Mental vs Physical

[Fe****]

5 hours ago, LazyPirate said:

Psychology is a massive part of my Dominant side, especially as I like figuring what makes people tick (and also helps to produce a better dynamic imo)

@LazyPirate not only improves the dynamic ,but facilitates an awareness of self understanding.....a rather sapio sexually charged stimulant......

All contributory factors in 'personal growth'.......... Thank you🙏🙏🙏

[Deleted Member]

On 1/31/2021 at 9:14 PM, Walther said:

Depends on the relationship dynamic. If you are a Dom/sub dynamic then the subs desires mentally, physically, emotionally are irrelevant. The dom provides for the sub on the doms terms, (if the sub has been obedient). If you are looking for mutual emotional, physical, mental support then you are looking for a girlfriend/boyfriend, not a dom.

I've come back to this a number of times and cannot image what you were thinking when you wrote this! 

I find it limited and doesn't represent the kink lifestyle I know and love.  I also acknowledge how you do kink is none of my business but for the sake of others and education I wanted to express my feelings on it. 

🔥🔥🔥

With regard to the OP, mental connection to me is everything as a sapio sexual and sensual Dominant. 

It has only been in the last year I learnt of the potential depths of the right connection,  unlocking things in me as a person, i didn't know were there.  For me that's been not only psychological but spiritual which has propelled my journey in the most beautiful way. 

🔥🔥🔥

[Deleted Member]

On 31/01/2021 at 9:14 PM, Walther said:

Depends on the relationship dynamic. If you are a Dom/sub dynamic then the subs desires mentally, physically, emotionally are irrelevant. The dom provides for the sub on the doms terms, (if the sub has been obedient). If you are looking for mutual emotional, physical, mental support then you are looking for a girlfriend/boyfriend, not a dom.

Forgive me but when you wrote this I can only imagine it was some desperate attempt to gain attention, conflict or even just interaction. I could be wrong but I refuse to believe that this was written from a place of experience or knowledge.
It saddens me to think that anyone would think a s/D dynamic in any capacity would be so dark and meaningless. If this is how you play out your role then you are seriously missing out. I cannot begin to comprehend what my relationship/dynamic would look like if my Mistress couldn't penetrate the deepest parts of my mind, read my thoughts and know exactly how to get what she wants from me. She has my mind body and soul. Thankfully I know that as a sub what I think is absolutely relevant and I hope any other sub reading this believes the same.

[Wo****]

13 hours ago, LazyPirate said:

Psychology is a massive part of my Dominant side, especially as I like figuring what makes people tick (and also helps to produce a better dynamic imo)

Can I just say thank you, publicly, to you.

It's an honour to call you a friend as well as a playmate. You taught me so much about dynamics, honest communication and how wonderfully intense a good mental connection can be.

[Deleted Member]

No, when you are courting for a relationship this is the initial trust determining and building period. This it the conversation period of d/s goals and hard limits. AFTER this initial courting period you negotiate with the dom the terms and decide if you want to enter a d/s dynamic. Once you agree then the power is ALL the doms so long as they don’t break the negotiations (hard limits). Those that think the D/s relationship is ‘equal’ after that are delusional or misguided. The dom takes FULL power as per the negotiations. If the sub is breaking negotiations because of say needy ‘emotions’ or ‘intellectual’ stimulation then the sub is breaking the D/s power dynamic because they are demanding the dom relinquish power to cater to the subs intellect or emotion. Once this happens the sub loses respect for the Doms power and the D/s dynamic is gone. This is what the BDSM community calls “topping from the bottom”. What’s stopping the Dom from outright abusing the sub? The built trust /love at the beginning, the negotiations, but technically if the dom destroys the sub physically, mentally or emotionally, then the dom can not have their pleasure of using the sub again. Respect is earned, not demanded. The proof is it is easily lost and next to impossible to regain. If you automatically respect someone, they could turn out to be a ***er which puts your life in danger. Also, if you demand respect or make it automatic, it removes the ability for the other person to give it voluntarily on their own free will. What people should do is give each other ‘common courtesy’ in order to work as a relationship and a society.....again without expecting it for the reasons stated above. The dom is courteous towards the sub, so as not to render them unusable to the dom (or to the subs regular vanilla life and relationships). I maintain that if a sub is looking for a dom that will treat them the way they want to be treated, f*cked the way they want to be f*cked, you’re not actually looking for a dom. You are looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend that tops, to which you are topping from the bottom. I’m 47, I have been kinky since I was young, I have been body piercing myself since 1987 others since 1992, I have been both a dom and a sub in various relationships with men and women since 1989. Those of you that doubt my experience and expertise on the subject, that’s your assumption based on your insecurities towards the truth.,

