We need a new dedicated room in the chat rooms. The rules need changed.

[Je****]

 

27 minutes ago, Thebian said:

Very true I did block you. I find that once anyone starts to effect my emotions, thoughts or indeed my reactions negatively I use the "Block" button.

It is a way to keep what influences me within my zone of control.

Naturally we did not invite you into the chat room @JenniferTP they were your triggers. Not just yours, of course. 

Thank you for confirming that @Laurah was relaying the conversation back to you. This is an inherent problem with another room it does not protect you from wanting to know what is going on.

On your last point I totally agree, leave this mess for Fetish to decide.

 laurah was not relaying. but naturally she will mention that my triggers were mentioned and my motives/opinion of the whole conversation. as my partner she would ask me or mention something out of respect and consideration for me,

what was said to me from laurah was that sara told her i didnt want a safe room. she asked me if this was true and i said yes it is true. a trigger safe room could make people feel like a victim. i felt a room for a group to openly and uninterrupted dicuss a delicate topic was more beneficial. which i do believe so, but yes it is now beyond us and i hope it calms soon. 

[Je****]

50 minutes ago, quietlysure said:

How has what is in simplicity is a thought that perhaps a room where the heavier aspects of kink and BDSM aren't spoken about descended into this, it sounds like the moderators are dealing with the issue concerning abusive behaviour so hopefully it will be resolved, yes this is a kink site but what's so wrong with a room for those not into more aggressive forms of kink to chat after all as keeps being said this site is open to ALL, no-bodies said certain themes can't be chatted about, but it comes back to just leave a room if you don't like it, but if you're already in the room chatting why should you leave...

thanks for ur comment, i agree its got way out of hand. and it shouldnt be like this. i have been taken very wrong and i can only apologise for this. i just thought a sep room for more extremes would be better than the gen lob where people are having light to innocent chatter, so it can get upset if someone comes in extreme all of a sudden. but i hope they can find a solution every one can get on board with 

[Deleted Member]

Could you specify what you mean by how it is approached and by who? Also if you are being bullied Jen then I agree that is entirely unacceptable. But expecting the rules to be changed for the sake of one is unreasonable and unmanageable for the site in purely logical sense

[Je****]

4 minutes ago, Darkswitch said:

Could you specify what you mean by how it is approached and by who? Also if you are being bullied Jen then I agree that is entirely unacceptable. But expecting the rules to be changed for the sake of one is unreasonable and unmanageable for the site in purely logical sense

Again that's where there are wires crossed. It is not just me who is triggered.

Many people have been speaking up. So much so a mod had to open a cnc last week as a lady in america got very distressed by a topic. I have observed many people left hurt and upset and told to leave. I felt it kinder to make a room for a more extreme discussion to be had uninteruppted and more practical than sending one person who is triggered out and told to suck it up when they're already upset.

 

And yes for instance, after my last post i had a person who every single time i came in mentioned ""..... every time! As a comparitive term, as joke or a topic. One time unfortunate, twice..coincidence. three, four times....pattern.

Someone who purposely mentioned triggers and the trigger room every single time they're in and out of it knowing it's about cnc of my specific trigger. Again this person had been making jabs at me for weeks. Indirect comments and terms thrown when i'm in there by select few, who claim to "joke" and yet it's about things that are discussed on forums, which they don't comment on. It's happened repeatedly. Snide remarks about these things by the same people when i'm in and ive tried to ignore it til last night.

One person came in and the only thing said straight out of them was "cnc", even before hello. They tried to pass that off as a joke but made a remark that we 'cant have topics anymore incase people become offended'. Not only is it passive aggressive, it is putting a bullseye on me. They seen i was in there and went for the jugular. The whole thing could have been avoided but no, instead of not mentioning it and carrying on with the already flowing conversation, someone opens with that seeing i'm in there. 

This has been going on for a while. I am being discussed by certain people for this topic on outside platforms also. Indirect, snide remarks were the norm but last night it was slipped up when it was so obvious it was for me to bite/get hurt/cause drama. Once one started on me so did the next and so on, then the amount of people who came in purely to watch. I had a good few people, around 13 of them message me privately to check i'm ok, including mods who asked it to stop but it didn't til about 5 min later. 

But yet again i will be seen as the issue. Some people, as i mentioned did try to have a reasonable discussion between cnc and triggers, but those few came in to single me out and hurt. That's the issue here Dark. 

