How much do bedroom skills matter?

[Wo****]

3 hours ago, Curvykate said:

That's true. Someone who would judge me like that isn't someone I want to do anything with. I am older though and there seems to be this idea that older women "know what they're doing". Blow jobs are fine, it's the rest I think for me. It's the emotional *** for years that's hitting me hard I think. X

A very wise friend once told me that sometimes dealing with "stuff" is like when you soak a dish... the crap starts floating to the surface so you scrub at it, rinse it. Sometimes you need to do that more than once as the bits become smaller and smaller..

 

3 hours ago, Curvykate said:

It's not that they don't want to make me feel good. It's that they have performance expectations. I don't think I can live up to them. X

Performance expectations? Like what? X

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, CommunymPDX said:

When I’m wearing my Dom hat, I certainly appreciate skill, but most of what we think of as skill comes down to subjective preference. Given the choice between a partner with high skill and low enthusiasm or one with low skill and high enthusiasm, I’ll pick enthusiasm every time. The major skill that I look for is being able to communicate well; skill and compatibility can’t be improved without the ability to give and receive meaningful feedback.

I wrote thinking only of sexual stamina, endurance, athleticism, technique I guess as skills. I hadn't thought of communication as part of the armoury one might possess. Intriguing. Thank you.

[Deleted Member]

37 minutes ago, Bounty said:

Performance expectations? Like what? X

I feel my naïveté is showing ever more each time I post 😳, Bounty. Regardless. Oral technique. Co-ordination, flexibility, stamina. Taking clothes off without looking like an awkward geriatric. 🤗 That kind of thing.

[Wo****]

1 hour ago, Curvykate said:

I feel my naïveté is showing ever more each time I post 😳, Bounty. Regardless. Oral technique. Co-ordination, flexibility, stamina. Taking clothes off without looking like an awkward geriatric. 🤗 That kind of thing.

Ahhh... those expectations....

I sum it up in two words... f*ck it!

 

Seriously... I used to be riddled with insecurities. Now, I really do embrace them.

 

Older women know what they're doing? More we've learnt what we like (and dont like)

[Pl****]

10 hours ago, Curvykate said:

I've heard before that enthusiasm matters but from partners. I never believe anyone I have played with because they will be biased. I thought I might get a more honest response here and I have. I'm never going to be athletic 😳. Good to have your thoughts.

Do you mean you're not sure if your partners are representative of other people, or that you suspect they might be lying to you. It's not as if there's a single right answer here. Personally, I love enthusiastic partners, but some people don't. What reason would you have to not believe a partner? 

And just to tack on, compatibility really is a thing. Just as an almost absurd example, my ex-girlfriend and I are both famously huge cuddle junkies, but our cuddling styles are completely incompatible. I just like to relax and enjoy the closeness and warmth of another person, but she likes to move around and grind and writhe while cuddling. And we both thought the other was terrible at it at the time, but really, we just like different things. I'm aware that some of my tastes are quite different than that of most guys, and pretty much all my partners have had to relearn things they thought they were experts at because what worked with other guys doesn't work with me. That doesn't mean they're bad at those things, but not everything works for everyone at the same level. I'm aware enough of my differences that it's easy enough for me to realize my partners weren't objectively bad, but I can imagine other people struggling to tell the difference. 

I don't know your situation with respect to physical fitness, but just in case, I think it's important to not think of being athletic as a binary variable. A lot of people have a mentality that they aren't athletic, therefore they don't exercise, but it's a continuum rather than an either/or. They could still be more athletic than they are, and that's worthwhile. They don't have to compete at the highest levels from the beginning. They can just do what they can, and keep improving. Even if you don't care about appearance at all, it's worth it just for your health, and the longer you live, the more you'll get out of it. My mother is a senior citizen now, but she's still benefiting from the exercise she got in her 30s. And it's almost never too late to make progress. A woman my mother went to high school with, who was never in great shape prior, started working out in her 50s and actually became a world champion weight lifter in her age group. It takes some time and isn't always easy, but it's an investment in your long term health, *and* your mental health, and even your appearance as a bonus. 

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, Bounty said:

Ahhh... those expectations....

I sum it up in two words... f*ck it!

