Consent .

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, Primal*** said:

Submissives can be many things, they can have a backbone to match any man. 

 

Why should we be aware? These ladies are not my submissives, i hold no sway over them, they are my equals in every way. I do not *** their strength, I draw from it and learn.

Because if a guy as a Dom was to go with a woman like this, that has feminist values he could have her turn on him and get a lot of trouble. Such women with feminist values tend to go off at any little thing and can get a kick out off dropping him in it. I'm not saying these specific women would but that women with their kind of societal socialisation would give me cause for concern. In many ways it's like being back at Primary School with the girls trying to get the guys into trouble by getting them to do something then creeping on them for a laugh. Often I feel adults aren't really any different from that just the stakes are higher.

 

 

 

Submissive can be many things but to my mind in general you're either submissive or your not. From the profiles I've viewed I think a lot of women get into BDSM thinking it is the solution to their dating problems rather than being into it genetically then trying to twist it to their wants. I've even seen one Submissive who said in her profile she wanted to be 'Head of House'??? Lol.

 

 

 

I think to the original question the answer is as someone earlier said that generally that you shouldn't regard BDSM activities as legal as consent can be withdrawn, disputed or denied being given at any time. Hence why it would be better to look at dating in a more BDSM legally friendly country, get into a proper relationship with a girl to do it with as in an LTR or go Switch if possible since girls are less likely to cry wolf if you've both been at it. No guarantees with the last two of course.

[Wo****]

2 minutes ago, Phil_My_Way said:

Because if a guy as a Dom was to go with a woman like this, that has feminist values he could have her turn on him and get a lot of trouble. Such women with feminist values tend to go off at any little thing and can get a kick out off dropping him in it. I'm not saying these specific women would but that women with their kind of societal socialisation would give me cause for concern. In many ways it's like being back at Primary School with the girls trying to get the guys into trouble by getting them to do something then creeping on them for a laugh. Often I feel adults aren't really any different from that just the stakes are higher.

 

 

 

Submissive can be many things but to my mind in general you're either submissive or your not. From the profiles I've viewed I think a lot of women get into BDSM thinking it is the solution to their dating problems rather than being into it genetically then trying to twist it to their wants. I've even seen one Submissive who said in her profile she wanted to be 'Head of House'??? Lol.

 

 

 

I think to the original question the answer is as someone earlier said that generally that you shouldn't regard BDSM activities as legal as consent can be withdrawn, disputed or denied being given at any time. Hence why it would be better to look at dating in a more BDSM legally friendly country, get into a proper relationship with a girl to do it with as in an LTR or go Switch if possible since girls are less likely to cry wolf if you've both been at it. No guarantees with the last two of course.

One word.... bigot.

[Deleted Member]

8 minutes ago, Carnelian2 said:

That is a somewhat sexist point of view. I mean to state more or less that a feminist cannot be submissive.
Of course they can. I know several strong women with minds of their own, who can stand their own ground and have enough self-awareness to submit. I also know several equally strong Dominant women for which the same applies.
So, I don't really think that feminist or not has any bearing on D/s.

it is about respect in the end. If you extend the respect to women that they deserve, as women, then you are more likely to get the same in return.

I'm saying a feminist is not a great pool to choose from as their very definition and values are contrary to the values BDSM and in particular Submissives. I would suggest taking one on would potentially be playing with fire and a big risk. Better to search out a girl who is not a feminist for this stuff. The fact that they are even here in this BDSM field is kind of perculiar.

[Wo****]

9 minutes ago, Phil_My_Way said:

I'm saying a feminist is not a great pool to choose from as their very definition and values are contrary to the values BDSM and in particular Submissives. I would suggest taking one on would potentially be playing with fire and a big risk. Better to search out a girl who is not a feminist for this stuff. The fact that they are even here in this BDSM field is kind of perculiar.

What do you think a feminist is?

[Deleted Member]

7 minutes ago, Phil_My_Way said:

Because if a guy as a Dom was to go with a woman like this, that has feminist values he could have her turn on him and get a lot of trouble. Such women with feminist values tend to go off at any little thing and can get a kick out off dropping him in it. I'm not saying these specific women would but that women with their kind of societal socialisation would give me cause for concern. In many ways it's like being back at Primary School with the girls trying to get the guys into trouble by getting them to do something then creeping on them for a laugh. Often I feel adults aren't really any different from that just the stakes are higher.