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, goodkarma said:

Forgive me but when you wrote this I can only imagine it was some desperate attempt to gain attention, conflict or even just interaction. I could be wrong but I refuse to believe that this was written from a place of experience or knowledge.
It saddens me to think that anyone would think a s/D dynamic in any capacity would be so dark and meaningless. If this is how you play out your role then you are seriously missing out. I cannot begin to comprehend what my relationship/dynamic would look like if my Mistress couldn't penetrate the deepest parts of my mind, read my thoughts and know exactly how to get what she wants from me. She has my mind body and soul. Thankfully I know that as a sub what I think is absolutely relevant and I hope any other sub reading this believes the same.

1, that’s a fair bit of assumption on your part. 2 I’m not interested in 50 shades of grey or secretary fantasy relationships. I’m interested in actual realistic Dom/sub dynamics. 3 I hope that newbies reading understand that Bdsm goes waaaaaaaaaay beyond shabari and spanking. What the community calls “soft bdsm”. That they should not harbour any delusions that a proper D/s dynamic is NOT for the light hearted . That a dom intends to challenge intellectually, physically and emotionally...otherwise they get bored and leave the sub broken hearted.

[Deleted Member]

9 hours ago, Firewitch said:

I've come back to this a number of times and cannot image what you were thinking when you wrote this! 

I find it limited and doesn't represent the kink lifestyle I know and love.  I also acknowledge how you do kink is none of my business but for the sake of others and education I wanted to express my feelings on it. 

🔥🔥🔥

With regard to the OP, mental connection to me is everything as a sapio sexual and sensual Dominant. 

It has only been in the last year I learnt of the potential depths of the right connection,  unlocking things in me as a person, i didn't know were there.  For me that's been not only psychological but spiritual which has propelled my journey in the most beautiful way. 

🔥🔥🔥

Watch German bdsm. Then reconsider “the bdsm community you know and love”. That’s Your ideology of what BDSM is, not the correct one. You are harbouring the delusion that BDSM is compassionate......flogging, throat f*cking and *** (what the community calls “bdsm light”) are far from compassionate......and for people that actually know BDSM, the lack of compassion in that moment/scene is the attraction. Stop deluding newbies into thinking BDSM is for everyone. It’s no more for everyone than polyamory is for everyone, for the exact same emotional, physical and intellectual reasons.

[Deleted Member]

37 minutes ago, Walther said:

......and for people that actually know BDSM, the lack of compassion in that moment/scene is the attraction.

How do you think you get there? By dragging someone off the street? 🙄🤣

Edited February 2, 2021 by Deleted Member

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Walther said:

 Those of you that doubt my experience and expertise on the subject, that’s your assumption based on your insecurities towards the truth.,

Thank goodness you're here to educate us all 🔥🔥🔥

[Deleted Member]

14 minutes ago, Firewitch said:

How do you think you get there? By dragging someone off the street? 🙄🤣

I explained courting and negotiations already. Pay attention to the details.

[Deleted Member]

9 minutes ago, Firewitch said:

Thank goodness you're here to educate us all 🔥🔥🔥

Some of you clearly need to be educated......twice even.

[Deleted Member]

FYI, if you send me a pm and then block, on top of that being insecure (suggesting you are not an ideal sub), I never see what you sent.

