CopperKnob Posted September 3, 2021 Posted September 3, 2021 Because I'm feeling a little despairing, it would be nice to have a thread of people who have found what they want from the app/site if people wouldn't mind sharing?
OlivierChester Posted September 3, 2021 Posted September 3, 2021 Hi Copperknob, sad to read that you are down. Thanks to this site, i have met my 2 subs . I had also a chance to discuss with quite some members which were always very supportive and kind. It is also great to read others experience which great to reflect and grow. I almost visit the site daily for these reasons. Hope you will find what you are looking for. Looking forward to read here about it.
Carnelian2 Posted September 3, 2021 Posted September 3, 2021 well, for someone who is just looking for friends, it is a bit contradictory that you are using a message filter, as that by definition filters people out based on arbitrary conditions, which in itself limits your outlook and acceptance of new experiences. It would say, be open-minded and accepting of others. Go into this with no expectations other than good interesting dialogue and be surprised.
CopperKnob Posted September 3, 2021 Author Posted September 3, 2021 19 minutes ago, Carnelian2 said: well, for someone who is just looking for friends, it is a bit contradictory that you are using a message filter, as that by definition filters people out based on arbitrary conditions, which in itself limits your outlook and acceptance of new experiences. It would say, be open-minded and accepting of others. Go into this with no expectations other than good interesting dialogue and be surprised. My msg filter is set at males/females aged 35-48yrs within a 135mile radius and a minimum character length of 30, its hardly high but noted, thanks
ey**** Posted September 3, 2021 Posted September 3, 2021 I'd say yes and no or no and yes my initial aim was to try to find people who were local and prospective play partners (either occasional play or as part of a non-mono relationship) But, instead over time - I dunno, ended up speaking to a lot of people who there is different levels of passive friendships. Whether this is we end up going for a coffee/pint/brunch when in the same city, or say hello at an event or do some form of 'play' at some point - is all possible and varies on person. There was one person who there was advanced stage of doing something but she sadly has had to step back a bit. But, see what the future holds.
Deleted Member Posted September 3, 2021 Posted September 3, 2021 5 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said: I'd say yes and no or no and yes my initial aim was to try to find people who were local and prospective play partners (either occasional play or as part of a non-mono relationship) But, instead over time - I dunno, ended up speaking to a lot of people who there is different levels of passive friendships. Whether this is we end up going for a coffee/pint/brunch when in the same city, or say hello at an event or do some form of 'play' at some point - is all possible and varies on person. There was one person who there was advanced stage of doing something but she sadly has had to step back a bit. But, see what the future holds. There's such a lot power in community building and creating passive friendships here. I think it's how you make real lasting friends. And as blacksheep said... maybe something else comes of it it it's right. The hook up or kinky tinder idea tgreadded through the site rarely stands up to most people's expectations. You'll never know people online the way you do in real life.
TheBookCollector Posted September 3, 2021 Posted September 3, 2021 Ive had a mixed experiences here, but generally positive, and some general chats, but also some asking for ***, thinking im a cyber kink dispenser, or using well known ruses to start romance scams (eg missionary nurse in Ghana seems to be common). Sadly nothing has panned out but its early days, for me this is a marathon not a sprint. Its also one of several avenues i have, the others include local munches and events.
UK**** Posted September 3, 2021 Posted September 3, 2021 21 minutes ago, CopperKnob said: My msg filter is set at males/females aged 35-48yrs within a 135mile radius and a minimum character length of 30, its hardly high but noted, thanks Most people wouldn't limit the friends they would talk to in the same way they may limit the partners they are interested in being with. The filters are a blunt instrument unfortunately. Personally, I find that I meet people when I am least expecting it. It's a little like when you go to a party and have high expectations, you often come away disappointed. Be here, chat, discuss and one day you will find your prince/princess. It's rarely an overnight thing.
qu**** Posted September 3, 2021 Posted September 3, 2021 Here it's more a case of slowly slowly catchee monkey too me, I just enjoy it for what it is in the main, so in the words of the captain of a female darts team i used to play darts against, her advice to her team was "stand tall , arse in, tits out", ( and no, not how some of you may be thinking 😁),
BigPolly Posted September 3, 2021 Posted September 3, 2021 17 minutes ago, quietlysure said: Here it's more a case of slowly slowly catchee monkey too me I definitely agree with this & this is the advice a lot of us have continually given over the years. For me personally it’s about being back in the Fet community & making friends within this community so I’ve definitely got out of this site what I wanted to. Things definitely do happen when you’re least expecting them to or when you’re not actually looking for them. Don’t give up because you’re amongst some amazing people whilst waiting for the right/wrong one to come along 😊
Carnelian2 Posted September 3, 2021 Posted September 3, 2021 I go to lots of munches and events - even some where I may not be the "target group" - simply because I may know one or two people and usually end up having good conversations with random people. It makes me happy and if something more comes off it - then that is fine. This is not my main purpose of attending, though. For that same reason, I do not tend to send a lot of messages to people on sites like this, as I find it is not an effective use of my time in that you have to send a large number of messages to get a reasonable response ..