 

 

 

Submissive can be many things but to my mind in general you're either submissive or your not. From the profiles I've viewed I think a lot of women get into BDSM thinking it is the solution to their dating problems rather than being into it genetically then trying to twist it to their wants. I've even seen one Submissive who said in her profile she wanted to be 'Head of House'??? Lol.

 

 

 

I think to the original question the answer is as someone earlier said that generally that you shouldn't regard BDSM activities as legal as consent can be withdrawn, disputed or denied being given at any time. Hence why it would be better to look at dating in a more BDSM legally friendly country, get into a proper relationship with a girl to do it with as in an LTR or go Switch if possible since girls are less likely to cry wolf if you've both been at it. No guarantees with the last two of course.

I don't know how to reply to this, there is so much I could say.

It's always a risk to lay a hand on another, simple as that. Every time I use my belt I'm at risk of prosecution be it with a submissive or a feminist who also, can be a submissive. You actually for me have it completely the wrong way round. Surely a woman of strength, a woman who knows her own mind and has backbone would be much more aware of herself, needs and wants. Yes it's true this woman of strength may need work, time, attention to eventually win the prize, but when it's given it's given freely, with a clear mind that has thought through all that has been discussed and agreed. Then i as a man can take knowing this lady knows herself and her choices, which in turn settles me down as then I know it's actually much less likely there would be any type of legal consequences afterrwards. She has made a clear, thought out choice and she's chosen me, but the key is I know she's thought it through, because she has smarts so when I take I KNOW without a doubt it's what she wants.

 

You seem to think that submissives must be weak, easily manipulated, frail creatures that drop to their knees at any command. Women of strength only worry those who can't handle them, and your words reek of weakness. 

 

To be a feminist is not to be a man hater, to want equality is not hate, but I can see how it may seem that way if that equality threatens your own machismo, and in doing so opens up the truth of who you really are.  

[Deleted Member]

29 minutes ago, Phil_My_Way said:

. The fact that they are even here in this BDSM field is kind of perculiar.

No it's not, I wish so much they were ALL feminists. There would be much less ***, for sure. You have it completely wrong.

[Si****]

3 hours ago, Phil_My_Way said:

Hmmmnn.... I think I would be very careful to avoid Submissives who were anything but, especially if they were feminists also. Just too risky to do any BDSM activities with in my book, could go running off complaining to the Police at the drop off a hat. Way too dodgy for my liking, I'm surprised such women are even in BDSM as Submissives since it seems a contradiction as to who they are.

 

Dom's beware these ladies!

I like my subs to have both brains and the courage to say what they feel. I welcome anyone who has the strength to s***k their minds and correct me where I go wrong (im still a human even though im a Dom). That doesnt make me a weak Dom. Any Dom/me who is intimidated with frank and honest people need to take a good hard look in a mirror.

[Carnelian2]

28 minutes ago, Primal*** said:

To be a feminist is not to be a man hater, to want equality is not hate, but I can see how it may seem that way if that equality threatens your own machismo, and in doing so opens up the truth of who you really are.  

I think that pretty much sums it up. Well said.

[Carnelian2]

1 hour ago, Phil_My_Way said:

Submissive can be many things but to my mind in general you're either submissive or your not. From the profiles I've viewed I think a lot of women get into BDSM thinking it is the solution to their dating problems rather than being into it genetically then trying to twist it to their wants. I've even seen one Submissive who said in her profile she wanted to be 'Head of House'??? Lol.

I have edited it, but I am really left wondering if you have ever actually taken time to talk to women in D/s on either side of the fence.
Also, consent has to do with agreement between two adults. So, of course the wants of the submissive has equal footing with the Dominant. Submissives are not doormats. They are independent human beings with a mind of their own.

[Ar****]

56 minutes ago, Phil_My_Way said:

Better to search out a girl who is not a feminist for this stuff.

I've genuinely been wondering whether you were simply a troll even before I scrolled down to this comment. Well played and I applaud you if you are sir, you've had us all going, but seriously it's time to pack up and go home now.

