Where have all the submissive s gone

[Mz****]

24 minutes ago, JenniferTP said:

To be honest, i am a switch and in learning. But this has made me see, from my small interaction with him (or him to me i should say) that many many women are obviously greeted with this. Its alarming how disrespectful their experience is gonna feel the moment it begins. 

I hope he sorts himself out because women do not deserve this from him. Or anyone. 

The great thing about profiles like that is that they display all the red flags potential submissives need to know about, even a newbie would be able to see them, rather than them being camouflaged amongst the decent human beings.

[ey****]

The other thing.  Speaking wholly on the UK.  Things are expected to 'reopen' again soon, there's a little bit concern about caveats - but certainly there are a lot of fetish events, munches, etc. hoping to return by around September

If you walk into any.  Any munch, any fetish event. Any workshop.   Voila. There will be Dominants, submissives, fetishists... so on

Of course, none might automatically want to drop to their knees for you.  But they are there.

You don't need to worry about who is "fake" or whatever, you can see them.

What there is not... and I promise you... there are no subs sitting around bored waiting for a complete stranger to go "you're mine now" 

[Je****]

27 minutes ago, MzJax said:

The great thing about profiles like that is that they display all the red flags potential submissives need to know about, even a newbie would be able to see them, rather than them being camouflaged amongst the decent human beings.

This is true. I hope they see them... This guys screams of it. The post here didnt help and his repsonse just blew any argument for improvement out the window. Lost cause but i hope people do their research and see things like this before rushing a dynamic

[Deleted Member]

Wow. I wrote out a whole response to this earlier and the app wouldn't let me post it. My comment was focused on encouraging you to take the advive being offered, which I see from your update that you have not. It is a red flag to me that as a Dom you are unable to take on board feedback and criticism, or reflect on your own behaviours.

I agree, I think the ratio of subs to Dom(mes) - I confess, I have not counted like Jack has - is defo weighted on the sub side, though I am basing that on the lobby, where I tend to hang out, rather than the forums.

[Deleted Member]

There's also a lack of genuine Dommes. The only ones I've met are more interested in my wallet and have nothing to offer except a self made Domme label.

[Deleted Member]

Yesterday at 10:51 PM, eyemblacksheep said:

"is it me?"

Yes, it's you.

Called it! 😁

[Th****]

I have so got to get me a Dom label... I am thinking black silk background with Thebian in gold, maybe a Georgia Font... Mmm.. I like this idea. 🤣🤣🤣

[Deleted Member]

It's not just women that are looking for ***, I've met more than one man looking for someone to take care of them financially. *** is so over rated! Think about where it comes from, the fed prints it out of thin air and loans it back to us... If you think about it like that, every single dollar is a physical representation of debt, you're holding$100,but you had to pay the fed $130 for the privilege of holding that piece of paper... we NEED to find a better way.

[Deleted Member]

19 minutes ago, Thebian said:

I have so got to get me a Dom label... I am thinking black silk background with Thebian in gold, maybe a Georgia Font... Mmm.. I like this idea. 🤣🤣🤣

Gold and black is so classy, it'll look great!

Edited July 2, 2021 by Deleted Member
typo

[ey****]

37 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

Called it! 😁

I think - I dunno - I was a bit under the weather the other night, and I'd just responded on another post - and it's like, there's another guy who feels that things not dropping into his lap means "does not exist" 

[ey****]

33 minutes ago, MistressNicholette said:

It's not just women that are looking for ***, I've met more than one man looking for someone to take care of them financially. *** is so over rated! Think about where it comes from, the fed prints it out of thin air and loans it back to us... If you think about it like that, every single dollar is a physical representation of debt, you're holding$100,but you had to pay the fed $130 for the privilege of holding that piece of paper... we NEED to find a better way.

It's actually really really common but in a subtle way.

I could go way off topic so I'll try to keep it relevant - but there's a couple of things I've been aware that men do.

1) Find a girlfriend to move in with them so that this is someone contributing to the household pot so lowering the bills (and, I guess, the guy is hoping to offload some of the housekeeping onto them)

2) Unfair finance distribution.  It's difficult because it depends on what you deem as fair.  But for example a split of how income is paid into the household pot which favours the man's ability to spend.  See the trope of "always at the pub with mates", but a partner almost asking permission to go out with her friends - even though they both work full time

3) Dipping into joint bank account...

4) Other forms of financial control (ties in with 3 - but, for example, having both wages paid into a joint account but only he has access.    Could also include setting budgets that favours him, i.e. TV channels and sports packages) 

And people often don't see or notice this, or think it's normal.

