What are the top things needed for me to be the perfect sub

[Wannapleezu6969]

Hello everyone just curious as I am interested in playing the sub opposed to the dominant, but I've never done it so I'm a virgin to it, I think I'm interested and down with pretty much everything, it all attracts me, any tips or advice on how to be the best at this role would be appreciated and thank you in advance

[MsDrawers]

If you'll forgive me for being a little direct (I mean no harm I just have quite a brusque manner) we all have limits of one kind or another, no dominant worth their salt will have a problem respecting yours, and having some suggests you've thought about it.

Second is that we're all different. Dommes don't come in a standard form any more than anyone else does. Genuinely wanting to please her puts you ahead of a number of male subs. Having spoken to MANY in my time, I can say that (in my experience) a considerable number identify as sub as a means of getting their needs met and their kinky curiosities explored, in the mistaken belief that theres something inherently dom/sub about particular sex acts (e.g. pegging). Of course, there isn't. Part of the joy of d/s is the unique thing you create with the one you're with (or many). Ask what she looks for, what she wants, what things will make her life easier (if you're a little service orientated).

[ey****]

There's not really such a thing as 'perfect' but there's always steps you can do in order to improve yourself and standing.

Firstly.  Take care of yourself.

Practice good personal hygiene. Eat sensibly. Drink and Smoke in moderation.  Plan to rest well.  Keep your house clean (or exceed the minimum if you live at home or in a flatshare) and try to look smart.

As well as these all being desirable, you will feel better in yourself which improves your ability to serve.

Look for opportunities to perform thankless tasks.  General manners like letting people off a bus before you get on are the minimum - but - offering to help if someone is struggling with bags or a pushchair. Offer to let the person with one or two items cut ahead of you in the supermarket, especially if they look flustered.  But also do this with people you are not attracted to.

What a lot of male subs think Dominants are looking for is a sub who will do anything asked (whilst quietly hoping they won't be asked one of the long list of things they can't/won't do) what is actually more desirable is someone who is proactive.  So seeing something needs done and doing it without being asked.

Accept that many things you might want to try, fetishes, fantasies, etc. are things that serve you - rather than the Dominant.  This doesn't make these bad things at all but if you can at least appreciate this it means you're not making it about you and that's a plus.  Of course, compatible kinks is important, but I found Dominants, especially female Dominants, are happier doing these with people they otherwise enjoy spending time with because they're a good sub and good to be around.

Having other things in common is more important than kinks.

Even if you are not interested in paying a Pro-Domme, or joining a subscription site, or whatever - a lot of Dominants find it off-putting when wouldbe subs mouth off about them.  I'm not sure how many guys don't realise how counterproductive this can be.

I think, whilst you may have preferences - respecting all women (including those of colour, sex workers, trans women, etc) and not just those you're attracted to is, again, a good trait.

[SammyB]

So firstly there is no such thing as a perfect sub or dominant for that matter

No such thing as a perfect human

Every relationship , dynamic is different....one mans trash is an others treasure

Secondly “playing at sub “ is dangerous in this lifestyle and you can end up in a world of *** and not in a good way of

I would suggest that you say you are exploring and learning Until you really understand what being submissive really means
Or even understanding what kind of submissive you might be

I suggest taking the bdsm test and reading a submissivesguide.com

[Deleted Member]

Thank you for the above comments- given me food for thought.

[Deleted Member]

Like SammyB said there’s no perfect sub or Dom etc you may work w one person but w another you won’t. My only advice vet a person like your life depends on it n if you see any red flags walk away it’s not worth getting hurt

[Sa****]

On 3/17/2021 at 5:21 PM, eyemblacksheep said:

I think, whilst you may have preferences - respecting all women (including those of colour, sex workers, trans women, etc) and not just those you're attracted to is, again, a good trait.

 

On 3/17/2021 at 6:20 PM, SammyB said:

Secondly “playing at sub “ is dangerous in this lifestyle and you can end up in a world of *** and not in a good way of

First I will say, that it’s great that you are asking questions, knowledge is power. What all these wonderful people have said, I couldn’t have said better. I will pass onto you what my first Dom grilled into me. 1. Always communicate/ negotiate before and after a scene ( so do research and make a list of you limits and boundaries. This can be adjusted as you gain experience) 2. Always play with a safe word ( please don’t make a crazy word up that you will not remember in a intense and stressful time. Also a safe word is not a all magic word that will keep you safe. Be vigilant, ask around and look for Red Flags) 3. Your submission is a gift, you choose who you submit to. ( no one can take your submission, you have to give it freely. So learn yourself). Be safe and learn what submission is to you. 

[so****]

Wednesday at 11:20 PM, SammyB said:

So firstly there is no such thing as a perfect sub or dominant for that matter

No such thing as a perfect human

Every relationship , dynamic is different....one mans trash is an others treasure

Secondly “playing at sub “ is dangerous in this lifestyle and you can end up in a world of *** and not in a good way of

I would suggest that you say you are exploring and learning Until you really understand what being submissive really means
Or even understanding what kind of submissive you might be

I suggest taking the bdsm test and reading a submissivesguide.com

"playing at sub" is a great phrase and I like it. It describes how a lot of men I have spoke too act - they play at being a sub, and in my experience, they secretly hope for something more. I'm more experienced in spotting them than I was and less tolerant with them. It wastes my time if any potential subby and myself are not on the same wavelength. The bdsm test is a good start.

[cincy11]

The first thing a sub should do is to start doing all the housework.  A male sub should never cum, but should lick his dom's pussy and ass multiple times a day.

[Wo****]

On 3/17/2021 at 8:19 PM, Wannapleezu6969 said:

Hello everyone just curious as I am interested in playing the sub opposed to the dominant, but I've never done it so I'm a virgin to it, I think I'm interested and down with pretty much everything, it all attracts me, any tips or advice on how to be the best at this role would be appreciated and thank you in advance

Ask your (potential) dominant.

 

Different Dominants want different things. I want my submissive(s) to worship me. I'm a sensual Domme so I'd have little interest in, say, a submissive into ***.

 

So, communication.

[Wo****]

1 hour ago, cincy11 said:

The first thing a sub should do is to start doing all the housework.  A male sub should never cum, but should lick his dom's pussy and ass multiple times a day.

Depends.

Personally I like my submissive(s) to cum.

[cincy11]

On 4/4/2021 at 1:41 PM, Bounty said:

Depends.

Personally I like my submissive(s) to cum.

My wife does like me to cum, but she loves my submissive mind set when I am horny and on edge, which is all the time now.