Do Women have it 'easier' then men?

[Deleted Member]

48 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

I've not been on that many others to compare but it's certainly an eye opener as to how far in the dark ages *some* people still are!!

As for feeling sorry for those that aren't cockwombles, I wouldn't feel too sorry for them - they're the ones that get it (in more ways than one 😉)

You're spot on about the forums though - too many think it's all about sending blind messages to random people and hoping for a reply, when actually if you show on the forums that you're a decent sort that is all it takes. In my five years or so there I sent "blind" messages less than six times, and yet met many wonderful people....go figure 😊

Very much an eye opener. I was 😲 for the first couple of weeks. So many tantalising offers. Not. A friend told me I was naive yesterday for thinking couples wanted to be friendly. Fair 😳. Yes you've got the right idea!

[ge****]

I've as good as left the site now to be honest - it seems to have got even worse in the past couple of years. That said there are some good people there (of all varieties/categories), but it does get a bit like seeing the wood for the trees at times, but that's going off at a tangent 😉

Back to the original point, kind of, it's entirely possible for anyone to find what they're looking for from sites like this and that one, the key is figuring out how best to make them work for you, staying true to yourself and accepting that sometimes things won't pan out how you'd have liked. It's neither easy nor hard, regardless of what category you fit into, it just is what it is, and it's up to the individual to work out how to use it optimally for them.

[ey****]

1 hour ago, Dragonflylover said:

Do they really apply for a GB hoping for more? I didn't know that. I *** I am still naive at the grand old age of

Some. Yeah. And a lot like the idea and then turn out to be unreliable.   Which is partially why some of the standards drop.  One of the last ones I was at, apparently 30 guys applied.  But the first instruction was to provide a phone number. No phone number no shoot, because the address would be given by text on the morning.  11 actually provided a phone number - but of some of the remaining 19 there were some who hadn't provided a phone number but had asked pushy questions

So we're down to 11.  Everyone was given a 'test' text to reply to - 6 replied.  Then come the day... 3 showed up.  from 30.

And yeah, some apply trying to hope that they can have something more than their purpose is. 

[Deleted Member]

53 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

I've as good as left the site now to be honest - it seems to have got even worse in the past couple of years. That said there are some good people there (of all varieties/categories), but it does get a bit like seeing the wood for the trees at times, but that's going off at a tangent 😉

Back to the original point, kind of, it's entirely possible for anyone to find what they're looking for from sites like this and that one, the key is figuring out how best to make them work for you, staying true to yourself and accepting that sometimes things won't pan out how you'd have liked. It's neither easy nor hard, regardless of what category you fit into, it just is what it is, and it's up to the individual to work out how to use it optimally for them.

I've only just joined 😁. It's taken a while for me to stand firm about what I want regardless of what other people think I should want. And how to get it. One needs that to be happy on any site tbh.

[Deleted Member]

54 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Some. Yeah. And a lot like the idea and then turn out to be unreliable.   Which is partially why some of the standards drop.  One of the last ones I was at, apparently 30 guys applied.  But the first instruction was to provide a phone number. No phone number no shoot, because the address would be given by text on the morning.  11 actually provided a phone number - but of some of the remaining 19 there were some who hadn't provided a phone number but had asked pushy questions

So we're down to 11.  Everyone was given a 'test' text to reply to - 6 replied.  Then come the day... 3 showed up.  from 30.

And yeah, some apply trying to hope that they can have something more than their purpose is. 

Hadn't thought about motivations behind applying before. I've never had nor I think want to have one.

[ge****]

8 minutes ago, Dragonflylover said:

I've only just joined 😁. It's taken a while for me to stand firm about what I want regardless of what other people think I should want. And how to get it. One needs that to be happy on any site tbh.

Wise words indeed - add to that: "when it stops being fun, stop" and you have it in a nutshell.

[ey****]

2 hours ago, Dragonflylover said:

Hadn't thought about motivations behind applying before. I've never had nor I think want to have one.

I could go a little off-topic, but, I've found there's a lot of cases where guys apply to things for the wrong reasons

if a club is holding a slave auction, for example, the amount of guys who will fight each other to go in the auction, ha

But also, filming.  There's a lot of guys who apply for filming who are woefully unsuitable or inexperienced they just want cheap/subsidised/free kink : it feels, like, if they were genuinely interested in getting into filming they'd make sure they could do what was asked, first.

