Experiencing a "drop", when long distance, how do you manage it?

[Leisa]

36 minutes ago, Alponebo said:

Re the drop kit which I think is a great idea, but with self control ( I know that one) could sir not set you up with the drop kit to take with you. It could be locked not to opened until you return home. It could consist of surprise items, personal items from sir and some of your faves, the element of surprise being the nice bit, doesn’t have to be any grand gesture, but something personal from him or something you share. It would ultimately be a continuation of sirs care for you post meet. Just an idea of the top of my head.

I love this idea so much.

[li****]

1 hour ago, Leisa said:

lilM I thought for a second I’d have to go searching in my document folder and pull them. Thank you for saving me the time.

You're welcome 🙂 

[li****]

Also I do have Sirs play shirt that I keep with me, which smells like him so much and I have slept in it plenty of times and it's always by my dresser near my bed, so I reach for it anytime

Edited September 5, 2021 by lil-monster

[Mo****]

I don't know whether this will be helpful to anyone but I got my Daddy to spray his aftershave on one of my big teddies so that I can cuddle up to it and smell him when he's not there. We don't get to do sleepovers so it really helps me. It's about time I reminded him to top it up! 

[li****]

1 hour ago, Alponebo said:

Re the drop kit which I think is a great idea, but with self control ( I know that one) could sir not set you up with the drop kit to take with you. It could be locked not to opened until you return home. It could consist of surprise items, personal items from sir and some of your faves, the element of surprise being the nice bit, doesn’t have to be any grand gesture, but something personal from him or something you share. It would ultimately be a continuation of sirs care for you post meet. Just an idea of the top of my head.

Actually this is a really good idea!!! Love it!!! I may have to nudge my Sir to do this for me once and a while lol 🤣

[Deleted Member]

3 hours ago, lil-monster said:

Here are the munch notes that we had on that topic of The Drop 

hope that helps beaut 💜 but once my box is restocked which I'll be doing sometime in the next few days I'll send you a picture of it just so you can see what mine is like 💋

Thanks Lil monster think I will look into that article. I love @Sazzie0188 idea of the T-shirt as well. I think for me that would be a really good one. 

I love this community everyone looks out for each other and shares so much x

[li****]

27 minutes ago, Tay458 said:

Thanks Lil monster think I will look into that article. I love @Sazzie0188 idea of the T-shirt as well. I think for me that would be a really good one. 

I love this community everyone looks out for each other and shares so much x

You're welcome and yes I agree with the community always open and give so much advice. But I agree on the t-shirt advice, my Sir gave me his play shirt and at least I know it's always there when he can't be 

Edited September 5, 2021 by lil-monster

[Je****]

2 hours ago, Alponebo said:

Re the drop kit which I think is a great idea, but with self control ( I know that one) could sir not set you up with the drop kit to take with you. It could be locked not to opened until you return home. It could consist of surprise items, personal items from sir and some of your faves, the element of surprise being the nice bit, doesn’t have to be any grand gesture, but something personal from him or something you share. It would ultimately be a continuation of sirs care for you post meet. Just an idea of the top of my head.

Hi thanks for your input. 

Forgive me, they are not my Sir or anything like that (relationship and switch with kink if in play) but they are good with ideas sometimes of what may be good for me. Il def broach the tee suggestion as above haha! I do have a cuddly toy but its more what I wish to do for me. I dont get a chance for a bath often as much as id like to. Nor do i ever pamper myself in ways so I really must try this. But il def ask for partners input of what he thinks may better help me. I was hoping this thread could be a suggestion for all who are long distance, I manage, just about, but for some who are even further im sure its harder  

Thanks for your comment  Il def have to work a box me thinks x

[Je****]

I forgot to add i like the surprise element of things! I think thats genious. a lot of people are gonna hate you for that suggestion now when they need to think up something often hehehe brilliant!

[Je****]

1 hour ago, Morganna said:

I don't know whether this will be helpful to anyone but I got my Daddy to spray his aftershave on one of my big teddies so that I can cuddle up to it and smell him when he's not there. We don't get to do sleepovers so it really helps me. It's about time I reminded him to top it up! 

