Lost my trust

[Deleted Member]

Yesterday at 06:08 AM, Invisible71 said:

Whilst there is so much available on this site, trust is lacking in major ways. 

 

I have had trust broken enough times in here to now be very cautious about giving it out and like you I've come extremely close to leaving this site and never coming back. 

I'm also very very tired of being the one who tries to keep communications going all the time.... and when I do give up being the one that makes contact every couple of days, I feel guilty that they might think I'm truely ghosting them when in fact I just wish they'd help keep things going. 

 

As others have said, trust should be earnt over time and never ever given away freely. 

 

But overall there are no simple answers for this here and all you can do, as hard as it may be, is to decide if you want to try and form kink friendships in your life MORE than knowing that the risk of feeling emotionally destroyed is high with each attempt. 

 

Be safe sweetheart. 

 

i71

I think if you feel like you're the only one keeping the conversation going it's a red flag. It's what the guy did to me before he ghosted. 🤨 Kink friendships will always be a thing for me, I have plenty. Play partners/an LTR are a different thing. Possibly it's a question of resilience?

[Missm-6801]

I too am having issues. I am fighting my emotions along with hurt and anger.

I have been on this road for a long time now. Everytime think getting somewhere it back fires big time and to top it all i have seen a few profiles on here that are my closest friends partners. 

I hope that you can pull through this and come out even stronger. 

Good luck and big hugs x

M

[Deleted Member]

13 hours ago, Missm-6801 said:

I too am having issues. I am fighting my emotions along with hurt and anger.

I have been on this road for a long time now. Everytime think getting somewhere it back fires big time and to top it all i have seen a few profiles on here that are my closest friends partners. 

I hope that you can pull through this and come out even stronger. 

Good luck and big hugs x

M

Hurt and anger are sadly normal. I know they will fade for all of us who go through this, but that doesn't help much. We are hopeful creatures - we keep thinking we can find the pot of gold. 😁 I hope you feel better about it all too MissM.

[ol****]

I'll add a little to this post, I was pondering this while on the bus yesterday (The bus is such Dom-ly transport don'tcha know! )

This may offend some on here but it is born out of life experience and observation.

Most blokes, even me, are subject to infatuation. When this happens it can be a real problem because once you start a relationship with a person you have become infatuated with then real life intrudes. The perfection you thought you saw is actually not there, just a person. The emotions that you felt that were heightened by your infatuation start to cool, sometimes pretty quickly. This is a real problem, in particular when you have probably already promised the sun, moon and stars to the object of your infatuation.

Note I'm not talking about the outright lying in the hope of a quick leg over here. That is something very different and sadly all too common.

Hence my advice a few posts back that slow is good. It allows the weeding of wheat from chaf and hopefully allows the worst of any infatuation to wear off.

[Je****]

Bless your heart Kate. That was hard to read and i really feel for you *hugs*

 

Trust is a very hard thing to come by and very easily lost. 

Many men and women can take advantage of partners. When you are pure of heart and let people in allowing yourself to be *** it almost feels/seems worse in the end. It can make moving on difficult, and for something else to go wrong just adds salt to a wound

---------------------

A bit of my own experiences. Ive been cheated on and lied to by every partner ive ever had.

One was physically and mentally abusive, i endured that for way too long because i didnt know what else to do. One played on my emotions and manipulated me beyond my own realisation for a full year. I was then out and about and i was attacked in the worst way by a man and i never recovered from that.

I finally moved on and had a kid to someone i got into a relationship with, once he learned i was pregnant he got rid of me. Completely turned his back and i felt so lost.

Then I opened myself up to a childhood sweetheart where i felt safe and the first 7years of that relationship was amazing. He knew my past and was understanding. I had kids to him and he took on my eldest and everything.

Then due to no affection and me hitting depression instead of supporting or speaking to me he decided to cheat on me. Lied to me about it then the narcassist came out. I was to blame for everything. I put on weight and men in the street even commented on how disgusting i was. Men started to repulse me.