[ge****]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I could go a little off-topic, but, I've found there's a lot of cases where guys apply to things for the wrong reasons

if a club is holding a slave auction, for example, the amount of guys who will fight each other to go in the auction, ha

But also, filming.  There's a lot of guys who apply for filming who are woefully unsuitable or inexperienced they just want cheap/subsidised/free kink : it feels, like, if they were genuinely interested in getting into filming they'd make sure they could do what was asked, first.

I think for many too the fantasy outweighs the reality when they apply - then when reality kicks in they back out as a result of nerves or realising they'll actually be expected to live up to their brags and more.

Sadly a lot of men are driven by their cock brain when it comes to sex or the prospect of it.

[ge****]

And I should add my above post reads like man bashing or even White Knighting which is absolutely not my intention. Is just my experience having been around the swinging scene for a number of years.

Too often guys have the wrong impression of how it works, and often get hung up on how they think they are "supposed" to perform rather than seeing the bigger picture and realising if they're just themselves without trying to be something they're not that they'll probably fare a lot better.

[ey****]

3 hours ago, gemini_man said:

I think for many too the fantasy outweighs the reality when they apply - then when reality kicks in they back out as a result of nerves or realising they'll actually be expected to live up to their brags and more.

for gangbangs and a lot of multi-person sex events.  Absolutely.

I would love to kinda have some insight from someone who has no-showed before but I think a little mixture of everything from "my cock might touch another man - ewww" (like, grow up) or the *** that they will be unable to perform and everyone else there will see they couldn't perform.

I'm going way leftfield here but there's a funny story in the podcast 'The Butterfly Effect' where at a filmed gangbang there were guys leaving the area and picking up their phones and watching porn on their phones to get hard. Despite there being an attractive naked woman in front of them!  

4 hours ago, gemini_man said:

Too often guys have the wrong impression of how it works, and often get hung up on how they think they are "supposed" to perform rather than seeing the bigger picture and realising if they're just themselves without trying to be something they're not that they'll probably fare a lot better.

this is very true for so much in kink.  There's a lot of guys who try to take assumed roles and be something they're not - and - it - ugh, they often don't succeed because they're not trying to be themselves, they're trying to be someone they don't know how to be

I think there's been many great threads recently where, honestly, being kinky is often more than enough - people don't need to pretend to be a Domly Dom or super sub if it's not them

[ge****]

13 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

this is very true for so much in kink.  There's a lot of guys who try to take assumed roles and be something they're not - and - it - ugh, they often don't succeed because they're not trying to be themselves, they're trying to be someone they don't know how to be

I think there's been many great threads recently where, honestly, being kinky is often more than enough - people don't need to pretend to be a Domly Dom or super sub if it's not them

Sadly the perception is built from a variety of factors (porn, forums and more) that you need to act or be a certain way - whether that be kink or otherwise.

You often see guys who think themselves a failure because they can't last for hours and hours and stay hard all night for example - and what's surprising is it's often not young guys either. Or we all know the Doms that think it's simply a case of telling a sub what to do, and if they don't they're not a "true" sub - I could go on, but that's going waaayyyy off tangent - although to tie it back to the OP it *is* one of the difficulties women face in that they have to weed out that type of character

[Deleted Member]

Some really insightful comments, thank you Gemini and Eyem.

[Ae****]

Tldr - I disagree with the thrust of most of these comments, but think the reasons behind these comments are understandable, and I wish people didn't feel so certain about the things they believe they know.
I've only scanned a bit of some of the answers, so may not understand properly, but I think -
It is very understandable and natural to lack empathy, compassion, if a person has been spoiled. It's unusual, and as a result, admirable, that they would be able to look around and realise that not everyone has their experience, lives a life the way they do, the way they are able 🤷🏻
It's also understandable if you don't want to look at parts of yourself because you were never allowed to express them and are indeed ashamed of them. It's natural to then denounce those same parts that you feel ashamed about when you see them in others 😤
I think it's difficult for many women, with their experiences, to be able to look at mens' lives and have empathy.
And for men who haven't had good role models for certain behaviour, or have been shamed for certain behaviour, it's hard to think you're OK, you're clean, and that the people who made you feel otherwise were crushing you down because of their own personal issues. It's an intelligent brain that protects a person from feeling awful about themselves. So our minds can decide that we will look sideways at other men and liberally talk about how horrible men are, how pathetic or creepy they are - because then we can keep our own shame in check.
It's also very easy to say a lot of stuff with only a little bit of knowledge 🙄 But I'd venture to claim one thing to be true - people are all good. And if they are acting otherwise there are real reasons behind it 💯 If you think otherwise, and want to believe you're a good person, then in my personal, complete-stranger view, I would say you need some introspection, patience, and further learning. We all have cognitive blind spots, some can admit that, and maybe this entire discussion has cast some light upon one of yours 🤷🏻

