Hostile, toxic, bullying

[Je****]

This saddens me. Its awful and no one should be bullied. 

And its not just regulars doing it on new members, new members  do it to regulars...

I did witness an incident where a newbie was spoke to like absolute sh*t by one or two members and i had to step away because not only would i have spoke out in anger, i wouldnt want to come up against this person for telling them to stop. 

 

I think if it happens again il definately flag the comments.

 

Hope those involved are alright.

Edited February 25, 2021 by JenniferTP
Missed word.

[TeeJay_98]

14 minutes ago, BadTaste_Ted said:

After the last thread cant believe its still happening but then again I'm not that surprised. The people doing it are still here, they are not going to change their spots and too many allow them to do it without being challenged. Use the report button going forwards, mods cant ignore the same faces being reported every day of the week and its anonymous so if you don't feel confident to speak up then do it that way or likewise just tell them to their face and make sure everyone else sees it and hears it.
 

Unfortunately I think it will be an issue we always face 😔. 

 

I do believe the best thing for people to do is report, as I normally do.

Although I have absolutely no *** of confronting these people, it becomes hard when other members are happy to just watch it happen..

[TeeJay_98]

29 minutes ago, JenniferTP said:

And its not just regulars doing it on new members who do it to regulars...

I did witness an incident where a newbie was spoke to like absolute sh*t by one or two members and i had to step away because not only would i have spoke out in anger, i wouldnt want to come up against this person for telling them to stop. 

I think if it happens again il definately flag the comments

Hope those involved are alright.

Its becoming an everyday issue now and more and more members seen to be joining these bully cliques. Probably because they think its perfectly fine. 

 

Best thing to do is definitely report if you don't feel comfortable confronting them - and I dont blame you for not being able to. Some people are just nasty! 

 

Such a shame to see all the hostility 😔. 

Edited February 25, 2021 by TJ_Pup
Spelling

[Je****]

1 minute ago, TJ_Pup said:

Its becoming an everyday issue now and more and more members seen to be joining these bully cliques. Probably because they think its perfectly fine. 

 

Best thing to do is definitely report if you don't frrl comfortable confronting them - and I dont blame you for not being able to. Some people are just nasty! 

 

Such a shame to see all the hostility 😔. 

I agree. Its disturbing the behaviour happening in there. 

I was targetted yesterday by someone to the point mods had to step in..was so upsetting. 

 A lot of bad characters lately and its making a lot of people want to stay out. 

 

At least youve brought light to the situation and things can maybe be monitored better to notice repeat behaviour

[TeeJay_98]

20 minutes ago, JenniferTP said:

I was targetted yesterday by someone to the point mods had to step in..was so upsetting. 

 A lot of bad characters lately and its making a lot of people want to stay out. 

At least youve brought light to the situation and things can maybe be monitored better to notice repeat behaviour

Sorry that happened to you! 😔 Omg. 

Hopefully we can all pull together and try and get the Lobby back to being a fun, welcoming place 👌🏻 x

[Je****]

6 minutes ago, TJ_Pup said:

Sorry that happened to you! 😔 Omg. 

Hopefully we can all pull together and try and get the Lobby back to being a fun, welcoming place 👌🏻 x

It happens and i can fight my corner but newcomers dont know or cant do that and it can be offputting for them to walk into a nonjudgemental room and get *** thrown at them. Definately let mods know of what youve seen or witnessed.. hopefully the room can become a nice place to be again

Big hugs x

[TeeJay_98]

13 minutes ago, JenniferTP said:

It happens and i can fight my corner but newcomers dont know or cant do that and it can be offputting for them to walk into a nonjudgemental room and get *** thrown at them. Definately let mods know of what youve seen or witnessed.. hopefully the room can become a nice place to be again

Big hugs x

Aye its true, its just not nice 😔 

 

I have done, the MODS are aware so hopefully we wont have to deal with it much longer, 

Hugs xx

[Deleted Member]

This comes so soon after the last post about bullying in the lobby. 😌 I’m so sorry that it’s still going on.

[Deleted Member]

I tried to step in and tell people they were bullying and was told by a mod to stop policing chat.

[Deleted Member]

Even if the person in question is a troll, what impression does the vicious gang pile in give to anyone new and watching?

[qu****]

42 minutes ago, Lady_Char said:

I tried to step in and tell people they were bullying and was told by a mod to stop policing chat.