I dont expect anyone to change for just me. I asked for some understanding on more extreme play for sensitive users, and so those into that fantasy don't get asked to stop either. But people don't see this, and assume i am trying to shame them. It is disheartening. 

[Deleted Member]

So basically it’s not a cnc thing at all really. It’s targeted harassment. If what you say is true Jen then this is incredibly disgusting behaviour

[Deleted Member]

But I feel the issues are being conflated.

[Je****]

Just now, Darkswitch said:

But I feel the issues are being conflated.

The original post was about being mindful of peoples triggers. And heavier CNC topics. 

After that, this behaviour started towards me. Slowly and subtly, until it exploded last night. But mods and fellow members alike seen and witnessed it. So i know it's not in my head.

A lot was flagged and i hope the behaviour from the one/s who started it is being looked into, cus i know it's not the first time nor am i the first they've done this to. I was always told to ignore or that i was paranoid but everyone seen last night what ive been dealing with for weeks.

As i said, if you were there you'd know exactly what i am talking about. Saddens me people are blocking me simply as we disagree or that i am stubborn for what i believe in. And the way it's being spoke about is as if i'm the devil on this topic. I just wanted a bit of compassion for those sensitive and a non-limited place for those who enjoy it to speak. But this will be deemed a me issue anyway. If they've been pulling the wool with these remarks for so long you can bet it'll continue and i don't have much fight left in me tbh.

[Wo****]

@JenniferTP 

I've just caught up with this and my heart goes out to you.... I admit on first reading I was missing your point. I think the idea of having a room for the more sensitive topics is a great idea.

 

If your trigger was something like, let's say, feet... then I think I'd be more likely to lean towards not changing anything but CNC and R play is toward the extreme end isn't it?

(I wonder how common CNC is compared to something less, Idk what word I want here, harmless? Like foot fetish?)

 

I think we should have a room for the "harder" kinks like CNC and R play.

 

(Tried to message you. My PM is always open x)

[Ar****]

5 hours ago, Thebian said:

Hi there Aranhis,

That was in that room, "Chat 2" it had been privately created exactly for the purpose of continuing the discussion that a member of the Lobby had asked to stop.

A group of us who wanted to continue discussing the subject of CnC vs. Triggers took it into this room.

When at @Laurah entered the very room that she had made such an effort to created the Mod was trying to prevent a problem starting in a private room. It should be said that of course we were fine with @Laurahcoming and taking part and lurking in the room.

It is after all an inclusive community.

I hope this helps lend some context.

Thank you @Thebian, I had initially suspected that the room had been created for purposes along those lines but then found myself dismissing the thought due to there being no indication when wandering in (as I did) that the room was any different to the regular lobby. How horribly sad and messy this has all become.

[Ar****]

I'm going to throw one last (🤞?) thought into the pot. Before I say anything else I'm going to reiterate that I absolutely believe there SHOULD be a space where folk can talk largely about whatever they want. I truly hope that a room can be set up or adapted permanently, perhaps with more flexibility in the chat rules. Until then...

I'm a relative outsider to the issue. Other than how it affects the community at large, it doesn't affect me. I'm neither on one side or the other, and have no close friends on either side of the debate (not that it would affect my objectivity if I did). I'd like to think that lets me see things quite rationally and impartially.

Putting aside the issue of the deliberate trolls and triggerers, it really doesn't seem that complex an issue, although I'll gladly be told differently if somebody would take the trouble to explain it to me. No pointing fingers, just something I feel may have been overlooked.

When we strip the matter down to the simplest level what we loosely have are two groups with conflicting opinions, and many on both sides trying to find a reasonable accord. Some of Group A believe that people in Group B should leave chat when they aren't happy with the content, despite already agreeing - by virtue of their very presence in the chat - that upon request they will cease and desist in any topic requested to do so. And some members of Group A have seemed to suggest they don't feel as though they need to adhere to the terms to which they agreed.

That's it, and I hope it might bring us back to the title of this thread. Is that the rule (whether I or you or the neighbour's dog like and/or agree with it), or isn't it? Is it not that simple, have I a huge blind spot? We desperately need a space where all can be discussed freely, but until we have it ought we not all be following the site's code of conduct/chat T&Cs etc? Did I miss something? 