[Deleted Member]

19 hours ago, Aeonova said:

Tldr - I disagree with the thrust of most of these comments, but think the reasons behind these comments are understandable, and I wish people didn't feel so certain about the things they believe they know.
I've only scanned a bit of some of the answers, so may not understand properly, but I think -
It is very understandable and natural to lack empathy, compassion, if a person has been spoiled. It's unusual, and as a result, admirable, that they would be able to look around and realise that not everyone has their experience, lives a life the way they do, the way they are able 🤷🏻
It's also understandable if you don't want to look at parts of yourself because you were never allowed to express them and are indeed ashamed of them. It's natural to then denounce those same parts that you feel ashamed about when you see them in others 😤
I think it's difficult for many women, with their experiences, to be able to look at mens' lives and have empathy.
And for men who haven't had good role models for certain behaviour, or have been shamed for certain behaviour, it's hard to think you're OK, you're clean, and that the people who made you feel otherwise were crushing you down because of their own personal issues. It's an intelligent brain that protects a person from feeling awful about themselves. So our minds can decide that we will look sideways at other men and liberally talk about how horrible men are, how pathetic or creepy they are - because then we can keep our own shame in check.
It's also very easy to say a lot of stuff with only a little bit of knowledge 🙄 But I'd venture to claim one thing to be true - people are all good. And if they are acting otherwise there are real reasons behind it 💯 If you think otherwise, and want to believe you're a good person, then in my personal, complete-stranger view, I would say you need some introspection, patience, and further learning. We all have cognitive blind spots, some can admit that, and maybe this entire discussion has cast some light upon one of yours 🤷🏻

I don't understand what you disagree with tbh. Your comment is quite wide-ranging. Two things struck me. "I wish people didn't feel so certain about the things they believe they know" yet you are certain about the things you believe you know? Why would others not be?
Secondly "I think it's difficult for many women...to be able to look at mens' lives and have empathy". That's quite a sweeping statement. Would you like to elaborate? I know you feel (from other comments) that men are maligned unfairly at times on this site and elsewhere. But you write as though only women have cognitive blind spots tbh.

[ey****]

What I found interesting. there's assorted threads where people have spoke about problems women have

this thread is less so problems women have and moreso... that I don't believe it's any *easier* for women 

and on a lot of these threads there's men have popped up to state how hard it is for men.  OK.  But then I started a thread about men's issues - and very few men posted on it with their own issues.  Which, I dunno, it comes across telling.

[Ae****]

13 hours ago, Dragonflylover said:

I don't understand what you disagree with tbh. Your comment is quite wide-ranging. Two things struck me. "I wish people didn't feel so certain about the things they believe they know" yet you are certain about the things you believe you know? Why would others not be?
Secondly "I think it's difficult for many women...to be able to look at mens' lives and have empathy". That's quite a sweeping statement. Would you like to elaborate? I know you feel (from other comments) that men are maligned unfairly at times on this site and elsewhere. But you write as though only women have cognitive blind spots tbh.

Tldr - it's pretty boring, really long. There are naked people pictures around though, go check them out 😁