[Deleted Member]

59 minutes ago, Thebian said:

I have so got to get me a Dom label... I am thinking black silk background with Thebian in gold, maybe a Georgia Font... Mmm.. I like this idea. 🤣🤣🤣

Comic sans for the OP 😁

[Mz****]

51 minutes ago, MistressNicholette said:

It's not just women that are looking for ***, I've met more than one man looking for someone to take care of them financially. 

Yup, I've been approached by Prosubs, Bulls for hire, and of course the ProMasters offering to teach me how a woman should really behave here and on other sites, and then there's those who don't think they're asking for ***, but expect you to keep them fed, watered and with a roof over their head while they flick a duster and call it service or lay shackled in a wondrously equipped dungeon waiting to have their fantasies made true..

 

[Deleted Member]

@eyemblacksheep and @MzJax-you both nailed it! I'm so tired of it!

[Deleted Member]

I think something that a lot of "doms" don't realize is that it takes more internal strength to submit, than it does to wield a whip! Anyone can can flourish a whip and boss you around. It takes real STRENGTH to surrender control. The best Dom I ever had, was first trained as a sub. He KNEW exactly what I needed. I think too many bullies think they're Doms. There's a huge difference between *** and domination.

[ey****]

I was scrolling Facebook this morning and someone had shared one of those twee memes.   And it read "you don't find the perfect relationship, you build it" - and yeah, I think there's too many particular guys who are very "you are a sub/Domme - you'll do!" in their attitude and then accuse of being fake when this isn't recipicated.

And then.... this is the point where a guy will mention they get messages too from (scammers posing as) women too - and it's like, yeah, and you don't like it.   So... when this happens to you and you don't like it - you see why people wouldn't want the reverse.

[ey****]

12 hours ago, MzJax said:

then there's those who don't think they're asking for ***, but expect you to keep them fed, watered and with a roof over their head while they flick a duster and call it service or lay shackled in a wondrously equipped dungeon waiting to have their fantasies made true..

yep "I will live in a cage and be at your beck and call"

So basically living rent free, with board and lodgings, in exchange for housework and kink play - not sure who benefits here?  Oh - and if you make a bad job of the housework, or don't do it, then you get "punished" which involves getting exactly what you wanted?!

[Deleted Member]

18 hours ago, SirG said:

Thank you all for your kind comments. You have to love the ones that have nothing better to do than beat up on another Dom. New to this site don’t mean new. Anyway, not wasting my time with you guys. I’m heat for something more special than you guys

Mate, don't do this.

Seriously, this reply tells us that you are not interested in self-introspection or growth. Without either one of those you will find yourself even more lonely and bitter as time goes on.

The good people that have taken the time to read and reply, even as you demonstrated your ignorance to JTP in real time, write to you from their own real experience.

Constructive criticism is difficult to face. Hiding from it is not dominant but rather cowardly. Lashing out at words that tickle your sense of remorse only buries your growth under false pretense. That path will bring you around to additional confusion and loneliness.

You can choose to live through the discomfort and learn from those who know. Through these hard moments, you might find yourself able to become someone that attracts others.

[Deleted Member]

15 hours ago, MzJax said:

Yup, I've been approached by Prosubs, Bulls for hire, and of course the ProMasters offering to teach me how a woman should really behave here and on other sites, and then there's those who don't think they're asking for ***, but expect you to keep them fed, watered and with a roof over their head while they flick a duster and call it service or lay shackled in a wondrously equipped dungeon waiting to have their fantasies made true..

 

Sound good to me! I am looking for a sugarsubby from now on 😈

[Je****]

1 hour ago, BroodyJudy said:

Mate, don't do this.

Seriously, this reply tells us that you are not interested in self-introspection or growth. Without either one of those you will find yourself even more lonely and bitter as time goes on.

The good people that have taken the time to read and reply, even as you demonstrated your ignorance to JTP in real time, write to you from their own real experience.

Constructive criticism is difficult to face. Hiding from it is not dominant but rather cowardly. Lashing out at words that tickle your sense of remorse only buries your growth under false pretense. That path will bring you around to additional confusion and loneliness.

You can choose to live through the discomfort and learn from those who know. Through these hard moments, you might find yourself able to become someone that attracts others.

Spot on Judy.

 

There couldnt have been a more perfect timing to answering this post.

 

Just because i viewed his profile he thought he could open with "jennifer baby". My profile doesnt state this, not my desire from a Dom of any sort. So for him to tell me he knows i switch but "we" would only work if i submit to him... its pretty damn insulting and expectant. Why would i want to submit to someone who SEES that i prefer to switch and tells me we wont work unless i bow to his command. What about my wants and needs? Do i not get to fulfil what i want to learn in this world should i have answered? No Dom i know of, in good standing, would ever ever approach a woman/sub with that opening line. Its not very 'professional' for lack of a better word. Its something ive seen come from seedy sex hornets want a quick fuck.

