Advice

[Deleted Member]

What do you if you keep messing up on something you was told not to do. I’ve been fighting the urge to not do it and listen but I keep letting him down. Does anyone have any advice for me please. Thank you

[Dr****]

Sounds kinda like a typical "Brat"
You disobey in a playful way or destructive manner?
Depending on what rules are set and type of roles, could be part of play or something that needs to be discussed in negotiation of dynamic.
Determine your dynamic with partner and discuss how you disobeying works in it

[Ni****]

Talk to him. Discuss why you are disobeying him; are you testing his control / domination over you, or are you seeking punishment? Only way to find out is to communicate.

[Deleted Member]

@Drago6Alucard9 I don’t mean to do it in a playful manner. I’m not allowed to delete messages, but I keep doing it. My reason for it I’m new to the lifestyle and I want to make him proud. So I want to make sure everything I say is perfect

[Deleted Member]

42 minutes ago, Drago6Alucard9 said:

Sounds kinda like a typical "Brat"
You disobey in a playful way or destructive manner?
Depending on what rules are set and type of roles, could be part of play or something that needs to be discussed in negotiation of dynamic.
Determine your dynamic with partner and discuss how you disobeying works in it

I’m sorry I’m new to this app. I don’t know if you show my response to your comment. But if not I was trying to say that my rule is not to delete messages. But since I’m new to this lifestyle and I want to make him proud. I feel like I need to be perfect through text as well. We’ve only started yesterday and I’m already failing

[da****]

You need a spanking. This is unheard of.

[Deleted Member]

13 minutes ago, davidknight79 said:

You need a spanking. This is unheard of.

What, why?

[Deleted Member]

53 minutes ago, MyMaster said:

Talk to him. Discuss why you are disobeying him; are you testing his control / domination over you, or are you seeking punishment? Only way to find out is to communicate.

I’ve tried telling him that I’m not doing it to test his control. He only started training me yesterday. But he’s already saying that I don’t trust him and that maybe he’s not the Dom for me since I won’t listen

[wo****]

If either of you had an expectation of 100% compliance in the first 24hrs without a miss or a hiccup - you are both unrealistic. It’s instinctual to push limits and learn boundaries.
You need to try to figure out what it is about what he wants that makes it so hard for you to comply. Once you know what - you can fix it.

[C_****]

Hmmm. Tbh to me it really depends on what the thing is that you keep doing

[Charl-5017]

If he's asking you to not delete and rewrite the messages you're sending to him, then he's clearly interested in your genuine thoughts. I do understand the desire to be perfect. However if you were having a verbal conversation you wouldn't be able to control it like that. Just pause and think before you hit send. If you write something and then later decide you could say it better, then just say that in a separate message. You don't need to delete the first one. 

 

From your doms point of view this is a very basic instruction that you are disobeying, so I can understand his frustrations. However I think it's probably rooted in wanting to do things right, so maybe you need to have a conversation with your dom about why you keep second guessing yourself. 

 

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, wolf2u said:

If either of you had an expectation of 100% compliance in the first 24hrs without a miss or a hiccup - you are both unrealistic. It’s instinctual to push limits and learn boundaries.
You need to try to figure out what it is about what he wants that makes it so hard for you to comply. Once you know what - you can fix it.

Thank you so much for the advice

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, C_Chamberlain said:

Hmmm. Tbh to me it really depends on what the thing is that you keep doing

I keep deleting my text messages even if he sees what I said. I over think really bad and I start doubting myself then I delete the text

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, Charl said:

If he's asking you to not delete and rewrite the messages you're sending to him, then he's clearly interested in your genuine thoughts. I do understand the desire to be perfect. However if you were having a verbal conversation you wouldn't be able to control it like that. Just pause and think before you hit send. If you write something and then later decide you could say it better, then just say that in a separate message. You don't need to delete the first one. 

