Kink?

[Deleted Member]

Kink should be this, or kink should be that. A Dominant should behave a certain way, and a submissive the same?

 

When I first started reading literature about the community, a few years ago, I was led to believe there were shall we say certain ways depending on individual labels, ome should behave. Certain protocols, rules or structures we should adhere to, depending again on our perceived roles or labels. Now after a couple of years Interacting with real people I can see the folly of that, as with those interactions be they online or irl, comes the clear realisation that everyone is so so different, unique, and with that so can be the connections one makes. 

 

Kink? It's a choice between fully informed, and consenting adults, to be what the hell they choose to be. It can be a dynamic, or a deeply affectionate relationship. It can be whatever turns you on, physically, spiritually or emotionally. It can be sexual, or none sexual. It's anything and everything, we, as unique souls desire, with as I said earlier fully informed consent, a duty of care, and an open mind. Sure, there are those who choose strict protocols and there are those who don't, neither is right, and neither is wrong. There is only you, your partner and your desires, nothing more. 

 

I adore being ***ed on, something at one point  I struggled with, as surely a bloke like me should not enjoy what may be seen by some as a submissive gesture, right? For me it doesn't feel submissive, anything but. It's what I want, it throws a switch within. It makes me hard, and awakens a deeply sexual response that is hard to verbalise. Although there may be many who disagree, and for them they are right, I respect that, for me they are wrong, as they are not me.

 

For me, Kink is not Domination or submission, kink is not foot worship or impact. Kink is your mind and heart. Kink is you, your partner and your choices, whatever they may be. Sometimes someone may say you're doing it wrong, but what they actually may mean is you're not doing it the way they would choose, but it can be far from wrong, merely a different choice or perception, they as unique individuals may have, just like you 😊.

[tu****]

It is important to never forget that labels hold no real meaning and that everyone is a unique human being

[Deleted Member]

Thank you DonnyKinkster. I really enjoyed reading your description of kink . It’s certainly a broad church that encompasses so much of who we really are . Having fun leads to a happy ending so enjoy it! ……. Peace and love ❤️ 🙏

[Deleted Member]

Thankyou for sharing this. As someone who struggles very much with role stereotypes and d/s dynamics, this was good to read!

[Deleted Member]

I loved reading this. I always find that, much like with religion, people love to create and en*** rules. If you are not doing it like them, you are doing it wrong. And like you, initially I thought that there is only one way, no grey areas. These days , I appreciate the many wonderful variations of what kink is for different people. I am so tired of strict labels. And I know that for a lot of people labelling is belonging and identity, but for others, it’s an unnecessary restriction. I have submissive tendencies with the right person, in the right circumstances. That doesn’t mean that on the odd occasion, if the mood takes me, that I wouldn’t want to jump my partner and have my merry way with him. And personally, if I was seeing someone, who needed to be 100% of the time in control, that will be so very, very boring.
And why would you liking to be ‘***ed on” not be a Domly thing? One could argue, that for example, a sub holding her Dom’s appendage in her mouth, is in fact the one in control. So who cares who does what and if it’s in line with the label they’ve adopted, If it feels good, right? 😉

[Puppy6411]

Thank you for this, very well articulated. I too struggle with the d/s dynamic; surely it all about consenting adults and their common/complimentary desires?

[HammerFist]

You are in right path.
Since we are all different, i take labels as just a rough guide. its all about the flow of energy between master and sub, eventually you find (if you have the right person) a way to create a state, where the dynamic feeds both partners, rather than consuming them. As the Master in my relationships, my job is to make sure , that the dynamic makes me proud of my sub, which increases her devotion, making her push harder for me, making me even more proud. Forget labels, and just focus on feeling your sub. Use your instincts, and if any one say "this is wrong" to hell with them. remember always that in order to know who you are you must go beyond your boundaries, so those imposed from outside, are meaningless. Practice safe, be mindful and respectful of your play partners and always be passionate, you will be fine like that.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, DarkSweetAngel said:

I always find that, much like with religion, people love to create and en*** rules. If you are not doing it like them, you are doing it wrong. 

An apt comparison, nail on the head 😊

[qu****]

I've often said what's with labels? Simply put it's down to the individuals involved what terms/names are used, there is no wrong or right merely personal choice 😁

[Deleted Member]

Respect

[Deleted Member]

Great post! Love it! It really is that simple. 

For me it's all about the Mistress and what she wants. 

I never thought I'd like being ***ed on, but it happened a couple years ago half way through a thrashing. I found I only liked it because she wanted to do it. I had enormous pleasure because I obeyed without question. And then she carried on thrashing me. She was so happy with my obedience and I felt fantastic. 

So yes, the dynamic is what you both want it to be. Not what someone else thinks it should be. 

[Th****]

Good to read your wise words my friend 😊 👍

Indeed it is the dynamic and the people involved that develop those rules / behaviors.

As long as those involved are cool with it the details are no one else's business. Our BDSM is a reflection of the coming together of two or more unique individuals and thus it is unique each and every time.

Bravo and thanks for the great post

[Deleted Member]

Fab post! Open and honest conversation between two people can lead to exploring things you never thought possible… two consenting adults with open minds and safe words and the possibilities are endless. No need for labels. Does any of that matter if those involved enjoy what’s happening between them?