What sort of men?

[Mz****]

A narcissistic fantasist, or what I call a Dim, (as opposed to a Dom)..someone with no integrity, common decency or manners..who plays at being Dom while pulling all his references from porn or erotic fiction whilst he plays with his pathetic dick because no one else will..

Unfortunately you'll likely receive more and similar, there's people who get off on provoking and upsetting others and especially crossing profile boundaries, they enjoy the negative responses they get.. for them any attention is better than none..my advice, don't feed the trolls..report this kind of message, then block the sender and delete it.

Edited February 17, 2021 by MzJax
Typo

[Ko****]

I am sorry that happened to you. I believe you did the right thing to seek advise. Unfortunately an online platform is an ideal platform for trolls and bullies.

[Deleted Member]

Any "man" who pm's these things is the first message is a horny kinkster. Or just wanting play. Any real Dom takes the time to get to know you. It's something that happens here a lot. Unfortunately makes us real Dom's look bad.

[Bo****]

Hey, naughtything. I am sorry that happened. It must feel like a personal *** to have a stranger say such graphic things. Just because you’re on a sex site doesn’t mean that you aren’t a human being, or a woman, who deserves to be treated with dignity and respect.

This probably won’t help in the moment, but you asked what sort of man would do this and I thought I’d answer. Perhaps the next time this happens (and it will, over and over again), it won’t hit as deep.

One of the key stages in mental development is the recognition that other people have different experiences, needs and drivers. They treat people the exact way they would want to be treated (which sounds a lot like the golden rule) without any thought for the context of the other person.

Men don’t generally need to be romanced into sex. And because we’re usually bigger and stronger, we don’t need to feel safe. That’s why a woman is assured of going home with a man at the end of the night if she wants to. She knows she can walk up to a man, say “take me home” and he will.

Men on this site would generally LOVE IT if women were reaching out saying “make me your love slave, you kinky, manly beast!” But that’s not going to happen because women vs men.

What winds up happening is a considerable portion of our less mentally developed male users reach out in the way they’d like to be messaged. They think “you’re here to make the kinky sexy time” and reach out with “get on your knees!” It’s gross and ham-fisted but it’s not, generally, malevolent. As they say in Florida, “it’s not the hate, it’s the stupidity.”

So, yeah, it sucks. I would hate to be a woman on a Kink site. Hopefully, you’ll be able to tune out the noise and perhaps get to a point where you’re thankful that the immature dweebs show you they’re immature in their first message. As others have said, the block button is your friend.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, BoulderDom said:

Hey, naughtything. I am sorry that happened. It must feel like a personal *** to have a stranger say such graphic things. Just because you’re on a sex site doesn’t mean that you aren’t a human being, or a woman, who deserves to be treated with dignity and respect.

This probably won’t help in the moment, but you asked what sort of man would do this and I thought I’d answer. Perhaps the next time this happens (and it will, over and over again), it won’t hit as deep.

One of the key stages in mental development is the recognition that other people have different experiences, needs and drivers. They treat people the exact way they would want to be treated (which sounds a lot like the golden rule) without any thought for the context of the other person.

Men don’t generally need to be romanced into sex. And because we’re usually bigger and stronger, we don’t need to feel safe. That’s why a woman is assured of going home with a man at the end of the night if she wants to. She knows she can walk up to a man, say “take me home” and he will.

Men on this site would generally LOVE IT if women were reaching out saying “make me your love slave, you kinky, manly beast!” But that’s not going to happen because women vs men.

What winds up happening is a considerable portion of our less mentally developed male users reach out in the way they’d like to be messaged. They think “you’re here to make the kinky sexy time” and reach out with “get on your knees!” It’s gross and ham-fisted but it’s not, generally, malevolent. As they say in Florida, “it’s not the hate, it’s the stupidity.”

So, yeah, it sucks. I would hate to be a woman on a Kink site. Hopefully, you’ll be able to tune out the noise and perhaps get to a point where you’re thankful that the immature dweebs show you they’re immature in their first message. As others have said, the block button is your friend.

I agree for some guys - but in my experience misogynistic assholes send the same messages. The only way you can tell the difference is if you challenge them. The immature, stupid ones will apologise but a misogynist will double down. “It was a compliment - you’re hot. Why are you taking offence” blah blah. The latter are malevolent women-hating assholes and will never change or learn.

