Recently scammed and lost hope of find someone .......

[Deleted Member]

I joined another so called "bdsm site".

I was approached by a genuine sounding Mistress . After exchanging several messages and texts the scam grooming started . Being new to the scene I was caught unawares and was asked to sign up for a "dungeon pass ".

This involved signing up to various non kink dating sites . It was only a phone call from my credit card company I realised what was going on........£500 worth of fraudulent transactions.  My credit limit was smashed and I got hit by loads of interest.  Luckily everything has been reversed and I've not lost anything. 

This brings up the question are there any genuine Dommes/Mistresses out there who will help a newbie like me start thier journey into servitude?

I've lost all hope of EVER meeting someone 

PLEASE HELP 

[ey****]

So - I'm really sorry to hear you were scammed.  I always hope people will find sites like this one before the scammers find them - because if you're new and naive then a lot sounds pretty legit.

Now, in answer to your question towards the end.

I mean, yes.  While the UK fetish scene has taken a battering due to covid it is quite varied and vibrant.  This doesn't mean there are people ready to drop stuff and hand hold strangers, but there is - at least - hope

Now. There are options of course, but it's important to be aware of other scams.  If something sounds too good to be true; it probably is. 

There are two routes.  

The first one involves being active and making friends - this can include online (sites like this) but also in your local kink community.  Because honestly, turning up to munches and events make it pretty easy to make friends and there may well be folk who are happy to help show you things or try things with you.

This comes with no guarantees and is likely to be a long process.  Not that that is a terrible thing.  The journey is a well walked road, not a 100m sprint.

An alternative is via Pro Dommes and different can offer different things but if you approach one with a long term ambition they might be able to say if it will work for them.   This obviously can get expensive because you will be paying tribute each time you meet (but that does also cover the cost of the hired dungeon etc) but you can be certain each time on what you want to do/experience/try

It may even be, you do a kinda hybrid of the two approaches.  

[Dreamaway]

Saddened to hear this but there are members on this site, in addition to the admins, who look out for these people and report them. Usually they give themselves away rather obviously. Location can be confused, poor English, request you leave the site to communicate. Be careful my friend, there are many genuine members in here who will gladly divulge advice and information if approached in the correct manner.

[Leisa]

Is it a Domme you want or just a lady who is dominant. There is a difference and to the newcomers it can be a tough course to navigate. I’m sorry this happened to you. It now you know what to look for. There are some wonderful Dommes out there for every aspect you could dream of from sensual to pro.

[Deleted Member]

Thank you to everyone who has commented its nice to feel like I'm not alone xxx

[BadBoy-94]

Generally... I’d they ask for tributes, speak broken English, ask you to sign up for a website, run for the hills. It’s usually a scam.

[Deleted Member]

Sorry this happened to you. It's frustrating to hear about these sams but there are many genuine FemDoms here. Be careful always when asked for *** or to sign up for anything when engaging online. Try engaging in the lobby and see if you connect with someone there. It's also a good way to interact with others in the Fet community and learn more about what you might be looking for. I've made many friends this way.

[Deleted Member]

Guys and gals thanks for the sympathy and support.  I've added you all as I'm looking to make friends here hope you all don't mind x

[ge****]

Can't really add a great deal to what has been said already but sorry to hear you got taken in, glad you were able to get it reversed though.

It is easy on-line to get caught up in the excitement of someone showing apparent genuine interest and offering all you desire and more - however, sadly, you have to keep your wits about you to differentiate between the genuine and the fake.

As others have said, get along to munches, or even fet nights/afternoons at clubs, go with no expectations of anything other than talking to and getting to know like minded people - put friendships and building a connection and chemistry first, and kink second and let things develop naturally from there.

A lot of people in your position make the mistake of losing sight of all the usual "norms" of finding a relationship (regardless of whether it's NSA, or something more deep) and think it has to be done "differently" - when actually it's exactly the same process. Sure the end result may be different but the journey there is no different - you have to appeal to the other person in just the same way as you would in any other way.

Unless of course you go down the pro-Domme route and even then to an extent you still have to appeal on some level.

[to****]

Personally I think if you’re gullible enough to sign up to various sites because some ‘girl’ online tells you to, this won’t be the last time.
I would say 90% of ‘mistresses’ on this site are fake. I suggest your search may be better suited to fetlife where you can at least delve into the persons history. If they’ve only existed for a month or less I’d say there’s a 99% chance they’re fake.

[Deleted Member]

12 minutes ago, topspur30 said:

Personally I think if you’re gullible enough to sign up to various sites because some ‘girl’ online tells you to, this won’t be the last time.
I would say 90% of ‘mistresses’ on this site are fake. I suggest your search may be better suited to fetlife where you can at least delve into the persons history. If they’ve only existed for a month or less I’d say there’s a 99% chance they’re fake.

That's helpful thanks

[Leisa]

2 hours ago, topspur30 said:

Personally I think if you’re gullible enough to sign up to various sites because some ‘girl’ online tells you to, this won’t be the last time.
I would say 90% of ‘mistresses’ on this site are fake. I suggest your search may be better suited to fetlife where you can at least delve into the persons history. If they’ve only existed for a month or less I’d say there’s a 99% chance they’re fake.

That’s pretty rude not to mention harsh.

[Deleted Member]

Thanks leisa

[Deleted Member]

There are only pro Dommes who ask for deposits up front. They will happily point you to their websites, references and call you if you ask. They'll soon fill you with confidence that they are real, as will others if you ask them. It really takes no effort to do your own research to find out they are real. 

