Judging

[Deleted Member]

Open minded and judge. I think everyone will agree that, with our open minds, we cannot discuss our experiences, kinks and fetishes with family, friends and colleagues. This is because of the misunderstanding and *** of the judgments to which it will undoubtedly suffer. Fortunately, there are apps like this where, as like-minded people, we can freely engage in our hobby without *** of being judged, and for some their lifestyles, where we can discuss kinks and fetishes without *** without being judged. At least that's what I thought !!! Recently I went through a few blogs and came across one about ***, *** and human toilet. The question was whether this was normal as the person in question was cautiously labeled as perverse. In my opinion, this label does not testify to an open mind. Regardless of what you think about someone's kink / fet, the community is there to help, support each other, a place where you can exchange ideas without ***. A second example. Recently I spoke to a sub who made pocket *** posting amateur videos on OF. The criticism and prejudice she received was not tender, as shown by the screenshots she sent me. In daily life we cannot freely speak about our sexuality out of *** of misunderstanding, kinks, fetishes out of *** of prejudices. What will it lead to when the so-called open minds here also begin to silence each other with prejudices?

[qu****]

I'm hoping that is a very rare event, usually if you don't personally enjoy a certain aspect you keep a respectful silence, or say it's not your thing but it's perfectly ok if it's what you enjoy, it says more about the person if they feel the need to contribute negatively

[Deleted Member]

No one on here should feel like an outsider and no one should feel silenced and the majority of members are understanding and accepting but there are always a few who make comments based on imagination rather than first hand experience

[Deleted Member]

24 minutes ago, TAROTT said:

No one on here should feel like an outsider and no one should feel silenced and the majority of members are understanding and accepting but there are always a few who make comments based on imagination rather than first hand experience

I couldn't agree more @Tarott's

[sm****]

Sad to see, but judging has been around our scene for a very long time, it seems over the latter years it's been more judgmental.  People forget "the scene" we are just normal people with the same good and bad traits as others, but with a kink.  Sites used to be more open and not as judgmental.  Of late I have seen things,99% of people would say "meahhh ok not for me and let others talk about it" and leave it at that.

We cover a huge amount of kinks, As long as it's legal there should never be "Kink Shaming" some minorities forget or just don't understand the huge scale and areas of interest in kink there are.

I have noticed ever since the dreaded "50 shades" people influenced/titilated or just curious by it came along a marked increase in "lack of respect, total misunderstanding and a rose tinted outlook on the kink scene.  We were all new and curious at the beginning, some of us took our time to gain knowledge, understanding and more open minded in the process. 

Hell after 30 years there are things even myself can feel uncomfortable with, but I let people get on with what kink makes them whole.

If an aspect talked about offends them, be an adult and side step away from that area for a bit, we do have a few very intolerant, scene uneducated people around.  That's why people should grasp the wide experience and knowledge of others.   

The weekly online munch is a very good start for that, set topic each week, headed by someone with knowledge in that particular field.   I also once things are open more,  suggest to new people, attend local r/l munches once safe.  You will then find a more open minded accepting mindset.

 

 

[Deleted Member]

9 minutes ago, smeagol said:

Sad to see, but judging has been around our scene for a very long time, it seems over the latter years it's been more judgmental.  People forget "the scene" we are just normal people with the same good and bad traits as others, but with a kink.  Sites used to be more open and not as judgmental.  Of late I have seen things,99% of people would say "meahhh ok not for me and let others talk about it" and leave it at that.

We cover a huge amount of kinks, As long as it's legal there should never be "Kink Shaming" some minorities forget or just don't understand the huge scale and areas of interest in kink there are.

I have noticed ever since the dreaded "50 shades" people influenced/titilated or just curious by it came along a marked increase in "lack of respect, total misunderstanding and a rose tinted outlook on the kink scene.  We were all new and curious at the beginning, some of us took our time to gain knowledge, understanding and more open minded in the process. 

Hell after 30 years there are things even myself can feel uncomfortable with, but I let people get on with what kink makes them whole.

