Deleted Member Posted September 28, 2021 Posted September 28, 2021 In a pandemic world where we don’t actually get to see each other, are there still people out there who believes in holding the doors open, and offering their jackets when it’s cold outside..? What is the most romantic thing you’ve ever done/received for/from someone.
Sullygroot Posted September 28, 2021 Posted September 28, 2021 I gave a girl the literal shirt off my back to keep her warm
TheBookCollector Posted September 28, 2021 Posted September 28, 2021 Yes it does exist. I believe in holding doors open, giving holding an umberella over my partner when its raining, and providing her with a coat if shes cold. Why do you ask?
BigPolly Posted September 28, 2021 Posted September 28, 2021 I may be totally wrong in this but …. It’s possibly more prevalent in the (slightly) older generation who grew up without the internet & learning their manners etc from parents/relatives/schools. The internet generation is slightly different as everything is infront of us so we don’t have to work as hard or use manners for the things we want which is sad. We are also in a world where people believe both (all) sexes are equal or alike so some find the thought of chivalry offensive (not sure how being polite is offensive but it’s horses for courses) & some are too cautious to be chivalrous for *** of backlash. Some old school Dom/mes still look at wining & dining, holding doors, pulling out chairs etc because that’s how we were bought up to treat people. Personally I’m not sure I’d categorise chivalry & romance together as being chivalrous should always be there as a sign of good manners. I’m not particularly romantic myself however if Tom Jones turned up on my doorstep with a bunch of flowers & a big bow tied around his knob, I’d be all up for that 😬
Darkwolfct Posted September 28, 2021 Posted September 28, 2021 Yes I am probably what you would class as the older generation! And I still hold doors and look out for my friends and partner/s
su**** Posted September 28, 2021 Posted September 28, 2021 So far as far as I know, chivalry is mostly dead. I try to be nice and helpful, attentive even - I guess my subby slave nature bleeds into my day-to-day. At best and mostly, people are pleasantly surprised Some are irritated. I even had someone call me dirty and slimy before. Infront of customers. Because I held a door open for them. It's rare, but it oozes of low expectations and hostility. If I post any of the other things that happened to me - I might get banned. Service industry is wild.
Re**** Posted September 28, 2021 Posted September 28, 2021 I am older generation. I open doors and show respect. Manners cost nothing but give everything. However I have been criticised for doing this by feminists Sometimes you just cannot win lol
Deleted Member Posted September 28, 2021 Author Posted September 28, 2021 My 10year old son is a perfect gent. He’ll hold open doors, serve ladies first etc. He got in trouble at primary school for holding the door open for his female teacher 🙈 sadly, I think that by the time his generation are of dating age it will be long gone :(
ey**** Posted September 28, 2021 Posted September 28, 2021 I don't think the concept of chivalry is gone - but a lot has changed For example holding the door open is a common trope. But, like, the door should be held open for whoever needs it. If you have a trolley full of shopping and there's someone looking a bit flushed for time with one item, your decision to let them cut in front of you shouldn't be based on their sex or gender; or how attractive you find them. So on. I think a lot is contextually as of if you're actually in a relationship with someone or on a date. But outside of that there's sometimes a bit... were you doing this to be nice or to point score? If to be nice, then carry on, but being nice can extend to people beyond those you find attractive and wouldn't need anything in return - including the recipients approval.
Blackadder1978 Posted September 28, 2021 Posted September 28, 2021 I think chivalry and selflessness are very much linked. A chivalrous act is one that ultimately puts you out giving up something for someone else's benefit. It can be easy - holding a door open - or hard. If chivalry is in decline, It's because too often people don't do things selflessly anymore. As to people who react badly to a chivalrous or selfless act, well, that's their choice and problem. Doing the right thing is its own reward.
