Are men emotionally binary?

[Carnelian2]

Before discounting this on the basis of the title, let me try to explain where I am coming from.

My emotions are complex and bewildering at times, and I find that it easier to discuss these with women, particularly when it concerns relationships with other women.

For example, I have spoken with several male friends over the last couple of weeks and I tend to get the impression that men sees these relationships as one of two things; "You are either in love or you want to sleep with her"

Now, obviously emotions and relationships are more complex than that and these friends are by no means cavemen, or the kinds you find sending one-liners on sites like this one.
Or, is it because we as men just don't know how to express these things and therefore simplify it?

I know this question is broader than kink, but if you refer to kink then by definition it becomes a lot more complex, as communication is paramount and therefore by definition cannot be binary

or am I wrong, I mean, it is entirely possible that I am just looking at this from the wrong angle?

The question is a bit philosophical but I am nevertheless trying to understand and learn.

[Ar****]

Some are, some aren't. The same goes for women. But I'd like to think that in both cases the ones who are in the minority.

The problem with many men is that many are raised to be detached from their emotions, so they neither understand nor know how to express them adequately. And this contributes to why they oft get misconstrued. It's also responsible for so many being 2-dimensional Neanderthals.

[Deleted Member]

This is a great post. I’m from a working class London family who’s income came from selling fruit off a barrow in a street market.It was a tough job and a rough area with a lot of violent individuals who were best avoided.This was an environment where showing emotions or talking from the heart would have negative consequences. Like any situation you have to find a way of coping and for me I could only show my soul to my girlfriend mum and Nan . My dad grandad uncles all were emotionally constipated. At the age of 21 I decided that I wanted to be an artist and had to endure a lot of verbal derogatory comments ( poof , weirdo,freak , ) The class and culture shock I experienced when I gained my university place was daunting. I witnessed grown men crying at the beauty of a masterpiece of art and heavy conversations dealing with sensitivity and instincts. At first I was out of my depth but I adapted and I believe it made me a better person because I didn’t need to hide my feelings . I felt more comfortable with educated men than the people I grew up with. Now I accept who I am and I’m comfortable with my sensitive mind and yes I cry sometimes but I ***y well smile and laugh a lot more these days

[Deleted Member]

I think it depends on the individual. I do love hearing about men’s perspective here though. But what’s interested me for a while is whether those on the autistic spectrum are more binary with emotion.

[so****]

Its not that we're "emotionally binary" lol I think most men probably try to distill these emotional fusterclucks down to the simplest possible solution. That's what my mind does, anyway 🤷‍♂️lol

[Pl****]

I haven't seen any particular difference in the emotional ranges of men vs women. Sure, some men view women as purely love/sex material (and I've met women that viewed men the same way), but I don't know if there's a consistent reason for that. It usually seems like some kind of machismo to me, something that guys have picked up to try to look cool to other guys or help them do better with women, but I've seen it arise from other ways. Take it with a grain of salt, because even if a guy says that, it could just be locker room talk. 

[thejadegeek]

In responding directly to “you are either in love of want to sleep with her.” That’s toxic masculinity.

Unfortunately that’s the way people others think are male are raised and treated. That’s also the way males are portrayed in media.

“Men aren’t supposed to be emotional.” Or more accurately “oh look at that [redacted for slurs] she’s so emotional.”

And of course they worst thing for a “man” to be is equivocated to a “woman.” Culturally that is.

[Carnelian2]

@Curvykate When you refer to the autistic spectrum, you must be referring to certain behaviours such as being withdrawn or acting reserved. I do that, but as a male I am very much in touch with my emotions and I don't think the men I tried to discuss this with were special in any kind. It may have more to do with what @TAROTTand others have mentioned; social conditioning in that we grow up in an environment where it still is not "expected" that men would discuss these things. 
@thejadegeekAs I said; that was the specific input I got. In this case, I do not believe it to be toxic masculinity but more a way of looking at things simplistically. That of course has issues, as we then suppress certain things that will come to the fore in one way or the other.

Thank you to everyone for the contributions. To be honest, I was not quite sure what I would receive

[Deleted Member]

[Carnelian2]

7 hours ago, Curvykate said:

 

Hi, Don't know if you tried to post something? If you use the app, it can be temperamental at times ..

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, Carnelian2 said:

Hi, Don't know if you tried to post something? If you use the app, it can be temperamental at times ..

I did. Argh, the app is playing up for me.

[Deleted Member]

I think it’s possibly replies that keep failing to post. I was responding to the idea of binary emotion for those on the autistic spectrum. Not suggesting you are , Carnelian. There is some research which suggests binary approaches to emotion are more common - eg emotions go from 0> 100 in seconds. Very black and white, rigid thinking. Some people on the spectrum can be withdrawn or reserved, they’re not characteristics of autism.

[Carnelian2]

2 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

I think it’s possibly replies that keep failing to post. I was responding to the idea of binary emotion for those on the autistic spectrum. Not suggesting you are , Carnelian. There is some research which suggests binary approaches to emotion are more common - eg emotions go from 0> 100 in seconds. Very black and white, rigid thinking. Some people on the spectrum can be withdrawn or reserved, they’re not characteristics of autism.

There is some sense to what you are saying. It is also worth considering that emotions are complex and if we are not experienced in how to deal with them, it can become binary, e.g.; a simple is/isn't response becomes sensible. Of course, it isn't as the fallout catches up.
I did see some research around male responses to COVID and in particular mental issues, where the traditional male withdrawn response was cited as a reason for why some were finding it more difficult to cope. This is not to generalise, mind you.

[Deleted Member]

55 minutes ago, Carnelian2 said:

There is some sense to what you are saying. It is also worth considering that emotions are complex and if we are not experienced in how to deal with them, it can become binary, e.g.; a simple is/isn't response becomes sensible. Of course, it isn't as the fallout catches up.
I did see some research around male responses to COVID and in particular mental issues, where the traditional male withdrawn response was cited as a reason for why some were finding it more difficult to cope. This is not to generalise, mind you.

It’s a pretty fascinating subject! That Covid research sounds interesting too. The impact on mental health - it’s huge. 🙁