Ro**** Posted May 2, 2022 Posted May 2, 2022 February 14, eyemblacksheep said: A bi-sexual female interested in joining an existing couple - usually to be in a relationship with them both. Hmm, interesting. I usually took unicorn more a female 3rd party willing to participate with a couple. I personally have not specified bi sexual as havent heard any the term for a woman joining a strictly lesbian couple. Or the poly part. Just not a one night stand with a couple ive also heard it used for. The polyamorous person down to participate in group activities early i thought theyd be just a polyamorous woman rather than a Unicorn.
ey**** Posted May 2, 2022 Posted May 2, 2022 30 minutes ago, RoundedSwitch54 said: Hmm, interesting. I usually took unicorn more a female 3rd party willing to participate with a couple. I personally have not specified bi sexual as havent heard any the term for a woman joining a strictly lesbian couple. Or the poly part. Just not a one night stand with a couple ive also heard it used for. The polyamorous person down to participate in group activities early i thought theyd be just a polyamorous woman rather than a Unicorn. I guess 'participate' would also be valid - but also interacting with both partners. Which means she'd ideally have to be attracted to both (or at least be willing to interact with both despite not being attracted to them) Usually it would be the female joining a MF couple rather than FF - I wouldn't say a FF finding a third is necessarily 'easy' but certainly there are a lot more options. Certainly it doesn't matter to a FF couple if their third is gay, bi, pan, whatever - whilst a MF couple would need someone bi or pan. This all plays into why it is deemed hard, because, attitudes aside - a MF couple need someone who is bi or pan who is attracted to them both and is either happy to be a 'third' or can be made to feel like they're not just a novelty.
dr**** Posted May 3, 2022 Posted May 3, 2022 Ok so unicorn in the kink community and the non-monogamy community are actually 2 different things. Unicorn in the swing community is a woman who is empowered and knows she wants to play with a couple occasionally. Unicorn in the poly community has negative connotations because it isn't an enlightened position the Unicorn typically has control of. They are joining last. Usually aren't considered equal. I have heard horror stories of; *I am with a couple and spend sexual and romantic time with each other all the time I'm only asked to join to spice it up here and there and I'm not allowed additional partners because I have to be able to drop anything to get attention from them. *I am told that I'm only here for fun *I am told I must answer to the wife and husband as if in a d/s relationship even though I am only poly. *I was asked to join to save there marriage. There are so many bad stories of inequality. If you want a 3rd person to join your family don't use the phrase 3rd or Unicorn. Would you want to be told you are third place all the time? NO 👎 keep in mind ontop of all of that ^^^ being in a triad is not one relationship. There are so many more than that. You have partners A,B, and C. The relationship are as follows. A,B and C all have relationships with themselves( care for yourself before others), then we have ABC, AB BC and AC. THAT IS 7 RELATIONSHIPS WITHOUT ANY OTHER POLY PARTNERS! and no matter what we do it will never be an equal lateral triangle but that is what you are thriving for. Yes I sound ranty, yeah you probably won't read all this but I've been here a while and I hope you take away atleast something from my response.
