CopperKnob Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 How Kink Was Created In the beginning, god created the heavens, the earth, and human genitals. Sex was desolate and dull, and the spirit of vanilla hovered over the waters, so god commanded, “Let there be butt plugs and crops” and there were butt plugs and crops and now god had tons of awesome smut to watch on his new 56" OLED Smart TV with surround sound. And god was pleased with what he saw, and so was Adam, for it got him anal. Then god separated vanilla from kink, and he named vanilla ‘shit' and kink ‘much, much better.’ And there was evening and there was morning—the first day. And god said, “Let Dominants be gathered in dungeons to satisfy brats and give them orgasms and buy them TB dresses and icecream”—and it became so. God called the dominants "excellent," and brats, "an absolutely ***y nightmare." That was the second day. He then had a change of heart and named the dominants “servants” and the brats “The Queen Bees of the Kink Universe.” And god was pleased so he made himself some popcorn and got himself a beer because the knew his was about to get seriously entertaining. And god said, “Let there be sex shops to produce all kinds of new toys: those that are thuddy, those that are stingy, those that are ropey, and those that are buzzy and it became so. Sex shops produced every kind of magic wand, and brats were more pleased than anyone else in the universe with what they saw—that was the third day. Then god proclaimed, “Let there be munches to give kinksters a way to get laid when they’re horny.”—and it was done. He made all the Dominants own and wear belts. He also made ben wa balls. The evening munch passed and morning came—that was the fourth day. Then the lord god said, “Let spankings rain down on The Sacred Brat's Ass when it's been tricking its Dominant and being a naughty imp". And it was so. God made sparkly butt plugs and every possible kind of porn other than the porn women like. (For feminism and gay smut were only created on the five-millionth day.) Then god blessed brats and said, “Go forth and plant grass in your dominants’ keyboards and spread glue on the toilet seat”—and it was so because brats do so well at following instruction. God looked at all he created and, unlike the Dominants, was very pleased. By the seventh day the brats had gone completely apeshit so the Dominants rested and went to anger management classes, and god was pleased, and brats were pleased, but everyone else was ***ed off.
Deleted Member Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 this had me giggling all the way through Xx
Wo**** Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 Brilliant!🙏💜🙏.........every day a learning day! I was mislead by Ancient Egyptian creation tale of God enjoyed self suck, but didn't swallow( wtf, expected sub to clean up?) Spat.....And, lo, creation..... ..... Or the whole thing is just wank?......wanking for the faithful, give generously.
Deviant_Ric Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 And so it came to pass; behold The New Testament
Phoenyx Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 You forgot the part: "And God created livestock, not just to feed the masses, but also, to provide skins that could be dyed black and shiny, to clothe those not of the vanilla persuasion, and to provide ample raw material for the new toys.
so**** Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 👍👍🤣omg that's so good lol blasphemous as all hell, but oh how I love it! So well written. You have my respect & my undying applause🤘
StickyTrickster Posted September 26, 2021 Posted September 26, 2021 And on the eighth day Lucifer ***ed off at not getting the recognition for the role he played in bringing about decadent pleasures decided to forge his own dominants with wickedly devious minds. “Go out onto the world and set the record straight,” he said onto them, “Oh and if you come across any brats you may prod, poke, tease and *** them but you may never grant them any rewards until they have acknowledged my role in pleasure by showing you as my representatives on Earth the proper respect.” And thus the tamers crawled out from the underworld and the world watched as all hell literally broke loose…
CopperKnob Posted September 27, 2021 Author Posted September 27, 2021 18 hours ago, StickyTrickster said: And on the eighth day Lucifer ***ed off at not getting the recognition for the role he played in bringing about decadent pleasures decided to forge his own dominants with wickedly devious minds. “Go out onto the world and set the record straight,” he said onto them, “Oh and if you come across any brats you may prod, poke, tease and *** them but you may never grant them any rewards until they have acknowledged my role in pleasure by showing you as my representatives on Earth the proper respect.” And thus the tamers crawled out from the underworld and the world watched as all hell literally broke loose… I think you'll find Lucifer was the biggest brat of all and he was running amok with the best of them
StickyTrickster Posted September 27, 2021 Posted September 27, 2021 2 hours ago, CopperKnob said: I think you'll find Lucifer was the biggest brat of all and he was running amok with the best of them And? You telling me the world's first and biggest brat wouldn't after doing such a great job coming up with decadent pleasures wouldn't if their best behaviour/achievement went unappreciated summon into being those that would be able to truly appreciate how difficult that was for him to do and to *** all those that failed to give him the credit... Better believe he acted up without the proper praise!
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