How does a new Dom start?

[Deleted Member]

Hey All! I am new to this BDSM scene! I am a dominant or I have always been more dominant in the bedroom but how do I start down this path to explore further without coming across as a wannabe?

[Deleted Member]

Its hard to do mate subs want experience and you can't get any because you can't get a sub all you can do is research talk to people subs and doms and hope to find a sub who will be happy to grow with you I guess

[Deleted Member]

Listen, learn, and don't pretend to know more than you do. It would be a great idea to try to find a mentor. Have you made any connections at your closest munch?

[typhoon2]

Try Topping first. Explore similar dynamics to D/s with cautious, scripted scenes and casual players. When everything is clearly stated you're less likely to make major errors compared to the wide variety of domination styles and paths, the experience gained will help enormously indeciding uour own path and perfecting it plus you get a reputation - hopefully a good one! Mentors are handy, whether to chat to or watch in action, and local munches are essential to boost credibility and start networking.

[Th****]

The previous suggestions are good read and read, learn your craft, talk to people and learn what makes them tick. I asked no end of questions when I first started, you will learn the most by listening to submissives.
Why one sort of *** not another?
You enjoy that why exactly?
So what does a good Dom look like to you?

Also don't forget to spend some effort on learning active communication it is going to be important.

Not only Mentors are excellent teachers an experienced sub can teach a lot from another perspective.

Good luck, have fun and asking was a great first step 👍

[ey****]

One of the first things to do is to avoid being distracted by 'the experience paradox' (the, I haven't got experience, subs want Dominants with experience, but how can I get experience if they won't give me a chance?) because that's a negative spiral that doesn't help with growth or learning

Now... the internet is a great wealth of learning resources.   What I would say though is not putting all eggs in one basket and remember porn (including both videos and stories) "isn't real" - but can be a source for inspiration : get info from multiple sources

Making passive connections is a good way to learn, so on this site this could be reading the magazine, reading the forum posts (and contributing where you can), possibly joining the chat

But also - as well as online, making friends in real life is a boost - I was about to say I'm sure Devon munch is back but turns out it was last night.

You don't actually need a partner or sub to boost your own knowledge and learning.

And there's a lot of different things could happen.... as you make friends there might be folk happy to try things with you, or help you with skills, ideas and learning

Or, you may find a relationship you can explore within - but - like, let that happen naturally.  

But, always be honest about your experience levels.  

[HammerFist]

read a lot but also play out your fantasies, try rp sessions on line to see other perspectives, and also really pay attention to the comment below mine. Thebian makes an excellent couple of suggestions. try other ways, so you can find your own. and most of all, is ok to have doubts, but practice. remember that reality is what you make of it and yes, look at as much material as you can, so when you see something, you can actually analyze it as thoroughly as possible, remember that you will be in charge, so start simple but firm, and then as you gain confidence, add elements. The first time i ***d a girl, back in my early 20s, she was way more excited than i was, but i remained secure, and used what i had learned to that point, to bring the play to a good end. don't push your self, add slowly

[ol****]

The advice to read is good. Try to understand from that reading those things which strike a chord. Then look for a sub that might match. You need to be ***fully honest as well with any potential sub. You might find somebody you can grow with if you are lucky.

The advice about active communication is good advice.

[Phoenyx]

Some great advice has been offered by the folks here.  Another thing to realize though, is that there are many different styles of "Dom".  A question to ask yourself is, "Which is yours?"  What are your fantasies?  Are you in touch with that part of yourself?  Or, has *** of society caused you to bury them deep within your psyche?  You made need to do some deep introspection.

One important first step for all Dom/mes, is learning how to read people (eye contact, s***ch inflection, body language, etc).  An exercise that I often suggest, is to watch the clerks at the grocery store (but try not to stare).  Observe them for a moment or two, and see if an image forms in your mind.  You will be seeing a layer below the superficial "customer service" facade.  You could even, after some observation, ask, "How is your day?"  See if their response matches your observations.  Eventually, you may gain enough confidence, to actually make a casual comment on the kind of day that they are having (without having to ask).  Still, remember to always be tactful.  You may also encounter times when it seems best to say nothing.  A clerk may have had too many guys flirting with her, that day---and she just wants to be left alone.  Respect that, if you sense it.

I hope that this helps.  If you have more questions, you can always message me.  I will try to do what I can.