Ro**** Posted May 3, 2022 Posted May 3, 2022 3 hours ago, dread_persephone said: Ok so unicorn in the kink community and the non-monogamy community are actually 2 different things. Unicorn in the swing community is a woman who is empowered and knows she wants to play with a couple occasionally. Unicorn in the poly community has negative connotations because it isn't an enlightened position the Unicorn typically has control of. They are joining last. Usually aren't considered equal. I have heard horror stories of; *I am with a couple and spend sexual and romantic time with each other all the time I'm only asked to join to spice it up here and there and I'm not allowed additional partners because I have to be able to drop anything to get attention from them. *I am told that I'm only here for fun *I am told I must answer to the wife and husband as if in a d/s relationship even though I am only poly. *I was asked to join to save there marriage. There are so many bad stories of inequality. If you want a 3rd person to join your family don't use the phrase 3rd or Unicorn. Would you want to be told you are third place all the time? NO 👎 keep in mind ontop of all of that ^^^ being in a triad is not one relationship. There are so many more than that. You have partners A,B, and C. The relationship are as follows. A,B and C all have relationships with themselves( care for yourself before others), then we have ABC, AB BC and AC. THAT IS 7 RELATIONSHIPS WITHOUT ANY OTHER POLY PARTNERS! and no matter what we do it will never be an equal lateral triangle but that is what you are thriving for. Yes I sound ranty, yeah you probably won't read all this but I've been here a while and I hope you take away atleast something from my response. Ive had two partners be into setting up meets for the swinging variety and have only tried poly with that intent twice and can see from a month testing the waters both times it wasnt going to work out… i cant comprehend how some people want it to be like that as you said… and at the same time i have no problems acknowledging people could be like that. And i am not disillusioned i have been lucky so far, all the unicorns we’ve shared came back for as you worded it spicing up their own sex lives while their partners werent into kink or the one pet who was happy being collared but free to play and invest in others. Ive never demanded any sub drop another partner, or that revolting threshold people try breaching with family and friends, for any activity. Make an actual feel like their human and their needs matter. Theyre a person. Again I personally didnt see using it for poly as they’re just an addition to the group. Feel free to criticize but honestly… mentality goes along way
dr**** Posted May 3, 2022 Posted May 3, 2022 4 hours ago, RoundedSwitch54 said: Ive had two partners be into setting up meets for the swinging variety and have only tried poly with that intent twice and can see from a month testing the waters both times it wasnt going to work out… i cant comprehend how some people want it to be like that as you said… and at the same time i have no problems acknowledging people could be like that. And i am not disillusioned i have been lucky so far, all the unicorns we’ve shared came back for as you worded it spicing up their own sex lives while their partners werent into kink or the one pet who was happy being collared but free to play and invest in others. Ive never demanded any sub drop another partner, or that revolting threshold people try breaching with family and friends, for any activity. Make an actual feel like their human and their needs matter. Theyre a person. Again I personally didnt see using it for poly as they’re just an addition to the group. Feel free to criticize but honestly… mentality goes along way I honestly don't think I'm comprehending fully your last point.( It's been a long work day) could you possibly try replacing it so my nakered mind can follow?
Ro**** Posted May 4, 2022 Posted May 4, 2022 15 hours ago, dread_persephone said: I honestly don't think I'm comprehending fully your last point.( It's been a long work day) could you possibly try replacing it so my nakered mind can follow? I wish you would of clarified which point… alot of people dont seem to view either definition on a Unicorn as a individual person. Not a sex doll without emotions. If they are there for sex, aftercare, and some company then meet those needs. Communication goes along way. Nothing wrong if it was a one time thing and everyone had fun leaving as friends. But so many want to quickly finish and send the “extra” home when from what ive heard mostly “he” does, that’s horrendous, or “bad” Then again if your poly then i personally don’t understand why call them a unicorn when its so often used less negatively for a sexual term. And as was pointed out above no one likes feeling like an extra stand in. I cant imagine taking it well being well being requested to date with that term unless it was a kink kinda thing
dr**** Posted May 4, 2022 Posted May 4, 2022 Oh I don't identify now label any of my partners unicorns, dragons or centaurs. Never have never will. I believe love is ever changing and different and although I may love one partner in one way I can love another for a plethora of other reasons. Although I have multiple triads and a quad. I don't consider anyone over the other simply different. I have platonic life mates and although we don't have sex I still love them as much as a partner I do have sexual relations with. I also accidentally fell into every triad and quad I've had. I have never looked for a partner that wants me and another one of my partners it just happens. So I guess don't look for a unicorn and you will find one if you insist on calling them that title?
na**** Posted May 5, 2022 Posted May 5, 2022 I think the definition of a unicorn includes someone who knows they’re going to be sleeping with couples as “the extra”. That’s the point. If you’re looking for aftercare/other things join a polyamorous group - if they’ll have you.
