ftm_daddywolf Posted April 12, 2018 Posted April 12, 2018 (edited) I have been seeing someone romantically for about 4 months, she is submissive and we 'play', as well as doing other romantic things. The thing is I think she is very avoidant maybe or commitment phobe, doesn't seem to like making plans or make time. I know she likes me a lot, she is very intense when we are together and sends me romantic/sexy messages, she's told me she loves me and I have told her that too. But still she won't commit to me as a partner and doesn't seem to prioritise me. As a Top as well I feel like its really messing with my feeling of empowerment, makes me feel insecure and kind of 'smaller'. I know the top/bottom thing is within an arranged space and outside of that I should not expect her to be a certain way, and I don't, I am not wanting her to treat me as a master all the time, but her evasiveness and deprioritising of the relationship and playing makes me feel less able to even pretend to have control. I have told her how I feel and she usually starts being defensive, makes excuses, but eventually usually understands and then tries, but then it slips back. I am starting to think maybe it was a mistake having a romantic relationship because now I feel *** and not the best version of myself. Are there any other Tops that have been in similar situations or does anyone have any advice? Edited April 12, 2018 by ftm_daddywolf
Deleted Member Posted April 12, 2018 Posted April 12, 2018 Im a sub. And this sounds like someones getting their fantasies catered for when needed to me (sorry) im probably wrong though as usual 😂😂
Deleted Member Posted April 12, 2018 Posted April 12, 2018 I think it's her issue rather than to do with the dynamic, without knowing if her excuses are real reasons or just excuses it's hard to say for sure..but I agree with substa she's seems to be using you to service her needs as and when, rather than wanting the relationship that you clearly do..take control and give her an ultimatum..if she lets you down again, close that door and move on, and find someone with the same relationship goals as you.
Charms Posted April 16, 2018 Posted April 16, 2018 im a sub and im romanticaly involved with my dom. we speak every day via txt or call as we both have things to do in life. we do couple things when we are togther as well as play. it seems as though your just being used when she wants you and she gets you to stay by the txts an the i love yous
Deleted Member Posted April 16, 2018 Posted April 16, 2018 Sounds like it’s time for a serious talk about what you both want out of this. If your relationship expectations and wants are different from theirs, then you need to make a decision. If they are willing to enter into a more structured relationship - it would probably benefit from a written agreement inclusive of responsibilities around communication and contact. That will ensure it’s clear what page you’re both on. Heels 👠👠
ftm_daddywolf Posted April 18, 2018 Author Posted April 18, 2018 I have actually tried a contract type thing, but it didn't work out, partly because I really felt like then it became an obligation, and she got kind of fussy about it, so wasn't ever sure it was out of desire or not. It's not so much I need more time with her or more texts etc, its more that I want to feel prioritised, like for example we have tried to have an agreement of seeing each other once a week minimum, but when I ask her when she's free, she will be very evasive and say she's REALLY busy, but then I'll ask her what she did last night and she'll say she was just at home doing nothing, and I will be thinking 'wow busy huh?'. I know its fine for people to need personal space/alone time, but I really want to feel like I am worthy of some sacrifice here and there. Like she must do social things with friends a few times a week, and that she seems to prioritise , I want her to have a social life, but I would like to be sometimes prioritised above others. I guess I will try and take a step back, not sure I want to totally end the relationship, but I might just give it some space and back off a bit. On 16/04/2018 at 7:49 AM, MissHeels said: Sounds like it’s time for a serious talk about what you both want out of this. If your relationship expectations and wants are different from theirs, then you need to make a decision. If they are willing to enter into a more structured relationship - it would probably benefit from a written agreement inclusive of responsibilities around communication and contact. That will ensure it’s clear what page you’re both on. Heels 👠👠
ey**** Posted April 18, 2018 Posted April 18, 2018 it sounds whatever the truth of the matter is she is less interested. This might not be anything you've done - perhaps the magic has worn off, perhaps she's struggling to get into headspace, perhaps there is something else she isn't telling you about through either nerves or whatever. it probably is worth a discussion together of what you both want.
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