Somewhat new to BDSM

[Deleted Member]

So prior to this year I thought BDSM was people in rubber suits and doing the most messed up stuff. Fast forward to this year I meet a woman online and find out that I'm kind of a freak. I find out I like to treat a woman like shit verbally/physically during sex and at the same time I'm hyper conscious of their well being and them feeling the best they can. I love to *** a woman, I love to play with their nipples to the point its a mix of *** and pleasure. I love to growl at woman while I'm fucking them and make them feel a mix of pleasure and ***. I need a woman to fight back and be a brat to me. If I don't feel challenges I lose interest.  The most important thing is I want a woman to beg to cum and then get off in the most intense way possible. After sex it's important I talk to the woman and make sure she is feeling good and happy with what happened. I love the woman falling asleep in my arms after sex.  I don't know if this is normal or I'm some kind of weird person. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated since my entire life I've been vanilla. 

[Ch****]

Uh...welcome to the site. You've made quite an entrance.
Not sure why you're in such a rush to have others judge you and your kinks, and it is unlikely that "normal" or "weird" will be applied to you. But since you asked, you express a lot of sadistic qualities and a lot of "I" statements without much mention of whether you're communicating about what she wants. If you engage in this sort of thing safely, safely, and consensually, with communication about mutual desires, fine. You do express some interest in "her" pleasure and aftercare, which is good, but the way this is written, it makes me wonder. I'm not sure if you intended this post as a bit of a personal ad (and maybe it would get some primal/prey takers), but I'm guessing that a lot of your audience might get a bit nervous about you. I'd recommend that you take some time perusing the resources on this site, particularly on the basic principles of bdsm, and maybe following that up with some of the posts about how to approach people on this site. Relatively inexperienced doms do tend to...well, present themselves in a manner they may not intend. Good luck, and happy browsing!

[Mo****]

Seth have you taken the BDSM test yet, and if so, why not post the results so others get a chance to see a bit more of what makes you tick. I agree with most of what  @ChromeDom has said. For someone that only 12 months ago had the totally wrong idea of what BDSM was all about, you are getting into some rather risky activities.

[PandoraUK]

That’s a lot of “ME”. I just cringed as it felt so one-sided, then an afterthought about the other person. Even with the way you worded it. Like the others, I also advise taking it slow and learning about risk profiles. Both yours and how others may differ. Pretty sure what you are describing is fantasy and not reality. That’s a lot of pressure to put on someone and it’s not attractive to new potential partners. Be safe. Learn from people who have a lot of knowledge and experience.

[Deleted Member]

Hi Sett, welcome to the dark side. I agree with the comments above. The things your talking about sound a little unfiltered and are likley to get some negative attention here on account of the languange you use to describe your fantasies.
A year can be a long time in terms of personal growth and discovery, so I'm not going to tell you to slow down, but please be careful. The things you're into are normal for one, perhaps in the right company and with someone you've taken the time to know and form a real trusting relationship with first but they're not the kind of thing you can jump straight into without paying some regard to the human featuring at the centre of your darker side.
Whoever you play with should be firmly in the middle of of your world and you should learn to be attentive to their needs too. Otherwise it'll end up being a dangerous and damaging experiance for you both.
Learning how to hold and nurture the sadistic part of you, the bit that you're expressing here, and carry yourself well without being a prize prick about it all, is hard learned for some. Some never do.
It'll be the most important factor in learning to reconcile who you were a year ago with the unlocked part of you you're starting to learn about now.
You're in safe company here, and there are plenty of people willing to guide you if you'll listen with an open mind. Good luck, just try not to let yourself be another one of 'them'!

[Deleted Member]

With respect there are so many contradictions in there it reads like a sales pitch mixed with fantasy. So many red flags its hard to know where to start. Take a breath, fella, back off and try to do some research.

[Deleted Member]

So I think many will find this very interesting.  This is what I did recently.  

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When I first met the woman as a joke I took the test and got this. The woman has kind of shaped what I am into. 

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And everyone is absolutely right. I am a selfish person but I also know if the person I'm with is not happy/satisfied then I have nothing. I'm hyperconscious of my shortcoming and try and correct them when I see them. The point of this post was to express what is on my mind so it's going to have a bunch of I's and Me's. It has been helpful reading what people have said. I a very open person to change and hoping I can change from what I read on this. 

 

Uploaded BDSM results to my profile. One from christmas and one from recently.

Edited July 19, 2021 by Deleted Member
* External links removed

[Deleted Member]

5 hours ago, PandoraUK said:

That’s a lot of “ME”. I just cringed as it felt so one-sided, then an afterthought about the other person. Even with the way you worded it. Like the others, I also advise taking it slow and learning about risk profiles. Both yours and how others may differ. Pretty sure what you are describing is fantasy and not reality. That’s a lot of pressure to put on someone and it’s not attractive to new potential partners. Be safe. Learn from people who have a lot of knowledge and experience.

It's funny you say that. The woman I'm currently "with" (long story) told me "I can't believe we're doing this. I didn't think this stuff really existed. I thought it was just stuff you see on the tv/internet." Despite what I said being mostly about me do know the amount of trust/communication to be like this is massive. We've spent upwards of 17 hours a day talking and pretty much talking every day for atleast 5 hours. 

[Ch****]

Might not be the worst time to plug the quarantine munches (Thursdays, 3pm Maine time). I know a munch on narcissism is on the planning table, and someone with me-focused concerns may get something out of it. People, maybe us guys in particular, do need to check ourselves and our motivations often, especially when taking a dominant role. Another thing that may help is imagining your audience here as a bunch of "people in rubber suits doing messed up things". Some of us are, or wish to be. But we're just people, as are you, that find the break from convention refreshing. We all have our own problems, strengths, desires, and concerns. In that way, you're no different.

[PandoraUK]

18 hours ago, Deleted profile said:

It's funny you say that. The woman I'm currently "with" (long story) told me "I can't believe we're doing this. I didn't think this stuff really existed. I thought it was just stuff you see on the tv/internet." Despite what I said being mostly about me do know the amount of trust/communication to be like this is massive. We've spent upwards of 17 hours a day talking and pretty much talking every day for atleast 5 hours. 

I can only comment on what you actually wrote. 🤷‍♀️