Deleted Member Posted September 28, 2021 Author Posted September 28, 2021 I don’t think it is. But we have to be careful and think twice before doing it now as it’s perceived as sexist and patronising…. Also now with disease around the world I don’t hold door I kick them with my foot sorry 😈
BigPolly Posted September 28, 2021 Posted September 28, 2021 1 hour ago, sheswitch said: My 10year old son is a perfect gent. He’ll hold open doors, serve ladies first etc. He got in trouble at primary school for holding the door open for his female teacher 🙈 sadly, I think that by the time his generation are of dating age it will be long gone :( Good on you for bringing your son up with manners. Any adult who tells him off for being well mannered doesn’t deserve the time of day, let alone a teacher! Don’t let someone like that stop him from being amazing!
Deleted Member Posted September 28, 2021 Author Posted September 28, 2021 I paid a young girls storage a few weeks back that I met online, she posted asking for help, had her meet me at the storage unit and paid it for her..tears rolled down her cheeks
Carnelian2 Posted September 28, 2021 Posted September 28, 2021 I had a conversation with someone about this just yesterday. If I am on a date with someone, I will automatically assume and be happy to pay for the meal, but I am also sensitive to those that insist on paying for their own meal, as we are not all the same. I would not, however, send for a car to pick up the lady. I might drive there and pick her up, as I have on many occassions. I just look at it as spending extra time with someone who I enjoy the company of. Opening doors, yes - but again being sensitive to the perspective of the other person. Conversely, I have a lady friend who insists on introducing me whenever we meet others, and I let her as it makes her feel good. I would say balance and sensitivity but yes, chivalry does exist and shows consideration for the other person, which is nice.
Deleted Member Posted September 28, 2021 Author Posted September 28, 2021 26 minutes ago, BigPolly said: Good on you for bringing your son up with manners. Any adult who tells him off for being well mannered doesn’t deserve the time of day, let alone a teacher! Don’t let someone like that stop him from being amazing! Thank you. We say he is wise beyond his years, he’s a sweetheart and is my true little gent xx
Deleted Member Posted September 28, 2021 Author Posted September 28, 2021 8 minutes ago, Carnelian2 said: I had a conversation with someone about this just yesterday. If I am on a date with someone, I will automatically assume and be happy to pay for the meal, but I am also sensitive to those that insist on paying for their own meal, as we are not all the same. I would not, however, send for a car to pick up the lady. I might drive there and pick her up, as I have on many occassions. I just look at it as spending extra time with someone who I enjoy the company of. Opening doors, yes - but again being sensitive to the perspective of the other person. Conversely, I have a lady friend who insists on introducing me whenever we meet others, and I let her as it makes her feel good. I would say balance and sensitivity but yes, chivalry does exist and shows consideration for the other person, which is nice. See I’m just an old romantic.. for me it’s more about thought and effort on things like dates… If I’m asked out on a date I’d assume the man would be organising and paying… I’d assume whatever he chose to do would be within his budget. To me it’s just basic old time woo-ing. After the date I’d be happy to pay for the next one or whatever we went and done after. I’m also a sucker for someone holding a door open, giving me their arm and all of that. I’m a strong and independent person but it’s these little things that make a date stand out to me. In a non date situation I think it’s just basic manners to hold doors open/help someone with shopping etc.. I like to spread kindness around like body ***t.. all over and extra ;)
ey**** Posted September 28, 2021 Posted September 28, 2021 I think like a lot of things - you/we can choose what we do - but can't choose how this is received. An act of kindness that doesn't have the intended results was still an act of kindness. Or, I guess, if there was intended results - was never really an act of kindness. Obviously some people's responses may be rude - that's, well, their problem - and shouldn't be discouraged future kindness or doing the right thing. Mind, there are some elements within chivalry with different origins, some less honourable than others (women sent first in order to see if it was safe, ha) and there is a lot of etiquette that folk get wrong So, for example - stairs. A man inviting a woman to go up the stairs first has a very good eyeline with her bum.