[Deleted Member]

On 2/1/2021 at 7:44 AM, Walther said:

Depends on the relationship dynamic. If you are a Dom/sub dynamic then the subs desires mentally, physically, emotionally are irrelevant. The dom provides for the sub on the doms terms, (if the sub has been obedient). If you are looking for mutual emotional, physical, mental support then you are looking for a girlfriend/boyfriend, not a dom.

OP, Great thought, so much of kink and BDSM is based in original fantasy. i like my Dominant to lick my brain before anything else. if there is not mental connection there id no dynamic *for me*. However there *can* be much joy and pleasure from just the physical... over all i totally agree with you.. 

@Walther.. i am intrigued by your point.. do you mean to say that the only way to be a good Dom is to stay detached emotionally from your submissive. or perhaps that the role of Dominant is not for emotional connection at all, if that is the case then what is the role of a caregiver..... by the very name they provide care and compassion. Sensual Dominance is *Totally* a thing... or perhaps they are not "real Doms"? 

You say that the Dom will only provide for the sub if the sub has been obedient. and im sorry but that sounds like Red flag attitude.... no compassion or comprehension towards the other consenting adult in the dynamic...

whilst im inclined to be offended by your vast generalisation towards a role i very much admire. My most favourite person is a Dom... i think perhaps there are some basic understandings missing from your knowledge. 

i would be happy to discuss further

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Walther said:

Watch German bdsm. Then reconsider “the bdsm community you know and love”. That’s Your ideology of what BDSM is, not the correct one. You are harbouring the delusion that BDSM is compassionate......flogging, throat f*cking and *** (what the community calls “bdsm light”) are far from compassionate......and for people that actually know BDSM, the lack of compassion in that moment/scene is the attraction. Stop deluding newbies into thinking BDSM is for everyone. It’s no more for everyone than polyamory is for everyone, for the exact same emotional, physical and intellectual reasons.

Firewitch challenged politely saying your view didn’t represent what she knows. Your response is “Your ideology is...not the correct one”. She has an alternative ideology of BDSM to yours. A different view. Perhaps you’ve encountered these before? I’m sure there are subs on here who find your alternative ideology attractive. I suspect there are also those subs like myself who find your manner of speaking and your view of subs...repulsive.

[Deleted Member]

56 minutes ago, Walther said:

FYI, if you send me a pm and then block, on top of that being insecure (suggesting you are not an ideal sub), I never see what you sent.

Just to clarify to anyone following the thread this wasn't me 🤓

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, Walther said:

1, that’s a fair bit of assumption on your part. 2 I’m not interested in 50 shades of grey or secretary fantasy relationships. I’m interested in actual realistic Dom/sub dynamics. 3 I hope that newbies reading understand that Bdsm goes waaaaaaaaaay beyond shabari and spanking. What the community calls “soft bdsm”. That they should not harbour any delusions that a proper D/s dynamic is NOT for the light hearted . That a dom intends to challenge intellectually, physically and emotionally...otherwise they get bored and leave the sub broken hearted.

"That a dom intends to challenge intellectually, physically and emotionally...otherwise they get bored and leave the sub broken hearted."  

 I rest my case 🙌

[Deleted Member]

26 minutes ago, Firewitch said:

Just to clarify to anyone following the thread this wasn't me 🤓

It was you that drew the first personal attack. The history is all up there in black and white.

[Deleted Member]

The "one trwu way-ism" is profound. 

[Deleted Member]

59 minutes ago, goodkarma said:

"That a dom intends to challenge intellectually, physically and emotionally...otherwise they get bored and leave the sub broken hearted."  

 I rest my case 🙌

Because you are confused that being a sub is about fulfilling the subs neediness. That would defeat the purpose of being a dom and support the purify being a boyfriend/girlfriend. They are not the same thing.

[Deleted Member]

Firewitch said “cannot image (imagine) what you were thinking when you wrote this! I find it limited”. How is that a personal attack? Some of us disagree with you. Some of us find your phrasing about real people chilling.

