New master tips

[Desier]

Hey. I'm very new to being a master. Does anyone have any tips for me?

[Li****]

Try being a sub first 😄 everything I do to anyone I have tried myself too ... only fair I think

[Deleted Member]

What’s a Master in your opinion? Please 

[Deleted Member]

I'm no Master, just a sick mofo with a lot of respect for the people I get to interact with so am maybe not the best person to give you much more than generic advice.

I would say be prepared to put in some real work to earn and keep the title. Learn everything you can about yourself first, your kinks, your motivations and shortcomings. Then apply all that learning to the individual you're lucky enough to have gained trust enough to be master of. Being somones' Master is no short order and you'll have a great deal of responsibility.

There's plenty of good advice here already and lots friends to learn from here too if your eyes are open and you can cary yourself with some humility and decency.

Good luck and be good! KS

[Deleted Member]

Listen to your partner respect there boundaries give them lots of aftercare I am not a master

[tw****]

Find a mentor..doesn’t have to be a Dom …even an experienced sub will be a great help…and so lots of research! 🙂

[Deleted Member]

DEAR ADMIN. I had no idea you checked and edited our posts and comments. Lol Thankyou for toning down my swearing, correcting my spelling and grammar and being an all round unseen hero of the fetiverse. Makes me look like a much nicer human so it's a '10' from me!

[FETMOD-GP]

5 hours ago, KinkySirXxX said:

DEAR ADMIN. I had no idea you checked and edited our posts and comments. Lol Thankyou for toning down my swearing, correcting my spelling and grammar and being an all round unseen hero of the fetiverse. Makes me look like a much nicer human so it's a '10' from me!

Hi we only change swear words etc as posts on kink academy have to be safe for work, hence we only changed your swear word you used other than that nothing else was changed or no spelling or grammar was corrected. Hope that helps 😁

[Desier]

On 6/17/2021 at 10:29 PM, Lilithlovesthis said:

Try being a sub first 😄 everything I do to anyone I have tried myself too ... only fair I think

I have tried but couldn't really find anyone who knew what they were doing.

[Desier]

15 hours ago, twinkle39 said:

Find a mentor..doesn’t have to be a Dom …even an experienced sub will be a great help…and so lots of research! 🙂

Are you offering to be my mentor ?😜

[Desier]

On 6/17/2021 at 10:30 PM, FabSeverus said:

What’s a Master in your opinion? Please 

I guess a master is somone who can take control and to help everyone involved get maximum pleasure out of the experience. Also to push boundaries and help people fulfil their fantasies. 

[ey****]

To a degree.... I don't think words like "new" and "Master" go together.  I don't want to get all twue way - but usually 'Master' means you've, err, Mastered something.  

But still.

For some tips.  I don't necessarily agree "try being sub first" - but - you're saying you couldn't find anyone who knew what they're doing... you're based near London?!   Where have you looked?! Down the back of a sofa?!

 

But seriously. Obviously a lot of stuff is still closed - but I think getting into Autumn stuff like munches, workshops etc will reopen.  Attend them.  Go with an open an enquiring mind

 

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, Desier said:

I guess a master is somone who can take control and to help everyone involved get maximum pleasure out of the experience. Also to push boundaries and help people fulfil their fantasies. 

So what’s a Dom then? 

[Deleted Member]

9 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

To a degree.... I don't think words like "new" and "Master" go together.  I don't want to get all twue way - but usually 'Master' means you've, err, Mastered something.  

But still.

For some tips.  I don't necessarily agree "try being sub first" - but - you're saying you couldn't find anyone who knew what they're doing... you're based near London?!   Where have you looked?! Down the back of a sofa?!

 

But seriously. Obviously a lot of stuff is still closed - but I think getting into Autumn stuff like munches, workshops etc will reopen.  Attend them.  Go with an open an enquiring mind

 

As a sub, I've literally come across one person who deserves the title Master in 3 years. Out of dozens of men I've spent time with or talking to. It is meant to signify expertise, it's not just a fancier word than Dom.

[ey****]

2 hours ago, Curvykate said:

As a sub, I've literally come across one person who deserves the title Master in 3 years. Out of dozens of men I've spent time with or talking to. It is meant to signify expertise, it's not just a fancier word than Dom.

yep, like I say - I don't want to go to Twue Way - but - I think - I dunno... it's certainly a title where you'd expect someone using it to have experience and expertise.  

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

yep, like I say - I don't want to go to Twue Way - but - I think - I dunno... it's certainly a title where you'd expect someone using it to have experience and expertise.  

Don't think there's anything wrong with calling it. Haven't we all come across a 23yr Master with years of experience? 🙄

[Li****]

13 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

To a degree.... I don't think words like "new" and "Master" go together.  I don't want to get all twue way - but usually 'Master' means you've, err, Mastered something.  

But still.