 

I am in a way glad that, as laughable as the messages were, i hope they hit home in a real time experience for him as to what hes doing wrong. 

I could bet if i had of responded privately in the same manner he wouldnt like being "spoke back to" and would have been rude or blocked me for not doing things on his terms.

 

His response on this post was very immature for a "not new" Dom of his age also. Very much the 'i dont like being criticised so fuck you lot' is how i read it. 

I was genuinely trying to help and advise him based off his approach to me but some people dont like hearing they are behaving inappropriately, when they are set in their ways. 

I honestly will be so surprised should he find a submissive based on this kind of approach and childish behaviour. Perhaps he may, but god forbid it went wrong and he didnt like something done/said. Definately wouldnt work for me. 

 

Growth, maturity, respect and the ability for take criticism with grace for improvement is important in this world. None of which he supplied me. Or anyone on this thread. 

[Mz****]

1 hour ago, FabSeverus said:

Sound good to me! I am looking for a sugarsubby from now on 😈

😂😂 Sugarsubby..good luck with that!

[Deleted Member]

19 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

It's actually really really common but in a subtle way.

I could go way off topic so I'll try to keep it relevant - but there's a couple of things I've been aware that men do.

1) Find a girlfriend to move in with them so that this is someone contributing to the household pot so lowering the bills (and, I guess, the guy is hoping to offload some of the housekeeping onto them)

2) Unfair finance distribution.  It's difficult because it depends on what you deem as fair.  But for example a split of how income is paid into the household pot which favours the man's ability to spend.  See the trope of "always at the pub with mates", but a partner almost asking permission to go out with her friends - even though they both work full time

3) Dipping into joint bank account...

4) Other forms of financial control (ties in with 3 - but, for example, having both wages paid into a joint account but only he has access.    Could also include setting budgets that favours him, i.e. TV channels and sports packages) 

And people often don't see or notice this, or think it's normal.

Happened to me. I still don't know how much ***. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Deleted Member]

Friday at 11:39 PM, eyemblacksheep said:

I think - I dunno - I was a bit under the weather the other night, and I'd just responded on another post - and it's like, there's another guy who feels that things not dropping into his lap means "does not exist" 

I guess that's the default thinking for some men. I've noticed that some women default to "what's wrong with me?". 🧐

[ey****]

1 hour ago, Curvykate said:

I guess that's the default thinking for some men. I've noticed that some women default to "what's wrong with me?". 🧐

I think - and this is important for everyone regardless of their frustrations...

Finding a relationship is actually hard.  The more caveats you add, the harder it is.  Not, of course, that I'm saying don't add caveats.  

Sometimes - I often *** the scenario of two people wanting to do something together but neither actually raising it - be it confidence, or assuming the other person wouldn't be interested, or whatever.  I guess like many men I would say sometimes it would be easier if women were more forthcoming ~but~ I also know many who have reached out to others to be friendly and see where things go are either accused of being fake, or met with a "let's fuck" far too quickly - so I understand a lot why this doesn't happen.

I say this... the last person who I filmed with is someone who is always the one to make the move (to be fair - aside from covid, she moves around a lot for work and so I often assume when she is local she'll be busy) and way back before lockdown the last sub girl I did anything with was someone who broached me.   Mind... especially in her case, she is a lesbian, but wanted to play with a man as part of a kink and so wanted to reach out to contact someone she felt she could trust when the time was right for her. 

 

 

 

[Deleted Member]

30 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I think - and this is important for everyone regardless of their frustrations...

Finding a relationship is actually hard.  The more caveats you add, the harder it is.  Not, of course, that I'm saying don't add caveats.  

Sometimes - I often *** the scenario of two people wanting to do something together but neither actually raising it - be it confidence, or assuming the other person wouldn't be interested, or whatever.  I guess like many men I would say sometimes it would be easier if women were more forthcoming ~but~ I also know many who have reached out to others to be friendly and see where things go are either accused of being fake, or met with a "let's fuck" far too quickly - so I understand a lot why this doesn't happen.

I say this... the last person who I filmed with is someone who is always the one to make the move (to be fair - aside from covid, she moves around a lot for work and so I often assume when she is local she'll be busy) and way back before lockdown the last sub girl I did anything with was someone who broached me.   Mind... especially in her case, she is a lesbian, but wanted to play with a man as part of a kink and so wanted to reach out to contact someone she felt she could trust when the time was right for her. 

 

 

 

I can't speak for other women, obviously, but being more prepared to speak up for what I want/need/would enjoy has been a failing for me all my life. It's actually learning more about how men think in the last few years that's made that easier. The conversations on this forum and private chats help. There's an openness generally in the community I just haven't found in vanilla life.