Replies ?

[Deleted Member]

Been on here for 2 years now we met only a few people and less in person 😅

[Ar****]

Not including people I already knew from elsewhere, through this site I've met seven new people irl for various reasons (platonic friendships, short-term liaisons, one became my "proper" girlfriend/partner for a while) since joining around two and a half years ago.

 

I might not have found what I want on the relationship front in that time, but I've made so many friends whom I haven't met in person yet... for me that's the real value of the site, that mutual respect and connection. 

[so****]

Not me a lot of replies no meet ups

[ra****]

Zero, barely anyone in the midwest and most everyone is either in another country or on the coast line

[Phoenyx]

I have made a few good friends here.  I have yet to actually meet anyone, though.  I did have a serious discussion with one lady.  But, the 800 miles of desert between us, kind of killed that possibility.  Compound that with complications caused by a certain "unspecified virus of 'unknown' origin".

[Al****]

Alot of time wasters especially around London UK.

[nick_massar]

I’ve spoken to a few and met one person, learning along the way as new to online communities, I know everyone I’ve come in contact with has been friendly and or helpful

[Ro****]

One and he’s currently my dom. He reached out to tell me I could reach out to him if I had any questions. At first we kinda wanted different things, but have slowly melded the two together. @peoria602 I love you with all my heart

[sk****]

I’ve made some good friend through the site, some I’ve met some are online only, I have also met an amazing Dom. The thing is not to rush things, become involved with the site as a whole and let things take their natural course

[ba****]

I haven’t met anyone I trust enough yet

[Sir-Taz]

8 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

1 and im aware others who've not commented have too

Ya best put the kettle on and make it two haha

[sm****]

yep, met her on here just before lockdown, but only recently got meeting up since things got more open.  helps that they are local and we we knew each other in passing.

 

 

[Deleted Member]

I've been chatting to a sub female off here for while now. Nothing in it but we get on well. 

Otherwise, no. I don't bother messaging women anymore. Nothing has worked in the past. I think they're too overloaded with men messaging all the time. I don't know.

I find it odd that nearly all members who view my profile on here are men. 

[Du****]

ZERO I get what I believe to be scammers. We chat some maybe on that day then if I mention let’s ft it’s over. I just want proof of life. Meaning I just want to know/see who I’m chatting with.

[Su****]

I’ve been hooking up with a guy I met here, for about 2 months now.

[Phoenyx]

18 hours ago, Axlsub said:

I don't bother messaging women anymore. Nothing has worked in the past. I think they're too overloaded with men messaging all the time. I don't know.

I find it odd that nearly all members who view my profile on here are men. 

This is true.  It does appear that the women here, get bombarded.  I don't wish to add to the mayhem.  I have often wondered why the women don't reach-out more to the men that interest them.  But then, I can see the *** of "unrealistic expectations", and how that could go terribly wrong.  This "expectation" can be especially hazardous, if meeting IRL involves any long-distance travel.  As for me, I have no expectations---I'm just looking to meet new friends in the Scene.  Of course, if one of the friendships develops into something more...   Still, I am not expecting.

Yes, most of the those who check-out my profile are also men.  I suspect that it is merely a case of "sizing-up the competition".

The other day, I saw an article about how "politics" has ruined dating.  Supposedly, on some of the "popular" dating sites, people are listing political ideology as their number-one priority in a match.  Luckily, I haven't seen that here (yet?).  Has anyone else run into this?

Please forgive me, if my thoughts are a bit disjointed today.  I'm fighting a nasty sinus cold, that has me a bit loopy.

[Ar****]

34 minutes ago, Phoenyx said:

The other day, I saw an article about how "politics" has ruined dating.  Supposedly, on some of the "popular" dating sites, people are listing political ideology as their number-one priority in a match.  Luckily, I haven't seen that here (yet?).  Has anyone else run into this?

I haven't seen it here, but now that you mention it it does seem to be taking more prominence on the one dating site I still occasionally venture onto.

 

Wishing you well brother, I hope your cold clears up soon. 

[ey****]

51 minutes ago, Phoenyx said:

I have often wondered why the women don't reach-out more to the men that interest them

I always do think this is a shame.  I am aware of one lady who spoke on these forums about making the first move and got a lot of the guys either accusing her of being a scammer - or - taking the display of interest a bit too forward.

