Manners with your sub

[Wi****]

Hi 

I was wondering if Dom/mes use manners when giving there sub orders or commands . For example "sub please make me a coffee " doesn't sound particularly domineering to me where as "sub make me a coffee" and the following by  "thankyou (pet name)" sounds more domineering to me. 

I know respecting each other in the dynamic is  very important. But also being made to feel submissive is also important. 

Your thoughts would be very helpful thankyou.

[Deleted Member]

There’s no excuse for bad manners. But it’s not about what you say it’s about how you say it and how it’s received. Being domineering is not being Dominant. And also I great deal of the approach is situational. In a scene the approach would be short and sharp no please no thank you but again it’s how not what.

[Chastity_Pup_Gabbia]

If I was a Dom/me I would probably use please and thank you as it is what I normally use in general. But I agree with MrC that certain times short sharp orders are sufficient and it is how you present yourself and how you still care for your sun.

[E-dUbBs]

13 minutes ago, MrC- said:

There’s no excuse for bad manners. But it’s not about what you say it’s about how you say it and how it’s received. Being domineering is not being Dominant. And also I great deal of the approach is situational. In a scene the approach would be short and sharp no please no thank you but again it’s how not what.

Could not have put it better myself
Sometimes though I use basic hand signals which i would from a vanilla view deem as rude (clicking fingers pointing etc) but my sub enjoys it so I save my words and she’s happy
Win win

[Chastity_Pup_Gabbia]

Meant to say sub at the end. ***y spell check 🤦‍♂️.

[ey****]

The kinda rude Domme bossing around the sub is one that only really works in consensual fantasy

Manners are important from a Dominant especially as it gives a form of role model to the submissive

[Je****]

I think manners come with the territory here. Depending on what kind of dynamic someone has as well as who those involved are as people. I can be bossy when I wish to be, with a sweet smile, and it can work for me. But theres always a difference when tone is used etc. "Go get me a coffee now", while you sound like they do fuck all for you ever, or in an authoritive way they know and appreciate, "Can you go get me a coffee...now..?!" *Insert sweet smile*

 

Poor examples but it's still very early for me! Haha. I think a lot of Dom/mes can mistake 'bossiness' as dominance, obviously it's more than that, but if someone is saying it in an agreed and grown assertive way and everyone is happy with that as opposed to someone being completely demanding to the point of sounding ungrateful. 

On the flip side, a lot of men and women like their dominant to be rude and intimidating when asking for things or not using manners, (perhaps falling into a bit of degredation?) but it will work per dynamic. As long as stuff is agreed between both parties and if someone thought they were being disrespected at all without manners and it genuinely bothered them, then they need to communicate that, the same if they don't wish a dominant to use them. I agree with someone above though on the "command and then a thank you with pet name" thing too. I think this is very cheeky but sweet and most parties both love that feeling from my experience. 

[Wi****]

Thank you all for your replies. I particularly like the command and then thankyou with pet name as it helps me feel more submissive etc. 

[SophieSubSlut11]

Tending to my Dom’s needs mean I have to be observant as well as him communicating when he needs something. But there are always pleases and thank you’s. Some more than others. But when you’re serving, you don’t really care. I just want to serve well, everything else falls by the wayside. But that’s just my experience x

[Wi****]

I agree with you Sophie serving and pleasing my Mistress gives me great joy and happiness 😊 as were at the beginning of or journey I find these small but important things help me to fall into my submissive nature. It also rein***s in my head who I am to my Mistress if you understand me 😊😊😊

[Nikki_Hexy]

Personally i've never had an IRL scene with a polite D type. Then again the men i've met dont even give aftercare so my knowledge is very limited in this regard. I think it's been drilled into me through my experiences to not expect manners, wether that is for better of the worse, i dont know. 

I think Please and Thank yous would catch me off guard if i was to experience it now. I generally wouldnt know how to react. Is a please a request that if i fail will have zero consequence as long as i tried? Or is it used something to get under my psychology programming? 

