Hostile, toxic, bullying

[sm****]

Yep, people keep saying lockdowns to blame, it isn't.  Like Smiley stated in time things like this show peoples true colours.

Chat on the whole can be a fantastic experience and learning opportunity not just for the new people starting out in the world of king and BDSM, but us old hands at the same time keep on learning.

It's the popularity and ego contests and the groupies that will protect an individual no matter what, as soon as someone disagrees with something, instead of debating it it's a "your wrong and called out for BS"  then have said groupies defend the aggressor to the hilt until the entire atmosphere turns toxic and people start to leave.

Don't forget folks the VAST majority of people chatting are good eggs, even people in the cliques when they aren't in "en mass" can debate and talk with a nice atmosphere.

 

[TeeJay_98]

1 hour ago, Smiley-2391 said:

This is why I have not really commented on anything or been in any of the chats .
Just incase.
I've been on here about 6 months and yes spoken to some lovely people who I have met.
But I am finding it hard to find our what I would like 

I hope you do feel comfortable enough to come into the chat at some point ☺ either way, good luck on your journey 

 

 

[TeeJay_98]

3 hours ago, smeagol said:

Chat on the whole can be a fantastic experience and learning opportunity not just for the new people starting out in the world of king and BDSM, but us old hands at the same time keep on learning

Definitely agree with that, chat really can be a great learning environment and it is just that sometimes. ☺ 

[Deleted Member]

I see these posts a lot. I’ve never experienced it myself tbh but no one should be bullying anyone. Period. The other side of this coin is equally annoying. I have seen plenty of people claim they are the victim of *** in the chat simply because they were disagreed with. Neither of these things have a place in the chat community in my eyes. We are adults discussing adult topics, there will be disagreements and there will be difficult issues raised. Let’s go forward with maturity and Compassion and enjoy our community ❤️

[Sir-Taz]

On 2/25/2021 at 4:47 PM, Queenie63 said:

Really sad to see this is the topic of yet another thread.

i joined this site over 2 years ago and it was a friendly, welcoming place to me when I was just discovering my kink side.

The chat is now an uncomfortable clique and not at all welcoming to new people who don’t know the rules, so called etiquette of addressing Dom’s/Dommes, subs etc and have actually come onto this site for guidance.

its full of gifs and in jokes 

A newbie sub dm’d me a few days ago asking for advice and apologised for messaging me directly as he didn’t deem it respectful. I said the best way to learn was to go onto the forum, read the threads and go into the lobby and meet people who have a world of experience. I said we were a very friendly community but after lurking in the lobby (another thing that seems to wind people up) myself a few times I now wish I hadn’t told him that. 
As most of us are not ‘out’ about how we live a part of our lives, this is supposed to be a safe place to talk things over and support eachother . It saddens me to say that it’s not like that anymore and I have thought very seriously about leaving  even though I have made some incredible friends and had lots of fun.

I do feel the site has gone downhill since the introduction of the App

Sadly your right 😳

[Deleted Member]

This is one of the reasons why i dont go into the lobby so much anymore.

[helenOfToy]

I used to be in the lobby every night and regarded it as my second home, but something has just died for me. I don't feel like I belong anymore, and I can't even describe why. It's heartbreaking to see that people who welcomed me when I first arrived are now leaving.

I'm not quite ready to abandon the site just yet, and I hope that things will change.

[Si****]

It used to be a fun place. The usual people came in and had a giggle. No one got upset or felt bullied, newbies were always welcomed and encouraged. Then there was a flush of trolls which people had fun with, nothing nasty but aimed only at the real trolls who never helped themselves, the Mods soon kicked them.  Newbeis who genuinely made mistakes were kindly and politly helped. People were happy to help and point newbies in the right direction. This was followed by people who just got offended by every silly comment. It got stupid, a simple word made people angry and upset as If the other person should have known it was going to do that. But instead of politly pointing it out, they went to open war on the chat. People lost motivation in helping new people or *** of inocently saying the wrong thing. The ones that did help left and things just got worse ever since.

[69specials]

On 3/1/2021 at 10:51 PM, helenOfToy said:

I used to be in the lobby every night and regarded it as my second home, but something has just died for me. I don't feel like I belong anymore, and I can't even describe why. It's heartbreaking to see that people who welcomed me when I first arrived are now leaving.

I'm not quite ready to abandon the site just yet, and I hope that things will change.