My comment was broad 😅

I'm actually not certain about most, maybe all, of what I say, ever 😭🤣 I say things that I hope I can back up with why they may be true. I try to be very open to be informed better, by great explanations that involve thorough critical thinking. That's great, but I tend not to want to discuss things after a few posts because people tend to discuss things rather competitively and defensively, and I lose interest. No fun, I have other things I'd rather do when I see that. The only thing I said that I'd try - venture - to say, that I actually believed I knew, the sole thing I said *may* be true was: all people are good 💯 And if they are acting otherwise, there are understandable reasons for why. Reasons that make you say, of *course* they're like that, I know *I* would be like that if *I* was in their shoes - because of x situation/dynamic/background, duh 🙄 Understanding.
My comments are wide ranging because there are a number of things I could specifically pick out and offer reasons against in all of the above comments - but then there'll be long conversations that I'm very sure will ultimately go nowhere. And a good response takes time and effort. With people I feel want to have an interesting friendly chat, great, but with sarcasm and rhetoric, I immediately get turned off 😑 That is what I see, I feel, quite often. So the broad things I said cover those discussions for the people who are actually open to learning and have the confidence to doubt themselves - don't be so certain, and if you think the things you say sound pretty harsh / lack empathy - then hey, they likely are, you probably really do feel that way and should pause, go learn about the subject, psychology, social dynamics, etc, and do some introspection.
Not everyone is ready to hear certain things at some times in their lives, and the people who aren't ready will scoff or offer responses that are dismissive, or that are quite neutral yet can only see arrive at one possibility for a situation, no matter what. For example - not many men have posted here, so Mr Sheep (thank you for starting the topic btw Mr Sheep, I admire you for asking the question :) ) has said that that is telling. A thought I'd prefer is, not many men have posted here, and that is interesting and it would be good to know why. Genuinely wonder why. Maybe it's not actually telling, perhaps we're drawing premature conclusions because we have some knowledge and ideas about the topic, but not enough 🤷🏻
My view is that women find it hard to imagine men's lives - and men also find it hard to imagine the lives of women! 😭Many women and many men. And both peoples have blind spots. The conversations here generally involve much criticism of men though, so that is what I sometimes respond to 😕 There are other times that people talk about women in an unfair way, and I can identify that and will pipe up if I feel like it, which I am particularly tempted to do when many people pile on to them negatively. Just to say, hey, not everyone thinks this way. But that situation doesn't happen much. It's more often that people feel comfortable pointing out things they dislike and feel are are awful about men.

[ey****]

I probably had come over more critical of men than I'd meant to.

I think a lot was disassembling some "women have it easier" comments I'd seen.  And that ultimately I think everyone has challenges (my 'not many men' was about a thread I'd started about challenges men had)

But. It is true that everyone has bias and blindspots.  But, I don't think this stops empathy.

I do also agree people in general are good.  But they sometimes choose to do things which are not - for example, I dunno - "Hey, wanna fuck", "No thank you", "Well you're a stupid fat ugly bitch" - which is a scenario which happens with variance all too often and somebody through whatever motivation ultimately decided they were going to respond to rejection to their abrasive opening message with insults  and so on.  And whatever empathy we have at those steps, someone decided to resort to an insult when someone said no to them, rather than trying to work on stuff.

[LASTGIOVANNI]

Book writing we do. Yes women have it easier on these sites

[ey****]

1 hour ago, LASTGIOVANNI said:

Book writing we do. Yes women have it easier on these sites

How?

[LASTGIOVANNI]

Lets think about this. Women are design to be prey. Any alpha male (like myself) hunts and stares at women as food. Women have luxury of not caring. Zebra doesn't care that the Lion is looking at it. In the case of the human woman she wants it. She is food. Where she can say no or creep for any reason. The man (me) is starving. 

[ey****]

Perhaps here the problem is seeing women as food

rather than people

and seeing not just what you want out of this (to eat) but how this in any way benefits them?

[LASTGIOVANNI]

Excuse me I respect women and treat them with utmost care. I am explain this from a Dom's point of view. It is easier

[ey****]

But none of this explains how it's easier for women

other than they can say 'no' if they're not interested

I mean, if a woman contacted you, can you not also say 'no' if you're not interested?

I don't get where you're coming from that makes this easier ?

[LASTGIOVANNI]

3 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

But none of this explains how it's easier for women

other than they can say 'no' if they're not interested

I mean, if a woman contacted you, can you not also say 'no' if you're not interested?

I don't get where you're coming from that makes this easier ?

Here we are free to be who we are . some take it to the extreme while others like me just want to be real with what they are. From my point of view as a man I can see that it is way easier for the women on here then it is for the men-  Most men are not eye candy like I am . we know this from the fact that men have to engage the female where the female has to wait. How many times have girls complained about so many offers? you hear it a lot. example last forum you and i were in together was called?

[ey****]

35 minutes ago, LASTGIOVANNI said:

How many times have girls complained about so many offers?

But having so many offers isn't necessarily a good thing

especially if they're all bad/poor offers