Edited September 1, 2021 by Hexy
Grammar

[BigPolly]

3 hours ago, MrC- said:

There’s no excuse for bad manners. But it’s not about what you say it’s about how you say it and how it’s received. Being domineering is not being Dominant. And also I great deal of the approach is situational. In a scene the approach would be short and sharp no please no thank you but again it’s how not what.

I absolutely love this reply! 
 

[Mz****]

7 hours ago, Willow75 said:

Hi 

I was wondering if Dom/mes use manners when giving there sub orders or commands . For example "sub please make me a coffee " doesn't sound particularly domineering to me where as "sub make me a coffee" and the following by  "thankyou (pet name)" sounds more domineering to me. 

I know respecting each other in the dynamic is  very important. But also being made to feel submissive is also important. 

Your thoughts would be very helpful thankyou.

Different strokes, Different folks. You may need or prefer a colder/less polite experience, approach or instruction, but it doesn't work for E/everyone.

I do use my manners, that's just who I am..if someone is foolish enough to confuse that with weakness or a lack of Domination, its a mistake they won't make twice..and of course even aside from dynamics, different tasks can necessitate different approaches, I may politely ask for a hot drink, the instruction to kneel at my strap on though will be much less courteous for example. 

[uk****]

I have no place for rude, arrogant or ignorant people in my life. Kink or otherwise.

[Wi****]

Hi marky 😊 I'm not really meaning rude or arrogant. I'm more meaning the style of the domination. 😊😊😊

[Th****]

I will always use "please" and "thank you" , even the odd ironic "you are very welcome ".
Of all people my sub is worthy of my respect, if in a scene and it is a specific order, I may use an order but I will often preface it with "could you"

[kree90]

Depends on the situation for me. Often I do not respond well to rudeness or mannerless people.

[Deleted Member]

I agree wuith the majority here. A little more curtness or bluntness in a scene is Ooh la la and helps set hte change of tone. Outside of play, I am looking for some gentlemanliness. I'm not sure if that's a word but I'm going to go with it lol Otherwise I don't feelt respected. I'm your sub, not dirt on your shoe.

[kree90]

14 minutes ago, Lady_Char said:

I agree wuith the majority here. A little more curtness or bluntness in a scene is Ooh la la and helps set hte change of tone. Outside of play, I am looking for some gentlemanliness. I'm not sure if that's a word but I'm going to go with it lol Otherwise I don't feelt respected. I'm your sub, not dirt on your shoe.

Yes! You said exactly what I was thinking!

[Psuedom]

Keep the manners... Change the tone. 😈

 

[Ky****]

22 hours ago, Willow75 said:

Thank you all for your replies. I particularly like the command and then thankyou with pet name as it helps me feel more submissive etc. 

same here Willow, although my yardstick is what was acceptible for a Victorian Lady to address her maid, if it was fine in that circumstance then its fine by me

[TiberiusSicae]

I am a great believer in leading by example.  It is definitely about tone more than words.  At times I do agree that actions are useful - even a sharp look can suffice - "You know what's coming later."

Courtesy costs nothing and it's about how it's used not the fact that it is used that create and enhance the dynamic.  I like the Lady/maid reference above.

I have a "thing" about excessive swearing.  Swearing loses it effectiveness when used as common emphasis and therefore becomes no more than another group of words.  I therefore demonstrate this behaviour and inform my sub about the importance of this; not only as something I desire but also for their personal development.  I see my sub as an extension of myself when out and they represent me, this to me means they will conduct themselves appropriately in the manner that I would.  

[Just_A_Good_Boy]

As people said, it can depend on the type of scene and dynamic involved. For me, if I was in a Dom/Sub scene (being the Sub) I would prefer it to be stricter, and more like "Go get me this thing, now" "Do this thing for me now" etc.

Outside of that though, manners should always be there and if not I'd be like "you could say please.." : P