 

From your doms point of view this is a very basic instruction that you are disobeying, so I can understand his frustrations. However I think it's probably rooted in wanting to do things right, so maybe you need to have a conversation with your dom about why you keep second guessing yourself. 

 

I’ve told him why I’m so hard on myself but it’s the idea that he’s got two other subs and I’m trying to push myself to their level and meet his expectations. I’m always really uncomfortable in my body and I feel like I’m being judged. The sad thing is even though it’s been roughly 3 days now, I might of already messed things up. I’m trying to save it since he’s already said he might not be the Dom for me even tho I believe he is

[qu****]

I know it's easier said than done but just be yourself, if he's the one he will want to know the person as much as anything else, also try not to compete, he may have other subs but I imagine they're as different as you are, different needs, different desires. Just be you, if it doesn't work he's not your "one", undoubtedly upsetting but you will both know and be able to move on 🤗🤗

[Deleted Member]

37 minutes ago, quietlysure said:

I know it's easier said than done but just be yourself, if he's the one he will want to know the person as much as anything else, also try not to compete, he may have other subs but I imagine they're as different as you are, different needs, different desires. Just be you, if it doesn't work he's not your "one", undoubtedly upsetting but you will both know and be able to move on 🤗🤗

I’m always criticising myself and ids ruining everything in my life. Thank you for your advice

[Mz****]

12 hours ago, blueberry_bubbi said:

I’ve tried telling him that I’m not doing it to test his control. He only started training me yesterday. But he’s already saying that I don’t trust him and that maybe he’s not the Dom for me since I won’t listen

This is a red flag to me, if he's saying the "you don't trust me and he's maybe not the Dom for you" After ONE day, he's right, he's not the Dom for you..he's not a Dom at all, he knows you're new, he knows you're inexperienced, he knows you're trying your best and are failing because you want to be the best for him, yet he's dangling the "Do as I say or I'll disown you", which is a pretty manipulative trick anyway and one which indicates other abusive behaviours are likely down the line, walk away and find someone more nurturing, patient and genuinely Dom, not just playing at it.

 

[Deleted Member]

34 minutes ago, MzJax said:

This is a red flag to me, if he's saying the "you don't trust me and he's maybe not the Dom for you" After ONE day, he's right, he's not the Dom for you..he's not a Dom at all, he knows you're new, he knows you're inexperienced, he knows you're trying your best and are failing because you want to be the best for him, yet he's dangling the "Do as I say or I'll disown you", which is a pretty manipulative trick anyway and one which indicates other abusive behaviours are likely down the line, walk away and find someone more nurturing, patient and genuinely Dom, not just playing at it.

 

Is it possible if I can private message you please

[Deleted Member]

I agree with @MzJax!!!!!! 🚩🚩🚩🚩

[Masterj-6944]

I completely agree with @MzJaxthey are not the dom for u. No dom shouldn't disown a sub because they don't do what they say, one of a doms big responsibility (and yes we do have many in my eyes) is to protect and care for are sub/s and to let them know there safely is paramount. If I ask a sub to do something what ever there experience and they keep failing then I would sit them down and talk 2 them if they have no experience then it might be a simple case that they don't think they can do it in which the dom should reassure them and guide them forward. Not to result to manipulation with can be very dangerous if someone is inexperienced or have been asked to do something they aren't mentally or physically ready for. So sorry for the rant hope it makes sense lol and hope it helps

[Mz****]

41 minutes ago, blueberry_bubbi said:

Is it possible if I can private message you please

Absolutely, anytime.

[Deleted Member]

Guys I’ve already sent him pictures of myself

[sc****]

MzJax is right, does sounds manipulating. Relationships between sub and dom takes whole lot more then a day or so. It takes time especially when it comes to building trust

[Sw****]

You have to make a decision and clearly state why you made that choice and keep it

[Deleted Member]

They sound jealous and insecure. You probably should look to find another more stable and focussed.