Non-sexual BDSM, kinks & fetishes

[Graham-5308]

So, I don't have much interest in sex. I would say I'm sex repulsed, but only in terms of my own involvement.

I really want to engage in certain kinks and fetishes (bondage, spanking, Dom/sub, etc), but in a mostly non-sexual manner. I have no clue how to go about this in a way that will make both me and my partner comfortable. I don't want to feel too involved in the sexual aspect of it and just focus on the sensations, but I don't want my partner to feel like I'm completely detached either.

It would be awesome if I could get some advice on the best starting points to ease into this sort of thing, the kind of rules and boundaries we should be discussing, and anyway to make it a pleasurable experience for both of us.

Thank you for reading this! 😻

[ey****]

So firstly - there are actually quite a lot of people into kink who are asexual

but

also

kink, fetish, bdsm, doesn't have to be sexual.  In fact, a lot of people, including those who are not asexual, might either prefer it not to be or be perfectly happy that it isn't.

I guess a lot depends on where you draw the line on what is sexual - but - that is what then becomes the boundary you don't wish to cross.

 

[Deleted Member]

Hmmm, I think most things in kink can be non-sexual, but I think it really comes down to what you and your partner are trying to get out of the play. As you said, you like sensation, so you can easily go about having a whole scene just focusing of giving, sharing, and experiencing sensation (using a "beginning/middle/end" structure could help). 

I agree that your should definitely decide and discuss what is considered sexual. And then from there you can discuss what interests you in the kink. Sensation, connection to each other, releasing of burdens, playful exploration, mental distraction, etc. I think there might be a hang-up of thinking every kink and kink play has to end in sex or sexual release, when that doesn't necessarily need to be the case. A flogging, for example, could be just a sensations play. Basking in the feel or using the flogger, the reddening and warming of skin, the sounds the other makes with each impact, the growing and lessening of intensity. Add in words they other likes to hear (whether praise or ***), and involve as many senses as one can and the experience can be very rewarding for the partner.

I guess explore the non-sexual reasons behind the interest in each kink and go from there. Why do you and your partner like spanking? Then revel in that answer and explore it together.

[Deleted Member]

To see even a small forum where someone mentions exploring BDSM while being sex repulsed, is a first I've seen on forums similar to this one. Those closest in my life keep insisting that you cannot be asexual and a BDSM dom/sub/switch, as they insist this lifestyle is all "sexual" only. 

Honestly, with your partner, discuss what kinks you are both interested in trying and exploring, and which ones you have tried before that you enjoy, and go from there. Not everyone will explore kinks for purely sexual need, I have met a few people who incorporate kink into their life because they like the bodily sensations, or the "mental high" that comes from it, more so than they enjoy the sexual acts themselves. And from there, discuss with each other what you enjoy the most with those kinks, what you receive from those kinks in a non-sexual sense, pleasure isn't strictly sexual, there are different types of pleasure you can experience from kink, which is something I've come to learn over the last year now that I am able to explore being a Switch more. 

 

I am an asexual sapiophile Switch. I am far more dominant, but I do have times where I enjoy being submissive. And as I've learned through my marriage, being dominant 24/7 becomes exhausting, even when you receive pleasure and happiness from it. My pleasure from kink is greatly psychological pleasure, or a "mental high" you could call it, and the bodily sensations that follow when I am in that state, more so than the sexual act itself or sexual penetration, as the purely sexual nature I could honestly care less about. Without the deep psychological sensation, the deep intellectual depth and connection, without the deep spiritual connection, I do not feel the need for sexual intimacy in kink and will thus avoid it - but put all that together and build it up, and yes, I'll gladly dive into the sexual side of kink too, mainly as a way to reward my partner for meeting my needs in a very satisfactory way, then I'm inclined to meet their needs genuinely. 

If there's one thing I've learned across forums.. kink is never experienced the same with everyone, we all experience it differently, even if we share similar kinks in our lives, and we all get different things from it both sexually and non-sexually. 

[ey****]

8 hours ago, SpiritualSwitch said:

Those closest in my life keep insisting that you cannot be asexual and a BDSM dom/sub/switch, as they insist this lifestyle is all "sexual" only. 

yeah - that's wrong

I've met many people who are asexual.    Or who are not asexual, but have lines/boundaries with those for whom they only play with - so for example will happily cane or flog them - but won't indulge anything intimate, including foot worship, to those they're not in a relationship with.

so you can totally be asexual and into BDSM