 

That aside :-

 

i) I would be EXTREMELY wary of taking on any partner who was not a feminist

ii) Some of my very best (female/non-binary) friends are quite vocal feminists - the proper type, not the shouty man-hating fakes - and also submissives

iii) Apart from myself, I have MANY male friends and relatives who are feminists

iv) To call oneself a Dom yet not promote (true) feminist values is a contradiction; no submissive is ANYONE's doormat, and a Dom who does not encourage his sub's growth, indeed tries to stifle and control it, well they are likely the very same type of Dom that does end up needing intervention against

 

Sigh 🤦‍♂️

[Si****]

Phil My Way,

Perhaps you should take a minute to think about what you have written. Maybe go back and read it again. This is a piblic forum where the very people you are hoping to meet for a LTR (as stated on your profile) are able to read what you are saying.

Ask yourself if they could misunderstand what it is you are saying about women and whom might have an opinion on what you are all about?

[SammyB]

6 hours ago, Phil_My_Way said:

You know two off you here say you are Submissive. Considering I'm a Dom I'm not feeling that lol 

If that makes as directed at me ... submissive doesn’t mean doormat 

submissive doesn’t mean having no opinions or voice 

The forum is a safe place to share opinions in a an frank and open manner , a place to have discussion... open to All/all 

I come from a era where respect and etiquette is important to me ... yes you are a Dominant , I am happy to acknowledge your standing within the community ... that being said before you start labelling others  or implying or insinuating in a negative way  maybe a little look closer to home with regard to the label you have chosen and little reflection with regard to the traits that that title brings 

Your feeling as your to own !!

if you feel like that it hasnt anything to do with anyone else’s  comments or opinions 

Dominant ,submissive ,Switch in this space hold equal standing and everyone is free to participate and engage on threads within the forum 

If I was directed at me you are more than welcome to address whatever issue you have in a pm 

 

 

[SammyB]

28 minutes ago, Aranhis said:

I've genuinely been wondering whether you were simply a troll even before I scrolled down to this comment. Well played and I applaud you if you are sir, you've had us all going, but seriously it's time to pack up and go home now.

 

That aside :-

 

i) I would be EXTREMELY wary of taking on any partner who was not a feminist

ii) Some of my very best (female/non-binary) friends are quite vocal feminists - the proper type, not the shouty man-hating fakes - and also submissives

iii) Apart from myself, I have MANY male friends and relatives who are feminists

iv) To call oneself a Dom yet not promote (true) feminist values is a contradiction; no submissive is ANYONE's doormat, and a Dom who does not encourage his sub's growth, indeed tries to stifle and control it, well they are likely the very same type of Dom that does end up needing intervention against

 

Sigh 🤦‍♂️

It has crossed my mind about the troll scenario 

 

[Deleted Member]

4 minutes ago, SammyB said:

It has crossed my mind about the troll scenario 

 

Same

[Si****]

2 minutes ago, Primal*** said:

Same

if so, they spent some time on their profile. lol

[Deleted Member]

Well.  I did bring this topic to the forum to open up discussion regarding understanding of the outline  meaning of consent, which in my eyes is an extremely important topic and concept to understand and often overlooked.  
This In my eyes has absolutely nothing to do with what it was turned into by a bigoted troll. 

But hey that’s just my view and a discussion I’m not going to waste my time getting involved in.

If any of you great people out there would like to bring this back on point please do. 
 

MrC 

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, SirGreen said:

Phil My Way,

Perhaps you should take a minute to think about what you have written. Maybe go back and read it again. This is a piblic forum where the very people you are hoping to meet for a LTR (as stated on your profile) are able to read what you are saying.

Ask yourself if they could misunderstand what it is you are saying about women and whom might have an opinion on what you are all about?

I honestly don't think I would meet anyone here. As said/decided in another thread on Vanilla dating I would be better off on a Vanilla dating site since a lot of my kinks are quite common that a lot of people have. I've found this site & Whiplr to be quite bizarre to be honest, people are mostly either 90 percent queer, 90 percent overweight and I guess I can now add 90 percent feminist lol. Add to that about 90 percent of the people have more BDSM activities than they are at the Olympics! I'm mean do they really do all of that stuff? Do they even work to find the time to do all of that stuff? Never mind all the gear you would need to do it all. They must have their own personal dungeon set up at home lol.

