Hostile, toxic, bullying

[TeeJay_98]

I'm sure we are all fed up of this discussion at this point, but I'm very frustrated after seeing a bullying incident in the lobby (again). 

 

Nothing annoys me more than to see new members being bullied, I think people need to remember that we were all new once, there was a point when we didn't know the rules of the chat and felt like a fish out of water. 

It seems to always be the same few people dropping nasty comments and seem to always get away with it. After having enough and stepping in to try and stop a new person being targeted, I was told not to 'butt in on other peoples conversations without permission'. 

So it seems even when we do try and stop the bullies we are then putting ourselves into not so great situations and having to prepare ouself to then be victimised for speaking up. 

 

It unsettles me how some of the other members seem to willingly egg the bullies on, finding it amusing for some reason? 

 

I get those that don't want to get involved, totally. After the verbal *** I've just had from a toxic member, I understand why people are so apprehensive about speaking up when they see someone being bullied. 

 

The lobby seems to have turned into a playground and its just not a nice place to be anymore due to a handful of nasty toxic people. 

 

When did our welcoming community turn into such a toxic, hostile and unwelcoming environment? And are we actually able to fix it? 

 

[Tazzabby]

Far to many bullies on here 😪

[Sir-Taz]

Name and shame em

[diusfidus]

I long ago realised that the lobby is about as toxic a place as you can imagine. There are always a handful of people that seem to consider it their domain over which they have absolute power.

I rejoined Fet a shirt while ago and going into the Lobby was like deja vu. Different people, same bullshit. I watched, several nightd in a row as they chased out new members amd jumped on anyone expressing a belief contrary to their own like a pack of rabid dogs.

I now preview the lobby and if any are in there ai just don't bother going in. I know the conversation will them centric and I will have to witness one smackdown after another.

I am sure these people know who they are and they should be ashamed.

[qu****]

I always find it funny when in a PUBLIC chatroom some do say keep your nose out, if you wish to chat PRIVATELY either PM or WHISPER, also why is it those without photos when pulled up on something call you a keyboard warrior, I'm not the one hiding....

[diusfidus]

10 minutes ago, quietlysure said:

I always find it funny when in a PUBLIC chatroom some do say keep your nose out, if you wish to chat PRIVATELY either PM or WHISPER, also why is it those without photos when pulled up on something call you a keyboard warrior, I'm not the one hiding....

They may have just joined.....

[Nylon-Nellie]

Simple, name and shame the bullies then send them packing. Puts me off coming into the Lobby and chatting to others (who are meant to be) like minded people.

Do the mods not take a stance towards the bullies in Lobby?

[TeeJay_98]

10 minutes ago, Nylon-Nellie said:

Simple, name and shame the bullies then send them packing. Puts me off coming into the Lobby and chatting to others (who are meant to be) like minded people.

Do the mods not take a stance towards the bullies in Lobby?

The mods take it VERY seriously and I'm sure if they had seen it they would've stepped in. But unfortunately the Mods can't be around 24/7 😔 x

[Nylon-Nellie]

@TJ_Pup This is true with the mods, that they cannot be around 24/7. At least this post has been highlighted with regards to what is happening in the Lobby. 

Needs nipping in the bud with bullies, more so the regular ones that find it acceptable to be online bullies.

[TeeJay_98]

1 hour ago, diusfidus said:

I watched, several nightd in a row as they chased out new members amd jumped on anyone expressing a belief contrary to their own like a pack of rabid dogs. 

I am sure these people know who they are and they should be ashamed.

Ah that's not a good experience and if its stopped you (a long standing member) going into the Lobby. You csn only imagine what it does to the newbies. 

 

They will be very aware that its them, I dont think they care unfortunately 🤷🏼‍♀️ 😔 

[TeeJay_98]

Just now, Nylon-Nellie said:

@TJ_PupNeeds nipping in the bud with bullies, more so the regular ones that find it acceptable to be online bullies.

Oh definitely, for those old and new members that dont feel welcome. Somethings got to change 

[Wo****]

4 minutes ago, TJ_Pup said:

The mods take it VERY seriously and I'm sure if they had seen it they would've stepped in. But unfortunately the Mods can't be around 24/7 😔 x

There is always the report function or the call chat operator, which sends the chat to a mod, which is what I did.

I'd popped in to the lobby, to see what it was like, after several great chats in bdsm lovers and wish I hadn't bothered.

Newbie asking a question, admittedly the usual "how  do I get" but we were all new once, to be told they were "butting in" on an "established chat" and then a member being ***d for calling it out.

[TeeJay_98]

10 minutes ago, Bounty said:

There is always the report function or the call chat operator, which sends the chat to a mod, which is what I did. 

Newbie asking a question, admittedly the usual "how  do I get" but we were all new once, to be told they were "butting in" on an "established chat" and then a member being ***d for calling it out.