I totally get this. Im big on smells and scents, they help sooth me and make me feel calm. So aftershaves or general "person" smells deffo can help you relax better. sadly they dont really wear aftershave but have a great natural skin smell which i lap up so i might have to get them to rub a cuddly over their face a few times and post it hahah

[Al****]

9 minutes ago, JenniferTP said:

I forgot to add i like the surprise element of things! I think thats genious. a lot of people are gonna hate you for that suggestion now when they need to think up something often hehehe brilliant!

Apologies for the mistake / error re Sir etc and yes i did think afterwards, perhaps not going to be very popular, but It’s more about the small things rather than big gestures, so hopefully I won’t get a hit list. I do also think that their are some great people on here, who also have shared experiences and clearly offer their support which is great to see and comes from your original post, so fair play to you for reaching out.

[Je****]

13 minutes ago, Alponebo said:

Apologies for the mistake / error re Sir etc and yes i did think afterwards, perhaps not going to be very popular, but It’s more about the small things rather than big gestures, so hopefully I won’t get a hit list. I do also think that their are some great people on here, who also have shared experiences and clearly offer their support which is great to see and comes from your original post, so fair play to you for reaching out.

No need to apologise for anything! And as for the idea on the surprise, it's genious haha. No evil eyes from me!!! But yes, this is such a wonderful and supportive community, it's lovely to see and i'm blessed to be a part of it. Even the opinions on here have helped cheer me up xx

[Mo****]

If you're looking for distractions as well then favourite films.....Labyrinth, The Princess Bride and Harry Potter are the type I'd go for for comfort. Reading a book I love and have read before (less concentration needed) I often combine reading in the bath with a cup of tea for extra spoling myself points. I'm not great on self care and usually relegate myself last but I do find these don't require much thought and can be done spur of the moment

[Je****]

20 minutes ago, Morganna said:

If you're looking for distractions as well then favourite films.....Labyrinth, The Princess Bride and Harry Potter are the type I'd go for for comfort. Reading a book I love and have read before (less concentration needed) I often combine reading in the bath with a cup of tea for extra spoling myself points. I'm not great on self care and usually relegate myself last but I do find these don't require much thought and can be done spur of the moment

Thank you, that is helpful. maybe a beer in the bath tho ;)

[Th****]

This is one of the things I did for Sara before I came to see her in Dallas.

I sent her 2 Mp3 recording of me reading Winnie the Pooh stories.

Granted you have to like Winnie the Pooh, but you get the idea. You can curl up and listen to a story read by the voice you are missing.

Failing that stay hydrated, try to top up on vitamins and minerals, if you eat chocolate now is a really good time.

I totally agree with the favourite films, duvet, warm drink or whatever makes you feel most grounded.

Take care Jen

[Je****]

9 hours ago, Thebian said:

This is one of the things I did for Sara before I came to see her in Dallas.

I sent her 2 Mp3 recording of me reading Winnie the Pooh stories.

Granted you have to like Winnie the Pooh, but you get the idea. You can curl up and listen to a story read by the voice you are missing.

Failing that stay hydrated, try to top up on vitamins and minerals, if you eat chocolate now is a really good time.

I totally agree with the favourite films, duvet, warm drink or whatever makes you feel most grounded.

Take care Jen

Thank you. I am coping ok but some days get lower than others and i am never sure how to bring myelf up, even the motivation to think about what can help but il def take some advice from this thread, everyones had amazing comments  

I do feel for u and sara being SO far apart but at the end of the day its proving how strong u are also as its lasting despite distance, and you both make that effort which is wonderful to see. makes the next visit even more memorable x

[Wi****]

20 hours ago, BountyHunter said:

@JenniferTP I found writing helped. 

About how I felt/feel. What made it so good, look forward to the next time.

Rode it out, cried if and when I needed. Accepted that with those incredible highs come the drops. I embraced the drop as much as I embraced the high's. Two sides of the coin.

