New sub feeling pressured

[Deleted Member]

A hard limit is a hard limit. A Dom wanting to go beyond, especially if you are new to it, should be considered unsuitable.

NEVER do something you don't want to do. Sure talk about it, but only if you *want* to.

[Bu****]

You are the one that set the limits, break them, Time to leave... rules are there to be followed!!

[Deleted Member]

Interesting reading the answers here. At a basic level, I'd say if they arestill pushing you after receiving a no, I'd block and move on.

With regards to the hard limits, I don't think these should be pushed. This is my no list, things I am not interested in doing. I have a substantial soft limit list that I expected to renegotiate as things develop. I have worked with a Dom on a checklist before, where everything is on a sliding scale of 6 yes, let's go, I will do this now, and 0 is fuck right off, absolutely no, never. We started with my 6s and 5s, then explored a little further down.

[bl****]

I'm so sorry to hear that you're experiencing this, all to common, problem.
Know that if someone isn't respecting your boundaries, especially this early, run. They aren't worth your time or your submission. And they will only push further if given the chance. You deserve better.
Remember submission is earned, it's given, not taken.
Good luck and have fun.

[pomonagirl]

Good for you, for having the insight and courage to post about this. 

If you feel uncomfortable, bad, confused, pressured...about ANYTHING a "Dom" is telling you (or not telling you)...he is not a good fit for you and you should definitely move on!!

Each Dominant will want different things and have different approaches. Sadly, so many that use "***", "***", "manipulation" prey on newbies (because those of us with some real life experience with BDSM won't tolerate it).

If your interactions with a person leave you feeling bad in ANY way---move on. BDSM should be about bringing some pleasure and positivity into your life.

[Deleted Member]

If he is fimiliar with your soft and hard limits, and still keep pushing he isn't worth your submission, energy and time. Hard limits are hard limits.

[Deleted Member]

Be comfortable or it’s not worth it 

[Deleted Member]

I've said it before, nothing should progress faster or farther than the sub wishes. Submission is a gift, a good Dom puts the health safety and well-being of his sub before his own gratification. Any dom who doesn't respect his sub, is simply an ***r.

[Deleted Member]

Good the lifestyle is supposed to be fun and exciting

[Qwertypoi]

I good dom will never push a hard no, unfortunately there are ones who will push and I've experienced it. Very lucky to have a very caring partner who is very good at keeping to our hard nos and my needs. Trust me when you meet someone who keeps to their word and your agreements you will see what is happening now is unacceptable. Trust me when I say that you will find better.

[Th****]

As a person if your not comfortable doing something and that person keep ***s you to keep doing that then I would drop him from your life

[Lu****]

It’s a kinda exciting experience tho but you really don’t need someone who pushes to hard on decisions yunno...

[Sp****]

As a Dom everyone is correct you can’t build trust if they break there word hard limits and Safe Words have to be respected and shown to work or there can never be a true bond of trust and Respect

[Al****]

A good Dom will not do thing you are uncomfortable with. They should still respect you. Aftercare is good and big too. Just bc they are your Dom does not mean they control you

[Deleted Member]

The person is not a real Dom, he/she is an ***r. Hard/soft limits are established for a reason. Leave

[Deleted Member]

Think the above comments have covered this Nicely. Golden rule is make sure you're happy. There is a fine line between pushing and exploring boundaries and doing something that makes you very uncomfortable. If you're new and they're actually experienced, they will help guide you and help you explore with that in mind.

[La****]

They are supposed to respect you more than they dom you. Get rid of them. Make sure your boundries are respected.

[Th****]

Limits are like any other boundary, rather than pressure some one to move their fence posts you focus on playing in the large field between them.

Some people alas seem to see limits as a challenge, their aim is to get as much as they can. That is not the behaviour of a Dominant though I am afraid.

As has already been stated you should not feel pressured and it is a large red flag 🚩. So get out while you can or have a very serious conversation restating and guaranteeing your limits.

The whole point of BDSM is that it is consensual and you're consent is not valid if it is has to be gained by pressuring you. Valid consent is freely given, fully informed and ongoing.

Take care and remember your choices are valid.

[BbygurlNbbyman]

That is not a behavior of a TRUE Dom..The Doms role is to respect you and accept your limits and work with what he. I suggest finding a new one.

[Deleted Member]

Anyone that won't accept your hard limits should be given a quick goodbye. The way I see responsibility of a Dom is to provide a safe and healthy place and mind set for the Sub(among others). If they cant accept that you're not OK with certain things then you can't trust them to take your safety seriously.

[ba****]

My motto has always been, in this realm, “if it’s not a hell yes, then it’s a hell no.” Cut them loose if they don’t respect your limits.

[Deleted Member]

Step away. If you’re uncomfortable then remove yourself from the situation and find ones that respect you in the relationship. If you weren’t willing to submit then they wouldn’t be able to be dominant something they don’t clearly understand possibly

[Deleted Member]

Let me also say, that if our subs limits keep us from getting what we need then we have to find a way to take them to that limit and push them past it. That’s the intimacy in the relationship that’s the best part. Taking someone to the threshold and into another place they didn’t know they could go.

[Wo****]

2 hours ago, LinksTheApex said:

Let me also say, that if our subs limits keep us from getting what we need then we have to find a way to take them to that limit and push them past it. That’s the intimacy in the relationship that’s the best part. Taking someone to the threshold and into another place they didn’t know they could go.

Could you clarify this? Please...

 

Do you mean that in a secure relationship where you've built trust that it's possible, if both parties want to, to explore limits?

 

Or...

Do you mean you're the Dominant so your submissives limits are only there to be stepped past?

[Deleted Member]

I mean a common understanding between the two. Dominant has changed over the years and I’ve considered stepping away from the community as a whole. I don’t like saying I’m dominant it makes me cringe because so many others are an embarrassment in my opinion. I feel, and it’s my opinion that it has to be a partnership unless a person is there just to be ***d. But it should be an experience for you that you want more of. I feel you should be treated in a way that makes you trust your “dom”, and want to be taken past your limit to the point of no limitations. I’m not dominant I am, The Apex. Now if you haven’t submitted totally then they shouldn’t expect it. How much have you stressed your discomfort to them? And remind them but ask first if you can say something about them. They so no then walk. But sometimes they have to be reminded that without subs they have no one. If they want you to return then they need to make sure you’re going to want to.