I stayed home for 2yrs never leaving the house. I was convinced i was crazy and paranoid for thinking he would cheat on me and it drove to me to the brink of 3 unsuccessful attempts of my life before i decided to go into therapy. I wouldnt accept myself thinking, this man who loved me would do this to me and that i was thinking he would, was shameful and i needed help. 2 months into therapy he finally admitted it was all a lie and he did go behind my back. 

I had had enough. At this stage i was turned into a numb robot. I had no love for anyone but my kids. I trusted no one and i was full of hate and anger. I got out of that situation but like yourself, you cant remove another parent from our kids lives. 

 

In the end if joined here.

I got stood up by my first meet. i got catfished by someone else i was getting to know online, then a guy i spoke to regular for a couple weeks decided to ghost me. I decided i was going to leave here.

I really felt no man would ever love or respect me. I didnt think i deserved it. Its all i wanted though so i said, "you know what, i want and need this. Il stay. In spite my past and experiences, i need to learn that people are not always as loving and respectable to partners or interests as i am for them. I need to learn and prove to myself that yes, people may continue to hurt me and history has a thing for repeating itself, but not everyone will do this. Eventually someday the right person will come along. I need to let my guard down and risk the ***".

I did. I met someone by chance on here, a friendship that naturally blossomed and i let them in. Ups and downs along the line but now im glad i gave it a chance. I am a very emotional person and very insecure, and they support and guide me and my walls eventually started to fall.

It took just over 9 months for me to fully open myself to the fact that someone is actually decent and respectful of me. I fell for them and i am now finally happy. Its took me 14yrs to finally feel comfortable and like i belong somewhere and to have someone in my life to show me not everyone is the same, wanting to hurt me and lie to me, and i firmly believe this can happen for everyone. They are not my be all, end all and i want to eventually learn to trust and let other men in, but i wont be doing this lightly, i physically cannot do it. I have too many demons and while i risk the hurt i also am very selective who i take those risks for.

We need to have a strong intuition, spot the signs of a bad person from the get go and finally open ourselves to something good. Trust our gut and if or when someone fucks us over say, "you know what, YOU lost ME". 

 

They do not deserve you Kate. You deserve to be happy and find someone who will love and treat you with respect, and it will happen. But do not give up. Whatever you do, keep trying <3 

Im sorry i rambled on but know you are not alone, and my inbox is always open if you need a chat <3

[Deleted Member]

I'd like to thank all who posted here. I got a great deal from the responses and it made me reflect on what is more important to me. I'm not going to change who I am to lessen the risk of being hurt. I've lost enough time being told I should be someone different. But everyone finds their own solution. Mine may not be yours.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, JenniferTP said:

Bless your heart Kate. That was hard to read and i really feel for you *hugs*

 

Trust is a very hard thing to come by and very easily lost. 

Many men and women can take advantage of partners. When you are pure of heart and let people in allowing yourself to be *** it almost feels/seems worse in the end. It can make moving on difficult, and for something else to go wrong just adds salt to a wound

---------------------

A bit of my own experiences. Ive been cheated on and lied to by every partner ive ever had.

One was physically and mentally abusive, i endured that for way too long because i didnt know what else to do. One played on my emotions and manipulated me beyond my own realisation for a full year. I was then out and about and i was attacked in the worst way by a man and i never recovered from that.

I finally moved on and had a kid to someone i got into a relationship with, once he learned i was pregnant he got rid of me. Completely turned his back and i felt so lost.

Then I opened myself up to a childhood sweetheart where i felt safe and the first 7years of that relationship was amazing. He knew my past and was understanding. I had kids to him and he took on my eldest and everything.

Then due to no affection and me hitting depression instead of supporting or speaking to me he decided to cheat on me. Lied to me about it then the narcassist came out. I was to blame for everything. I put on weight and men in the street even commented on how disgusting i was. Men started to repulse me.

I stayed home for 2yrs never leaving the house. I was convinced i was crazy and paranoid for thinking he would cheat on me and it drove to me to the brink of 3 unsuccessful attempts of my life before i decided to go into therapy. I wouldnt accept myself thinking, this man who loved me would do this to me and that i was thinking he would, was shameful and i needed help. 2 months into therapy he finally admitted it was all a lie and he did go behind my back. 