54 minutes ago, Phoenyx said:

Yes, most of the those who check-out my profile are also men.  I suspect that it is merely a case of "sizing-up the competition".

I was really surprised that every person on my last few pages on who checked me out is a woman (or, I guess, a scammer in a womans profile) with a good handful local.  But yeah - there was one (not local - but, like, I would totally travel to meet) who did send a spank but then the others I'm half feeling if they weren't interested - I dunno.

I do probably turn up on a few guys who-checked-me-out for a number of reasons.  Usually if someone is asking about things in their locality and I look to see where there locality is - or sometimes there's guys (or women, or whoever) who just seem cool and I want to see what they're about.

57 minutes ago, Phoenyx said:

The other day, I saw an article about how "politics" has ruined dating.  Supposedly, on some of the "popular" dating sites, people are listing political ideology as their number-one priority in a match.  Luckily, I haven't seen that here (yet?).  Has anyone else run into this?

I can totally believe that.

I think being careful on wording because I think this site tries to alleviate that by making politics a banned topic 

I think particularly in both the UK and the US (I'm less certain in other countries) that politics has become very polar and there is a lot of creep at political extremes.  There's a lot of course suits respected leaders with a lot of divide and rule - I probably could do something whose voting habits differ to mine, but a lot depends on where there is common ground and beliefs.  But, I guess, I'm a straight, cis, white guy so it's easy for me to say. There is nobody voting for a political party that discriminates against me. 

[Deleted Member]

Just one 🙃

[GL****]

In the 3 months I’ve been on… I’ve met 4 woman off of here. One was on vacation. Two of them made it to dinner, but I wanted nothing more. Then last week I went on the best first date of my life. It went so well we are getting a resort together for a few nights for my birthday here in a couple days.

The key to this is honest effort. Be patient. Don’t just message without putting real thought into it. Especially on here. You really only get one shot to make a good impression. Be consistent in your search and with the ladies you are taking too. At one point I was talking to 10 women at once and none felt left out or ignored. Last but not least… be respectful. Not just to the person’s you are talking to but of their time.

It’s very possible to meet ladies on here but you got to realize women get way more attention than us men and it can be overwhelming for them. Find away to separate yourself from others.

I’ve also found that lowering your standards to increase your odds never really works and is unsatisfying in the end. Don’t settle for someone just because you need to get your dick wet. Your person will be worth the time and effort. There really is someone for all of us.

Good luck. It has worked amazingly for me!

[GL****]

If a woman reaches out first… she is a scammer or a catfish. Not one real woman on here or any other site approached me first. If you are sitting back thinking the ladies will come to you… you aren’t that fine and women will always want to be perused.

[StickyTrickster]

I’ve not been on this particular site for very long I’ve been spread across various kink sites, some more recent, others extending back many years.

 

Whilst I’ve been able to explore various kinks with various vanilla partners I’ve met in life I am sitting on a big fat duck egg (0) when it comes to meeting kinky people online in real life.

 

I terrible at sales – if I had to convince a customer to buy a particular product that I knew was cheaper in a rival store to keep a job I’d lose my job instantly as I’d be telling them to get it cheaper down the road – and I’m just as terrible at selling myself.

 

In real life I don’t bother trying to sell myself, I just be my naturally playful self and if something more develops between us then I’m happy to share kinks and I’m not too bad at presenting most of them in an appealing way.  I derive a lot of pleasure from my partner’s own enjoyment and rather than chase a specific scene am more willing to adapt and find something mutually enjoyable.  For instance is someone approached me wanting to try sploshing, I’d use their existing kinks to work out a good introductory scene – if they’re a primal then perhaps mud, a brat then perhaps a slapstick scene where they’re a waitress and I’m a snotty customer that asks for “that pie,” which they slam in my face with a “there you go,” before I then get my revenge on them with the entire dessert cart, if they like being *** and at someone else’s mercy then a gunge tank scene might be best.

 

But when it comes to online it really is more about selling yourself.  My instincts have been to be upfront about my least conventional kinks, if they can accept them there shouldn’t be any surprises, before I’ll go into what I have to offer as a person.  Whilst it might weed out those who find any of those a deal breaker, it probably weirds out a bunch of people that think that is what I’m predominantly looking for.  Whilst it would be nice to find a partner that wouldn’t mind them I’m currently seeking to explore and build a mutually beneficial play partnership or relationship with someone to explore more of BDSM and form a genuine connection with on a personal level.

