We need a new dedicated room in the chat rooms. The rules need changed.

[Je****]

5 minutes ago, Annalou said:

Thanks for the feedback, guys! I do like the idea of a pure chit-chat room, and a pure kink & BDSM. Let me take it to the team, and we'll discuss. Happy nearly weekend! 

In my belief The Lobby is a general chit-chat room? Perhaps a CNC room where most things can be discussed and enter at own risk would be helpful for those into that stuff to discuss freely without being asked to stop, without *** of upsetting and without someone accidently wandering into a CNC convo. I think it would make a lot of people feel safer. I am very happy to see you are considering broaching this subject, thank you 

[qu****]

But then these are all issues that have been raised before, the replies, site saying it wants to be inclusive of all, and separate rooms, say for age groups, nationalities etc don't fit in with an inclusive site

[Deleted Member]

2 minutes ago, MzJax said:

perhaps you're unaware of the extent of the issue. 

I went a few times on the chat and it’s more or less a mess for me, discussion are all over the place.

I read forums so I am aware and concerned this is why I post on here. It’s not because I don’t use it that I don’t sympathise or try to find a solution. 
sound like people don’t know how to use the chat room at their advantage. 

[Je****]

1 minute ago, quietlysure said:

More that some don't always stick to chatroom rules, I've noticed here and on other sites people always congregate to the busiest room, unfortunately no-way of stopping that

A room labeled "CNC possible trigger room" or something along them lines would surely catch the eye of people who wish to discuss this stuff than a general lobby?!

Or if someone mentioned any form of CNC in Lobby or hinting at it, they can be directed in there to openly discuss. People have a choice to read extreme play than being told to just leave if upset. I think that will be most helpful. Everyone is accomodated. 

[Mz****]

4 minutes ago, JenniferTP said:

There are more and if everyone left when something upsetting was said half the room would clear

My current solution is to block/ignore users, this means I literally I'll see perhaps 4 in chat when the room can be buzzing, it's not ideal, you miss so much of the conversation that there's often no point staying, but I'd rather that than a sleepless night trapped in my dark thoughts.

[Ky****]

this is going to be the most difficult thing of all to adjudicate/police, either all kink talk has to be removed from the lobby or it has to be accepted that some people are going to get triggers.  The problem is that we are such a broad community and much of what we enjoy/talk about is very near the edge in terms of what would be abusive behaviour in other places.  In particular what is CNC? for me its the same as R play but if I think about it anything where we play the victim is a form of CNC, whether its sexual, sissification, puppy, pony, bondage, breath or cp.  Indeed there are frequent discussions in the lobby as to whether such and such is strictly even lawful.  So that would require the lobby to be strictly vanilla, which may have its own problems in that it would encourage people to go off in small groups

[Je****]

1 minute ago, MzJax said:

My current solution is to block/ignore users, this means I literally I'll see perhaps 4 in chat when the room can be buzzing, it's not ideal, you miss so much of the conversation that there's often no point staying, but I'd rather that than a sleepless night trapped in my dark thoughts.

I fully understand. After the last time someone triggered me to make that post (as it had been happening for weeks) i tried to move past it.

Yet this person kept on again, mentioning triggers over and over when i was there even after my forum post. I had to block. It was being done intentionally. That was no coincidence. I hate having to block but i dont want to be having to leave as for most of us, the lobby and its members are all we have in these times. 

I also agree though a block may be necessary as i had multiple days of nightmares, upset, panic attacks and anxiety due to even the slightest of mentions of these things. But no one sees the damage caused by the more extreme chat. I am glad some are seeing how it can be helpful for all to have its own room for choice an consent to read such things.

[Deleted Member]

I really do understand what you're saying, but on a practical level this is going to be impossible to en***. The Lobby is where most new members first appear - very few of whom have read the char rules - and as we're talking about mention of and not necessarily fill discussion of these words triggering people, it's going to happen. Yes, they can be gently told, but damage done. And the high turnover of newbies who frequent chat means it's going to keep happening.

[Mz****]

2 minutes ago, JenniferTP said:

Yet this person kept on again, mentioning triggers over and over when i was there even after my forum post. I had to block. It was being done intentionally. That was no coincidence. I hate having to block but i dont want to be having to leave as for most of us, the lobby and its members are all we have in these times. 