CopperKnob Posted September 3, 2021 Author Posted September 3, 2021 I think maybe my post maybe got misconstrued, I wasn't whinging at all, just really wanted some positivity But I take on everyones points, msg filters adjusted, It'll just mean blocking more people for being disrespectful
Deleted Member Posted September 3, 2021 Posted September 3, 2021 It is a fine line between appearing friendly, and appearing desperate. Over the years I have made some great friends on kink sites (and places such as Twitter) that have come about through chance. A random conversation, a like of a pic or comment, and before you know it you are chatting away like old friends. It doesn't always have to be a vetting-for-future-encounters approach, as on a kink scale some of them are polar opposites from my personal tastes, they are just nice people. I have been blessed with relationships that came out of nowhere, so the only advice I can give is to be patient, enjoy the people around you, and if something develops then so be it.
BigPolly Posted September 3, 2021 Posted September 3, 2021 53 minutes ago, CopperKnob said: I think maybe my post maybe got misconstrued, I wasn't whinging at all, just really wanted some positivity But I take on everyones points, msg filters adjusted, It'll just mean blocking more people for being disrespectful There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with having boundaries & rules for yourself. If you’ve got filters because that’s the kind of people you do or don’t want to speak to, then leave those filters on, don’t take them off and make yourself feel uncomfortable or leave yourself open for the kind of people you don’t want to talk to 😊
Wo**** Posted September 3, 2021 Posted September 3, 2021 21 minutes ago, CopperKnob said: I think maybe my post maybe got misconstrued, I wasn't whinging at all, just really wanted some positivity But I take on everyones points, msg filters adjusted, It'll just mean blocking more people for being disrespectful There was nothing with your message filters.... if you're looking for friends, you want them within your locality and age range. Positive stories from here.... The people I've met from here, irl and online, have enabled me to become who I am. I met my first proper Dom on here. We had a year together where we learned from each other, explored things. He introduced me to polyamory and ethical non monogamy. He taught me the importance of honest communication, discussing boundaries and practicing RACK. I met my Fenwolfe @Boldbald here too. My M8. This man loves me how I have always yearned to be loved. MX. And then my little sissy Princess, my submissive girl @Willow75.. early days, still learning each other, forming our bond. Looking to progressing another connection as well. I am in the best place of my life.... And that's not including those people that I have online friendships with. That's my positive story 🙏
TheBookCollector Posted September 3, 2021 Posted September 3, 2021 @copperknob,.filters only stop incoming messages, they dont stop you making the first move.with someone outside those filters if you find them interesting. Personally i wouldnt remove your filters as it will save you trawling through messages from people you have no interest in speaking to because they dont fit what you are looking for.
Je**** Posted September 3, 2021 Posted September 3, 2021 Ok I have glance read the replies and I am about to come in like a wrecking ball... Firstly this lady expressed she was feeling 'dispaired'... be considerate!! There is probably a reason she used this word and the fact she asked for positive stories, can imply she is disheartened by any interaction shes had thus far on here.... So the comments implying shes at fault for having message filters is a bit cheeky and unneeded. Friends or not, almost every woman I've spoke to on here have some filters in place. Mine have now evolved so much that I've had to completely disable the 'male' gender from being able to mail me at all, due to significant abusive comments, inappropriate content, dick pics and objectification. This does not mean I am stoppng people from being friendly with me, or that I am excluding anyone. My profle states how to reach out to me, so those who are genuine can do so. No where is this lady contradicting or blocking her self from any successes. Onto my story... I came here not knowing what to expect or any expectations whatsoever. Within 2 months of joining, I met a great guy, we chatted and now we have a relationship with switch elements mixed in. It is not a d/s dynamic or soley kink based. They are my partner and best friend. It just happened, (met through chat and got to know each other). It's now been a year down the line and we are still working even though long distance and all the covid shite thats been thrown at us. They are poly and I am not so much, due to lack of experience and insecurities/trust issues. I have faith that if I can find something or someone, then anyone can!! It comes in time so you keep the filters you want and need. Even friendships have their requirements for some people. Don't feel disheartened x
CopperKnob Posted September 3, 2021 Author Posted September 3, 2021 12 minutes ago, TheBookCollector said: @copperknob,.filters only stop incoming messages, they dont stop you making the first move.with someone outside those filters if you find them interesting. Personally i wouldnt remove your filters as it will save you trawling through messages from people you have no interest in speaking to because they dont fit what you are looking for. Well I'm not brave enough to message someone first even if its online 😂
CopperKnob Posted September 3, 2021 Author Posted September 3, 2021 17 minutes ago, BountyHunter said: There was nothing with your message filters.... if you're looking for friends, you want them within your locality and age range. Positive stories from here.... The people I've met from here, irl and online, have enabled me to become who I am. I met my first proper Dom on here. We had a year together where we learned from each other, explored things. He introduced me to polyamory and ethical non monogamy. He taught me the importance of honest communication, discussing boundaries and practicing RACK. I met my Fenwolfe @Boldbald here too. My M8. This man loves me how I have always yearned to be loved. MX. And then my little sissy Princess, my submissive girl @Willow75.. early days, still learning each other, forming our bond. Looking to progressing another connection as well. I am in the best place of my life.... And that's not including those people that I have online friendships with. That's my positive story 🙏 BountyHunter, this is what I was hoping for, lovely story, thank you!!