I had had enough. At this stage i was turned into a numb robot. I had no love for anyone but my kids. I trusted no one and i was full of hate and anger. I got out of that situation but like yourself, you cant remove another parent from our kids lives. 

 

In the end if joined here.

I got stood up by my first meet. i got catfished by someone else i was getting to know online, then a guy i spoke to regular for a couple weeks decided to ghost me. I decided i was going to leave here.

I really felt no man would ever love or respect me. I didnt think i deserved it. Its all i wanted though so i said, "you know what, i want and need this. Il stay. In spite my past and experiences, i need to learn that people are not always as loving and respectable to partners or interests as i am for them. I need to learn and prove to myself that yes, people may continue to hurt me and history has a thing for repeating itself, but not everyone will do this. Eventually someday the right person will come along. I need to let my guard down and risk the ***".

I did. I met someone by chance on here, a friendship that naturally blossomed and i let them in. Ups and downs along the line but now im glad i gave it a chance. I am a very emotional person and very insecure, and they support and guide me and my walls eventually started to fall.

It took just over 9 months for me to fully open myself to the fact that someone is actually decent and respectful of me. I fell for them and i am now finally happy. Its took me 14yrs to finally feel comfortable and like i belong somewhere and to have someone in my life to show me not everyone is the same, wanting to hurt me and lie to me, and i firmly believe this can happen for everyone. They are not my be all, end all and i want to eventually learn to trust and let other men in, but i wont be doing this lightly, i physically cannot do it. I have too many demons and while i risk the hurt i also am very selective who i take those risks for.

We need to have a strong intuition, spot the signs of a bad person from the get go and finally open ourselves to something good. Trust our gut and if or when someone fucks us over say, "you know what, YOU lost ME". 

 

They do not deserve you Kate. You deserve to be happy and find someone who will love and treat you with respect, and it will happen. But do not give up. Whatever you do, keep trying <3 

Im sorry i rambled on but know you are not alone, and my inbox is always open if you need a chat <3

I had a big smile on my face by the end of your story. I'm so glad you've found someone worthy of your trust. Because yes, those other guys lost us. And that's their loss, not ours. You will see from my new post that I have decided to do the same as you have and I feel stronger for it already. Thank you x

[Je****]

30 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

I had a big smile on my face by the end of your story. I'm so glad you've found someone worthy of your trust. Because yes, those other guys lost us. And that's their loss, not ours. You will see from my new post that I have decided to do the same as you have and I feel stronger for it already. Thank you x

If we have no hope, we have nothing. You want it, you go get it lady <3

much luck and love <3

[Deleted Member]

I know how you feel Kate. I have been through the same destrution. The consequence of which is I trust nobody, I will avoid getting into relationships anymore . It's not how I would like things to be, but it's just how things are now. Trust is a big thing for me and once gone it's gone for good

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, JenniferTP said:

If we have no hope, we have nothing. You want it, you go get it lady <3

much luck and love <3

And to you. I do so like a happy ending 😁 x

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, Chiana said:

I know how you feel Kate. I have been through the same destrution. The consequence of which is I trust nobody, I will avoid getting into relationships anymore . It's not how I would like things to be, but it's just how things are now. Trust is a big thing for me and once gone it's gone for good

I'm so sorry that people have hurt you Chiana. I feel as though finding someone with kink is difficult enough without people destroying our trust like this. You don't deserve it. I hope in time there might be someone who merits your trust again. X

[Aeviternity]

