member]

Hello there,

Let me start off by saying well done for looking to explore your kinky side. It's a great journey and one that can be extremely rewarding and liberating if done right.

Now, I identify very much as a Dom. However I'm a bit of a lifer when it comes to relationships. I can tell you from experience however that actively choosing to suppress aspects of yourself will more often than not lead to problems later down the line. It will in the majority of cases lead to a lack of fulfilment and the resentment that goes with it. That's true of anyone. Dom, sub or Switch.

While you've said you identify entirely as sub. I will always advocate trying the other side, not only because you may enjoy it (even if you don't think you will) it's important to get an appreciation for your partner/playmates mindset and requirements and it can even highlight what you need for your own needs in a Dom. I've tried being a sub on a couple of occasions, it didn't do anything for me. But gave me a good insight into how to better provide for and more effectively dominate my chosen subs.

So with the above points in mind, I'd keep one of the golden rules in mind and that is "communication". Talk with him with what I've said in mind, I'm not saying it's doomed from the beginning, but I'd be wary of trying to suppress any aspect of someone, if you're into the guy then by all means give it a go. You may both learn something about yourself and eachother. You don't even have to commit to anything long term if you don't want to, just learn off eachother and gain some experience. If you do take that approach though, do your research and experiment in a safe way. Good luck, stay safe and have fun whatever you decide

[BigcityDom]

It's a short term thing if he's switch as it'll rear it's head eventually and want you to be Domme. Just say it won't work and say you can stay friends and that is all. Simple.

[ey****]

this doesn't seem to bode well if the very first thing he's done is push your boundary.

 

[Macvar923]

If you made it clear 1x and he still doesnt understand or accept that you find not attractive and excited him as a switch profiled, just block him M.

[SammyB]

Education is key , respecting boundaries is vital . Some D types may ask you to top from the bottom on request it isn’t unheard of . I would say he needs to understand himself more , if he doesn’t have experience ... thinking you might like something and actually doing something are two very different things as we already know ourselves

[Deleted Member]

Thank you guys so much, I know what to do now, I appreciate all of you who have helped in my decision on this subject and if to stay or leave the person. To be honest I'm really just too much of a chicken to move foward with him because the thought of something new is scary tbh😔 and it isn't fair to him that what I personally feel is that I am stringing him along and no offense to the virgins out there I juat don't want to be hurt or hurt him because neither of us have experience in any of it. I literally just read books and fantasized saying how cool would that be to be that person who can give everything to a peraon for them to make the decisions ans not me. Because for mw decisions are hard and I struggle with that everyday. So my decision is to let him go sadly. It is for the better, so thank you all so much. I really appreciate you all!!!🥰🥰🥰

[Go****]

17 minutes ago, LunarLeanne said:

Thank you guys so much, I know what to do now, I appreciate all of you who have helped in my decision on this subject and if to stay or leave the person. To be honest I'm really just too much of a chicken to move foward with him because the thought of something new is scary tbh😔 and it isn't fair to him that what I personally feel is that I am stringing him along and no offense to the virgins out there I juat don't want to be hurt or hurt him because neither of us have experience in any of it. I literally just read books and fantasized saying how cool would that be to be that person who can give everything to a peraon for them to make the decisions ans not me. Because for mw decisions are hard and I struggle with that everyday. So my decision is to let him go sadly. It is for the better, so thank you all so much. I really appreciate you all!!!🥰🥰🥰

I wish you well and just read everything up above and as said previously communication is key and trusting someone too, if you want to chat I am around

GGx

[Deleted Member]

I won’t think tinder is the place to find someone experienced in bdsm either?

[ey****]

32 minutes ago, FabSeverus said:

I won’t think tinder is the place to find someone experienced in bdsm either?

whilst it wouldn't be where I'd suggest looking.  I know a few people found kinky partners via tinder.  

[ey****]

(of course, I guess, the keyword there is 'experience' but I'd still have recommendations for two inexperienced people who met there and wanted to try) 

[Deleted Member]

1 minute ago, eyemblacksheep said:

whilst it wouldn't be where I'd suggest looking.  I know a few people found kinky partners via tinder.  

Kinky yes, full concept of bdsm maybe not. Tinder is based on search for sexual partners. But I know what you mean.... 

Edited January 21, 2021 by Deleted Member
Add on

[Aquarius_Dom]

For me it appears to be a case of the blind leading the blind, everyone crafts their own dynamic to suit them, there is no book of rules outside of SSC,  if you proceed with him you may find a unique relationship and at the end of the day if you two are happy that’s all that matters ! 

[Deleted Member]

13 hours ago, Old_Grey_Beard said:

there is no book of rules outside of SSC, 

The person stated she is a newbies and reach for advices from more experienced people. We are not blind and some might have been in this situation or could give some positive feedback. The question wasnt about a dynamic, but if the approach from that man was a red flag. 
Of course we all know there is no book of rules but there is a community guidances. This is why there is a forum, no? 

[Aquarius_Dom]

23 minutes ago, FabSeverus said:

The person stated she is a newbies and reach for advices from more experienced people. We are not blind and some might have been in this situation or could give some positive feedback. The question wasnt about a dynamic, but if the approach from that man was a red flag. 
Of course we all know there is no book of rules but there is a community guidances. This is why there is a forum, no? 

You misconstrue my point the couple are the blind leading the blind, not the good people of fetish, we are all happy to chip in our opinions, but can anyone guarantee that their opinion is the panacea ? 
People find their own path as they always have done ! 

[Deleted Member]

18 minutes ago, Old_Grey_Beard said:

You misconstrue my point

Oh ok, I apologise in this case. 
we certainly not so arrogant to assume our opinion is the right one. But with few different opinions the op can make her own decision. I think she did rightly anyway. 
yes people find their own path. But rather than walk alone in the dark, one or two candles can make it easier.... 

[DevilsDoLL]

Ok just be honest with him like you did with us explain to him you think open communication about what you need and he needs would probably help.. I m not an expert at any of this but generally if yo like each other to that point most kinksters work it out with each other .. remember you don’t always have to be everything for each other you have options always make rules and agreement follow them research and education for both of you .. kink.com sub living, bdsm mag even just posting or saying hey in chat ... please feel free to pm me .. like I said I can offer an ear ... look at you tube evie lupine