Just some questions for a new Dom.

[CubanoDomino]

Hi all 

Intro: tl/dr: We are new, so is our prospective sub. Trying to learn the ropes.

Brand new to the scene. Never even considered or thought about D/s or BDSM at all. Never understood it, never even tried...Until recently. We just met a woman on a swinger site (we are new to that scene as well) who is very submissive and also has zero experience in any of this. She began hinting early on that she was interested in exploring a D/s arrangement. Our conversation sparked my curiosity and then fairly quickly unlocked and revealed my appetite for it. My wife hasn't quite caught the bug yet, but she is open to allowing me to explore this and coming along for the ride. The conversation has evolved over the past week from mild flirting, to us establishing our desires for D/s, to a bit of D/s roleplay in chat, to sketching out possible R/L interactions and now moving onto arranging an in-person meeting in public just to feel each other out. The possibility has definitely been established. However, we are both learning this we we go.

I have been watching countless YT videos and reading article after article to try to prepare for this experience. I have learned quite a bit about the D/s dynamic, what makes a great Dom from the perspective of subs, ideas and roles, etc. Have also dipped my toes into attempting to understand the BDSM/scene/playtime dynamic.

However, there are a few elements of the dynamic I have not quite figured out yet.

Our dynamic would be a long distance, casual, occasional weekend vacation and party type scenario, at least starting out.

The questions I have:

1.  How do you recommend the transition from Master/slave "mode/scene?" to a BDSM/playtime scene?  Do you specify a time that playtime happens and use that as the reward for doing a great job as a sub? I'm just a bit confused about the how, when and why the transition between cooking, cleaning, pleasing, etc. to strapping her to the bed and making her cum 6 times in a row takes place. Or if that's how it should even exist. hah Open to suggestions!
   
   Keep in mind, this dynamic would predominantly exist on weekend vacations, most likely in an Air B&B, or at  occasional hotel takeover parties.
    
2.  My wife isn't entirely certain of what her role might be in this yet. At home, she's really a bit of a switch. She takes control, gives commands, rewards and punishes, but also thrives on serving and pleasing. As for kink, she tends to prefer being on the receiving end, but has shown some interest in being on the giving end as well. She's hesitant to participate in the Master/slave dynamic, but very much interested in being a switch for playtime. Any advice or ideas for her other than being a wallflower during the Master/slave interaction? She is "somewhat" bi as well. Meaning, we have had a threesome with another woman, and she went full on cave diver for the better part of 2 hours with a crazed, thirsty look in her eyes... heh

Thanks!

[ey****]

especially at distance - conversations.   what does the prospective sub want out of the arrangement, does that work from you?

like anything - sex, whatever - transition into scene generally works best when natural.  

So for example you're all away and I dunno

she does something 'wrong' you can give a playful smile of "I will have to punish you for that later" which can be seed planting - possibly even followed, depending on circumstances, "Or should I do that now to keep you in check?"

or vice versa, "Someone is clearly after a reward - do you want it later or a little taste now?"

[Deleted Member]

I think you should discover between you two to start with, before including someone else.
Also it’s not a Master slave dynamic, more like some top kinky play. You are barely doing a long distance interaction which by the way might be boring for the sub as some point as she will need more and more creating some frustration moment and prob arguments between you. Also if she read your last comment about meeting someone else while she’s so far that might trigger bad feelings for her.

[CubanoDomino]

5 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

especially at distance - conversations.   what does the prospective sub want out of the arrangement, does that work from you?

We are all still trying to figure out how we would want it to work, if at all. Interaction between meetings would be limited to occasional (few times a week maybe) chats, occasional video calls, etc. We have no intentions of having a 24/7 sub, online or otherwise. We have already laid out our terms of this being nothing more than a FWB type scenario unless some real magical shit happens between all three of us, and she has agreed to that. For now, we are all just exploring this together.

[CubanoDomino]

3 hours ago, FabSeverus said:

I think you should discover between you two to start with, before including someone else.
Also it’s not a Master slave dynamic, more like some top kinky play. You are barely doing a long distance interaction which by the way might be boring for the sub as some point as she will need more and more creating some frustration moment and prob arguments between you. Also if she read your last comment about meeting someone else while she’s so far that might trigger bad feelings for her.

Yeah, our first few encounters (at least) would just involve us three. We have already established that we may eventually and occasionally include other partners.

Ahh, yeah, looking into it more, definitely seems more like a top/bottom type scenario.

We have already established that this would be nothing more than a casual FWB type scenario, with all of us being free to explore other sexual partners and relationships. NSA. No intentions of forming a 24/7 bond, and that has already been established and agreed upon. If the possibility of it going any deeper than that arises, it would be because all three of us were on-board with it.

Getting bored and moving on eventually is the expectation. Exploring, experimentation and enjoying the moment is where we are right now.