 

Whilst I have had long exchanges with online kinksters that at the time felt promising a lot of kinksters still struggle with feelings like guilt or shame over their desires such that whilst they can seem keen whilst all the online exchange is as abstract as their fantasies the moment it is made more concrete like agreeing to meet publicly in a café or something to get to know each other in real life those issues get the better of them.  It took awhile to realise that sometimes it wasn’t anything I did wrong.  I’m not going to judge them as there was a time when I wasn’t completely comfortable with my non-vanilla desires, indeed part of me still ***s I won’t find anyone that doesn’t find me too weird even across all the kink sites I’m currently on, but one can wonder whether in a parallel universe whether we might have each enjoyed something productive together.

 

In truth my expectations, despite being spread across multiple kink sites are pretty low.  In truth I feel like a dinosaur that hatched right after the meteor crash.  I pretty much left most of my vanilla social media accounts nearly a decade ago, pretty much everything bar YouTube.  It was one of the best things I ever did, no more subconsciously comparing myself disfavourably to what my ***rs decided to post about, I spent less time conversing with friends through a computer screen in favour of more emotionally fulfilling in person meet ups and I’ve kept out of the echo chambers that have been polarising society (though arguably every political tribe now hates me – I’m an engineer, if a solution is impractical I’ll fucking say it).  Not only am I behind the times with social media interactions of liking, commenting and so forth such that whilst in person I can see from someone’s body language whether they might be comfortable with the risqué flirting joke that popped into my head talking into a computer screen without any of the body language cues when faced with trying to decide between say something that can build attraction and chemistry vs saying something that will build comfort instead I error towards the later, better to be friendly than inadvertently creepy but that is also a recipe for never building any chemistry at all.

 

This might be something that can be learnt over time for most people but my dyspraxia will always cause me to struggle with instant messenger interactions what with my slow writing s***d and being able to organise my thoughts succinctly.  Whilst I was able to overcome my disabilities to be able to build comfort and attraction in real life into mutually beneficial relationships it is almost now becoming a taboo to flirt with people in real life rather than through an app to which I don’t know if I can adapt.

 

Whilst I’m going to munches I’m going for them mainly for the community, given how weird and wonderful my array of different kinks are I realise my best probabilities to find someone compatible is online even if I don’t know I can succeed in that arena, indeed if there is someone out there that might be looking for my brand of weird then I owe it to them to put myself out there so they might one day be able to find me.

 

Sure maybe I’m completely wasting my time, perhaps I’d be better off ***ing off to a distant country to work on a conservation project to fulfil me emotionally instead but if you don’t put yourself out there then the chances you’ll be able to find anyone to mutually build anything with will be zero.  But also I wouldn’t rule out being able to find something with someone vanilla that is open to experimenting as they might have fewer issues that will result in things like ghosting – but if you do so please go about it ethically and don’t go exploiting their lack of awareness in kink to do things a kinkster in the know would rightfully object to.  Everything you do as a kinkster with a vanilla person will colour how they view all future kinksters and you make it harder for everyone (for them to trust others afterwards, and for the reputation of other kinksters).

[HannahCB]

Been active since March.
Met an amazing guy who became my dom for a while. Split due to his long term goals changing.
Even though I do receive a few messages, I try to go back to everyone. It's worth while sending them. As a sub woman, I personally wouldn't make the first move.

[Ch****]

I didn't have any luck at all!
Either no replies or if there is a chat soon becomes meaningless because I receive very delayed responses like "hey how are you" It reminds me voicemail answering machine..... it's a crap.... So many fake people

[Deleted Member]

8 hours ago, Christian-2070 said:

I didn't have any luck at all!
Either no replies or if there is a chat soon becomes meaningless because I receive very delayed responses like "hey how are you" It reminds me voicemail answering machine..... it's a crap.... So many fake people

There aren't that many fake women on here. They have an ocean of men to choose from. They get bombarded with messages. It wears them out. I've no idea how to stand out in a message so I don't bother now and so rely on meeting in the traditional way at clubs, munches etc.