Girl, get out of my head! I have been going through this EXACT same thing. I feel like everybody lies, everybody has an ulterior motive. The one guy in my life that I thought was safe is actually my roommate and we’ve been friends for over a year now. Since we met hes been seeing this girl that has become one of my best friends. So like two weeks ago my roommate tries to get me to sleep with him or just “cuddle” and I refuse and he pitches a fit like a freaking child. And then he tries to convince me that I should join him and the other girl and we should all be together and that she agrees and is okay with this. I go straight to this girl aka my bestie and I ask her if she said that and of course her face just immediately falls and she’s visibly distraught hearing this. In summary, the one dude I thought was harmless and respected me is the biggest pig EVER. On top of that I’m head over heels for this Dom I’ve been talking to for a long time now and he out of nowhere will ghost me for like 5 days to a week at a time but insists he loves me and he would never do anything to hurt me. Okayyyy… then what are you DOING? I can’t even. I hate being that girl that’s like obsessing over things. But usually I’m freakin right and there’s something going on that I’m not gonna like.. I hate that people just continue to prove me right.. I don’t like being a pessimist or being guarded and distrusting. But what can you do? It’s just how things are and it’s not fairrrr. If you have any luck with any of this please, please let me know so I can try it 😅

[Deleted Member]

30 minutes ago, Aeviternity said:

Girl, get out of my head! I have been going through this EXACT same thing. I feel like everybody lies, everybody has an ulterior motive. The one guy in my life that I thought was safe is actually my roommate and we’ve been friends for over a year now. Since we met hes been seeing this girl that has become one of my best friends. So like two weeks ago my roommate tries to get me to sleep with him or just “cuddle” and I refuse and he pitches a fit like a freaking child. And then he tries to convince me that I should join him and the other girl and we should all be together and that she agrees and is okay with this. I go straight to this girl aka my bestie and I ask her if she said that and of course her face just immediately falls and she’s visibly distraught hearing this. In summary, the one dude I thought was harmless and respected me is the biggest pig EVER. On top of that I’m head over heels for this Dom I’ve been talking to for a long time now and he out of nowhere will ghost me for like 5 days to a week at a time but insists he loves me and he would never do anything to hurt me. Okayyyy… then what are you DOING? I can’t even. I hate being that girl that’s like obsessing over things. But usually I’m freakin right and there’s something going on that I’m not gonna like.. I hate that people just continue to prove me right.. I don’t like being a pessimist or being guarded and distrusting. But what can you do? It’s just how things are and it’s not fairrrr. If you have any luck with any of this please, please let me know so I can try it 😅

😣 I am sorry to hear this. We need to trust people, to feel safe around them. When they destroy that trust - well I am still reacting to the last person doing that. It takes time to acknowledge. If you're still around the person who breaks your trust, it's even harder. Are you still sharing a room with this man? It's really hard to separate what someone says to you versus what they DO and don't do and how that makes you feel. Words are easy, but they often don't match up to the actions. Im trying to spot the mismatch and pay attention to how I feel when I am around someone. Because that matters doesn't it?

[Je****]

36 minutes ago, Aeviternity said:

Girl, get out of my head! I have been going through this EXACT same thing. I feel like everybody lies, everybody has an ulterior motive. The one guy in my life that I thought was safe is actually my roommate and we’ve been friends for over a year now. Since we met hes been seeing this girl that has become one of my best friends. So like two weeks ago my roommate tries to get me to sleep with him or just “cuddle” and I refuse and he pitches a fit like a freaking child. And then he tries to convince me that I should join him and the other girl and we should all be together and that she agrees and is okay with this. I go straight to this girl aka my bestie and I ask her if she said that and of course her face just immediately falls and she’s visibly distraught hearing this. In summary, the one dude I thought was harmless and respected me is the biggest pig EVER. On top of that I’m head over heels for this Dom I’ve been talking to for a long time now and he out of nowhere will ghost me for like 5 days to a week at a time but insists he loves me and he would never do anything to hurt me. Okayyyy… then what are you DOING? I can’t even. I hate being that girl that’s like obsessing over things. But usually I’m freakin right and there’s something going on that I’m not gonna like.. I hate that people just continue to prove me right.. I don’t like being a pessimist or being guarded and distrusting. But what can you do? It’s just how things are and it’s not fairrrr. If you have any luck with any of this please, please let me know so I can try it 😅

Im sorry to hear you're going through this. I think half way down your story here i was actually screaming "what the fuck is wrong with people??".

