Online Vanilla Dating

[Eve1919]

I am new to this lifestyle, although I've always been interested and drawn to it.  The most common advice I have seen from more experienced members of this community is that the relationship should come first and then the kink.  So I have a few ads up on more mainstream OLD sites. 

My experience has been that if I mention Kink on my profile I am going to get a lot creeps. So I don't mention it. But unfortunately, I am either attracting really Vanilla men or submissive men who are attracted to my personality.  I had a 10 year vanilla relationship and I would rather be single.  And while I enjoy the company of submissive men as friends, I have no desire to be a Domme.  What do you put in profile to hint that you are into kink without attracting the creeps?  Or do you just slog through the masses hoping to find the one true gem? 

 

 

[Deleted Member]

Hi Eve.

That would all depend on the individuals, I'm people first, kinksters second but that's not the case for all within the community. Some seek a dynamic only which is much more kink based, higher protocols etc and some are more emotional based. There is no right or wrong, each relationship/dynamic can vary wildly.

 

As far as the vanilla sites go I do sympathise as yeah, many see the word kink and instantly think easyn which as we know is completely wrong. Maybe a picture of a triskelion among your profile pics may be a good idea, as kinky people would know what it means, and the vanillas generally would not.  A sign as it were to hint at who you really are without making it too obvious.

[Deleted Member]

It's about boundaries. I've learned the hard way about fake Dom's that just want to have a therapist/mother/emotional punching ball in one go. I've seen an advice saying always have conversations about how compatible you are with people. Discuss what you like and don't like. You can weed out the creeps that try to convince you that you must try some things and try it with them.. and other weird behaviours.

[Deleted Member]

I’ve seen people refer to John Baku. Or that their favourite ice cream flavour is not vanilla. 🤣 Or frequent more sites that attract more kinky people like OK Cupid, Feeld, Pure.

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, Primal*** said:

Hi Eve.

That would all depend on the individuals, I'm people first, kinksters second but that's not the case for all within the community. Some seek a dynamic only which is much more kink based, higher protocols etc and some are more emotional based. There is no right or wrong, each relationship/dynamic can vary wildly.

 

As far as the vanilla sites go I do sympathise as yeah, many see the word kink and instantly think easyn which as we know is completely wrong. Maybe a picture of a triskelion among your profile pics may be a good idea, as kinky people would know what it means, and the vanillas generally would not.  A sign as it were to hint at who you really are without making it too obvious.

I don’t know what a triskelion is! 🤔

[Deleted Member]

This is a kink based dating and networking site, so if you want to share your interests and see who you attract then this is the place to do it. Fill out a profile, set up an add and you're sorted

[Deleted Member]

9 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

I don’t know what a triskelion is! 🤔

Curly twirly kinky circle  ☯️ 

[Deleted Member]

I tried kinky on vanilla sites before here and was really pot luck,  I think at least here you likely to be fishing in the right pool. 

Having said that with covert messages on a vanilla profile you could pull them in:

looking for:

" A Wolf in the shadows"

"The one to give your all to"

"the one worthy of your loyalty commitment and specialist interest"

"A skilled ropeworker"

"Handy with his strength"

"Depth of intellectual and willingness to explore"

 

Either here or there make sure you're alert and ready with red flags and confidence to walk away early,  many Dominants are domineering and will love bomb you and try and covet you early on.  Value your worth,  submission and self,  very highly... make sure you don't give it away!!

 

🔥🔥🔥

[UK****]

I think it depends how important your kink is to you.

It's very difficult to convert a vanilla you are compatible with to like what you do (if it's not in them already).

For me, kink is essential or the relationship won't work anyway.

Find people who like the same kinks and at the same time, chat and discuss vanilla things.   You will eventually find people who are compatible on both fronts.

 

[Deleted Member]

52 minutes ago, Firewitch said:

Curly twirly kinky circle  ☯️ 

Oh I thought that was yin yang. And mistakenly saw curly wurly 😋.

[Deleted Member]

46 minutes ago, Firewitch said:

I tried kinky on vanilla sites before here and was really pot luck,  I think at least here you likely to be fishing in the right pool. 

