Yellow and Red: A Lesson

[pomonagirl]

Sir M-- was the first Dominant that instructed me to use both "Yellow" and "Red" as safewords. 

It was the first night that we played: 

i was still really new to BDSM play and, even though He did most of the talking, it was the first time i experienced negotiating a scene. 

He kept the negotiations brief, succinct. He told me what toys he planned to use. That He used condoms. That He expected i might get close to my safeword, but probably not need to use it. 

Looking into my eyes, He told me that my safewords were "Yellow" and "Red". 

Without breaking eye contact, He asked if i understood. 

"Yes, Sir M--" 

He then asked me to repeat them. 

"Yellow, and Red, Sir." 

 

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As time went on and we continued to have a play relationship, "negotiations" were minimal: usually He would just let me know some of what He was planning, or ask me to bring certain items.

i trusted Him completely and could always ask Him if there was anything i needed or wanted from the scene, too. 

But pretty much every time, before we played, He would ask me if there was anything He should know about, about my physical state or otherwise. 

And, especially if He was planning on using me hard, He would look me straight in the eye and ask me if i knew my safewords. 

"Yellow, and Red, Sir." 

"Very good", He would reply.

 

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i recall the first time i used a safeword with Him, not because of what caused it, but because of His reaction. 

As it had been with previous Dominants, it was hard to get the words out.

There's the feeling (however misguided) of letting Him down, or letting yourself down.

There's also just the foreign nature of it...it's very different to say a "safeword" than to just "redirect" a lover or partner in vanilla circumstances.
 
But i was in a place where i needed to use it and without thinking, uttered the word, "Red". 

A second after speaking, i felt His energy shift. 

"Did you say Red, little one?" 

"Yes Sir..." 

The energy of the room was suddenly so tense. Sir M-- asked me what was wrong. 

i told Him and He looked at me gravely. 

"Always use Yellow first, little one." 

 

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It was then that i could begin to understood and appreciated His side of things a little better. 

What it's like for Him, as a Dominant. 

Before this incident i'd mostly thought about BDSM play in terms of what i needed and what the experience was like for me. i hadn't really considered much about things like "Dom Space", or the reasons or motives why Doms do what they do. Or even the level of self-control and focus that it takes to be a successful Dom or Top. 

But, when i said the word, "Red", and the whole energy shifted...it was like suddenly being aware of a predatory *** poised to spring...or a speeding freight train slamming on the brakes.  

For the first time, i could begin to understand or appreciate the focus He had during a session, the physical and mental effort it took. 

To orchestrate all of this *** and pleasure...to create this wild, yet firmly controlled erotic experience... 

 

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The import of using the "wrong" safeword was huge and left a big impression on me, as i know He meant it to do.

It not only taught me more about Him, but also more about my role and responsibility as a sub. 

Needless to say, from then on, it was "Yellow" first..."Red" being an "in case of emergency break glass" word. 

[KentDom6969]

Enjoyed reading this and your realisation of the control and focus a good Dom will need to display during play.

[Deleted Member]

Would you like to chat?

[NY****]

This was a very good post and brings up good points! I will remember this lesson of yours as it was a good one

[Pennypecker]

Thank you for taking the time to write this! I think it shows how communication is super important even in middle of a scene. Yellow gives the dom/top the ability to readjust and check in with what is going on. 

[Aardvark21]

Just a bit surprised that he did not make it clear, when he first told you what the purpose of having two safe words were, ie when to use which or did he and you just forgot in the moment (easily done)

[pomonagirl]

Thank you to everyone for reading and for leaving your comments!

 

Aardvark21, you are right! When i met him, i was new to BDSM play but did have some experience. He probably overestimated my understanding of the importance of it and i underestimated the importance!! 

 

Just goes to show that things can happen even when the Dominant has really good intentions and years of experience. 

[Aardvark21]

A proper traffic light system is a little clearer

Green -carry on (even if you keep begging no master/mistress!)

Amber - slow down / back off a bit ( much like the purpose of the yellow)

Red -stop

[CherryP]

Great post and thank you for sharing your experience.  
 

My take away from this is how important communication is. Even more important that all parties understand the safe words and what they mean. 

[ol****]

A great description of what seems like a good and safe set of rules that @pomonagirl and her D use. I can totally empathise with what has been said.

However, I'll also say this. as a Dom if a safe word is used then you just need to accept it. will it kill a scene, yes it probably will but it's a two way street, as a D how did you let it get to that point? If you've gone too far or too fast than you have to fully accept the responsibility for this.

Maybe if a little more time had been spent on discussing "yellow" and "red" and when to use them then this would not have happened at all. @CherryP seem to hit the nail on the head here.