 

What your housemate has done and is doing is wrong. To both of you. I hope she ditched his ass and i hope you can move out and find someone who isnt a grade A sleaze. The fact the GF didnt know is so sad. Hes tried to manipulate you and hes lied to both of you and thats not on!!

 

As for the Dom you are crazy about, but he ghosts you 5 days of the week, im sorry lady but hes either got another sub/s on the side or hes potentially got a family life he needs to tend to and you are being put second best. If he has told you about family or others then thats fine, but if not then you need to confront this and ask for honesty, because you dont deserve to be feeling like that. If he respects you hell be truthful. But regardless of his situation he shouldnt be ghosting you for nay length of time. I would personally be finding something better, and as tough as it is in the world right now, there IS someone better out there <3

[Aeviternity]

11 hours ago, Curvykate said:

😣 I am sorry to hear this. We need to trust people, to feel safe around them. When they destroy that trust - well I am still reacting to the last person doing that. It takes time to acknowledge. If you're still around the person who breaks your trust, it's even harder. Are you still sharing a room with this man? It's really hard to separate what someone says to you versus what they DO and don't do and how that makes you feel. Words are easy, but they often don't match up to the actions. Im trying to spot the mismatch and pay attention to how I feel when I am around someone. Because that matters doesn't it?

Luckily we have rooms opposite each other and aren’t sharing the same room. I would go INSANE if that were the case. Actually I never would have moved in to begin with lol! He has apologized many times and he’s been on his best behavior but yeah… the damage is done and it sucks.. my happy little safe space isn’t the same anymore 😭😭😭.

[Aeviternity]

11 hours ago, JenniferTP said:

Im sorry to hear you're going through this. I think half way down your story here i was actually screaming "what the fuck is wrong with people??".

 

What your housemate has done and is doing is wrong. To both of you. I hope she ditched his ass and i hope you can move out and find someone who isnt a grade A sleaze. The fact the GF didnt know is so sad. Hes tried to manipulate you and hes lied to both of you and thats not on!!

 

As for the Dom you are crazy about, but he ghosts you 5 days of the week, im sorry lady but hes either got another sub/s on the side or hes potentially got a family life he needs to tend to and you are being put second best. If he has told you about family or others then thats fine, but if not then you need to confront this and ask for honesty, because you dont deserve to be feeling like that. If he respects you hell be truthful. But regardless of his situation he shouldnt be ghosting you for nay length of time. I would personally be finding something better, and as tough as it is in the world right now, there IS someone better out there <3

There is someone else and I’m okay with that. We are long distance and never know when we’ll be able to get together in person so we have kept things pretty laid back and casual.. but still, I know it would probably be a lot better for my own sanity if I ended this and sooner versus later.. as long as I hold on to this idea, this thing that may never become anything more than what it is now, I’ll never be able to move on and find something better. Someone better for me. Sigh..

As far as my housemate and that whole situation.. I feel so bad for the gf/my friend.. I can see how he manipulates her and the situation for his own benefit. Total disregard for what damage he is going to end up doing when he decides to move on. But she’s blinded by her love for him and she just let that whole lying/trying to cheat thing go completely. It’s not my place to say anything further.. unless something else happens and then of course she would be the first to know. He has been on his best behavior since he got busted. But all I see is a pig putting on a show.. I’ve started looking around at some other options for a living arrangement. I’m almost positive if I stick around long enough history will end up repeating itself and he’ll try again. Blugh. Why can’t people just be decent and good to each other. It’s not that hard to NOT be an ass..

[Deleted Member]

Wednesday at 12:28 AM, Aeviternity said:

Luckily we have rooms opposite each other and aren’t sharing the same room. I would go INSANE if that were the case. Actually I never would have moved in to begin with lol! He has apologized many times and he’s been on his best behavior but yeah… the damage is done and it sucks.. my happy little safe space isn’t the same anymore 😭😭😭.

I hope you do find a space, a safe space. There is nothing more unsettling than not being able to trust someone