At times it does tend to make you wonder about some mods, they seem prepared to sit back, watch and do nothing, but as a member steps in they're the ones told not to do it, I have seen this on various occasions, makes you wonder about the point of rules when some seem to get away with anything

[TeeJay_98]

1 hour ago, Curvykate said:

This comes so soon after the last post about bullying in the lobby. 😌 I’m so sorry that it’s still going on.

Its so unfortunate that we have to keep bringing it up x

[diusfidus]

I was chatting with a newcomer a couple of weeks ago. She'd gone to the trouble of filling out her whole profile, nice pictures, background, expectations... the works. While we were messaging she joined the chat, asked a couple of questions, commented om something and had both questions basically shamed and the comment was jumped on and ridiculed.... She tried to say sorry (not that she needed to) and then rephrase the questions and the trolling just went on. She deleted her profile an hour later and remains of the opinipn that Fet was the most inwelcoming place she's been.

We have a small but malicous group of people that reside in chat, and spent an inordinate amount of time per day there. They seem to think it is their house. I wont name them but you can easily fivure out who they are.... and they need curtailing or just plain dissapearing.

[TeeJay_98]

1 hour ago, Lady_Char said:

I tried to step in and tell people they were bullying and was told by a mod to stop policing chat.

Can you remember which MOD this was Char? Please can you drop me a PM if you do x

[TeeJay_98]

2 minutes ago, diusfidus said:

I was chatting with a newcomer a couple of weeks ago. She'd gone to the trouble of filling out her whole profile, nice pictures, background, expectations... the works. While we were messaging she joined the chat, asked a couple of questions, commented om something and had both questions basically shamed and the comment was jumped on and ridiculed.... She tried to say sorry (not that she needed to) and then rephrase the questions and the trolling just went on. She deleted her profile an hour later and remains of the opinipn that Fet was the most inwelcoming place she's been.

We have a small but malicous group of people that reside in chat, and spent an inordinate amount of time per day there. They seem to think it is their house. I wont name them but you can easily fivure out who they are.... and they need curtailing or just plain dissapearing.

This is very unfortunate, please pass my best wishes onto the said person and I hope she feels able to come back sometime in the near future x

 

Unfortunately we will always have certain individuals that act in this way. Seems we need to come up with a way to deal with it more effectively and hope for the best 

[TeeJay_98]

1 hour ago, Lady_Char said:

Even if the person in question is a troll, what impression does the vicious gang pile in give to anyone new and watching?

Very true. It gets frustrating, having to repeat yourself to the 'trolls' - I totally get that. But to be fair, the majority of them, if told correctly, step out and come back with a better attitude. 

 

Its a shame that people seem to have forgotten basic manners and respect like x

[Qu****]

Really sad to see this is the topic of yet another thread.

i joined this site over 2 years ago and it was a friendly, welcoming place to me when I was just discovering my kink side.

The chat is now an uncomfortable clique and not at all welcoming to new people who don’t know the rules, so called etiquette of addressing Dom’s/Dommes, subs etc and have actually come onto this site for guidance.

its full of gifs and in jokes 

A newbie sub dm’d me a few days ago asking for advice and apologised for messaging me directly as he didn’t deem it respectful. I said the best way to learn was to go onto the forum, read the threads and go into the lobby and meet people who have a world of experience. I said we were a very friendly community but after lurking in the lobby (another thing that seems to wind people up) myself a few times I now wish I hadn’t told him that. 
As most of us are not ‘out’ about how we live a part of our lives, this is supposed to be a safe place to talk things over and support eachother . It saddens me to say that it’s not like that anymore and I have thought very seriously about leaving  even though I have made some incredible friends and had lots of fun.

I do feel the site has gone downhill since the introduction of the App

[Pervy_Paul]

I was there at the time, there was no vicious gang piling on to anyone, the troll was pestering the women in the room asking them to submit, while claiming to be very experienced in BDSM. They were called out for their obvious lack of credibility and they left the room. If anyone feels they were unfairly treated by the moderators they should complain to customer support, who are able to review the chat log. 

[qu****]

One situation may of been dealt with, doesn't follow they all are, otherwise there be no need for these posts to keep reoccurring, as others have said unfortunately mods can't always be present, and far from members policing the room surely you should be able to point out if something's really not acceptable, we've all done that, and shouldn't have to be worried about being told off for it. After all that though I still feel this is an accepting of all site,

[Th****]

Ther are a few self proclaimed experts in the lobby, and don't give new members a chance, they seem to forget that every new D/s dynamic starts off by saying hi.

