"Lessons in being a Master : Decorum is everything, integrity matters, but honor is held in the highest."

[Deleted Member]

Some inexperienced people tend to assume being a Master is all getting your dicked sucked by a hot submissive and feeling like King shit.

If you're an immature fool, okay sure.

But from my stance, that's just egoist strutting and is nowhere near actual Ms or Ds. Anyone can call themselves Master. But not everyone can actually live it or behave like it.

Let's take a look at some core values that a Master should stand by at all times:

What is decorum

So, if you are looking at the word in a dictionary, here is what decorum is defined as:

noun

noun: decorum

behavior in keeping with good taste and propriety.

"you exhibit remarkable modesty and decorum"

synonyms: propriety, properness, seemliness, decency, decorousness, good taste, correctness, appropriateness, appropriacy; More
politeness, courtesy, good manners;
refinement, breeding, deportment, dignity, respectability, modesty, demureness
"he had acted with the utmost decorum"

antonyms: impropriety

etiquette.

"he had no idea of funeral decorum"

synonyms:

etiquette, protocol, customary behavior, good form, custom, convention, conformity, conventionality, usage, ritual; More
formalities, niceties, punctilious, politeness;
politesse;

informal

the thing to do;
humorous couth

"a breach of decorum"

ARCHAIC

a particular requirement of good taste and propriety.

plural noun: decorums

ARCHAIC

suitability to the requirements of a person, rank, or occasion.

Decorum is indeed everything when it comes to first impressions, lasting interactions, and interpersonal relations. How people remember your mannerisms and attitude makes a pretty strong statement about you and how you treat others as well as how you carry yourself. The synonyms can give you a pretty clear outline if you're keener on simple explanations and associating the words provided with the corresponding definitions and descriptors as well as manners of use in your actions and sentencing patterns.

To give an example of decorum in theory, I will use an excerpt from another favorite read of mine:

“One of the first rules for a guide in polite conversation, is to avoid political or religious discussions in general society. Such discussions lead almost invariably to irritating differences of opinion, often to open quarrels, and a coolness of feeling which might have been avoided by dropping the distasteful subject as soon as marked differences of opinion arose. It is but one out of many that can discuss either political or religious differences, with candor and judgment, and yet so far control his language and temper as to avoid either giving or taking offence. In their place, in circles which have met for such discussions, in a tête à tête conversation, in a small party of gentlemen where each is ready courteously to listen to the others, politics may be discussed with perfect propriety, but in the drawing-room, at the dinner-table, or in the society of ladies, these topics are best avoided. If you are drawn into such a discussion without intending to be so, be careful that your individual opinion does not lead you into language and actions unbecoming a gentleman. Listen courteously to those whose opinions do not agree with yours, and keep your temper. A man in a passion ceases to be a gentleman. Even if convinced that your opponent is utterly wrong, yield gracefully, decline further discussion, or dextrously turn the conversation, but do not obstinately defend your own opinion until you become angry, or more excited that is becoming to a gentleman.”

Hartley, Cecil B.. The Gentlemen's Book of Etiquette and Manual of Politeness (Xist Classics) (p. 7). Hesperus Press. Kindle Edition.

This is not necessarily a standard law. There are people who enjoy engaging in these topics. But it offers a set idea of decorum, of how one carries themselves alone and around others.

What is integrity?

In·teg·ri·ty

/interd/

noun

noun: integrity

the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.
"he is known to be a man of integrity"

synonyms: honesty, uprightness, probity, rectitude, honor, honorableness, upstandingness, good character, principle(s), ethics, morals, righteousness, morality, nobility, high-mindedness, right-mindedness, noble-mindedness, virtue, decency, fairness, scrupulousness, sincerity, truthfulness, trustworthiness

"I never doubted his integrity"

antonyms: dishonesty

the state of being whole and undivided.

"upholding territorial integrity and national sovereignty"

synonyms: unity, unification, wholeness, coherence, cohesion, undividedness, togetherness, solidarity, coalition

"internal racial unrest threatened the integrity of the federation"

antonyms: division
Integrity focuses more on being honest, open, and being of good character or good moral constitute. One who has integrity is politely forthcoming about themselves and their thoughts, feelings, and emotions. They are normally open-minded and very good at communicating with others in general. Genuine integrity is an essential trait in any D-type much less as Master. Being that trust is implicitly vital to a healthy dynamic, or any relationship, integrity in a D-type that is not fabricated or done out of opportunism is a necessary frame of mind and at the very least valuable.

An example of integrity can be found in the ideas shared in this excerpt from psychology today’s article entitled “7 signs of people with integrity”:

“When someone feels important because they have more power than the majority of people around them, they often take themselves pretty seriously—and don't think about the feelings of others. I'm talking about company higher-ups who don't make a conscious effort to apologize to job interviews for long waits—either on the day of an interview, or during the long lapses between interviewing and hearing back about whether a candidate got the job. I could just as easily be referring to physicians who keep a waiting room full of people waiting well past their agreed-upon appointment times. Everyday people in positions of power, savoring their power, don't acknowledge how they infringe upon the time and demands of those who depend on them. When was the last time that a physician came into the examination room and acknowledged how long you'd been made to wait? I've never heard a doctor say, “I’m sorry for keeping you waiting,” or, “Thanks for waiting; I'm sure you’re probably busy.” In situations where there is a major power imbalance, make no mistake: The one with power who apologizes to the one with less power is showing bona fide integrity."