Disagree with even one of the popular members about almost anything and you forever have a target on your back, mine has more knives in it that my kitchen drawers.

[Deleted Member]

5 minutes ago, Lady_Char said:

I really do understand what you're saying, but on a practical level this is going to be impossible to en***. The Lobby is where most new members first appear - very few of whom have read the char rules - and as we're talking about mention of and not necessarily fill discussion of these words triggering people, it's going to happen. Yes, they can be gently told, but damage done. And the high turnover of newbies who frequent chat means it's going to keep happening.

In my limited experience, this is true of the lobby. It’s where newbies go. And they won’t read the rules - I didn’t! Perhaps another chat room that’s a more general one would make sense and newbies don’t have access to it for a period of time?

[Deleted Member]

4 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

In my limited experience, this is true of the lobby. It’s where newbies go. And they won’t read the rules - I didn’t! Perhaps another chat room that’s a more general one would make sense and newbies don’t have access to it for a period of time?

I don't think there's enough traffic to support this, though, especially during US evening. Chat grinds to a halt if there are fewer than ten members in. Someone posted above about the problems of so much division of chat rooms, and i agree.

[Je****]

12 minutes ago, Kymi said:

this is going to be the most difficult thing of all to adjudicate/police, either all kink talk has to be removed from the lobby or it has to be accepted that some people are going to get triggers.  The problem is that we are such a broad community and much of what we enjoy/talk about is very near the edge in terms of what would be abusive behaviour in other places.  In particular what is CNC? for me its the same as R play but if I think about it anything where we play the victim is a form of CNC, whether its sexual, sissification, puppy, pony, bondage, breath or cp.  Indeed there are frequent discussions in the lobby as to whether such and such is strictly even lawful.  So that would require the lobby to be strictly vanilla, which may have its own problems in that it would encourage people to go off in small groups

i completely disagree with this comment. 

 

The Lobby doesn't need policed. 

All kink talk does not need removed and why should anyone be told to accept they have triggers. Does no one here have compassion? We do. There are more people here with triggers than speak up about them. Observe a lot and you'll see who gets upset or quits very fast during recurring topics. I don't discuss things if i see someone is or has been upset by it before. It's not hard to respect that person's feelings. 

 

We may be a broad community and do things on the edge but this site isn't filled with every day people who don't engage in the lifestyle in some way. But CNC is more so on an extreme kind of play basis, where consent is withdrawn and an act still carried out against their will, but yes this is what they want. There should be a room where people can discuss this nature of play because and importantly as you said "play the victim" it's NOT play for many people.

So yes protect those who wish to discuss it by allowing them a free space to do so, is also protecting those who don't wish to read it. 

I struggle to ever recall an instance where a guy for instance said "i was ***d to dress like a girl when i was younger i have nightmares, i had to attend therapy, i became dependant on substances just to escape the horrific memories that someone ***d on me when they violated me/my body/my life.  This is more so the case with R**e and assult, *** and abduction to name a few. 

The lobby does not need to be nor is it a vanilla place. But more extremes of going against consent could be respected in its own space and others not be reminded of their ***. 

[Je****]

10 minutes ago, Lady_Char said:

I really do understand what you're saying, but on a practical level this is going to be impossible to en***. The Lobby is where most new members first appear - very few of whom have read the char rules - and as we're talking about mention of and not necessarily fill discussion of these words triggering people, it's going to happen. Yes, they can be gently told, but damage done. And the high turnover of newbies who frequent chat means it's going to keep happening.

It wouldn't be difficult to en*** if it was a 'general lobby', a 'bdsm/kink room', 'CNC trigger room'.

It's pretty clear labelled that 'general lobby' won't have trigger topics in, and that the trigger room will. So they'll guess it's going to be edgier stuff and that general lobby is for general chat. 

Even newbies can work that out and if they do ask about a certain topic they can be directed by anyone to the correct room and things move on very fast. 

 

Chat has been quite busy lately, during Uk time anyway, and maybe having a specific room will be easier to direct the traffic that is into it, to the right place, and they can come and go from those convos if they please?! 