Having said that with covert messages on a vanilla profile you could pull them in:

looking for:

" A Wolf in the shadows"

"The one to give your all to"

"the one worthy of your loyalty commitment and specialist interest"

"A skilled ropeworker"

"Handy with his strength"

"Depth of intellectual and willingness to explore"

 

Either here or there make sure you're alert and ready with red flags and confidence to walk away early,  many Dominants are domineering and will love bomb you and try and covet you early on.  Value your worth,  submission and self,  very highly... make sure you don't give it away!!

 

🔥🔥🔥

A skilled rope worker 🤣

[Deleted Member]

30 minutes ago, UK_Knight said:

I think it depends how important your kink is to you.

It's very difficult to convert a vanilla you are compatible with to like what you do (if it's not in them already).

For me, kink is essential or the relationship won't work anyway.

Find people who like the same kinks and at the same time, chat and discuss vanilla things.   You will eventually find people who are compatible on both fronts.

 

I think this is good advice. If your kink goes deep, recognise that.

[Carnelian2]

1 hour ago, Curvykate said:

A skilled rope worker 🤣

Basket weaver... 

[Deleted Member]

6 minutes ago, Carnelian2 said:

Basket weaver... 

Oh I will look out for that one now! But what would a sub use? 🤔

[Deleted Member]

Unfortunately on any site you will have creepy guys if you mention being a submissive or kinks. It's not easy for women here. Be thorough. Check out profiles. As a Dom I try to get to know people.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Curvykate said:

A skilled rope worker 🤣

🤣🤣🤣

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Curvykate said:

Oh I thought that was yin yang. And mistakenly saw curly wurly 😋.

Twas closest thing to a triskelion!!! 🤷‍♀️

[Carnelian2]

2 hours ago, Curvykate said:

Oh I will look out for that one now! But what would a sub use? 🤔

hmm, looking forward to being tied up in interactions .. or something like that ..

[Carnelian2]

I did have a profile on OK Cupid - not that successful in attracting people interested in D/s

[qu****]

Unfortunately there are a lot of neanderthals on most dating sites, so yes a hard slog to find someone, maybe try to be a bit vague, suggest you like vanilla but wanting some tuttie-fruitie, even then you'll probably get undesirables, just stay positive...

[Deleted Member]

20 hours ago, Eve1919 said:

I am new to this lifestyle, although I've always been interested and drawn to it.  The most common advice I have seen from more experienced members of this community is that the relationship should come first and then the kink.  So I have a few ads up on more mainstream OLD sites. 

My experience has been that if I mention Kink on my profile I am going to get a lot creeps. So I don't mention it. But unfortunately, I am either attracting really Vanilla men or submissive men who are attracted to my personality.  I had a 10 year vanilla relationship and I would rather be single.  And while I enjoy the company of submissive men as friends, I have no desire to be a Domme.  What do you put in profile to hint that you are into kink without attracting the creeps?  Or do you just slog through the masses hoping to find the one true gem? 

 

 

Hi, I'm new here and my first post on this forum. I know what you mean when you say about trying Vanilla dating sites. I have been looking over the dating side of this forum and also Whiplr. I have pretty common kinks/fetishes and not all that many compared with many on here. Yet, I don't find that many that match all that closely to me. Either they have what I would consider far out/odd kinks/fetishes, different kinks/fetishes, a vast volume of kinks/fetishes or don't state any kinks/fetishes at all other than stating they are a Sub??? Add to that I'm a straight guy so even a Bi-sexual woman I would be on the fence about, I couldn't consider non-binary, gender queer, etc, etc. So often I find on just the basics on common kinks/fetishes that on here don't seem all that common (spanking mainly) it's not easy to find that many matches.

 

Then I want a 24/7 relationship so that is a case of adding finding Romance to the mix which can require meeting many to find that Romance. Many here are just looking for Kinky Dates or hook ups, which is fine for them but I don't have the outlook where I merely wish to play around. So like you say does someone look for Romance first then Kink/Fetish - a Vanilla dating site or Kink/Fetish first and then Romance - a BDSM dating site. To some extent on a first meet on either it's a case of seeing whether there is romance there if looking for that. With my apparently common kinks/fetishes though and straight vanilla sexual orientation would my time better be spent on a Vanilla dating site. Apparently a good third or so have my kinks/fetishes anyway so it might be an easier reach on a Vanilla dating site. 