What is honor?

Hon·or

/änr/

noun

high respect; great esteem.

"his portrait hangs in the place of honor"

synonyms: distinction, privilege, glory, tribute, kudos, cachet, prestige, fame, renown, merit, credit, importance, illustriousness, notability; More

adherence to what is right or to a conventional standard of conduct.
"I must as a matter of honor avoid any taint of dishonesty"

synonyms: integrity, honorableness, honesty, uprightness, ethics, morals, morality, principle, (high) principles, righteousness, rectitude, nobility, high-mindedness, right-mindedness, noble-mindedness;

More

verb

regard with great respect.

"they honore their parents in all they did"

synonyms: hold in great respect, hold in high esteem, have a high regard for, esteem, respect, admire, defer to, look up to, think highly of; More

fulfill (an obligation) or keep (an agreement).
"make sure the franchisees honor the terms of the contract"

synonyms: fulfill, observe, keep, discharge, implement, perform, execute, effect, obey, heed, follow, carry out, carry through, keep to, abide by, adhere to, comply with, conform to, act in accordance with, be true to, be faithful to, live up to; rare

Wikepedia explains honor in the following manner:

‘Honour (or honor in American English; either spelling in Canadian English) is the idea of a bond between an individual and a society as a quality of a person that is both of social teaching and of personal ethos, that manifests itself as a code of conduct, and has various elements such as valor, chivalry, honesty, and compassion. It is an abstract concept entailing a perceived quality of worthiness and respectability that affects both the social standing and the self-evaluation of an individual or institution such as a family, school, regiment or nation. Accordingly, individuals (or institutions) are assigned worth and stature based on the harmony of their actions with a specific code of honour, and the moral code of the society at large.’

So honor, as we can deduce from this information, is somewhat abstract as a total concept. But at it’s core is the idea of a bond between an individual and a society as a quality of a person that is both of social teaching and personal ethos, which then manifests itself as a code of conduct. So the behaviors become a way of being as a whole, and away to gauge people’s moral construct.

In the LS, honor applies (at least in my mind) to both Dom and sub on varying spectrums. However, it seems to be more sought out in Dominant individuals from what I have noticed so far in my journey. I’d like to believe that the reasons why a proper Dom should have a sense of honor about them is pretty easily assumed. A Dom who always holds himself accountable and in high forms of esteem can be seen as a solid figure of authority, someone who makes you comfortable without really trying and has a good amount of knowledge he not only recites but is able to re-enact on his own without provocation or preening. It sort of seems to come naturally to them, “flows from their fingertips” if you will. I also think that to a degree, a good Dom is not someone you often see in the foreground. He is a watcher, an overseer, someone who doesn’t really always need to scream from the rooftops and is seen when he wants to be or when it is most appropriate to his environment or surroundings. In essence, sort of a silent Bob of the lifestyle. A good Dom is able to have their word trusted and they normally follow through with their promises and declarations. They are not wishy washy and they are not secretively nor outwardly brutal to those they dislike or have issues with, be those issues valid or not. Perspective comes in multiple angles with a proper Dom, they do not take rumor or opinion for face value alone. They will seek the truth on their own accord, rather than allowing the influence of others (be they a partner, family, friend or stranger) direct them to a version of truth that is built by someone else. They do not make use of bully tactics or cruelty to affirm themselves or even to protect their own kind. Those tools are used by insecure individuals, not a solid person who is able to handle conflict with grace and integrity. A Dom with honor will always adhere to what is just and what is right, never what is abusive or malicious on any level in any situation.

I see a lot of young “Masters” preaching the notion of what a good Dom is but behind closed doors carry themselves with the decorum of a schoolyard bully. The immature tough guy on a power trip because a pretty woman or good looking man calls them a title they did not earn and sexually services them as they prefer.

There is so much more to this and when we finally grasp that, we are finally on the right path to earning the title some people just slap on them like a sticker because their partner makes them feel like top dog.

Ego is a deadly thing, folks.

[SwitchWithMe22]

Long read but should be on the front page 👍

[Deleted Member]

I'm in like with this post. You included dictionary stuff which is really helpful because looking up words is a lost art but the Silent Bob analogy was just tits.

There was a time in my life in which I left bdsm. I wasn't mastering my*self* and swore I'd never touch a flogger again in that state. I think that's why this post resonates with me so much, because it took me years to redevelop my integrity from the inside.

At any rate, I enjoy seeing decorum discussed. Strength with courtesy is a beautiful thing.

[Deleted Member]

11 minutes ago, BroodyJudy said:

I'm in like with this post. You included dictionary stuff which is really helpful because looking up words is a lost art but the Silent Bob analogy was just tits.

There was a time in my life in which I left bdsm. I wasn't mastering my*self* and swore I'd never touch a flogger again in that state. I think that's why this post resonates with me so much, because it took me years to redevelop my integrity from the inside.

At any rate, I enjoy seeing decorum discussed. Strength with courtesy is a beautiful thing.

Crumbs!!! I try to include references and descriptors as best I can to encompass my point thoroughly. I'm so glad you enjoyed! Thank you for reading!