What's my role?

[Deleted Member]

I'm wondering how many people on here don't actually like D/S dynamic and aren't sure where, if anywhere, they fall on the spectrum? Does being 'kinky' have to have a role?

[Deleted Member]

Being Dominant or submissive is a state of mind and its how you think in your every day life , being kinky is just a bit of fun that you can turn on or off , Dominance and submission can't be turned off , us natural Dominants/submissives have to have 2 states of minds , one for whem we are able to live our natural lives and one for when we have to mix with the vanilla world .

[Wo****]

BDSM and kink doesn't have to involve a D/s relationship. Dominance and submission is only part of bdsm.

 

Personally I'm involved in the kink lifestyle 24/7 but not in a D/s relationship. Kink is part of who I am. Its brought me out of my shell. I've evolved from an introverted wallflower type to wild warrior but I'm not high protocol so dont live it in that sense.

 

I agree it's a spectrum... from being mildly kinky to full blown high protocol.

My thoughts are that dynamics within bdsm may be more of a role whereas being kinky is something you either are or aren't.

[Silenthunter]

I am naturally Dominant, but that doesn't define just that, i have the odd kink, just i am high protocols, bending to the gorean strictness, but im also a sadist, and well its one of those things, you are who you are, your labels are just that yours. Bdsm is wide, and fall into it somewhere or nowhere.

[Deleted Member]

37 minutes ago, RavenHeart said:

Being Dominant or submissive is a state of mind and its how you think in your every day life , being kinky is just a bit of fun that you can turn on or off , Dominance and submission can't be turned off , us natural Dominants/submissives have to have 2 states of minds , one for whem we are able to live our natural lives and one for when we have to mix with the vanilla world .

Not totally right. Some people are dominant in life and submissive- vice versa- in a Ds dynamic or role in bdsm world or kinky play. 
I don’t think dominance or kink everyday every minute. I separate both world specifically to enjoy fully when I am with a sub. I also work in a sensitive area so involving bdsm or kink is not appropriate at all. 
 

As I told you before @NessusIssues this scene is a personal one between two individuals and make/ agree about the rules. 

[TheBookCollector]

No kinky doesnt have to be a role, beink kinky could be as simple as being a voyeur or exhibisionist, or that you just like to be tied up and spanked.

Terms that may be more appropriate for you are Top and Bottom, where there is no direct domination or submission involved just lots of healthy fun. For example the Top ties up the bottom and they both have mutual fun. Or the Bottom directs the Top to spank her hard in specific areas.

[Deleted Member]

You can be anything you want to be, with good communication and don't have to fit into any box or label.

[Deleted Member]

I totally agree with TheBookCollector and add that it is about your own needs with good healthy communication. I believe a good D/S relationship the sub never truly gives up control and the Dom should always be caring and aware of needs rather than wants.

[Deleted Member]

You can be a switch and enjoy both. You can be a little. There’s more to dynamics than just d/s and kinky can have a lot to do with it all depends on you and what you enjoy or like.

[Deleted Member]

3 hours ago, RavenHeart said:

Being Dominant or submissive is a state of mind and its how you think in your every day life , being kinky is just a bit of fun that you can turn on or off , Dominance and submission can't be turned off , us natural Dominants/submissives have to have 2 states of minds , one for whem we are able to live our natural lives and one for when we have to mix with the vanilla world .

I disagree, I'm heavily dominant in my daily life, tyoically dominant in relationships but a little more submissive sexually with the right partner.

[Deleted Member]

Thankyou for you replies, the terminology can irk me a little sometimes, it's nice to see I'm not the only one to feel slightly uncomfortable with the definite roles.

[Si****]

It’s never as simple as a cut and dry label of Dominant- switch- submissive. Many people are dominant in their day to day lives and just like to hand over that power exchange in one or more areas of their lives. Kink doesn’t have to have anything to do with D/s or BDSM. Just enjoy your kinks and forget about labelling them.

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, NessusIssues said:

Thankyou for you replies, the terminology can irk me a little sometimes, it's nice to see I'm not the only one to feel slightly uncomfortable with the definite roles.

I think you have the right to change those terms whenever you like and as often as you like. Don't get too bogged down with them - they're just like chapter labels, they don't have any bearing on the content.

[Algolagnic]

No it does not unless you were looking to meet someone then it does help others to contact you I was always told that kinky people just looking for adventurous sex were tops and bottoms and if you want to experiment before you decide which you are just say you are kinky and curious

[ey****]

I think there's a lot of people get confused by the D/s trap - that there's people who think they have to do a certain thing or be a certain thing in order to do, or enjoy, what they want - and it's not true.

Stuff like Top, bottom, Sadist, masochist are all valid roles and it might be you're none of those either and take enjoyment from different activities here and there.

[SapioExperimentalist]

If you have not taken a kink quiz or BDSM Test online it may be a good place to start. They are pretty comprehensive and the result may surprise you