CopperKnob Posted September 3, 2021 Author Posted September 3, 2021 3 minutes ago, JenniferTP said: Ok I have glance read the replies and I am about to come in like a wrecking ball... Firstly this lady expressed she was feeling 'dispaired'... be considerate!! There is probably a reason she used this word and the fact she asked for positive stories, can imply she is disheartened by any interaction shes had thus far on here.... So the comments implying shes at fault for having message filters is a bit cheeky and unneeded. Friends or not, almost every woman I've spoke to on here have some filters in place. Mine have now evolved so much that I've had to completely disable the 'male' gender from being able to mail me at all, due to significant abusive comments, inappropriate content, dick pics and objectification. This does not mean I am stoppng people from being friendly with me, or that I am excluding anyone. My profle states how to reach out to me, so those who are genuine can do so. No where is this lady contradicting or blocking her self from any successes. Onto my story... I came here not knowing what to expect or any expectations whatsoever. Within 2 months of joining, I met a great guy, we chatted and now we have a relationship with switch elements mixed in. It is not a d/s dynamic or soley kink based. They are my partner and best friend. It just happened, (met through chat and got to know each other). It's now been a year down the line and we are still working even though long distance and all the covid shite thats been thrown at us. They are poly and I am not so much, due to lack of experience and insecurities/trust issues. I have faith that if I can find something or someone, then anyone can!! It comes in time so you keep the filters you want and need. Even friendships have their requirements for some people. Don't feel disheartened x Another beautiful story! Thank you
qu**** Posted September 3, 2021 Posted September 3, 2021 Oddly only through joining here I realised there's nothing wrong in not "wanting" someone. You spend your life being asked still single, or isn't it time you met someone, only here I haven't had that, just accepted as me. Isn't that the important thing, just being accepted for who you are. You sure as hell don't get that from "normal" sites
Wo**** Posted September 3, 2021 Posted September 3, 2021 (edited) @CopperKnob on another view of your OP I have been asked to convey a perspective from he that has been exiled,lol🐺 @Boldbaldcame here over 3 years ago, broken physically,mentally and emotionally. Patiently he waited watched and tentatively interacted . Many good people on here put up with his sarcastic dark warped coping. And gave him strength and succour to just be himself. To find acceptance in his dark places ,a revelation. Without the help and support of many generous in wisdom types ,he would never have reached out with a comment on my early writting. Now driven by our best intent ,we support, cherish and nurture each other.......or " wallow in our depraved codependancy of love, life and Unity" as he puts it.....lol! BigtribeVibe to A/all , in humble hope a light illuminates your onward journeys....@FenSWitches is our good outcome, and onward evolution🙏 Edited September 3, 2021 by BountyHunter Omissions
Deleted Member Posted September 3, 2021 Posted September 3, 2021 My story is pretty successful too. I joined in early 2020 not looking for anything in particular and my now Dom messaged me then. I got tonnes of gross messages from others and as a newbie it scared me off the website for a bit. Late 2020 I logged back in and saw the message from him and rekindled the conversation. We are now almost at a year of being in each others lives and I couldn't be happier. He means the world to me and the last year we have just grown together to become better people. He trusts and supports me and I him, the d/s dynamic is how it started but it's grown into much more. I have also made some fantastic friends here too so it definitely is possible.
Deleted Member Posted September 3, 2021 Posted September 3, 2021 4 hours ago, CopperKnob said: I think maybe my post maybe got misconstrued, I wasn't whinging at all, just really wanted some positivity But I take on everyones points, msg filters adjusted, It'll just mean blocking more people for being disrespectful Thank you for making this thread. For me, as a newbie, it was a nice read, bar the off-topic, critical comments. Don't change your preferences; they are yours and yours alone. I hope you feel more positive!
Ae**** Posted September 3, 2021 Posted September 3, 2021 Met people who are great, friendly, sexy and make me feel like I'm attractive, valuable/rare and appreciated - e g. have been informed I'm a "real dom", which I didn't know was rare, and which obviously wouldn't think was something I was. So gained a sense of personal value/esteem/confidence. Also increased my appreciation for women in a sense, and my regard for them - because I got to see and experience what I already valued and admired about them in a new and more immersive way. It helped me soften towards them, as so many women are, like so many men, actually damaged and then inflict that damage on men when they are able; the setup here allows a bypassing of certain barriers and facilitation of connections. This isn't what it's like all the time here, but it is like this quite a lot. In person, I've gotten to experience sex and the relationship of a d/s dynamic which has added depth, emotions, an intensity, new understanding and memories to my life that I really value.
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