[Phoenyx]

On 1/31/2021 at 3:14 PM, Walther said:

Depends on the relationship dynamic. If you are a Dom/sub dynamic then the subs desires mentally, physically, emotionally are irrelevant. The dom provides for the sub on the doms terms, (if the sub has been obedient). If you are looking for mutual emotional, physical, mental support then you are looking for a girlfriend/boyfriend, not a dom.

Perhaps, a bit of clarification is needed here---an image expressed in more mundane terms.  In my day, I often needed to "step outside myself", to gain a better perspective.  In professional terms, I was little more than a glorified cab driver.  When a sub came to me, they would describe where they wished to go, and pay their fare.  It was my job to get them there---choosing whatever route seemed most appropriate.

Was this what was meant to be said?  I can seen how the wording of the Walther's statement can be a bit confusing.  Or, possibly, it takes stepping-outside-of-one's self, to see the whole picture.  But then, I could be totally off-base.  If so, feel free to voice your displeasure.

[LazyPirate]

On 31/01/2021 at 9:14 PM, Walther said:

Depends on the relationship dynamic. If you are a Dom/sub dynamic then the subs desires mentally, physically, emotionally are irrelevant. The dom provides for the sub on the doms terms, (if the sub has been obedient). If you are looking for mutual emotional, physical, mental support then you are looking for a girlfriend/boyfriend, not a dom.

Sorry but this is bs, as part of any dynamic I’m looking for fulfilment but on an equal footing and your dismissive attitude sounds potentially dangerous (for example if they have triggers which you ignore). I was @Bounty's Dom and we never operated as Boyfriend/Girlfriend but always took into account her needs

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, Phoenyx said:

Perhaps, a bit of clarification is needed here---an image expressed in more mundane terms.  In my day, I often needed to "step outside myself", to gain a better perspective.  In professional terms, I was little more than a glorified cab driver.  When a sub came to me, they would describe where they wished to go, and pay their fare.  It was my job to get them there---choosing whatever route seemed most appropriate.

Was this what was meant to be said?  I can seen how the wording of the Walther's statement can be a bit confusing.  Or, possibly, it takes stepping-outside-of-one's self, to see the whole picture.  But then, I could be totally off-base.  If so, feel free to voice your displeasure.

It’s actually not that complex a concept. If a dom is catering to a subs will, then the sub is in charge....not the dom. Also known in bdsm as ‘topping from the bottom’. But in modern bdsm and the people here want to take the ‘dominance’ away from Domming. And on dry dominance into mutual compassion. It defeats the entire purpose of being attracted to a strong, confident, ***ful, authority figure as a dom and reduces it to “my dom or my sub is my equal”. Their dom will cave in as soon as the sub shows ANY signs of weakness intellectually, physically or emotionally.......to that i say, that’s not a dom/sub dynamic, that’s a girlfriend/boyfriend dynamic. People here are butt hurt because I’m proving they are not doms or subs.

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, Curvykate said:

Firewitch said “cannot image (imagine) what you were thinking when you wrote this! I find it limited”. How is that a personal attack? Some of us disagree with you. Some of us find your phrasing about real people chilling.

She implied certain things with her context. Her post to me is clearly coming from ego.

[li****]

For me as a sub it's all about the connection no matter if it's mentally, emotionally or physically!!!! A Dom needs to stimulate my mind and body and me the same for the Dom, and to me a Dom/me doesn't have all the power it's 50/50, it's give and take on both sides, a sub has every right to say no to something or stop play as much as the Dom/me has a right etc. Submissives are strong not weak, there are different types of subs just as there are different type of Dom/me. Everyone is different, every dynamic is different!! There is no one true way of BDSM and everybody will learn something new all the time we all grow and change in time. To say that people aren't true subs and Dom/me just cause they don't agree with you is wrong!! Your way of BDSM/kink is not gonna be for every one else, just like my dynamic with my Sir won't be for everyone.