 

I'm not even sure that a lot of people here are even in the same ballpark as me, some seem pretty far out (no offense meant) just describing how it seems from where I am. I'm not sure if there is a term for those in my area of BDSM maybe 'Vanilla BDSM' or 'Vanilla Kinks/Fetishes' might be more appropriate, I'm not gay so I'm not sure I would really deem myself non-vanilla. Though I hear for many in BDSM vanilla is almost a spit word, lol.

[Deleted Member]

8 hours ago, Firewitch said:

I tried kinky on vanilla sites before here and was really pot luck,  I think at least here you likely to be fishing in the right pool. 

Having said that with covert messages on a vanilla profile you could pull them in:

looking for:

" A Wolf in the shadows"

"The one to give your all to"

"the one worthy of your loyalty commitment and specialist interest"

"A skilled ropeworker"

"Handy with his strength"

"Depth of intellectual and willingness to explore.

🔥🔥🔥

I think, ""A skilled ropeworker" would be the only one most of us guys would realise was a covert message here, BDSM or Vanilla dating site. Most guys don't interpret very well/at all. If there is no idea that they are supposed to be interpreting then even less chance. Before I found out about BDSM a few months ago I generally only thought of it in the stereotypical terms of scenes of lycra clad people beating the hell out of each other. Apart from the rope worker one I doubt if any guys would even notice any connection to BDSM, I wouldn't off, doubt I would even now. I probably would have thought the rope worker one as just a strange thing to say but it might prompt me to enquire I guess.

[Deleted Member]

11 hours ago, Phil_My_Way said:

I think, ""A skilled ropeworker" would be the only one most of us guys would realise was a covert message here, BDSM or Vanilla dating site. Most guys don't interpret very well/at all. If there is no idea that they are supposed to be interpreting then even less chance. Before I found out about BDSM a few months ago I generally only thought of it in the stereotypical terms of scenes of lycra clad people beating the hell out of each other. Apart from the rope worker one I doubt if any guys would even notice any connection to BDSM, I wouldn't off, doubt I would even now. I probably would have thought the rope worker one as just a strange thing to say but it might prompt me to enquire I guess.

Bit confused by your posts - you only found out about BDSM a few months ago yet you want 24/7? I don’t think you know what that means. That would worry me. With due respect, I think maybe if you hang around and read and participate, you’d benefit. I don’t even know how to respond to some of your statements. “I’m not gay so I’m not sure I would really deem myself non-vanilla” “I’m a straight man so even a bisexual woman I would be on the fence about”. Would you describe yourself as open-minded?

[Deleted Member]

2 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

Bit confused by your posts - you only found out about BDSM a few months ago yet you want 24/7? I don’t think you know what that means. That would worry me. With due respect, I think maybe if you hang around and read and participate, you’d benefit. I don’t even know how to respond to some of your statements. “I’m not gay so I’m not sure I would really deem myself non-vanilla” “I’m a straight man so even a bisexual woman I would be on the fence about”. Would you describe yourself as open-minded?

The reason I list few kinks (as a sub) is because I don’t want to just be defined by them and because if I list one you can guarantee that certain people will message me and offer to “do it to me”. 🙄

[Deleted Member]

30 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

The reason I list few kinks (as a sub) is because I don’t want to just be defined by them and because if I list one you can guarantee that certain people will message me and offer to “do it to me”. 🙄

Oh, I see what you mean on that, from a woman's perspective. It kind of makes it harder to match up though as means people have to enquire which all takes more time & not as convenient. Though finding someone to do that stuff to you is ultimately the idea of it I would off thought though not necessarily on a passing by sort of nature of course.

 

Idk, I wonder if avoiding putting up with the **** from that might just cause more issues in finding someone. Might be better just to ignore & bin it with those ones. I've been kind of looking at profiles without kinks/fetishes stated as possibly not someone who is really into/genuine about being into BDSM. Though I guess there could be different reasons for not stating as you say. Probably me being a guy and how I read it as such.