Ro**** Posted May 6, 2022 Posted May 6, 2022 21 hours ago, narxem said: I think the definition of a unicorn includes someone who knows they’re going to be sleeping with couples as “the extra”. That’s the point. If you’re looking for aftercare/other things join a polyamorous group - if they’ll have you. Why wouldnt a unicorn get aftercare if they want it… so what if they’re “an extra”
ey**** Posted May 6, 2022 Posted May 6, 2022 2 hours ago, RoundedSwitch54 said: Why wouldnt a unicorn get aftercare if they want it… so what if they’re “an extra” a) because a lot of couples don't actually think this through or consider it b) while some are happy to be an 'extra' this in itself adds to the scarcity (the whole point of the post) because it leaves many feeling used and objectified
dr**** Posted May 6, 2022 Posted May 6, 2022 Yesterday at 06:29 AM, narxem said: I think the definition of a unicorn includes someone who knows they’re going to be sleeping with couples as “the extra”. That’s the point. If you’re looking for aftercare/other things join a polyamorous group - if they’ll have you. The issue with this. Is alot of couple express them selves as wanting to add a third to spoil or other sweet nothings. Then the potential unicorn gets added and the truth comes out we mean spoiled 2 times a month when we want to play with you. And ppl new to polyamoury get wrapped into these arrangements and traumatized. I hate the label because it is used essentially in kink, swing and poly. And if you don't know what the couple your speaking to or the Unicorn your speaking to means down to the ⁹ degree then someone is gonna get hurt. It may not be major hurt but it can also be a lasting hurt depending on the situation
Ro**** Posted May 6, 2022 Posted May 6, 2022 53 minutes ago, dread_persephone said: The issue with this. Is alot of couple express them selves as wanting to add a third to spoil or other sweet nothings. Then the potential unicorn gets added and the truth comes out we mean spoiled 2 times a month when we want to play with you. And ppl new to polyamoury get wrapped into these arrangements and traumatized. I hate the label because it is used essentially in kink, swing and poly. And if you don't know what the couple your speaking to or the Unicorn your speaking to means down to the ⁹ degree then someone is gonna get hurt. It may not be major hurt but it can also be a lasting hurt depending on the situation I believe that is a major part of the problem. Lack of clarity or sometimes upfront lack of honesty. Plus the title shouldn’t be considered the same among the three groups. Honestly i feel Poly shouldnt be added at all. Itd be a lot more fair in basically “dirty” talk and leave it at that. But a relationship shouldnt be in that category IMO.
dr**** Posted May 6, 2022 Posted May 6, 2022 It shouldn't be and that why it is so unwelcome in poly. But because swing and poly are both considered forms of ethical non monogamy it will always have a carry over sadly
Deleted Member Posted June 5, 2022 Author Posted June 5, 2022 It’s intimidating to be a unicorn, you have to build trust
Ha**** Posted July 26, 2022 Posted July 26, 2022 Yeah I know that feeling were having trouble finding one too
Na**** Posted July 26, 2022 Posted July 26, 2022 I beg to differ, finding a couple that isn't weird, possessive, or passive aggressive seems harder. Also Finding a couple you're equally/similarly attracted to, is as rare as two unicorns.
Deleted Member Posted July 26, 2022 Author Posted July 26, 2022 Thats because there is no such thing as unicorns! You are looking for the idea of something rather than an actual woman with feelings and thoughts of her own. You are objectifying her before you even find her....no wonder she is hiding! Lol
Deleted Member Posted July 28, 2022 Author Posted July 28, 2022 Try Feeld nothing but then then on it
Deleted Member Posted July 30, 2022 Author Posted July 30, 2022 (edited) We are here. But most people objectify us, go hell for leather, expect inequality, and make us run away ... Edited July 30, 2022 by Deleted Member
Ga**** Posted August 16, 2022 Posted August 16, 2022 I have been a unicorn, and loved it. But with both relationships it started with chemistry and communication and not a seeking type of thing. I think it’s great! I loved it!
bo**** Posted August 17, 2022 Posted August 17, 2022 As someone who is chronically approached by couples, I don’t want to join and avoid them because being a unicorn never comes across fulfilling. You’re never really a priority and more of a plaything. I guess some people just want to feel a little more special than that. And we’re usually approached even without showing any signs of interest.
Chloebear Posted August 22, 2022 Posted August 22, 2022 Because otherwise they’d be called horses…. They’re rare as their name implies.
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