[Chastity_Pup_Gabbia]

The initial thing was having a separate room to discuss certain topics to avoid triggers. And yes I understand that some people get offened by certain things there are a number of options. Namely leave and come back again. I do this regularly as some days I go in the room and the topic doesn't interest me. If I feel offened I leave. The lobby was once a places to talk and converse. Now from an outsider it's all he says she says they say stuff. I'm not bothered but I just want all this to calm down. S***ch shouldn't be restricted unless someone is literally breaking the law or endangering someone. Enough of all the witch hunting and let's move on. For crying out loud.

[Je****]

2 hours ago, ChastityPup said:

The initial thing was having a separate room to discuss certain topics to avoid triggers. And yes I understand that some people get offened by certain things there are a number of options. Namely leave and come back again. I do this regularly as some days I go in the room and the topic doesn't interest me. If I feel offened I leave. The lobby was once a places to talk and converse. Now from an outsider it's all he says she says they say stuff. I'm not bothered but I just want all this to calm down. S***ch shouldn't be restricted unless someone is literally breaking the law or endangering someone. Enough of all the witch hunting and let's move on. For crying out loud.

i whole heartedly agree. i want this to stop its blown up and now im receiving things to do with this in my real life. people are intentionally sending me things outside of here to stab at me for this in such a passive *** way i am going to have a breakdown to be honest.  and this is NOT someone i consider a close friend so this is someone seeing an opportunity and taking it. (i plan to block them)

 

i am literally begging the moderators, @Annalou or who ever has the power to stop this to put an end to it. no one should be facing this. 

[Deleted Member]

Jen 

 

If someone is encroaching on your real life?  You are not powerless, I have dealt with many a narcissist and even had a stalker.

 

Take the power back, you can block on here, and outside in the real world and if any contact past that point of telling someone "I don't wish you to contact me" followed by you taking affirmative action to prevent contact.  

Anything past that point is game for the police, who will do nothing at first unless you persist, so be persistent.

 

The worst thing you can do is fuel it publicly on a forum, and it's been said a few times now... You can step back, you are an adult, you can have the power and control if you choose too.

The only reason I didn't PM this? I see a lot of drama follow yourself around and don't wish to be part of it or accused of anything untoward.

However if someone is going outside the boundaries to affect anyone? Agree or not with that person I'm the sort to step in.

Only you can fix this, but don't be thinking you can't it really is up to you.

[Je****]

3 minutes ago, Tiny___D said:

Jen 

 

If someone is encroaching on your real life?  You are not powerless, I have dealt with many a narcissist and even had a stalker.

 

Take the power back, you can block on here, and outside in the real world and if any contact past that point of telling someone "I don't wish you to contact me" followed by you taking affirmative action to prevent contact.  

Anything past that point is game for the police, who will do nothing at first unless you persist, so be persistent.

 

The worst thing you can do is fuel it publicly on a forum, and it's been said a few times now... You can step back, you are an adult, you can have the power and control if you choose too.

The only reason I didn't PM this? I see a lot of drama follow yourself around and don't wish to be part of it or accused of anything untoward.

However if someone is going outside the boundaries to affect anyone? Agree or not with that person I'm the sort to step in.

Only you can fix this, but don't be thinking you can't it really is up to you.

I will block and move on from who did this in RL and i hope that will be the end of it. Drama does not follow me, i speak up for what i believe in and some people do not agree with me and have made things hell for me.

I am not someone to sit in silence and just take it. I have said multiple times i am stepping back and want to leave this and move on as it's gotten away from the initial intention of what was meant. 

Yes someone is going against boundaries but this is the kind of behaviour i am talking about, people throwing this stuff to specifically hurt me, yet i'm the one seen as causing the problem.

I have not outed anyone, on this thread who is doing this to me. Nor would i. But i see. I won't be part of this drama any more nor will i let people treat me this way, and i won't keep saying the same stuff and annoying those who don't agree with me. They have a right to disagree and that's ok! 

I will remain silent and say nothing and if people don't come up to me in the lobby and bring this stuff up and say stuff to purposely hurt me, then i won't have any drama or ill words to say. Nor will i feel hurt and no one else is witnessing it, feeling angry and annoyed or whatever. But i will watch closely to who likes your comment about me there. Because it is a trend that i won't feed any more. And to be accused of anything untoward?! No. That's not how i am at all. If only you could see how things have played out these last couple of weeks you would maybe see where i am coming from. Plus i am happy for this to stay public, we are all allowed to agree or disagree. I have asked a mod to close this so it stops escalating. No one needs this to carry on. But thanks for your input!

[FETMOD-KF]

thread locked at request of OP