 

Seriously... I used to be riddled with insecurities. Now, I really do embrace them.

 

Older women know what they're doing? More we've learnt what we like (and dont like)

I don't share your confidence, Bounty. Not at that stage yet. Hopefully some day!

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, Pleasurecalculus said:

Do you mean you're not sure if your partners are representative of other people, or that you suspect they might be lying to you. It's not as if there's a single right answer here. Personally, I love enthusiastic partners, but some people don't. What reason would you have to not believe a partner? 

And just to tack on, compatibility really is a thing. Just as an almost absurd example, my ex-girlfriend and I are both famously huge cuddle junkies, but our cuddling styles are completely incompatible. I just like to relax and enjoy the closeness and warmth of another person, but she likes to move around and grind and writhe while cuddling. And we both thought the other was terrible at it at the time, but really, we just like different things. I'm aware that some of my tastes are quite different than that of most guys, and pretty much all my partners have had to relearn things they thought they were experts at because what worked with other guys doesn't work with me. That doesn't mean they're bad at those things, but not everything works for everyone at the same level. I'm aware enough of my differences that it's easy enough for me to realize my partners weren't objectively bad, but I can imagine other people struggling to tell the difference. 

I don't know your situation with respect to physical fitness, but just in case, I think it's important to not think of being athletic as a binary variable. A lot of people have a mentality that they aren't athletic, therefore they don't exercise, but it's a continuum rather than an either/or. They could still be more athletic than they are, and that's worthwhile. They don't have to compete at the highest levels from the beginning. They can just do what they can, and keep improving. Even if you don't care about appearance at all, it's worth it just for your health, and the longer you live, the more you'll get out of it. My mother is a senior citizen now, but she's still benefiting from the exercise she got in her 30s. And it's almost never too late to make progress. A woman my mother went to high school with, who was never in great shape prior, started working out in her 50s and actually became a world champion weight lifter in her age group. It takes some time and isn't always easy, but it's an investment in your long term health, *and* your mental health, and even your appearance as a bonus. 

Partners are biased, not lying. They say what they think I want to hear and what will keep me in their bed. Flannel as we call it in Yorkshire.
Your second point about health - I do exercise and stretch daily. I'd do more, but I'm managing a flare up with chronic *** at present. I think very few adults need a lesson on the value of physical fitness.

[Wo****]

6 hours ago, Curvykate said:

I don't share your confidence, Bounty. Not at that stage yet. Hopefully some day!

A year ago, I wouldn't have believed someone would type something like that, that I would be this confident, and happy, with myself but thanks to the wonderful support I've had from people here I've discovered that it really is okay to just enjoy whatever it is that you do. Revel in it, celebrate it....

Kate, your body is yours, your reactions, your feelings... we have this awesome gift of being able to experience and enjoy things... so enjoy them...

 

Lose yourself in the freedom and beauty of the feminine divine within you 🙏

 

I feel sexy because I enjoy sex, because Fen does.

When he raises his head from my pussy, nuzzles my cellulite, traces his tongue over my scars and stretch marks, grabs my belly and thanks me for giving him my orgasms.... that's what makes me feel sexy. As he says "couldn't do it without you" 🙏

Edited August 3, 2021 by Bounty
Added to.

[Deleted Member]

29 minutes ago, Bounty said:

A year ago, I wouldn't have believed someone would type something like that, that I would be this confident, and happy, with myself but thanks to the wonderful support I've had from people here I've discovered that it really is okay to just enjoy whatever it is that you do. Revel in it, celebrate it....

Kate, your body is yours, your reactions, your feelings... we have this awesome gift of being able to experience and enjoy things... so enjoy them...

 

Lose yourself in the freedom and beauty of the feminine divine within you 🙏

 

I feel sexy because I enjoy sex, because Fen does.

When he raises his head from my pussy, nuzzles my cellulite, traces his tongue over my scars and stretch marks, grabs my belly and thanks me for giving him my orgasms.... that's what makes me feel sexy. As he says "couldn't do it without you" 🙏

It's wonderful that you have that with Fen. Genuinely happy for you.

[sw****]

I’ve found that the deeper the connection I have with someone the better the sex is. Trust, open communication and respect is all part of that. 
 