Having something of theirs... wear their clothes. Maybe write a "drop letter" .... something you can read when you need to feel close.

 

The drops accentuate the highs 🙏

 

Something I think I need to do is make a drop box. For when we're apart. Chatting regularly really really helps. ❤❤❤🥰😚🧚‍♀️🐺

[Deleted Member]

My drops were always pretty bad, and I found I’d push the feeling aside by drowning myself in work.
What I did eventually, which was much healthier was to go back to hobbies, playing the piano, cooking, long walks. I started getting into being able to show myself love and attention in a slightly most tangible form to comfort myself.
I also ‘***d’ myself to learn to relax. Take long baths and spent time reading. It doesn’t ease the ache, but it does soothe it enough.

[Phoenyx]

16 hours ago, Thebian said:

I sent her 2 Mp3 recording of me reading Winnie the Pooh stories.

This got me to thinking about something that I once did.  At the end of our weekend, I presented a sub with a music cassette that she had really wanted---something to listen to on the hour-long drive home.  It was one of those sincere "How did you know?!" moments.  This was back in the mid 90's---hence the stone-age technology.

Interesting thing:  Back then, I don't recall folks actually discussing "after care".  It was purely an instinctual thing, that had yet to be given a name.

[Jo****]

When i was a sub i focused on my “need to do” tasks. I always planned my sessions to be in rout to groceries, mail, gas, mall n shenanigans on my way back home. I took myself out to dinner n that was like a treat n sat there conditioning my mind n feelings before making it home. I lived alone at the time. Just 4 walls, no furniture. Just a mattress on the floor n a boatload of psychological trauma. The distractions helped n i also ended ip buying a easel n i ***ted my feelings. When i switched to experimenting dom the “low” effect went away. But i ended up having to give small gestures to my subs. Like gifts of art or baked goods. Told them they couldn’t eat it all. To only take a byte when they missed me. But, That i wanted a piece for next time. Always had my piece back. The point wasn’t to have my piece back, but to give them a piece of me to distract them. I haven’t had a session in years i will implement this more freely. Especially if the bond is strong.

[Je****]

1 hour ago, JosefinaDwild said:

When i was a sub i focused on my “need to do” tasks. I always planned my sessions to be in rout to groceries, mail, gas, mall n shenanigans on my way back home. I took myself out to dinner n that was like a treat n sat there conditioning my mind n feelings before making it home. I lived alone at the time. Just 4 walls, no furniture. Just a mattress on the floor n a boatload of psychological trauma. The distractions helped n i also ended ip buying a easel n i ***ted my feelings. When i switched to experimenting dom the “low” effect went away. But i ended up having to give small gestures to my subs. Like gifts of art or baked goods. Told them they couldn’t eat it all. To only take a byte when they missed me. But, That i wanted a piece for next time. Always had my piece back. The point wasn’t to have my piece back, but to give them a piece of me to distract them. I haven’t had a session in years i will implement this more freely. Especially if the bond is strong.

Im in love with this. What a beautiful sentiment. Thank you 

[TheLoneGrainger]

From the other side of the coin aftercare should be loving and long, going with what the sub needs - sometimes to sleep alone in my spare room, sometimes to cuddle together, sometimes to eat a meal, sometimes a massage, sometimes to talk...the drop may still happen but they have support. A Dom can also feel a drop - because being a dom is a lot about giving giving and giving, this also can be exhausting and mentally tiring, I need to look after myself sometimes - music, sleep, poetry, movies, talking, all help...oh and the essential 20 second hug...

[ke****]

I’m experiencing this right now. We are long distance and it’s very new. He was very caring with assuring me, caring for my injuries, just holding me. But now that he’s gone, that high is low low low. I’ve also talked myself into thinking I’ve disappointed him - which i *know* isn’t the case but well I’m playing mind games with myself.

[TheLoneGrainger]

Its a learning curve and communication is important. Ultimately we all need to find ways to support ourselves and learn what we need from how we react....

[Ki****]

Get yourself a few doms to play with… you won’t drop nearly so bad.