Anybody else who wants your email, phone number, Kik, hangout, or *** before even speaking is very likely to be a scammer....and probably a guy. If they point you to websites to join, hotel links or their BDSM supplier for new equipment, they are a scammer. 

On the whole, dominant women are rare. They get bombarded with messages and rarely reply because it's exhausting. I very rarely even bother now. I heard a stat once, there's 100 subs to 1 Domme. I'm not sure how true that is but you get the point. 

You need to get out and about to events, clubs and munches to meet real people and make new friends and connections. Best place for those are Fetlife. This site is also very good to connect with people, hence all the replies here. 

Good luck, don't give up, just slow down and relax. ☺️

 

 

Edited September 19, 2021 by Deleted Member

[Deleted Member]

Fakes and scammers can be found on every dating site. For some, it's their source of income, and there's little you can do about it. What you can do about it: if asked for ***, report to the mods but never send ***. Never give out your contact details when asked, avoid findoms, take a good look at the profiles, for example if someone is 30 with 15 years experience that is a red flag.

[to****]

6 hours ago, Leisa said:

That’s pretty rude not to mention harsh.

Whilst I don’t disagree with this, sometimes it’s needed. The OP was incredibly naive and stupid. At what point is it acceptable to avoid that?

[ey****]

45 minutes ago, topspur30 said:

Whilst I don’t disagree with this, sometimes it’s needed. The OP was incredibly naive and stupid. At what point is it acceptable to avoid that?

So he was naïve - and that is something that scammers try to target.

But now that he is on a site where folk can hopefully point some of the examples of scams (there's a fair few threads on them) he knows what to avoid

I mean, come on Fetlife is hardly scammer free - and while on fetlife I have zero sympathy for the people who don't read profiles and are then taken aback when there's ask for a tribute or "we can chat on OF" - there is a lot of bait and switch and thirst traps go on.  

But still - most of the common scams play on getting to the newbies before they find any real community direction.

And a lot of them have tropes about them that sound real

for example "buy a dungeon pass" (when we know there are dungeons you need a membership for)

"Book this kinky dungeon and we'll have fun together" (when we know there are dungeons you can hire)

"You need to apply to the BDSM council" (sounds really farfetched but it plays into a lot of the whole cloak and dagger and secret society that 'old school' romanticise)

So on.

Like, I think it's possible to be a *little* more sympathetic 

[Deleted Member]

Right as the op can I just explain something? I've been to clubs munches and had play . 

I was carefully groomed and thought I'd been careful . I was wrong .......

I wasn't rushing or giddy but something about that website made me a target. 

I'm on fetlife and have the same issues 

[mi****]

Trolls are common in Vanilla and BDSM. Your discernment in life is required, when more so in BDSM.

[Deleted Member]

Also watch out for, "this site that's actually perfectly good and works well is not working for me, so yeah contact me on snapchat, or worse KIK" which is scam central

[Deleted Member]

8 hours ago, Lameculos said:

Also watch out for, "this site that's actually perfectly good and works well is not working for me, so yeah contact me on snapchat, or worse KIK" which is scam central

And "hangouts". That's the most common one I get.

[Deleted Member]

I've learned never to do things that require sign ups to websites. Always talk to them for a while. I've done findom in the past, and this is not how it's done, this is blatant ***.

[MrSkyFeet]

I'm so sorry that happened to you, but it seems to be about 70% of the internet side of this community. I've had countless "predatory Dommes" trying it on on literally every site I've ever tried and that's not counting the email scams.

It's really REALLY ***ful being genuine and wanting to find someone as those that are real don't want to give you the time of day due to being harassed constantly and the fake ones just want to rip you off.

Trust me, it's hard and I feel just as hopeless at times. But try and find your local community, it's really the best chance you've got as apps and websites like this seem to be very difficult to get anyone to even speak to you, let alone invite you to join the community.

[Deleted Member]

20 hours ago, MrSkyFeet said:

I'm so sorry that happened to you, but it seems to be about 70% of the internet side of this community. I've had countless "predatory Dommes" trying it on on literally every site I've ever tried and that's not counting the email scams.

It's really REALLY ***ful being genuine and wanting to find someone as those that are real don't want to give you the time of day due to being harassed constantly and the fake ones just want to rip you off.

Trust me, it's hard and I feel just as hopeless at times. But try and find your local community, it's really the best chance you've got as apps and websites like this seem to be very difficult to get anyone to even speak to you, let alone invite you to join the community.

Yep, all this.

I'd like to add, ...try normal dating sites. Be specific without rambling on about BDSM and kink. Use words like FLR, headstrong, assertive, strong minded, etc. And always remember you are here to serve women NOT your kink.

Worked for me! I'm currently dating a really lovely woman who loves holding the key and is frantically reading up on it all, listening to podcasts etc. We're growing together. It's fantastic.

Edited May 9, 2022 by Deleted Member

[Deleted Member]

Don’t worry I’ve been there too when starting out it’s a ***ful experience tribute via PayPal and gift cards how I got done always call the number first no answer or return call red flag.

Be careful sending photos giving out information so you can be found on Facebook remember they might blackmail you to sending *** then *** you for more and more.

Seen someone got blocked who spanked me got phone number on profile please don’t let your emotions rule your brain remember crossing the road stop look and listen showing my age but still.