qu**** Posted February 18, 2021 Posted February 18, 2021 With the increase in new younger members, the most important word you will need in the lifestyle is NO. That's either in terms of any play you're lucky enough to have or even messages you may get, if you're totally sure you won't like an aspect of play, or tone of a message you've not asked for, causing you upset, then NO is perfectly acceptable and respected, if you find this not the case then these types of people aren't worth knowing. I've said this due to a seemed increase in people predominantly doms, ignoring this and in some cases bullying to get what they want, remember a real Dom doesn't bully, more often encouraging, nurturing and respecting even if you're never going to meet or play, so remember it's ok to say NO
Deleted Member Posted February 18, 2021 Posted February 18, 2021 Thank you. This is what I have been searching for.
MsDrawers Posted February 18, 2021 Posted February 18, 2021 Christ yes! If I could give newcomers two pieces of advice the first would be take your time and the second would be, if this were a vanilla exchange would you feel comfortable and happy with that? No? Then it's a no here too. No one is entitled to anything you do not wish to give, and no is a complete sentence. Practice is until it feels comfortable.
Eastbourneguy Posted February 18, 2021 Posted February 18, 2021 I must admit, I'm shocked by the tone and content many female members are receiving as initial contact. I'm guessing the members must be getting some positive results from somewhere to continue doing so.
Deleted Member Posted February 18, 2021 Posted February 18, 2021 This! 💯 The amount of bs and disrespect I receive on daily is absolutely ridiculous! 'No' isn't tolerated and it's sickening. If they don't respect you here, how do you think they're gonna treat you while playing? Don't waste your time with irresponsible and disrespectful people. No is no and doesn't need further explanation! ❤️
qu**** Posted February 18, 2021 Author Posted February 18, 2021 6 minutes ago, Eastbourneguy said: I must admit, I'm shocked by the tone and content many female members are receiving as initial contact. I'm guessing the members must be getting some positive results from somewhere to continue doing so. Unfortunately it's the new, totally inexperienced members who are unaware that just because they're submissive, feel they have to accept what a so called experienced dom tells them
Eastbourneguy Posted February 18, 2021 Posted February 18, 2021 5 minutes ago, quietlysure said: Unfortunately it's the new, totally inexperienced members who are unaware that just because they're submissive, feel they have to accept what a so called experienced dom tells them Possibly, or what I would call fake members, those who maybe be male but pose as female, I came across plenty on the swinging scene years ago
Deleted Member Posted February 18, 2021 Posted February 18, 2021 1 hour ago, quietlysure said: Unfortunately it's the new, totally inexperienced members who are unaware that just because they're submissive, feel they have to accept what a so called experienced dom tells them The difficulty is, when we're new, we don't necessarily know whose real/fake and who can be trusted because we don't know what to expect. For me, even connecting with people I don't know online is new. I now have my guard up and that in itself causes issues even when trying to make friends here.
qu**** Posted February 18, 2021 Author Posted February 18, 2021 4 minutes ago, Inquisitivesub said: The difficulty is, when we're new, we don't necessarily know whose real/fake and who can be trusted because we don't know what to expect. For me, even connecting with people I don't know online is new. I now have my guard up and that in itself causes issues even when trying to make friends here. That's why I put this up to highlight it's perfectly acceptable and right to say No and not feel guilty about it, I've been here 4 yrs and still have my guard up, and yes I'd say I'm still new to the whole online thing, and have trouble trusting people, but this isn't about me, purely an attempt in simple terms that it's ok to say No,
Eastbourneguy Posted February 18, 2021 Posted February 18, 2021 11 minutes ago, Inquisitivesub said: The difficulty is, when we're new, we don't necessarily know whose real/fake and who can be trusted because we don't know what to expect. For me, even connecting with people I don't know online is new. I now have my guard up and that in itself causes issues even when trying to make friends here. The point is a good dom, especially for a beginner should take time to learn about a potential partner and not try to rush or push for anything. Until in a scene no should mean no.
Deleted Member Posted February 18, 2021 Posted February 18, 2021 Hey I’m a sub looking for a dom but everyone I come in contact with all day they need or require a tribute. Is this normal?? I don’t want someone to runoff with my ***
qu**** Posted February 18, 2021 Author Posted February 18, 2021 Put simply some do some don't and it's not uncommon, usually it should be stated in their profile if that's their scene if you like, but again, if it's not what you're looking for just say, sorry no, I'm not looking for that
Deleted Member Posted February 18, 2021 Posted February 18, 2021 Point out some subs pretend to be subs for selfish gains and actually aren't honest about their true desires
Leisa Posted February 18, 2021 Posted February 18, 2021 @sub1017 it’s not normal and the convo should be reported.
sm**** Posted February 19, 2021 Posted February 19, 2021 Sadly this is not new in the scene. It happens now it happened 30 years ago. But it's not just newbies who are doing this. Over the years I have come across "so called" scene regulars hiding behind a mask of respectability, while in the background preying on new people. One reason I have always informed people, when you can, go to your nearest munches, not delve in to online meets straight away, see how these people interact in the real world, you also get to know who's a player and who doesn't respect "No". Get your face known, in time people will start to trust you and hopefully want to get to know yourself and not just their wants needs ego en***ment. If a polite NO doesn't surffice and the other party gets all arsy, it shows you they are only after what they want and not even thinking of your needs, safety etc Alarm bells and red flags should always go on alert at this sort of behaviour. Just Block also if you think it's bad enough report the user. Unless these predators are actively shown the error of their ways, they will just sadly continue. Education is they key, not just for new people but also those who have been around a while. Sometimes ego's take over and we forget.
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