Guess all they can do is try and see if it works. 

[Deleted Member]

4 minutes ago, JenniferTP said:

It wouldn't be difficult to en*** if it was a 'general lobby', a 'bdsm/kink room', 'CNC trigger room'.

It's pretty clear labelled that 'general lobby' won't have trigger topics in, and that the trigger room will. So they'll guess it's going to be edgier stuff and that general lobby is for general chat. 

Even newbies can work that out and if they do ask about a certain topic they can be directed by anyone to the correct room and things move on very fast. 

 

Chat has been quite busy lately, during Uk time anyway, and maybe having a specific room will be easier to direct the traffic that is into it, to the right place, and they can come and go from those convos if they please?! 

Guess all they can do is try and see if it works. 

I disagree, think about weekend nights when newbies come rolling in drunk. It's easy to see that's how it should go if you've been here a while and know how things work.

[Deleted Member]

12 minutes ago, Lady_Char said:

I don't think there's enough traffic to support this, though, especially during US evening. Chat grinds to a halt if there are fewer than ten members in. Someone posted above about the problems of so much division of chat rooms, and i agree.

Hmm yes I can imagine that’s a problem. And seems as though Annalou has got some ideas and come up with what could work. There is division in chat - just make it work better for all concerned. Or as a group, some may consider going off the app to setup a k I k group for example where rules can be more controlled?

[Pervy_Paul]

The Lobby is the only room available to app users, and often the only room with any activity going on. It's important that members continue to be able to use it to discuss their kinks, whatever they may be. It's a fetish site after all.

The site's available worldwide. Anyone, pretty much anywhere can sign up and join chat in a just few minutes. Unless someone pre-approved every single comment, it would be physically impossible to prevent the occasional comment that others might find offensive or triggering. 

A "safe space" chat room would need to be invitation/ approval only and overseen by the room owner for it to be effective. The Lobby is more akin to the public bar of a high street pub. The bouncers will chuck you out if you get lairy, but they're not mindreaders and they're not there to censor conversations about legitimate kinks. 

[Je****]

Just now, Lady_Char said:

I disagree, think about weekend nights when newbies come rolling in drunk. It's easy to see that's how it should go if you've been here a while and know how things work.

Then if they come in drunk and upsetting or annoying everyone in the chat surely as usual, they could be directed to the correct room/place and if they persisted then mod intervention? i dont think this would be a regular occurance. 

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, JenniferTP said:

I've seen an increasing amount get upset and triggered lately by CNC and it's being thrown in without warning and by that stage the damage is done before a person even has time to get out.

People coming in and not understanding how the chat works happens all the time, Jen, drunk or otherwise. It's multiple times every weekend. And so what you're talking about above is going to happen. Yes, as you said in your last comment, they can be redirected, but the point you make here (see quote) is damage done. *That* is what I'm saying you will not be able to stop.

[Mz****]

1 minute ago, Lady_Char said:

People coming in and not understanding how the chat works happens all the time, Jen, drunk or otherwise. It's multiple times every weekend. And so what you're talking about above is going to happen. Yes, as you said in your last comment, they can be redirected, but the point you make here (see quote) is damage done. *That* is what I'm saying you will not be able to stop.

So no effort should be made to try and prevent triggering because you can't stop it all? 

I may have been lucky but I've never witnessed a drunk newbie start chatting about how they'd like to raplay, seen a few start asking for private chat and making inappropriate comments but nothing likely to do more than make anyone roll their eyes.

[Deleted Member]

4 minutes ago, MzJax said:

So no effort should be made to try and prevent triggering because you can't stop it all? 

I may have been lucky but I've never witnessed a drunk newbie start chatting about how they'd like to raplay, seen a few start asking for private chat and making inappropriate comments but nothing likely to do more than make anyone roll their eyes.

You have misconstrued what I said. I have seen such comments, on more than one occasion. And those people were told (by myself and others) that those kind of topics aren't suitable for the Lobby. Discussions like that don't bother me but I have intervened and said something because I know there are people in the Lobby who may be upset by them but don't want the spotlight of saying so. The point made was that these words come without warning, and I am saying that you cannot prevent that aspect.