Yep, I used the call chat op button this time but nobody came in (I assume none were online). Ended up using the report feature 

 

It always goes the same way unfortunately. I get the frustration, I really do. But people need to remember that these members are new, therefore they know no different 

[Deleted Member]

Unfortunately bullying is a by product of on line communication and in my opinion no different to people who drive with no respect or regard for the other road users. They feel safe behind the steering wheel and they feel safe behind the screen of their laptops. I don’t do the chat rooms because it’s too busy and I like to have time to think before I answer. It takes a lot more effort to be understanding and accepting of others especially with the current situation making life unbearable. There are some really special human beings in this community and their friendship and love is what matters and the bullies, well they just don’t matter . The positive side to this TJ-Pup is the support and love and empathy that will come to you when you are hurting and give you that feeling of inclusion and community. X

[Jolene79]

I know Tee something I really dislike about here, people say we are friendly and don't judge, but they do everytime if don't like something ignore or block , no need to be nasty and petty to boost their egosxxxx

[Deleted Member]

If there’s one thing I hate it’s bullies. Fair play to you for saying something and I would have done the same. Some people think they are Teflon but deep down they are the most flawed individuals around. This is supposed to be an inclusive and open environment and all it does is alienate new members and stagnate this community as a whole.

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, Tazzaby said:

Name and shame em

This!

[TeeJay_98]

30 minutes ago, TAROTT said:

Unfortunately bullying is a by product of on line communication and in my opinion no different to people who drive with no respect or regard for the other road users. They feel safe behind the steering wheel and they feel safe behind the screen of their laptops. I don’t do the chat rooms because it’s too busy and I like to have time to think before I answer. It takes a lot more effort to be understanding and accepting of others especially with the current situation making life unbearable. There are some really special human beings in this community and their friendship and love is what matters and the bullies, well they just don’t matter . The positive side to this TJ-Pup is the support and love and empathy that will come to you when you are hurting and give you that feeling of inclusion and community. X

Ahh I agree. Bullies dont matter and it rarely phases me, just sick of seeing people being put down. We don't know what someone's going through, especially at this time - like you say, we need to be preaching kindness a little more 😔 🌸 

 

Thankyou for your comment x

[TeeJay_98]

15 minutes ago, Jolene79 said:

I know Tee something I really dislike about here, people say we are friendly and don't judge, but they do everytime if don't like something ignore or block , no need to be nasty and petty to boost their egosxxxx

Its true Jo, unfortunately some people cant help themself, makes them feel big. Doesn't help when they aren't being pulled up on it though 😔 xxxx

[TeeJay_98]

9 minutes ago, SirWolfandSwitchCoco said:

If there’s one thing I hate it’s bullies. Fair play to you for saying something and I would have done the same. Some people think they are Teflon but deep down they are the most flawed individuals around. This is supposed to be an inclusive and open environment and all it does is alienate new members and stagnate this community as a whole.

As do I. Can not stand bullies!

We need to get it back to the welcoming, inclusive community it once was 

[li****]

I honestly can't believe this is STILL happening!!!!! Its one of the reasons I don't go in chat anymore. One thing I despise is bullying and or bullies, what they need is a swift kick up the arse and off this site for good. I wish we could name and shame them but we can't unfortunately and me personally bullies should be named and shamed and shunned but it's the others the piggy backers that do my head in, the ones that jump on the bandwagon also and feel all good cause they've stood aside the bully makes them feel good for a while, but then are nice as pie when that person isn't around!!! Just shows people's true colours and I think it's about time that us as a community pushed these bullies out and do what we can do to in chat to make it a better place for the newbies.

[Deleted Member]

Sadly toxic people have friends,  associates,  sympathisers,  all of whom support and encourage them despite their actions. 

It's subjective to the individual... one persons treasure is another persons trash.

Only way to manage this for the "victim" is to remove themselves and keep themselves safe because this doesn't seem to be fixable...

Mods do try but I've seen overt instances of mods enabling, endorsing and encouraging the perpetrators of toxicity so "fixing it" is indeed a challenge. 

🔥🔥🔥

[Ba****]

After the last thread cant believe its still happening but then again I'm not that surprised. The people doing it are still here, they are not going to change their spots and too many allow them to do it without being challenged. Use the report button going forwards, mods cant ignore the same faces being reported every day of the week and its anonymous so if you don't feel confident to speak up then do it that way or likewise just tell them to their face and make sure everyone else sees it and hears it.

[TeeJay_98]

54 minutes ago, lil-monster said:

I honestly can't believe this is STILL happening!!!!! Its one of the reasons I don't go in chat anymore. One thing I despise is bullying and or bullies, what they need is a swift kick up the arse and off this site for good. I wish we could name and shame them but we can't unfortunately and me personally bullies should be named and shamed and shunned but it's the others the piggy backers that do my head in, the ones that jump on the bandwagon also and feel all good cause they've stood aside the bully makes them feel good for a while, but then are nice as pie when that person isn't around!!! Just shows people's true colours and I think it's about time that us as a community pushed these bullies out and do what we can do to in chat to make it a better place for the newbies.

Its true, its been going on for far too long now, if its not one its another. Some people need to learn basic manners and respect for others and themself tbh. 

 

Those that jump on the bandwagon are no better. Snakes in the grass 🐍 

[TeeJay_98]

23 minutes ago, Firewitch said:

Sadly toxic people have friends,  associates,  sympathisers,  all of whom support and encourage them despite their actions.

Mods do try but I've seen overt instances of mods enabling, endorsing and encouraging the perpetrators of toxicity so "fixing it" is indeed a challenge. 

🔥🔥🔥

Your right Fire, so right. 

 

Ah, this will forever be an issue I feel x_x. Unfortunately theres little we can do when a certain MOD (or 2) condones the behaviour. Luckily most of the MODS are great but yes.. Those that arent make it impossible...