Deleted Member Posted September 28, 2021 Author Posted September 28, 2021 The lack of chivalry, manners, decorum and politeness is endemic, and a reflection on the way society has decayed over the last 50 years. I know it is an unpopular viewpoint, and doubtless will draw ire and criticism, but in truth it you encounter it every day. Most of my partners are younger than me, ranging from 10 to 30 years, and ALL of them have liked the fact that I am an "Old Fashioned Gentleman" and do those little things that are frowned upon by others as sexist, misogynistic or degrading. Opening doors, holding their coat while they put it on, walking roadside, holding their chair at a restaurant...simple things. They cost nothing to do.
Deleted Member Posted September 28, 2021 Author Posted September 28, 2021 I believe in it and it helps that im a male submissive so its a natural thing
charlias Posted September 28, 2021 Posted September 28, 2021 So the chivalry we know never existed. Its Victorian fiction. The code of chivalry was just rules of engagement for the nobility during war (it was only for nobility. You can *** and *** all the peasants you want). But semantics aside... yeah nice things do still happen :) I doubled the size of my veg plot to be able to give my neighbors fruit veg and eggs when the first lockdown happened.
Deleted Member Posted September 28, 2021 Author Posted September 28, 2021 7 minutes ago, charlias said: So the chivalry we know never existed. Its Victorian fiction. The code of chivalry was just rules of engagement for the nobility during war (it was only for nobility. You can *** and *** all the peasants you want). But semantics aside... yeah nice things do still happen I doubled the size of my veg plot to be able to give my neighbors fruit veg and eggs when the first lockdown happened. It isn't about its origins, or its original intent. It is a state of mind, a conscious choice of action. If we break things down with semantics you get fact and no change.
charlias Posted September 28, 2021 Posted September 28, 2021 19 minutes ago, TheScribe said: It isn't about its origins, or its original intent. It is a state of mind, a conscious choice of action. If we break things down with semantics you get fact and no change. Disclaimer: I love playing me some devils advocate :) History and meaning of words are 100% important. Words are thrown around nowadays without care for true meaning, that then confuse the meanings of others. Love, awesome, epic. And following something that is in essence a lie is a ridiculous proposition. Its the same as Photoshopped pictures of supermodels. Humans are strange and have many hard wired tribal inclinations and aren't always very nice. We could all be as identical as penguins and we'd still end up fighting about something. So a code of conduct is very appealing, but what can you actually tell me about chivalry itself? Its original form was horrific and well documented and the fictional version is vague and unattainable (in this day and age). You'd be better off following Buddhism :) Let me pose a question: what qualities should a modern chivalric gentleman have?
Deleted Member Posted September 28, 2021 Author Posted September 28, 2021 1 minute ago, charlias said: Disclaimer: I love playing me some devils advocate History and meaning of words are 100% important. Words are thrown around nowadays without care for true meaning, that then confuse the meanings of others. Love, awesome, epic. And following something that is in essence a lie is a ridiculous proposition. Its the same as Photoshopped pictures of supermodels. Humans are strange and have many hard wired tribal inclinations and aren't always very nice. We could all be as identical as penguins and we'd still end up fighting about something. So a code of conduct is very appealing, but what can you actually tell me about chivalry itself? Its original form was horrific and well documented and the fictional version is vague and unattainable (in this day and age). You'd be better off following Buddhism Let me pose a question: what qualities should a modern chivalric gentleman have? With the greatest of respect, much as I would love discussing subjects with you, I am not here to pander to your devils advocacy for your amusement. We differ in our thoughts, so leave it there.
charlias Posted September 28, 2021 Posted September 28, 2021 16 minutes ago, TheScribe said: With the greatest of respect, much as I would love discussing subjects with you, I am not here to pander to your devils advocacy for your amusement. We differ in our thoughts, so leave it there. Fair enough. The last question I feel is relevant. What qualities do you should a modern chivalric gentleman have?
Deleted Member Posted September 28, 2021 Author Posted September 28, 2021 19 minutes ago, charlias said: Fair enough. The last question I feel is relevant. What qualities do you should a modern chivalric gentleman have? ~sighs~ perhaps you should add "*** a thread for the purposes of showing how clever and knowledgeable I am" to your list of kinks? See how far that gets you? What you feel is relevant just isn't.
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