[Wo****]

59 minutes ago, BoulderDom said:

Hey, naughtything. I am sorry that happened. It must feel like a personal *** to have a stranger say such graphic things. Just because you’re on a sex site doesn’t mean that you aren’t a human being, or a woman, who deserves to be treated with dignity and respect.

This probably won’t help in the moment, but you asked what sort of man would do this and I thought I’d answer. Perhaps the next time this happens (and it will, over and over again), it won’t hit as deep.

One of the key stages in mental development is the recognition that other people have different experiences, needs and drivers. They treat people the exact way they would want to be treated (which sounds a lot like the golden rule) without any thought for the context of the other person.

Men don’t generally need to be romanced into sex. And because we’re usually bigger and stronger, we don’t need to feel safe. That’s why a woman is assured of going home with a man at the end of the night if she wants to. She knows she can walk up to a man, say “take me home” and he will.

Men on this site would generally LOVE IT if women were reaching out saying “make me your love slave, you kinky, manly beast!” But that’s not going to happen because women vs men.

What winds up happening is a considerable portion of our less mentally developed male users reach out in the way they’d like to be messaged. They think “you’re here to make the kinky sexy time” and reach out with “get on your knees!” It’s gross and ham-fisted but it’s not, generally, malevolent. As they say in Florida, “it’s not the hate, it’s the stupidity.”

So, yeah, it sucks. I would hate to be a woman on a Kink site. Hopefully, you’ll be able to tune out the noise and perhaps get to a point where you’re thankful that the immature dweebs show you they’re immature in their first message. As others have said, the block button is your friend.

 

Live this post....

I agree that most of the time it stems from stupidity rather than hate but that happens too, sadly.

I had a message a few weeks ago from a now deleted member that was vile.... his attitude and what he said was downright disturbing.

 

Report and block. 

[SammyB]

I’m sorry you have received a message like this 

it won’t be the last ... in my experience it quite common on site , I’m not condoning the behaviour ... it appears to come in waves 

You could possiby put up a note on your profile 

saying that you would like contact to be polite and respectful ... not everyone will read  but many do .. it reduced the amount of intial graphic messages however within two to three messages I have no doubt  they will try to get into that kinda conversation .... if that makes you uncomfortable at that point please be very frank with your response 

For many they migrate from another site where almost every message you received is like what you got in your inbox ...that’s because it is a socially  accepted norm .... some will learn quickly it’s a different kinda site  here 

........ while others always push boundaries  because that’s their thing and they get kicks from it

Have a look at your filters and as others said report and block 

 

Sx 

 

[li****]

Unfortunately this still happens to me I did put filters up cause I was fed up of the messages coming through, but now have those filters off have to really being a meeter and greeter for the site so I get many come through again daily. Before it use to get to me and I'd be upset but I got stronger and now I'll send a sarcastic comment back, just today I got a message from a so called dom ( used lower capital just cause he's definitely not one ) saying when am I gonna let him hold be down and fuck my tight ass!!! I mean 🤦‍♀️ Honestly I could have been disgusted and shocked but it's now got to a point where I just laugh cause if they think that's how they get a woman/sub here then they will be sadly mistaken. 

 

I think best advice I can give you @naughtything is use a message filter that way you can stop unwanted messages coming through yes you may still get the odd one but then just report and block. I'm sorry you had to be disrespected like that hun it's not on at all.😕

[Bo****]

I completely agree that not everyone who reaches out poorly is just a good guy gone wrong. Some guys (and even some women) in BDSM are real Grade-A assholes who have a lot of unresolved shit that they’re trying to take out on unsuspecting partners. And, seriously, fuck those people. Actually, don’t fuck them. Don’t even talk to them.

Because engaging is a sucker’s better. i love posting on the forums and do my coaching in a one-to-many mode. One-on-one, people get defensive, people get mean. I’m here to have fun.

If someone reaches out without class, block that shit and move on 😆

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, Tazzaby said:

Because he's a clueless wombat with no real respect, and not a clue how to talk to a person because he was raised in a hole ...... by a wombat

Ex pat aussie appreciating your wombat references here 🐨

[na****]

35 minutes ago, lil-monster said:

I think best advice I can give you @naughtything is use a message filter that way you can stop unwanted messages coming through yes you may still get the odd one but then just report and block. I'm sorry you had to be disrespected like that hun it's not on at all.😕

What filter could I use that wouldnt also impact nice people messaging me?

[Deleted Member]

8 minutes ago, naughtything said:

What filter could I use that wouldnt also impact nice people messaging me?

