How to move on?

[Deleted Member]

Ok so where to start...I've been in a D/s relationship with someone for the last 6 months. Please don't judge but my Dom is a married man. We live quite a distance apart but despite that we built a very strong bond and both a physical and mental connection. Exchanging hundreds of messages and calls when we can every week.

We don't see each other as often as we would like but make the most of the time we had together. Unfortunately something happened back home the last time we were together and we are both racked with guilt. He has now said he can't carry on which I do understand as I'm a genuinely nice person but how do I carry on without him? He has been the centre of my life and I just don't know how to function without him. In my day to day life I'm a strong and independent woman but bring without him isn't something I know how to deal with. I just don't know how to move on 😢

[9Templar]

Sweetie this is a site for naughty people to play and no one has the right to judge you for your choices or lifestyle.. I know it`s a total cliche but only time will heal your emotional wounds. There are genuine people on here that have lived life, loved and lost, but that`s life. It will kick you in the ribs just when you are the most happiest. Get off the floor , straighten your dress and raise your chin because the game of life is not over yet. Templar xx

[Deleted Member]

I am in just the same situation as you.  I was seeing a married man, we were in a D/s relationship but I got far too attached to him.  I struggle to understand how someone can be in a relationship and not have feelings for them.  He dumped me, said the distance was the issue, Im not sure as we always found ways of meeting up, going to hotels.  I think I was more into him than he was with me. I think he just got bored with me.  Im gutted to be honest and dont know how to cope, trying to get on with life but i start crying every time i think of him.  We used to text each other everyday, not always saucy texts, just nice messages and cheeky banter, I miss that as well.  Dont think I will ever do this again, it just hurts so much. 

[ey****]

unfortunately - there isn't an easy answer.  It will be difficult.

Lack of tone on the web may make it sound how I don't intend, I'm not being judgy - any relationship carries a risk as we probably all know and then dealing with someone who is married and behind their partners back carries a lot extra risk again : whether circumstances mean they can no longer risk the relationship with you, or whether you were a "thing on the side" and they've moved on to another "thing on the side" or are getting more from their marriage.  It may even they had an excitement in cheating which is not longer exciting.

There will nearly always be another potential Dominant - but then you have to enter into a relationship having already be burned before.

Someone who is exclusive to you may be a better bridge, or someone who has any form of poly arrangement.  Although even with a wife/partner knowledge still carries it's own challenges - there was somebody on one of the boards a few weeks ago whose Dom's wife may have knew about them, but she needed his attention more so the sub got it less.

At risk of being a cliche - time is a good healer.  Perhaps posting on these forums might help, a way of kinda reaching others.  Also of course, if you feel up for it there's assorted munches where there'll be others with similar stories, support and things they can offer.

[Deleted Member]

I agree with @eyemblacksheep and I am poly - becoming involved with others in pre existing relationships (good, bad or indifferent) sets it up as a short term arrangement in the majority of cases. If your goal is to have a Dominant you want for a longer time or even a forever after - then don’t hamstring it or set it up to fail with choosing a Dominant who cannot reciprocate with making you their number 1. 

In my circumstances, my sub kuche knows Sir and our written agreement makes it clear this is short term with release points. I’ve had him now for 1 1/2 years and that may continue for a few more dependant on his situation in him finding a forever after partner (Sir is my forever after partner and we have been together for 21 years). 

Now even if a Dominant is married in a vanilla relationship and you as their sub have no connection with that person and they don’t know you exist, your whole dynamic is at the mercy of ‘when they find out’. That’s a terrible axe of doom looming above you that is completely out of your control. You know now how strong and intense D/s bonds are, do yourself a favour and while it’s hard - learn from this relationship and in going forward, find a partner that has the right to give you the type of relationship you want (and no, if his wife didn’t consent, then he had no right being with you). 

I hear these stories time and time again. A smooth talking Dominant who gets pity from a new sub for the wife who ‘doesn’t understand him’. Yes I feel sorry for someone in a marriage they aren’t happy in, but that isn’t an excuse nor a green light to screw your life over for 1/2 a year. 

I hope you heal, take your time and self reflect on both the great things about what you had and then things that pulled it apart. Learn lessons and when you’re ready to look for another Dominant, use all that previous experience to better vet future potential Dominants. Don’t listen to honeyed words or you risk being in the same position six months later - again. 

Heels 👠👠

 

[Deleted Member]

@MissHeels thank you so much for your reply. Everything you have said is spot on. I am going to take my time to heal from this and to get back to being the strong person that I know I am. Deep down I knew the risk I was taking by getting involved but I ket myself get in too deep into a situation that was only ever going to end with me getting hurt. I will gratefully take your advice and thank you for taking the time to reply.

[Deleted Member]

MissHeels, thank you too, very good advice.  I was just naive and fell for him. In my case I do not think the excuse for ending it was the distance, I think he just got bored and will no doubt suck up another woman.  I have learnt from this and will be more careful in future, thank you so much for your advice, I am going to take my time and heal.

[Deleted Member]

You do no how to move on .you managed without him before you met .and be the strong independent woman that you are at work on a permanant  basis it will help .so will speaking to people and filling your life with other things .look at it black and white ....its been 6 months this wont kill you it hurts now but every day makes it a bit easier .weve all been hurt and we are all still here .message me if u want to  chat