This site/app is intended for dating, why do people try and treat it like Fetlife?

[Deleted Member]

Do you think he just meant that no one wants to date him? 🤔

[ey****]

2 hours ago, NessusIssues said:

Do you think he just meant that no one wants to date him? 🤔

it is usually what they mean

[Mz****]

On 6/26/2021 at 2:52 PM, sonofthunder777 said:

I know, it really ***es me off. Even FetLife had become somewhat of a cesspool nowadays. But yeah, if you're not looking, then why be here? I guess some people take pleasure in the attention they get & in turning people down? 🤷‍♂️Idk. But they need to go if they're not looking.

So,  you pay your *** for a year's membership and assuming you're not poly,  are lucky enough to find a match, you should then just leave? And what if that relationship then fails or evolves and the dynamics change, you have to pay again to rejoin? What nonsense! 

And those just dipping toes and exploring, or maintaining friendships should go too? Selfish much especially in a world that seems to be falling apart.

The site is many different things for many different and diverse people who have as many different needs and desires, if you don't like it, you should consider leaving rather than expecting an entire membership platform to cater to your needs and yours alone..one of the most ridiculous things I've ever seen here, and trust me I've seen some detritus.

We don't all share the same dynamics, the same fetishes, the same thoughts or the same way of doing things, either within kink or outside of it, there needs to be a safe space for people to learn, about themselves, about others and about tolerance and diversity of thought and actions as well as their fetish preferences.

[Deleted Member]

Tuesday at 04:13 PM, MzJax said:

So,  you pay your *** for a year's membership and assuming you're not poly,  are lucky enough to find a match, you should then just leave? And what if that relationship then fails or evolves and the dynamics change, you have to pay again to rejoin? What nonsense! 

And those just dipping toes and exploring, or maintaining friendships should go too? Selfish much especially in a world that seems to be falling apart.

The site is many different things for many different and diverse people who have as many different needs and desires, if you don't like it, you should consider leaving rather than expecting an entire membership platform to cater to your needs and yours alone..one of the most ridiculous things I've ever seen here, and trust me I've seen some detritus.

We don't all share the same dynamics, the same fetishes, the same thoughts or the same way of doing things, either within kink or outside of it, there needs to be a safe space for people to learn, about themselves, about others and about tolerance and diversity of thought and actions as well as their fetish preferences.

Wish I had this answer when I wasn't single and a guy told me off for being here. 👍🏻

[Mz****]

45 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

Wish I had this answer when I wasn't single and a guy told me off for being here. 👍🏻

I always find it strange, that people insist on putting their values onto other people, that their needs seem to somehow outweigh and need to be prioritised over E/everyone else's, that they think they're entitled to pass judgement and decide what we should all be doing to accommodate them, and they are too blinkered and narrow minded to see how fucked up that is..and how ridiculous, and doubly insane when that is within a community that espouses tolerance, diversity, difference, and acceptance and has so many roles and dynamics. 🤷‍♀️

[ey****]

Here's something when you break it down.

We know there are problems with guys who mass message women hoping for a bite.  (arguably - there's also the problem with guys who mass message guys, posing as a woman, hoping for a bite - just for inclusion)

and obviously women tend not to like this and notice this - but that detracts

There's guys who, don't really care too much about that - and often don't always comprehend that folk see through this and aren't interested.  So assume those who don't reply, or reply negatively are "fake", "scammers" or "inactive"

So, they ask for tools to help them

They want sites purged of anyone doing financial stuff (something not really allowed on this site - but is on others)

They want sites purged of dormant accounts

and now it appears - want sites purged of people who are 'not single'

And it's all... on assumption these are mass-messagers, hey, it's fewer people to send the same shit to

And even if they're not mass messagers - the logic is then if everyone here is single, active, not financial - then - they most surely will be definitely up for meeting and not a "waste of time"

So much boils down to utter laziness or entitlement that it's unreal.

[Mz****]

@eyemblacksheep sometimes when I see posts like the original one in this thread, it reminds me of that verse by Martin Niemöller.."First they came".

In the time I've been here I've been given a dozen reasons why I should not be here, or told that I'm not a real this, that or the other, when I've declined some unwelcome overture..when I get to purge, these empty profiles full of nothing but cock shots and complaints about fakes and scammers will be the first to go. 😉

 

[Deleted Member]

Interesting post and that some including OP chose to leave. Possible they have come back inbetween times. I myself have been on/off both PoF and Tinder, get annoyed quit sort of thing then try again a few months later.

Maybe some of us are just undateable?

The sentiments from the OP and others do resonate with me.

 

 

[Deleted Member]

On 6/26/2021 at 9:38 PM, Finally_Jen said:

yes this is a dating site. yes this is a community.

 

but have u ever stopped to think this is a kink and fetish site and much more differing from the normal dating sites. 

this site offers a chat room to make friends and learn about things. which is obviously very important in this lifestyle.

 

also many people are in open and poly relationships. many form dynamics and can welcome more than one person into their circle.

also not to mention that some people try dynamics and relationships but do  they always work out? no. so they stay and if it doesnt work out, they can just earch for someone new. this site and community feeds off its members. how shit would this site be if everyone who paired off just up and left?! it would be empty. or if it failed they would have to rejoin and go through everything again.

 

i dont think this is about dating at all to be honest. maybe due to its nature you assumed it would be easy to hook up with a single person of your choice.i dont know but if you complain about this aspect then this definately isnt the site for you. 

we support the commmunity, not just the sex part of bdsm and kink.

Absolutely spot on.  This isn't tinder.... 

I am 100% taken, I'm very happily married and don't want any other men, but I am bi-curious and new to kink and I have found both this site and fetlife to be full of friendly people who are happy to chat to me about the kink lifestyle so I can learn and ask questions without feeling embarrassed.  It's not the sort of thing you generally discuss in the office or on the school run so both sites have helped me enormously.  

I think the fact that it says the word "community" says it all...... You don't get that on "dating" websites.