For some tips.  I don't necessarily agree "try being sub first" - but - you're saying you couldn't find anyone who knew what they're doing... you're based near London?!   Where have you looked?! Down the back of a sofa?!

 

But seriously. Obviously a lot of stuff is still closed - but I think getting into Autumn stuff like munches, workshops etc will reopen.  Attend them.  Go with an open an enquiring mind

 

You are right . My advice of trying to be a sub first was from own experience because I have adhd and know that I sometimes lack empathy ... and my way of learning is doing things ... but people with a different wired brain definitely don t need to be a sub before starting to dominate other people . I ve just noticed that some “ masters” just randomly give orders without knowing their shit . :)

[Deleted Member]

I am very flexible as what people called themselves but if you want to learn the right way then it’s best to use the appropriate words and titles. 
lots of people like to use the master and slave because it’s sound good. But in reality these types of dynamic or relationship are more complex than the sound of it. 
It takes years to be a slave and even more to be a Master. Both start with basics as sub and Dom/top and progress with knowledge and years of experience to fulfil their path of 24/7 relationship. 

but if people like to call themselves master and slave then why not, but can you trust someone who cut corners or like the sound of a title rather than following a process? 

[Desier]

7 hours ago, FabSeverus said:

So what’s a Dom then? 

After reading all the responses I think I've used the wrong terms. I should have stated by asking how I can be a better Dom.

[Deleted Member]

The fact that you came back and said that suggests you're already doing pretty well. Just keep an open mind and keep figuring it all out and what it means to you. Anyone who thinks they know all the answers or is always right has stopped learning and closed their mind already.

[jo****]

Best advice I could give would be proper consistent communication between you and your sub. Realise that the sub basically has the majority of the power not you. As in they set thier boundaries and you should allways respect that. Learn aftercare and safety thoroughly. If something goes wrong you'll be thankful for knowing how to safely fix it (as in sheers for rope, sugary drink for shock etc) don't be afraid to make mistakes either. Everyone can allways learn new stuff, even experienced doms/masters

[Deleted Member]

Saturday at 12:31 PM, Lilithlovesthis said:

You are right . My advice of trying to be a sub first was from own experience because I have adhd and know that I sometimes lack empathy ... and my way of learning is doing things ... but people with a different wired brain definitely don t need to be a sub before starting to dominate other people . I ve just noticed that some “ masters” just randomly give orders without knowing their shit . :)

I have a question. What do subs like in a dom? What sort of orders should a “master” give to be a good master?

[ey****]

2 hours ago, SeattleM said:

I have a question. What do subs like in a dom? What sort of orders should a “master” give to be a good master?

In terms of "orders" - dynamics are so different.  You could have a submissive that loves structure, that loves orders, that loves tasks - or one where this doesn't entirely work in your dynamic.   It's important that you know the line in say, "Get me a beer" where it's a legitimate instruction to your submissive, and being a lazy deadbeat.

And this is stuff where it's important to get to know both your submissive (what makes them tick) and yourself (what makes you tick)

What is useful to you, what is a turn on? And remembering that Dominance isn't just really about barking orders.

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, SeattleM said:

I have a question. What do subs like in a dom? What sort of orders should a “master” give to be a good master?

It’s best if you start your own post. First it’s kind of respectful for the op and second, we don’t get mixed answers  for a different question, even  if it might look similar. 

[sc****]

There are very good points above.

What it basically comes down to :
- communication : you have to know the limits, desires and thoughts of your sub. Not only that, after a scene it's important to have a retrospective with them to learn what they enjoyed and what they didn't. Based on this input you can re-adjust your scenes. Also this shows your care for them. Be compassionate.
- care : you have to care for your sub's well-being. as they are submitting to you, you're actually taking all the responsibility. So, for this reason, limits are important (which requires communication). Basically how it works is that with their limits, the sub is giving you a map with borders. It's up to you to take them on a journey inside these borders. You have to be careful about not to violate those borders.
- control : In a power exchange you have all the control for both of you, within your sub's limits. But it doesn't mean that you can just do the things that only you enjoy. Also you can't just skip right to the "destination" you want to go. For most things you have to start small and build up on that and that requires controlling yourself.
- empathy : You have to understand what your sub feels, what they get desire out of. Also their ***s.
- evolve : Based on your experiences and your desires you will always have to improve yourself. Start small, don't rush into things you aren't very experienced in. And no harm to communicate this to your sub. Believe me, it will be much more appreciated than messing things up you aren't experienced in.
- be human : Your sub isn't perfect and neither are you. Accept that. You will fail at some things but you need to be able to laugh about it and move on. Don't stress yourself. You are both in it to feel the fun. So be a bit more laid back. Have a growth mindset. Even if you botch up something, know that you can improve on that now. Also you would like your sub to see you as a human and not as a robot. Because too much *** leads to paralysis and it wouldn't be fun for anyone when the sub is always scared about their every move.