The lockdown effect!

[Urassismine]

6 hours ago, Tiny___D said:

As an outsider, the last 3 messages read like exactly the problem this thread was created to address, intended or not, please don't shoot the messenger.

   Whisper me in a PM, he said she said?  

Doesn't read well for a new person outside of the friendship bubble, and you have new friends in this thread wanting to get to know you if you read back.

Totally understand your point here, but calling people out by name and discussing what might be personal is also not something I think people would appreciate,

 

 

[Deleted Member]

6 hours ago, Tiny___D said:

As an outsider, the last 3 messages read like exactly the problem this thread was created to address, intended or not, please don't shoot the messenger.

   Whisper me in a PM, he said she said?  

Doesn't read well for a new person outside of the friendship bubble, and you have new friends in this thread wanting to get to know you if you read back.

 

He has concern about a specific person - i am not going to splash that on a forum.

[Deleted Member]

3 minutes ago, Urassismine said:

 

I get that I do and you have a valid point, the fact 'that' point has been reached in the first place I would debate something has gone horribly wrong  and a thread created by someone feeling so bad about an experience within this community here in the first place is not ideal to bring things up?

 

 

[Carnelian2]

8 hours ago, JenniferTP said:

i agree. no one new or old should feel judged or shamed. thats not what this site is about. we should have acceptance and maturity to not judge others for what they like or are into. its upsetting seeing someone get shamed for something they like. cant imagine how that person feels when on the other end of it

It is ironic though, isn't it that in a community of people with alternative lifestyle interests outside of the norm, that people still are judgemental.
The only thing to consider is that when someone judges you, they do so from their own perspective and that may be too narrow-minded.
I know it is hard not to be affected by it but still ..

[qu****]

9 minutes ago, Lillyth said:

I am so sorry to hear this and hope they are ok. This post was supposed to help bring people together not make them feel as though they have to leave. I really hope they return.

Lillyth, pleas don't blame yourself, it isn't your fault, you raised a perfectly valid point, as the majority of replies show,  as a ladies team in a predominantly men's dart league used to say chin up, tits out, bum in , to encourage each other ☺️🤗🤗

[qu****]

1 hour ago, quietlysure said:

Lillyth, pleas don't blame yourself, it isn't your fault, you raised a perfectly valid point, as the majority of replies show,  as a ladies team in a predominantly men's dart league used to say chin up, tits out, bum in , to encourage each other ☺️🤗🤗

And that goes for you too Miss MuffyWuffy, things will improve 🤗🤗🤗

[Je****]

3 hours ago, Urassismine said:

Jenn, I could be wrong, but I believe it was someone you know at least somewhat well? Was actually wondering if she’d said anything to you or Char about her decision to leave.

Im very shocked and saddened to hear that Ura. 

No one has said anything to me about anything so this is a shock hearing it here. I hope the person is ok and can maybe make their decision on a more clearer mind. Things arent easy for anyone at the min

[Je****]

2 hours ago, Lillyth said:

I am so sorry to hear this and hope they are ok. This post was supposed to help bring people together not make them feel as though they have to leave. I really hope they return.

Sadly lily as soon as i seen this post i was very much able to predict how this was gonna go. It was very evident that it was gonna shift from newbie welcome to a toxic lobby venting station. Upsetting as your point about the new people here is very very important. 

We should be setting a good example. Have a safe and welcoming atmosphere for them and introduce them into our little fetfam. Hard to do when everyone is huffing with the other... being too quiet or displaying behaviour they dont even realise is coming through. Hell...being pushed into lurk due to hostility is the last thing i wanna do...but i feel i must. Goodness knows how a new member would be feeling. 

 

Ive asked a few diff people to keep an eye and make sure i am not displaying any kind of negativity.. not stepping out of line with comments or banter and to make sure im addressing newbies as and when i should. At least i know someone is watching what little communication il be having in there...il not need to worry about stuff like this. Its the only way i feel safe tbh.

Sad but everyone is so damn paranoid about even being in the lobby due to some comments in here. Its distressing to see.

 Il be extra mindful of any new person who comes in during my short visits in there so i know il be doing my best. You raised a very good point lily and just so sorry its got lost along the way. 

Youre a very thoughtful human being. Hope you stay around with us or it just wouldn't be the same. ❤

[Deleted Member]

We really don’t need to be censoring each other or self censoring. It’s easy. Be nice to new people, be pleasant to one another and don’t kink shame others. Very simple. But also don’t feel you need to walk on eggshells either you can have a strong opinion without being a dick, you can also disagree vehemently without being a victim. We are kinky wonderful weird strong people with a penchant for the exceptional. Let’s be the best community we can be with understanding, being proud of our fetish’s and kinks and being good to each other as human beings. Peace, dark x

[qu****]

I'm surprised it took this long for certain elements to creep into chatrooms here, the problems long been on other social media platforms, where some don't understand a room for being just general everyday chat, with some inuendo or mildly saucy, predominantly men flashing their bits saying suck on this, when they're told it's not acceptable it becomes your fault as in their eyes it's purely a hook-up station, you point out that one platform in particular was set up as a safe place for ***agers originally, and a safe place to chat and possibly meet you're slagged off for being a keyboard warrior, usually by those to scared to show their face, yes those brave neanderthals, scared their partners will see them. Yes we should be able to raise concerns safely here and discuss them sensibly like this thread, without insight from others how can you learn

[Annalou]

Hi @Lillythand others, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and personal feelings on this. Firstly, bullying and toxic energy will not – and should not – be tolerated on Fetish. We're all aware that people feel they can hide behind their screens and act in a way they wouldn't IRL. Certain people feel emboldened to act hostile to others given the protection that online platforms offer... it's a tale as old as the internet. 

However, this does not mean that action will not be taken to make sure Fetish remains an open, welcoming, and supportive community. It is VERY clear in our Live Chat rules that bullying or hostility of any kind is against our Code of Conduct. If you see anyone acting in a way that opposes our values as a community, please call a MOD to the Live Chat. They will take action and issue warning points. Furthermore, we will talk as a team about how to respond to members who consistently act in a hostile manner. 

It's a fine line to tread for us as a community team. We do not want to censor anyone for being their true selves, but bullying is NEVER acceptable. Newbies should be afforded the benefit of the doubt when they join our community... if they break some rules or do not know the Chat etiquette, why not take the opportunity to help and educate them, instead of lambasting them? This community is outside the mainstream already, and stigma around fetishes and BDSM remain pervasive. What good is it to tear each other down as well? 

While it would be nice if imploring members to be kind was enough, but I live in the real world: further action may need to be taken. Lockdown or not... we're one big kinky family, and we will do everything to protect that. If you or anyone you know is having a hard time in the Live Chat, please reach out to the Support Team, who can take a look and discipline those breaking our Code of Conduct. In the meantime, I will talk to the team about how to improve the atmosphere in the Live Chat. 

Just know that I hear you... and we're aware of the situation. Thank you for bringing this to light. 

Annalou 

& your Community Team