If an aspect talked about offends them, be an adult and side step away from that area for a bit, we do have a few very intolerant, scene uneducated people around.  That's why people should grasp the wide experience and knowledge of others.   

The weekly online munch is a very good start for that, set topic each week, headed by someone with knowledge in that particular field.   I also once things are open more,  suggest to new people, attend local r/l munches once safe.  You will then find a more open minded accepting mindset.

 

 

I couldn't agree more Smeagol

[Deleted Member]

Unfortunately *** makes people say really hurtful things. *** tells you to join the flock and do and say what the flock says even if you disagree. It takes a strong person to say NO this isn’t right if it disagrees with the pack or your best friend. The offensive insulting comments that I have had to endure over the years and now I’m immune from them as I just don’t care what they think of me. That’s the normal world and I accept it but it shouldn’t be accepted here. Instead of picking on someone why not do something less selfish and give some advice or support someone in need especially if they are new to the scene

[ey****]

I think fetish communities are generally a little bit more openminded; but I think any feelings they're free of judgement is a big misconception.

In the examples you gave above, yeah, *** can be very divisive.  For me, it's not my bag - but totally if you're into it then sure. I'm not sure why some are so outspoken on it.

Equally, yep - OF and young ladies in particular who ask for any form of financial arrangement often get some shocking ***.

But also to another degree, everyone has their barriers and for some people discussing some kinks can be quite triggering and I often don't feel it's judgemental if they don't want to hear about those. 

[Deleted Member]

10 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I think fetish communities are generally a little bit more openminded; but I think any feelings they're free of judgement is a big misconception.

In the examples you gave above, yeah, *** can be very divisive.  For me, it's not my bag - but totally if you're into it then sure. I'm not sure why some are so outspoken on it.

Equally, yep - OF and young ladies in particular who ask for any form of financial arrangement often get some shocking ***.

But also to another degree, everyone has their barriers and for some people discussing some kinks can be quite triggering and I often don't feel it's judgemental if they don't want to hear about those. 

It's legit not want to hear about a kink out if range. That's not the isssue @Eyemblackssheep. Some have kinks which I don't share. Is this the case I some options. 1st avoid the discussion about it, 2nd make clear it's not my kink, 3rd be judgemental. The 3rd option doesn't belong in our beloved community.

[ey****]

yes, of course.  But there have been those who've done 1 and 2 and accused of being judging.  

which, ironically, is judging them 

[Deleted Member]

I am not judging but OF and other sponger type got nothing to do with bdsm world or kink. They use this site and other ones to plug their business. 
But I won’t insult  them just report them... 

[ey****]

12 hours ago, FabSeverus said:

I am not judging but OF and other sponger type got nothing to do with bdsm world or kink. 

that is judging

not everyone on those sites is into BDSM or Kink (nor will many even claim to be) but there are plenty there who are.  And whilst you claim not to be insulting you also call them 'spongers' 

There's folk I know who've been kink active for absolute years (who I've known the whole time) who've got to a point where it's like "instead of sharing all my play photos for free, for people to fap over, to make *** and traffic for the site they're on - I'm going to put some behind a paywall so that I'm at least seeing some of the revenue I'm driving" 

and fair play to them

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

that is judging

not everyone on those sites is into BDSM or Kink (nor will many even claim to be) but there are plenty there who are.  And whilst you claim not to be insulting you also call them 'spongers' 

There's folk I know who've been kink active for absolute years (who I've known the whole time) who've got to a point where it's like "instead of sharing all my play photos for free, for people to fap over, to make *** and traffic for the site they're on - I'm going to put some behind a paywall so that I'm at least seeing some of the revenue I'm driving" 

and fair play to them

As I said I am not judging them doing it on their pages as long they don’t plug it on here. As soon you think your pics have a value on here you change the dynamic of that site. I paid a membership to interact with other kinksters who are interested in bdsm and kink life. Not wanking material. If they don’t want to post some saucy pics for free then don’t do it. Use your own Facebook page for it. It brings the wrong crowds and also create a misunderstanding. If fetishcom agreed to let them coming here fine, but as far as know it’s not allowed to do so.