Discovering what type of sub you are

[Littleholls]

Hiii! Talk to me about learning what type of sub you are/ what type of dom you need. A few random quizzes have given me a general idea, but when it comes time to actually participate in scenes is that going to change? 🤷🏼‍♀️ so basically I’m supposedly a servant/slave/***slut.. where do I go from here lol!

[Deleted Member]

I was lucky, me and my ex liked the same things so could experiment but trust and someone you can experiment with is key. Have you tried watching different types of porn to see what turns you on and Interests you? I'd love to chat help you get an idea of what you like x

[JessM]

Important to remember that labels are tools, not boxes.
As a Dom if you came to me saying that, it gives me some idea of the kind of things you might be into and we might try together, but very little about the specific activities you'd be into, limits, fantasies, etc.

One important thing that most of learn is that what sounds good in theory and what we enjoy in practice can be very different. Maybe you really fantasize about heavy *** play, but in practice you don't enjoy it. Or maybe the idea of pet play is just weird, but you try it and find that you are really into it.

So it's likely that when you actually get into scenes you'll see some changes in what you want/need from a scene/relationship. But your general interest in ***, service, and deep submission of some variety will stay the same.
(Heads up -- debates and arguments over what 'slave' means, the difference between sub and slave, etc, reach epic proportions. So be prepared to explain what 'slave' means to you when talking with a potential dom/master.)

Where you go from from here depends on where you are now -- are you in a relationship with someone who wants to explore kink with you? Are you looking for a partner? Do you want to find someone to try a casual scene with just to see what it's like?

[SirMasterDaddy-Dom]

A Dom should undertake his sub through a full assessment of her physical, emotional and psychological needs, cravings. Most don't as either they are pretending to be Dom's for sex, or they just don't care and want to *** their cravings, perversions onto the sub. Often it leaves newbies confused. Quizzes are OK. But for full assessment, one has to use images, clips, descriptions, ask proper questions and then understand the psychology of the sub, her childhood, past, expectations. ***slut, slave, servant sounds easy, but it ain't fun if you are not cut out for it. Funny thing is most girls and guys jump into it for kinky sex after watching porn and buying few bits and they don't have time or patience for assessments, just chit chat, banter, and jump into sessions, play. Most don't experience what they had in mind and often either leave and go back to vanilla or just pass tears searching and being used by everyone out there. It's fine if that's what they are after, otherwise, well take the time, learn and be with the right ones

[Kelder]

Most of the doms who have contacted me I block as they come on strong and demeaning or are findoms and just want ***. I am not looking for a "True" dom and want to stay as far away from them as I can as they are just on power trips.

[Jakki]

I have noticed some doms that text me are super forward, like without asking me they start getting very pushy. Im being very careful and will take my time. But what are some red flags in doms that are not genuinely good?

[Rs_adahl]

I have to agree with SirDaddyDom. These days there are very little true Masters or slaves. Everyone seems to want a quickie and don't live the lifestyle. People seem to think that BDSM is all about sex. But it actually is only about 10 percent sex, and 90 percent mental.

I have been together for 13 years, and have sadly watched the lifestyle turned into something of a joke thanks to movies like 50 shades. I enjoyed the movies, but i was able to watch it knowing that the listyle is nothing like that in reality. And sadly, vanilla people who are interested in the lifestyle use movies like this as their template. And to some this is their first exposure to BDSM.

It used to be that there were real Masters, and they would train the next generation. There were Houses. The title Master was earned. And today the subs and slaves don't even really know the difference, and don't know what it entails. And will only submit when it's convenient for them.

And nobody sees submission for the true gift that it is.

[Th****]

@Rs_adahl Well said. Though I believe some still do, it is just a smaller percentage.

 

@Littleholls You are at the start of a long journey.

Those tests are just a very broad brush stroke but that is fine.

We all grow as we continue this journey and we continually develop as we discover new sides of ourselves as we interact with others.

Remember, none of us came to this lifestyle knowing it all. Those who came before taught us from green newbies to relatively competent practitioners.

The rest is down to time, experience, and learning from our mess-ups. Yep, we all make them. 

So study, read, on safety and self- care, find your needs, wants, and limits. This will put you in a better position should you play.

Self actualisation brings empowerment.

Safe travels, 

 

[russelroberts]

Well spoken

[Master88362]

As a Master with years of experience, one of the big problems I see is, a lack of responsibility. No one wants to take the responsibilities that go along with submitting or taking the submission. It seems that slaves want to be able to submit only when they are in the mood. The so called Masters are worse. It amounts to take your clothes off so I can punish you, then go away.

As a Master or as Dom, the goal is to make the sub or slave the very best they can be. Not only as a sub or slave, but as a person. Too many subs and slaves have been treated so badly and basically used as whores that they either leave the lifestyle altogether, or start believing that that is all they are good for.

Dubs and slaves are not stupid, they are not weak. It takes a huge amount of strength to give your submission to someone. Submission is not a right. You can call yourself Master or God, or anything else you want, but if you are guessing, you are not a Master. You have to understand that his or her submission is the greatest gift they can give. Many don't understand this and wind up leaving a trail of broken people in their wake.

As a Master or Dom, you are responsible for your sub or slave 24/7/365. It isn't a part time thing. If you can't commit to that, then you do not belong here.

Yes, I am opinionated and I don't mince words, but I have seen the damage done by game players. If you really want to be a Dom or Master, do some research and talk to people. A lot of what I have learned came from dubs and slaves. Yes, they also have opinions, listen to them. You can avoid some serious mistakes. Believe me, I have made them. A sub or slave is not there just to be punished, they are here to learn to be better. I don't hesitate to punish when deserved, but I also don't hesitate to tell a sub or slave when they do well. Remember this, it is very easy to tear anyone down, we all have faults, but the goal is to build a sub or slave up. Most subs or slave's have very low self esteem. A fominant's job is to raise that self esteem, make them proud of themselves and if being a sub or slave.

Having a sub or slave is not as some think, all one sided. It is just like any other relationship. It is give and take. 50/50. The submissive gives their submission, the dominant takes that submission as a gift and teaches the submissive. At the same time, the dominant takes responsibility for the submissive and takes care of them to the best of their ability.

[Rs_adahl]

Well said my Master.