Questions to Ask Your Vanilla Date Instead of Just Asking if They’re Kinky

[CopperKnob]

• Does your belt live in your wardrobe or in that other cupboard?

• You look confused, so lemme put it another way. If your belt buckle came off, would you keep the leather or just throw it away?

• Wait, so you don’t own any belts?

• What about wooden spoons?

• Oh. Okay, so has your wooden spoon ever found its way into your bedroom for, you know, bedroomy things like… like… cupcake baking under the sheets or something?

• What about cable ties that aren’t for tying cables? D’you own any of those?

• Yes, since you ask, household objects are super important to me.

• No. I’m not weird. I just need to perform an in-depth review of your relationship with stuff and things. Look! Squirrel!

• Glitter or fireworks?

• Fuzzy handcuffs or rope?

• No, I’m not writing a horror movie about cooking. Just stick to the questions, please.

• Facebook or some other random social media site with black pages and… oh, I don’t know… pugs?

• How many pugs? Two or three?

• Yes, it does matter how many. I can’t be expected to date a guy who buys pets in odd numbers.

• Okay, three-second answer—no thinking. If you were to go to the hardware store, what would you put on your shopping list?

• But what would you do with that jute? Like, can you tie a larks head?

• So lemme get this straight: you’re a fisherman who doesn’t bake cupcakes in bed, throws away his belts, and uses cable ties to tie cables?

• Sorry. This relationship will never work.

[Tastycake-5642]

I loved this!

[su****]

I like to inject a soupçon of humour into the interrogation by asking if she was ever a girl guide - and then try to angle the conversation around to knot-tying.

[Sir-Taz]

😂🤣😂🤣😂😅😅🤣😂😂😅🤣😂😂🤣😅🤣😂😂🤣😅🤣😂🤣🤣

[BigPolly]

43 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

• How many pugs? Two or three?

• Yes, it does matter how many. I can’t be expected to date a guy who buys pets in odd numbers.

😂 OMG This!!! 😂

[ge****]

Brilliant as ever 👏🤣😂

I once had a blind vanilla date where the good lady proclaimed an interest in "kinky" and I perked - she then went on to explain some of her "kinks", the only one of which I can remember is that she had once put pineapple rings on her nipples, applied squirty cream (no not THAT sort - your actual squirty cream from a can) put a cherry on top and had her lover eat it off!! Needless to say there wasn't a second date 😄

[su****]

Anybody ever been chatted up by a nilla who thinks that they know *all* about this BDSM business?
My personal best was a daft wee girl who, unsure whether I was sub or dom, told me all about how much she wanted to be tied up. Or tie someone up. And then spank them. Or be spanked.
This wasn't someone who came across as a switch - just needy.
I wonder what ever happened to her? Or to someone else?
😁

[BigPolly]

47 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

I once had a blind vanilla date where the good lady proclaimed an interest in "kinky" and I perked - she then went on to explain some of her "kinks", the only one of which I can remember is that she had once put pineapple rings on her nipples, applied squirty cream (no not THAT sort - your actual squirty cream from a can) put a cherry on top and had her lover eat it off!! Needless to say there wasn't a second date 😄

To be fair as someone who’s fat, this would probably appeal hugely to me. Not because of any kind of kink but just because it involves food 😂

 

[Deleted Member]

🤣🤣🤣

[ge****]

1 hour ago, BigPolly said:

To be fair as someone who’s fat, this would probably appeal hugely to me. Not because of any kind of kink but just because it involves food 😂

 

Oh I wasn't suggesting it was unappealing - just not the kind of "kink" I was thinking of - although personally I'm not a fan of pineapple....ring doughnuts perhaps? 🤣

[charlias]

Thank you for that :)

[Leisa]

😂😂😂😂

[Deleted Member]

Since it is so mainstream I just ask their opinion of 50 Shades of Gray and go from there lol. 

[CopperKnob]

9 hours ago, BigPolly said:

😂 OMG This!!! 😂

The whole reason I can't have a puppy is because I've sworn off cats and it'd be an odd number of paws 🤷‍♀️

[StickyTrickster]

If you've ever tasted my cookie dough cupcakes you'll know I don't joke about cupcakes!

Congrats on making it to the end of the sentence before pointing out the squirrel, I certainly wouldn't have and would have got lost in the ensuing thoughts.

And in the last month I've been in and out of Toolstation buying items that by themselves would be totally innocent... That what I built with them has since featured in a photoset for a fetish site already is another thing!

 

Though to be fair you wouldn't need to beat about the bush to find out if I was kinky on a date, I'd rather be direct about.  Not only is it my time being wasted but it's polite not to waste theirs either.

[so****]

🤣you are the epitome of AWESOME 🖤lol