I’m a lot more relaxed with someone I connect with, am able to enjoy sex more and be swept away in the moment. 
 

 

[Je****]

On 8/3/2021 at 7:38 AM, Curvykate said:

Partners are biased, not lying. They say what they think I want to hear and what will keep me in their bed. Flannel as we call it in Yorkshire.
Your second point about health - I do exercise and stretch daily. I'd do more, but I'm managing a flare up with chronic *** at present. I think very few adults need a lesson on the value of physical fitness.

i skimmed a few comments and plucked this one out. partners are indeed biased, i say this often when mine compliments me! 

but in the bedroom they need to not be biased. they need to know, love, trust and support you and most of all communicate with you. 

no point being biased in the bedroom (or lying) about something they think/want/know you can improve on. 

if they can communicate something along the lines of "try it this way, or harder slower/faster, or im not feeling ths try that instead" it all adds up to you learning and improving what is enjoyable for them, and vice versa, you guiding them also.

if they are going to remain biased or lie about something it wont improve or change to be more pleasureable, becaue they havent informed you.

 

as for undressing... i am a big lass and i dont do sexy seductive dances or teases. my figure and lack of confidence stops me from this but at the same time those things are not expected from me as my partner knows im not quite there yet. and rather enjoys and giggles at the fact i strip off like Bruce Almighty haha. but they are just happy to hear my massive pannies hit the floor lol

 

call me cynical but anyone who just says "youre not good in bed" is selfish and judgmental and only after you for the sexual side of things. rather than help and support you with confidence and growth. 

 

and to acknowledge bounty on the "partner surfacing and nuzzling cellulite/scars" etc. i really feel this. my biggest issue is my belly and my partner embraced that part of me first told me they love it even if i dont, because its a part of me... that its more surfaced area to care for kiss and love. i am slowly learning that is true. no one has a perfect body in the real world. we need someone to have us for who we are, not what we can or "should" do in bed. 

 

youre both amazing ladies and i am glad bounty has found that confidence and il pay my compliments for Bold for that, and i do have faith one day kate that you will find that too and be the happiest lady ever <3

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, JenniferTP said:

i skimmed a few comments and plucked this one out. partners are indeed biased, i say this often when mine compliments me! 

but in the bedroom they need to not be biased. they need to know, love, trust and support you and most of all communicate with you. 

no point being biased in the bedroom (or lying) about something they think/want/know you can improve on. 

if they can communicate something along the lines of "try it this way, or harder slower/faster, or im not feeling ths try that instead" it all adds up to you learning and improving what is enjoyable for them, and vice versa, you guiding them also.

if they are going to remain biased or lie about something it wont improve or change to be more pleasureable, becaue they havent informed you.

 

as for undressing... i am a big lass and i dont do sexy seductive dances or teases. my figure and lack of confidence stops me from this but at the same time those things are not expected from me as my partner knows im not quite there yet. and rather enjoys and giggles at the fact i strip off like Bruce Almighty haha. but they are just happy to hear my massive pannies hit the floor lol

 

call me cynical but anyone who just says "youre not good in bed" is selfish and judgmental and only after you for the sexual side of things. rather than help and support you with confidence and growth. 

 

and to acknowledge bounty on the "partner surfacing and nuzzling cellulite/scars" etc. i really feel this. my biggest issue is my belly and my partner embraced that part of me first told me they love it even if i dont, because its a part of me... that its more surfaced area to care for kiss and love. i am slowly learning that is true. no one has a perfect body in the real world. we need someone to have us for who we are, not what we can or "should" do in bed. 

 

youre both amazing ladies and i am glad bounty has found that confidence and il pay my compliments for Bold for that, and i do have faith one day kate that you will find that too and be the happiest lady ever <3

A casual partner is just not interested in this level of support -why would they be? All that you and Bounty have said about a partner is accurate and desirable. I can see you're happy and that's wonderful. But I do not have a partner. Not am I interested right now as I've been hurt badly and I am not in the right head space. I don't want to wait for love in order to be happy and have a fulfilling exciting sex life. I will keep on looking for a good connection. 🙌🏻x