Origin of your kink?

[Deleted Member]

I am fairly new to exploring my kink (although I have known about it for years), and it has raised lots of interesting thoughts about the human brain. Most recently, I have been debating whether a Dom or sub kink always originates from some sort of trauma (big or small) or from something being wrong in a person’s life? I know it’s a sensitive issue so please know that I am asking this in the nicest possible way 🙂

[Deleted Member]

Kinks are a cooping for people with ptsd if im saying it right xd

[sc****]

My ex gf was sub and she got me into it by asking me to try it and found it was my thing

[Deleted Member]

Being a petulant little bugger, My older *** made me kiss Her friends feet in front of her group of friends when I was younger. I'm 39 now and the penchant for that dynamic hasn't shaken. Foot simp for life.

[UK****]

It's often portrayed that way in movies, etc, however I know many on both sides of the fence who haven't had any trauma

[Ab****]

I know I’ve had mine since the earliest memories
Of course maybe the abdl fetish typically develops early compared to other kinks for obvious reasons... who knows lol

[Ae****]

Ahhhh, a really intelligent and insightful question! I'm so happy to see people thinking of and asking these kinds of things 😊 It's really interesting, I've actually wondered this lots 🙏

[ge****]

My submissive nature is innate and something I can trace right back to my formative years and beyond, certainly before I had the slightest idea what it was - whether it was influenced by events in my life or is entirely natural I'm not sure, there are certainly events in my life which *could* have had a bearing on it, but I don't honestly know (or care) if I am fitting them to my nature to explain it, or if it was there already and they shaped it further. I can certainly remember some very distinct and strong feelings as a child which I now recognise as submissive in nature.

Either way I embrace it and accept it as being as much a part of me as the various other facets of my personality and physicality.

[Cu****]

As scarface87, gf and I explored ideas when 18, neither of us realising that this was fetish or bdsm. We talked, agreed, tried, reflected, going through what was a switch connection. She eventually admitted that she liked being on the receiving end of the joint discovery and I was the enabler. So no trauma, just youthful inquisitiveness shared by caring minds.

[Deleted Member]

I think it's innate to one's personality, probably related to agreeableness

[ey****]

honestly - this gets down some weird rabbit hole

like a lot of stuff in our personality - there's a mixture of genetics and the environment we grow up in

--

some people do have specific fetishes/kinks linked to some life events (school uniform is very common because it ties in with early memories of first discovering puberty and sexuality.    older people are often more into caning because it can often take them back to a time when the only thing they had to *** was the cane)

and some is just linked to our senses and feel nice. 

[Cu****]

No it doesnt always originate from some sort of trauma. It can be an extending level of an already sound loving relationship.

[FETMOD-KF]

just a small tiny note. apologies to those we've made minor tweaks to post on
like the rest of the forum we have to be very careful about discussions about things that happened before we were 18.   Which I know can make some discussions difficult at times - but - sadly this is something the likes of Google and Apple argue to be sexualising minors which they don't like very much.

For safety I guess mentioning things that happened when you were younger; fine.   Specific ages or bands - possibly not fine. 

[Ab****]

9 minutes ago, FETMOD-KF said:

just a small tiny note. apologies to those we've made minor tweaks to post on
like the rest of the forum we have to be very careful about discussions about things that happened before we were 18.   Which I know can make some discussions difficult at times - but - sadly this is something the likes of Google and Apple argue to be sexualising minors which they don't like very much.

For safety I guess mentioning things that happened when you were younger; fine.   Specific ages or bands - possibly not fine. 

Fair enough I guess 🤷‍♂️

[ju****]

well kinks and fetishes can actually be genetic, so thats one factor. unfortunately my parents lack all boundaries so i am sadly aware that many of my kinks may be rooted in genetics. but many of my kinks are also rooted in trauma i experienced when i was young. specifically masochism, somno, and cnc. so to give you an answer, i think theres many possibilities for the origins of people’s kinks, not just strictly trauma

[je****]

More curiosity made me kinky.

[Matttster]

I had a longish conversation with someone working on their masters in mental health. Their opinion was that it all related to some trauma. In general they indicated that studies identify submissive men felt guilt for something they had done in the past.

I do not recall what the views they had regarding submissive women. But I was not impressed with the scholastic views she had studied. I have read articles by people into the scene with an education in mental health which are much different than what is supposedly taught in school.

I have many submissive friends and from conversations with them there are many reasons for their desire to submit. Ranging from they feel it who they are to working in a high stress powerful position and being submissive away from office is their escape to people who have had trauma and find that being submissive helps them deal with it

Unfortunately I have not had many conversations with Doms/Dommes to get their take on why they are Tops.

Myself, honestly I cannot say why I am the way I am or why I find myself drawn to dominance rather than submittance or vanilla. In part I suppose it ties into one of my kinks which is essentially pleasing my partner. I enjoy making her want more and more, then the control I get from being able to withhold the “more”.

Great post, I will look forward to checking in to see others feelings on why they feel drawn to being a Top, bottom or switch.

[Leisa]

For me I think it’s a way of rewriting trauma. I can change my memories of feeling completely powerless and *** into those of strength and control.

[Ky****]

in part i suspect on my case its down to a deformity meaning that i can't stand/walk with heels touching the floor, just seemed natural to wear heels and the rest followed

[qu****]

Sometimes it's just because, for what ever reason, not easily discussed as so much about the brain is unknown, can trauma play a part, yes, but then in effect you can just as easily be hard wired that way, no know reason, the same as being left or right handed, the important thing is to just accept someone for who they are

[ey****]

There are a lot of folk whose experiences, and accompanying studies etc. suggest there can be a link of trauma - in some people

but everything that happens in our life to date, good or bad, shapes who we are.

But also; there are plenty of people who had trauma who are not kinky 

--

I do sometimes think that there's a rabbit hole that... if someone said "bad thing x happened to you and now you have this kink or fetish" would it make you feel liberated or resentful? 

[charlias]

I'm not sure I'd say they're linked to trauma but a few of my kinks I've linked back to childhood. Although, they're all what I'd call my baseline kinks and bought me into a now wide array of... Hobbies :)

[Deleted Member]

For me it’s probably a combination of trauma and natural personality characteristics.  I witnessed some incredibly violent material, but at the same time I have always had a tendency to take things to the utter extreme. Put those two together and you have a lethal cocktail.

[lesdevon]

 My kinks and fetishes  stem  from  being younger  watching  groups of  ladys smoking  in the street  talking   and smoking was glamourised on tv then          no  trauma involved  

[Gi****]

I’ve always had the kinks. Didn’t realize what it was for years. The trauma actually heightened some and gave me the confidence or permission (for lack of a better words) to act on it and feel ok to do what was right for me.