 

I mean where are all the straight people on here into spanking that is supposed to be a common BDSM activity? Doesn't seem that this is that place they hang out. The best suggestion so far has been a spanking dating site but that only has so many and a few issues there but not so much as here. I was led to believe reading into BDSM that a lot of women were desperate for a Dom, Collaring, etc but it doesn't seem so here more like people wanting to get it on for some kinky activities with random strangers, dead dodgy to my mind.

 

I think the person that started this thread has a good question as a lot of people don't realise the extent of what they could be risking legally. I personally wouldn't actively seek a relationship with the population you get on this site as it isn't the type of people that I was led to believe were into BDSM and is just too risky.

[li****]

36 minutes ago, Phil_My_Way said:

I honestly don't think I would meet anyone here. As said/decided in another thread on Vanilla dating I would be better off on a Vanilla dating site since a lot of my kinks are quite common that a lot of people have. I've found this site & Whiplr to be quite bizarre to be honest, people are mostly either 90 percent queer, 90 percent overweight and I guess I can now add 90 percent feminist lol. Add to that about 90 percent of the people have more BDSM activities than they are at the Olympics! I'm mean do they really do all of that stuff? Do they even work to find the time to do all of that stuff? Never mind all the gear you would need to do it all. They must have their own personal dungeon set up at home lol.

 

I mean where are all the straight people on here into spanking that is supposed to be a common BDSM activity? Doesn't seem that this is that place they hang out. The best suggestion so far has been a spanking dating site but that only has so many and a few issues there but not so much as here. I was led to believe reading into BDSM that a lot of women were desperate for a Dom, Collaring, etc but it doesn't seem so here more like people wanting to get it on for some kinky activities with random strangers, dead dodgy to my mind.

 

I think the person that started this thread has a good question as a lot of people don't realise the extent of what they could be risking legally. I personally wouldn't actively seek a relationship with the population you get on this site as it isn't the type of people that I was led to believe were into BDSM and is just too risky.

Then what are you still doing on here then.......if you don't want to be here and enjoy any part of this lifestyle then you know where the delete button is. 

 

I have met my Sir from being on this site as I've met well over 30 people also from this site and some I class as very close friends, yes people may dabble and may not live the lifestyle fully or 24/7 so even if you dabble in the bedroom with it you still are allowed to be on this site it's a fetish/kink site It's somewhere where we can come to, to chat to like-minded people. So queer people aren't allowed on here then? I'm pansexual so I'm not allowed here then am I? What so I've gotta find a site just for gay people so I can fit in!!??? When the LGBTQIA community have been pushed aside and not felt like we belong anywhere for decades I'm sorry but no just no!!!! We belong here just like anyone else so go take your homophobic, sexist, prejudice opinions out of here!!!! You are a troll end of!!!! 

 

And yes I'm submissive and yes I'm an alpha sub, I have opinions in my D/s dynamic I have a voice and I'm definitely no doormat. Yes I'm a feminist and no I'm not a man hater at all but women deserve just as much respect and be as equal as the male population, you will find many women/subs here with fierce opinions and will stand up for what they believe in so again if you don't like that then you don't belong on this site. 

Edited February 24, 2021 by lil-monster
Added more

[Wo****]

@Phil_My_Way" I was led to believe reading into BDSM that a lot of women were desperate for a Dom, Collaring, etc but it doesn't seem so here"

 

And that is the problem.

 

Yes, I practice, or want to practice, all the kinks listed on my profile.

Yes, I have the time. I live kink 24/7 in a support bubble.

I have a substantial collection of toys and restraints and I love a good spanking by the right person. I tend to prefer the casual male feminists and women like lilm 

[Wo****]

1 hour ago, MrCopolo said:

Well.  I did bring this topic to the forum to open up discussion regarding understanding of the outline  meaning of consent, which in my eyes is an extremely important topic and concept to understand and often overlooked.  
This In my eyes has absolutely nothing to do with what it was turned into by a bigoted troll. 

But hey that’s just my view and a discussion I’m not going to waste my time getting involved in.

If any of you great people out there would like to bring this back on point please do. 
 

MrC 

Unfortunately, I don't believe that consent arrives any weight legally hence the importance of the four pillars of bdsm.

[Deleted Member]

Not consent or the 4 pillars hold any weight legally. This was more about understanding the concept and the risks involved .  Encouraging people new and old to put in the time to gain knowledge and build trust with anyone involved in an interaction.  