Do you just want interested doms to contact you? If so, then limit distance, whether they’re single etc. And set a minimum message length & that they must have a photo. You can allow people to whisper and message you during chat if you like - that means they can bypass your filters if you’re chatting in the lobby. Which I think works quite well - that’s how you should get talking IMO.

[li****]

9 minutes ago, naughtything said:

What filter could I use that wouldnt also impact nice people messaging me?

Yeah it's a bit hit and miss but when I had my filters up I did it so they had to be verified, and or with a profile picture and have a good star rating etc I agree with @Curvykate the message length also is a good one so how many words and such they have to write to get through which again they have to write you a very long message that was one of the filters I had on mine. 

Edited February 17, 2021 by lil-monster

[na****]

I would like to thank everyone for their support and comments. I reported the message the moment I read it and the user has been blocked. My block list is filling far too fast for it to be acceptable in any walks of life or websites.

I would also like to thank you SirG for our chat and for making me smile and laugh. Your words of support and advice has really helped me today. K is very lucky. x I owe you a beer when we can meet in person (and a hug for K).

Thank you everyone. xx

[na****]

9 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

Do you just want interested doms to contact you? If so, then limit distance, whether they’re single etc. And set a minimum message length & that they must have a photo. You can allow people to whisper and message you during chat if you like - that means they can bypass your filters if you’re chatting in the lobby. Which I think works quite well - that’s how you should get talking IMO.

I do have filters, he has a profile pic, has been varified and passed my minimum characture number in his message. These filters were put up a long time ago, but he still managed to get past them.

[na****]

Im also confused over the message star rating as I only have one star but I recieve and answer loads of messages. Am I given a low star rating for not responding to the nasty messages or the ones who clearly never read my profile before messaging me? I know they hadnt as they missed the bit where I tell them to quote my codeword to show they read it. I even tall them to be polite like that has to be stated.

[Carnelian2]

31 minutes ago, naughtything said:

What filter could I use that wouldnt also impact nice people messaging me?

I have seen some people put a sentence, phrase or question somewhere in their profile, stating that all responses should contain it.
This will not necessarily prevent all cretins from contacting you but will ensure that only the ones with a minimum of literacy and comprehension will write. 
The ones that do not comply, gets discarded at the door ...

[Deleted Member]

22 minutes ago, naughtything said:

Im also confused over the message star rating as I only have one star but I recieve and answer loads of messages. Am I given a low star rating for not responding to the nasty messages or the ones who clearly never read my profile before messaging me? I know they hadnt as they missed the bit where I tell them to quote my codeword to show they read it. I even tall them to be polite like that has to be stated.

I’m really sorry to say that some unpleasant messages will still get through. I had very very strict filters on for months and still got one that made me sob. You’ve clearly already given this some thought as you have a codeword. I’ve gotten to the place where it doesn’t upset me as much anymore - I focus more on my boundaries than the people who want to get through them.

[Deleted Member]

12 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

 I’ve gotten to the place where it doesn’t upset me as much anymore - I focus more on my boundaries than the people who want to get through them.

👆👆👆

This!!!

🔥🔥🔥

[Je****]

i am sorry you recieved a message like this!

 

no decent man would sent that to a woman or anyone for that matter after a few chats never mind first message. heres hoping that he is got rid of as soon as possible. sadly it does happen on here ive recieved one or two messages like that but not so graphic. block report and delete. i hope he never bothers you again and that you are ok!

[Deleted Member]

47 minutes ago, Firewitch said:

👆👆👆

This!!!

🔥🔥🔥

Didn’t learn that on my own, Fire! 🙌🏻

[thejadegeek]

I’m sorry that happened and sadly the reason it happens is because like spam, it works a small % of the time.

[co****]

Wtf sorry u got that disrespectful fuck

[ab****]

This sounds like a person that has watched too many porn videos and thinks this is a way to speak to a submissive person.
It's the equivalent of a guy yelling something of a girl walking passed him on the street.

I had a friend, (who was strictly into other females) who lived in NYC and would love...
Absolutely LOVE when men would "cat call", whistle, or make rude comments....
Because she would stop, turn around and address them. And they would 90% of the time be like:

"Uhhh, uhh, ummm. I just was... i..."

I hope you don't take it personally because that guy wasn't treating you like an actual person. You were a fantasy in his head.
His small, insensitive, useless, head.

Keep on keeping on!!

[Le****]

because you're a beautiful girl and they know they stand absolutely no chance with you so want to make themselves feel macho by saying such an asinine message