Perhaps try guiding new member instead of berating them, it's all a learning curve, and some need to learn patient's.

As for not butting into conversations, your in a open worldwide chat room......really private conversation.....I think not. All conversations are fair game in the chat rooms, if you want it private PM it

[Pervy_Paul]

I had a conversation with someone I consider to be a friend in the lobby the other night and got called "aggressive" for pointing out to her that subspace isn't a headspace, it's an altered state that cant be easily slipped into and out of. We had a perfectly civil discussion about it, she went away and googled it.

In the meantime, certain other parties took it upon themselves to become offended and "white-knight" on her behalf.  

Then she came back and apologised to me for not taking my word for it and we continued our discussion in PMs.

But.. by that time yet others had taken umbrage at "not wanting to be told they don't know something," and flounced off, when nobody was even speaking to them.

None of us know everything, if you join a community like this with the idea that you do then unfortunately you will end up with a dented ego. Yes there's some rudeness and bullying at times, but there's also quite a lot of oversensitivity and white knighting. 

 

 

[TeeJay_98]

45 minutes ago, Queenie63 said:

The chat is now an uncomfortable clique and not at all welcoming to new people who don’t know the rules, so called etiquette of addressing Dom’s/Dommes, subs etc and have actually come onto this site for guidance.

its full of gifs and in jokes 

A newbie sub dm’d me a few days ago asking for advice and apologised for messaging me directly as he didn’t deem it respectful. I said the best way to learn was to go onto the forum, read the threads and go into the lobby and meet people who have a world of experience. I said we were a very friendly community but after lurking in the lobby (another thing that seems to wind people up) myself a few times I now wish I hadn’t told him that. 
As most of us are not ‘out’ about how we live a part of our lives, this is supposed to be a safe place to talk things over and support eachother . It saddens me to say that it’s not like that anymore and I have thought very seriously about leaving  even though I have made some incredible friends and had lots of fun.

I do feel the site has gone downhill since the introduction of the App

Sorry you feel this way, I can only say I agree to an extent. 

The 'cliques' dont seem to be much of an issue anymore, it seems to be a few individuals that are spoiling it for everyone else. 

 

I hope the said person is okay and hasn't been put off by it all. 

 

I do agree that the APP has caused the site to go downhill. But alot of the perpetrators were here before the APP was released it seems - from what others have said 

[TeeJay_98]

49 minutes ago, Pervy_Paul said:

I was there at the time, there was no vicious gang piling on to anyone, the troll was pestering the women in the room asking them to submit, while claiming to be very experienced in BDSM. They were called out for their obvious lack of credibility and they left the room. If anyone feels they were unfairly treated by the moderators they should complain to customer support, who are able to review the chat log. 

Dont think I was there during this Paul. Not sure when this was or what happened. 

 

Thankyou for letting people know where to pass their complaints on to ☺ 

[Deleted Member]

8 minutes ago, Pervy_Paul said:

None of us know everything, if you join a community like this with the idea that you do then unfortunately you will end up with a dented ego. Yes there's some rudeness and bullying at times, but there's also quite a lot of oversensitivity and white knighting. 

I agree about the white knighting, rather than the affected person responding lots of people jump in and it turns into a bullying party. I understand some people don’t feel confident enough to speak up for themselves but it doesn’t require 3, 4, 5, more people to explain to someone they are misinformed, have been rude, don’t know the rules or whatever it is they have done wrong. 
 

I find myself spending less and less time in chat and on the site because of the atmosphere. I just don’t understand that after so many people commenting about it in this thread and the ones before, basically saying the same thing, why more isn’t being done about it. Lots of experienced people have left in the past few months and to be honest I don’t blame them. I’m also sure more will follow, me included. 

8 minutes ago, Pervy_Paul said:

 

 

 

[TeeJay_98]

27 minutes ago, TheBodygaurd said:

Ther are a few self proclaimed experts in the lobby, and don't give new members a chance, they seem to forget that every new D/s dynamic starts off by saying hi.

Perhaps try guiding new member instead of berating them, it's all a learning curve, and some need to learn patient's.

As for not butting into conversations, your in a open worldwide chat room......really private conversation.....I think not. All conversations are fair game in the chat rooms, if you want it private PM it

Agree totally. Nothing I can add to this. Thanks BG x