Edited March 4, 2021 by Deleted Member
Spelling

[Mz****]

7 minutes ago, Lady_Char said:

You have misconstrued what I said. I have seen such comments, on more than one occasion. And those people were told (by myself and others) that those kind of topics aren't suitable for the Lobby. Discussions like that don't bother me but I have intervened and said something because I know there are people in the Lobby who may be upset by them but don't want the spotlight of saying so. The point made was that these words come without warning, and I am saying that you cannot prevent that aspect.

Thats why I asked, for clarity. 

 

[Je****]

7 minutes ago, Pervy_Paul said:

The Lobby is the only room available to app users, and often the only room with any activity going on. It's important that members continue to be able to use it to discuss their kinks, whatever they may be. It's a fetish site after all.

The site's available worldwide. Anyone, pretty much anywhere can sign up and join chat in a just few minutes. Unless someone pre-approved every single comment, it would be physically impossible to prevent the occasional comment that others might find offensive or triggering. 

A "safe space" chat room would need to be invitation/ approval only and overseen by the room owner for it to be effective. The Lobby is more akin to the public bar of a high street pub. The bouncers will chuck you out if you get lairy, but they're not mindreaders and they're not there to censor conversations about legitimate kinks. 

Could that be an app issue then?! Why aren't the others available to those users?

 

I think it would be cruel to name a room a "safe room". What impression would that give new users to see a room marked as 'safe'? A specific room would be good for the more extreme play discussion to go as deep and expanded as they wish about those specific kinks. It lets people know theres a general room for chit chat, a room for bdsm and kinks and then an extreme room where they have a choice to read upsetting content. They can see levels of chat this way and make a consented and informed choice of which theyd like to be part of.

 

Yes not every one will catch on, see or know there are rooms for specific levels of kink/bdsm/fetishes but perhaps maybe letting app users have access to all 3 or how ever many rooms can be a good start?

If someone comes on and asks about a specific thing like 'abduction' for example they can be told about the CNC room. That is a more kinder scenario than someone walking into the Gen Lob to see someone describe a distressing encounter in great detail that that person can relate to and get extremely hurt by. And if people bring up things and are asked not to discuss it they're accused of being a snowflake or kink shaming. That's not fair on the upset person, not fair on those who wish to discuss these things either. 

But i guess this is all up to the site moderators now.

[Deleted Member]

2 minutes ago, JenniferTP said:

Could that be an app issue then?! Why aren't the others available to those users?

 

I think it would be cruel to name a room a "safe room". What impression would that give new users to see a room marked as 'safe'? A specific room would be good for the more extreme play discussion to go as deep and expanded as they wish about those specific kinks. It lets people know theres a general room for chit chat, a room for bdsm and kinks and then an extreme room where they have a choice to read upsetting content. They can see levels of chat this way and make a consented and informed choice of which theyd like to be part of.

 

Yes not every one will catch on, see or know there are rooms for specific levels of kink/bdsm/fetishes but perhaps maybe letting app users have access to all 3 or how ever many rooms can be a good start?

If someone comes on and asks about a specific thing like 'abduction' for example they can be told about the CNC room. That is a more kinder scenario than someone walking into the Gen Lob to see someone describe a distressing encounter in great detail that that person can relate to and get extremely hurt by. And if people bring up things and are asked not to discuss it they're accused of being a snowflake or kink shaming. That's not fair on the upset person, not fair on those who wish to discuss these things either. 

But i guess this is all up to the site moderators now.

It does seem odd how the app works. I can access all the chatrooms but I've tried to tell other users how to do it they've told me nope. I don't have that.

(I just tested it it just now to be sure, and I can access them all)

Edited March 4, 2021 by Deleted Member
Addition

[Je****]

4 minutes ago, Lady_Char said:

It does seem odd how the app works. I can access all the chatrooms but I've tried to tell other users how to do it they've told me nope. I don't have that.

(I just tested it it just now to be sure, and I can access them all)

it is peculiar.  but perhaps it can make the difference if everyone could see diff rooms so they know which level of things they are walking into. 

[Deleted Member]

I have the app and can access them all?