Deleted Member Posted September 6, 2021 Posted September 6, 2021 Where Are They? I see so many profiles that state they are "Looking For Their One" or "Waiting For That Special Person" that it strikes Me there are an awful lot of people in here simply treading water. Much as I hate to bring a downer to the party, but statistically you will never find them...you know that, right? We consciously set a bar that others must attain to qualify as "The One", yet have we ever thought that maybe "The One" doesn't much feel like doing that. They may not want to jump through our hoops, or "pass a test" that we have created as a form of trial by preconditions? Then what? Could it be that "The One" we are waiting for doesn't know we exist yet, and the path that brings them into our sphere hasn't been created? They are on their own journey, and the experiences they have encountered will preclude them of even attempting to talk with us because of the barriers we create? In our arrogance we "believe" that if they are "The One" then they will do it, and never stop to ask ourselves WHY they should? What if "The One" already knows us, has spoken with us, and weighed up the pro's and con's of what you are asking and decided that its too much trouble? Does that make them not worthy, or is it our own shortcomings that makes US not worthy of them? They could even be someone we had a relationship with in the past, yet at that moment in time we were not compatible to the extent we both needed. The stars were not aligned etc etc. We needed to go out into the world and learn more to be able to appreciate them. Given the randomness of Fate, and the vagaries of human emotions, when we decide we will "Wait For The One" are we not saying to ourselves, and the rest of the world, that we are not ready to find them? Don't create barriers, create avenues of communication. Don't have expectations, listen to what others bring to the table. Knock down the ivory tower, and build a speakeasy in its place. You will have far more fun, and who knows, "The One" may just walk through the door. Be well A/all Scribe x
ge**** Posted September 6, 2021 Posted September 6, 2021 An interesting thought for sure - although perhaps the answer lies in most of us know "The One" is a flawed concept that for the vast majority in it's strictest sense doesn't exist - it just trips off the tongue a lot easier than "The person who at a given moment in time I feel a sufficient connection and chemistry with to start a relationship with" At the same time though there is nothing wrong with waiting for the "right" one for you at that moment - certainly it's something I can apply to my submissive side, and that explains my relatively limited experience of it - for me to *be* submissive to someone I need to *feel* submissive to them and that has been a rare thing to find. I refuse to give myself to just anyone, and won't compromise that principle either - I'd rather wait for the "right" one, which I guess is no different from those that wait for "the" one - I certainly don't feel I have missed out as a result.
ey**** Posted September 6, 2021 Posted September 6, 2021 yeah, I've found most people who say they are looking for "the one" is a signifier they're not looking for any casual play, something short term, or "coffee see how it goes" but are looking for someone who will become a committed life partner. I think people often are a little more flexible - but there'll certainly be things they know they want, or don't want, and I don't think there's any need to drop those requirements. And yeah. If someone ways up the pros and cons and decides someone isn't worth the trouble in trying to impress or make an impact on. They're definitely not the one.
Deleted Member Posted September 6, 2021 Author Posted September 6, 2021 Thanks for your input, guys, but the point is more about being honest and not setting unrealistic targets for yourself and others...because you WILL miss out.
ey**** Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 I think to a degree yeah, there are folks who don't find what they want because they are unrealistic but I also think there are those who have caveats and standards which are fair. And of course, the more caveats you have the more difficult it is to find someone who will match - but I don't entirely think this is a bad thing. And it may be of course these change over time (up or down) or that they meet someone who changes their thinking (which is probably something that will happen organically say someone who is "I am looking for someone who is aged 25-35" someone 23 or 39 might be disappointed by this, but the two could cross paths at a social event and that might change the guard more than if I was like "I know you said 25-35, but I'm 39, give me a chance") -- I do also, however, thinking there's a danger in setting the bar too low. I think being open minded can be good but is important not to be a little bit like "anyone will do"
Deleted Member Posted September 7, 2021 Author Posted September 7, 2021 3 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said: I think to a degree yeah, there are folks who don't find what they want because they are unrealistic but I also think there are those who have caveats and standards which are fair. And of course, the more caveats you have the more difficult it is to find someone who will match - but I don't entirely think this is a bad thing. And it may be of course these change over time (up or down) or that they meet someone who changes their thinking (which is probably something that will happen organically say someone who is "I am looking for someone who is aged 25-35" someone 23 or 39 might be disappointed by this, but the two could cross paths at a social event and that might change the guard more than if I was like "I know you said 25-35, but I'm 39, give me a chance") -- I do also, however, thinking there's a danger in setting the bar too low. I think being open minded can be good but is important not to be a little bit like "anyone will do" Reminds me of a quote blacksheep: "The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark."
ey**** Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 27 minutes ago, KinkySirXxX said: Reminds me of a quote blacksheep: "The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark." That is one avenue. The other is... Folk like to feel you are interested in *them* and not just *anyone* this is something I sometimes worry in how I come over sometimes in my complex web - but then - my circumstances and wants will not work for everyone and I don't think people should change what they're looking for to accommodate me - because there's some things I can, of course, compromise to try to make things work - but I'm not leaving my wife. Can't offer mono. Am not quitting filming. Depending on distance we may be in more of a 'comet' relationship.
ge**** Posted September 7, 2021 Posted September 7, 2021 8 hours ago, TheScribe said: Thanks for your input, guys, but the point is more about being honest and not setting unrealistic targets for yourself and others...because you WILL miss out. Whilst I agree to an extent - I think that also needs to be balanced with not compromising your principles and as eyemblacksheep says setting the bar too low.
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