[Deleted Member]

31 minutes ago, lil-monster said:

Then what are you still doing on here then.......if you don't want to be here and enjoy any part of this lifestyle then you know where the delete button is. 

 

I have met my Sir from being on this site as I've met well over 30 people also from this site and some I class as very close friends, yes people may dabble and may not live the lifestyle fully or 24/7 so even if you dabble in the bedroom with it you still are allowed to be on this site it's a fetish/kink site It's somewhere where we can come to, to chat to like-minded people. So queer people aren't allowed on here then? I'm pansexual so I'm not allowed here then am I? What so I've gotta find a site just for gay people so I can fit in!!??? When the LGBTQIA community have been pushed aside and not felt like we belong anywhere for decades I'm sorry but no just no!!!! We belong here just like anyone else so go take your homophobic, sexist, prejudice opinions out of here!!!! You are a troll end of!!!! 

 

And yes I'm submissive and yes I'm an alpha sub, I have opinions in my D/s dynamic I have a voice and I'm definitely no doormat. Yes I'm a feminist and no I'm not a man hater at all but women deserve just as much respect and be as equal as the male population, you will find many women/subs here with fierce opinions and will stand up for what they believe in so again if you don't like that then you don't belong on this site. 

Go girl! 💪🏻

[Wo****]

30 minutes ago, MrCopolo said:

Not consent or the 4 pillars hold any weight legally. This was more about understanding the concept and the risks involved .  Encouraging people new and old to put in the time to gain knowledge and build trust with anyone involved in an interaction.  

I did a lot of impact play with @LazyPirate at a club. People would watch, ask questions. Some asked to Try It out, either giving it or receiving it. 

He always made sure that I was aware of any risks, both medical and legal.

Technically we commited an illegal act every time we did a demonstration which is why we both practice RACK. It's why trust is vital.

There is the risk of consent being withdrawn, at any time, and he checked in with me regularly both during and after each play session to reiterate my consent which always had to be enthusiastic.

[Deleted Member]

11 minutes ago, Bounty said:

I did a lot of impact play with @LazyPirate at a club. People would watch, ask questions. Some asked to Try It out, either giving it or receiving it. 

He always made sure that I was aware of any risks, both medical and legal.

Technically we commited an illegal act every time we did a demonstration which is why we both practice RACK. It's why trust is vital.

There is the risk of consent being withdrawn, at any time, and he checked in with me regularly both during and after each play session to reiterate my consent which always had to be enthusiastic.

You know there are places in the world where all this b*llocks about consent is not needed. Yes I would want the girl to consent overall and would stop if she renounced consent but to end up checking in with asking her if she is consenting all the way along must be a real downer in terms of breaking the atmosphere of the whole thing. It kinds of reminds me of the joke about the college student guys who have to ask consent of the college girl they are with to undo every button on her blouse then get her to sign a legal consent form for each button undone lol.

 

I personally think that seeing as consent is almost in effect meaningless there is only really need to ask before arrival by text message/email and tell the girl if she changes her mind at any time let me know. That way the atmosphere of it all is not lost as asking for consent more than necessary to be decent to all doesn't add anything to making the activity any more legal than it is or isn't.

[Wo****]

11 minutes ago, Phil_My_Way said:

You know there are places in the world where all this b*llocks about consent is not needed. Yes I would want the girl to consent overall and would stop if she renounced consent but to end up checking in with asking her if she is consenting all the way along must be a real downer in terms of breaking the atmosphere of the whole thing. It kinds of reminds me of the joke about the college student guys who have to ask consent of the college girl they are with to undo every button on her blouse then get her to sign a legal consent form for each button undone lol.

 

I personally think that seeing as consent is almost in effect meaningless there is only really need to ask before arrival by text message/email and tell the girl if she changes her mind at any time let me know. That way the atmosphere of it all is not lost as asking for consent more than necessary to be decent to all doesn't add anything to making the activity any more legal than it is or isn't.

It didn't spoil anything. In fact it made it better. It takes a step closer, a whisper in my ear.... "enjoying that, slut?" ... "want more?"... "ok to carry on?".... that's a good Dom.

 

Everything is talked about during aftercare, including that I was happy with everything.

For us, it enhanced things not spoilt things.