Miss your dancing 💃 

[Si****]

On 3/3/2021 at 12:32 AM, 69specials said:

Miss your dancing 💃 

I do miss all the fun we had,

[Leisa]

February 25, Nylon-Nellie said:

Simple, name and shame the bullies then send them packing. Puts me off coming into the Lobby and chatting to others (who are meant to be) like minded people.

Do the mods not take a stance towards the bullies in Lobby?

I think the Mods go above and beyond not tolerating bullies when they see them but like TeeJay said they can’t be around 24/7. It’s impossible to catch it all. When they do see bullying or folks being unwelcoming to anyone they step in to prevent such behavior and make the new person feel welcomed.

[Leisa]

February 25, TheBodygaurd said:

Ther are a few self proclaimed experts in the lobby, and don't give new members a chance, they seem to forget that every new D/s dynamic starts off by saying hi.

Perhaps try guiding new member instead of berating them, it's all a learning curve, and some need to learn patient's.

As for not butting into conversations, your in a open worldwide chat room......really private conversation.....I think not. All conversations are fair game in the chat rooms, if you want it private PM it

It’s unfortunate but recently I’ve talked to established members of the chat who have been bullied and it has to stop. I try to welcome each person who comes into the lobby with a hello and welcome. This will generally get a couple of others to acknowledge the new person but it cannot be one or two people alone doing this. It’s beginning to be helpful to have a visible Mod in the room during the evenings. It seems to be curtailing some of this bad behavior. Maybe if there was an active one in there during the day it would help. BTW thank you for your advice the other day. It’s not just the new members seeking advice.

[Leisa]

March 2, SirGreen said:

It used to be a fun place. The usual people came in and had a giggle. No one got upset or felt bullied, newbies were always welcomed and encouraged. Then there was a flush of trolls which people had fun with, nothing nasty but aimed only at the real trolls who never helped themselves, the Mods soon kicked them.  Newbeis who genuinely made mistakes were kindly and politly helped. People were happy to help and point newbies in the right direction. This was followed by people who just got offended by every silly comment. It got stupid, a simple word made people angry and upset as If the other person should have known it was going to do that. But instead of politly pointing it out, they went to open war on the chat. People lost motivation in helping new people or *** of inocently saying the wrong thing. The ones that did help left and things just got worse ever since.

I miss seeing you in there. I’m not on during the day anymore unless it’s the weekend. Best to you and kitty.

[Deleted Member]

I feel I keep making the same point but il distill it. 1-anyone suffering targeted constant *** or bullying needs to report it to Site mods ASAP with evidence to have it stamped out, this is unacceptable. 2. We all have personal responsibility and are adults, let’s act like it. This is not high school and quite frankly some of the drama is preposterous. 3. Rule of thumb, if you wouldn’t do it/ say it in real life, don’t keyboard warrior it on here. Be kind, be understanding and be mature and we will all have more fun! Peace ✌️ x

[so****]

I experienced this on my first day on this site via mail though, not chat or forum. I ended up reporting and blocking the first person that reached out to me. After I turned them down they claimed I was a fake profile and also a sex worker!

[TeeJay_98]

3 hours ago, Soulstealer said:

I experienced this on my first day on this site via mail though, not chat or forum. I ended up reporting and blocking the first person that reached out to me. After I turned them down they claimed I was a fake profile and also a sex worker!

Unfortunately that happens often, I hope you are okay 

[so****]

10 hours ago, TeeJay_98 said:

Unfortunately that happens often, I hope you are okay 

Yes I am, it's not the first time and sadly it won't be the last 🤷‍♀️

[Red_345]

I think people over step the mark in the chat .. If someone wants to block someone then it should be respected. I left the site for nearly a year  because of it.  Came back , same block list with reason,  for example I don't come to a site to read adults hissy fits or see  people just being spiteful & I won't tolerate people monitoring my online time as it's none of their business. I won't engage or argue or confront, just block and everyone has the right to do that. I deleted my profile over it and left the new 1 blank...  I had to completely leave or have a breakdown.  The chat people make up their own set of rules and therefore should be a little more patient with people . It's something I lack but I'm working on .  Nobody's perfect.  I'm prickly like a cactus at the best of times and word stuff poorly.  If someone wanted to block me over it I'd accept it and move on. I would not bring it up in a room try and goad that person or get other people to pass messages.  People need to accept they're not everyone's cup of tea and talk with those who do want to. Nobody is in any way obligated to read what you have to say. People act like it's their right to ram their opinions down your neck. I've been called " the mean 1 "  by people who never actually had a conversation with me 6 months after I exited the chat ... 

Edited March 24, 2021 by Red_345