Origin of your kink?

[Tr****]

A few years ago I had a GF who would be controlling with sexual things and I became curious about dressing and being a female. Well this went on for some time. One day I was dressed and enjoying the feeling. One of my guy friends didn't knock and I forgot to look the door and I turned around and there I was caught fully dressed. He didn't say anything but walked up to me and gently turned me around bent me over and I didn't hesitate to be his slut.

[bu****]

My wife is the origin. I was a missionary position guy . Have done other positions but when I started dating my wife, we’d have a few drinks and get extra freaky.

[Zi****]

Oh, for sure. As I explained to a friend today, most people in the community are either using it as a the***utic tool or have just accepted trauma they were dealt as kids and decided to have fun and roll with the effects of it as adults.

Me personally, I had an emotionally and mentally abusive alcoholic single mother I suspect resented me for making partying and dating hard. As a result, I like causing *** and taking control of others. There are people out there that enjoy receiving *** and being controlled; so I use the effects of my trauma to make myself and others happy.

[Ky****]

4 minutes ago, Ziosuna said:

Oh, for sure. As I explained to a friend today, most people in the community are either using it as a the***utic tool or have just accepted trauma they were dealt as kids and decided to have fun and roll with the effects of it as adults.

Me personally, I had an emotionally and mentally abusive alcoholic single mother I suspect resented me for making partying and dating hard. As a result, I like causing *** and taking control of others. There are people out there that enjoy receiving *** and being controlled; so I use the effects of my trauma to make myself and others happy.

gr8 post, turning trauma into way to cope and help others, long may it continue to help both you and others-although sorry to hear about your earlier ***

[Zi****]

40 minutes ago, Kymi said:

gr8 post, turning trauma into way to cope and help others, long may it continue to help both you and others-although sorry to hear about your earlier ***

Thank you, but it's all good now. The effects are just part of who I am at this point.

[Deleted Member]

This is a great question OP. Nice to be on an intellectual thread with no ulterior motive or agenda! Funny how threads like this get 5 comments and the nonsense stuff gets 100! (which is all bye the bye).

To keep on topic I have always known exactly what the origin of my shirt and tie fetish was. It's a very long story,  and some what slightly embarrassing. I won't therefore divulge further, is kind of a quite personal thing I'd share when in love to a soulmate.

What I really wanted to say is, don't know if same for others, but once you understand and know the origin of your kink or fetish, its so much easier to just accept and own it. This is my experience.

[ge****]

25 minutes ago, Shirt-n-Tie-Boy said:

This is a great question OP. Nice to be on an intellectual thread with no ulterior motive or agenda! Funny how threads like this get 5 comments and the nonsense stuff gets 100! (which is all bye the bye).

To keep on topic I have always known exactly what the origin of my shirt and tie fetish was. It's a very long story,  and some what slightly embarrassing. I won't therefore divulge further, is kind of a quite personal thing I'd share when in love to a soulmate.

What I really wanted to say is, don't know if same for others, but once you understand and know the origin of your kink or fetish, its so much easier to just accept and own it. This is my experience.

Is there any real need for the opening paragraph side swipe at something you were just as complicit in as anyone else?
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There really is no need - and then to follow it up with "to keep on topic" when you've actually taken it "off topic" in the first place just makes it worse.
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Would have been much better to have just put everything after "To keep on topic" and leave it at that.
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And yes I appreciate I've done precisely the same with this post but the constant digs are getting a little tired now.
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Apologies to the rest of the thread - shall say no more and suggest no-one else does.
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Mods if this is out of order please delete, just thought it worth highlighting and the report function doesn't allow me to explain the reason.

[Ae****]

2 hours ago, gemini_man said:

Is there any real need for the opening paragraph side swipe at something you were just as complicit in as anyone else?
.
There really is no need - and then to follow it up with "to keep on topic" when you've actually taken it "off topic" in the first place just makes it worse.
.
Would have been much better to have just put everything after "To keep on topic" and leave it at that.
.
And yes I appreciate I've done precisely the same with this post but the constant digs are getting a little tired now.
.
Apologies to the rest of the thread - shall say no more and suggest no-one else does.
.
Mods if this is out of order please delete, just thought it worth highlighting and the report function doesn't allow me to explain the reason.

Comments on unnecessary comments. Irony manifest 😅

[ba****]

After a long period of reflection I know mine started in my youth being dominated by my elder ***. She waited for us to be alone and then made me her little ***. I just loved being told what to do, no matter how embarrassing it was (in reality it wasn’t as I thoroughly enjoyed it. So, not exactly trauma I suppose, but either way it concreted me as a sub and lingerie fetishist.

[Bo****]

The bigotry of my country and satisfaction of challanging tradition😂

[Deleted Member]

Have I ever thought about this one! I think the bum fetish was always there, always awed by butts, and was fascinated with my own when little. The interest in spanking came along pretty quickly, but that was probably because being a small kid in the 1970s it was often there, so even if I got off lightly myself it was still a thing that happened even in school. Did that make an impression? Otherwise, I had a kind of distant childhood and no siblings and emotionally absent parents I guess it all came together. Maybe also realising I was kinky and genderqueer and bi just made me feel I must be wrong so perhaps I mixed that all up with a desire to be punished but also cared for? Hmmm ....

[Ra****]

Many people think you need to be damaged in your youth to develop kinks. Scientific studies say there is no proven general connection between trauma and kinks. Having said that, it can’t be denied there is a fair amount of people that were damaged. It’s a fact that circumstances and surroundings have a big influence on who you become. The truth is that you may never label someone based on assumptions cause there is honestly no way to inconclusively tell what caused someone’s kinks from a distance 😉

[Deleted Member]

Look I think kink has been around in one form or another for hundreds if not thousands of years. I think there are elements of excitement danger totemism. Plus I don’t kink meant kink. Example: “detective magazines (pulp fictions) covered many facets of kink. Don’t forget the elements of culture—popular or fantasy——relevant icons. That’s part 1 of the answer. Tap out time here. Part 2 later.

[Ra****]

True. Look at what 50 shades of grey did and how many woman are interested in bdsm after the book or movie.

[roped_kitten]

I've always, even as a young child, been independent, opinionated and strong-willed. As an adult, those character traits have led to leadership positions. I always figured that my preference to be bottom in a partnership were part of redress, balancing out. I have power and sway in the world, and in the bedroom I want those taken away, for my will to be bent and my independence curtailed.

[BruiseWayne]

I think a lot of it DOES stem from trauma etc. Even when people have profound issues influencing them like that they may not even be aware of them. And since a lot of kinks develop either in or as a result of things that happened in our formative years there's probably a bit of subconscious repression going on there. The older I get and the more experience I have with kinky people in all different walks of life the one common thread does seem to  be some kind of trauma, etc.

 

BUT that's just been my experience and I AM a sadist who chases after masochists so take that all with a grain of salt, lol. You don't become either of those things by accident after all...

[ne****]

I know this thread is old, but I found it interesting so wanted to comment :) In terms of the sub/dom dynamic i can only see one credible explanation as to what causes it. For me it's a pathology of modern sexuality resulting from the deeply unequal, patriarchal, capitalist society we live in. Of course the sub/dom dynamic isn't new, but neither is social and economic inequality. Class, race, disability, age and gender dynamics are all at play here.

Our ideas about 'sex' and what's 'sexy' are shaped from a young age by what we experience as individuals in our respective environments. We all experience sex differently depending on who we are and where we fit on the social ladder. Therefore sex is not natural, it's actually deeply political.

I think Simone de Beaovoir was spot on when she wrote that the human couple will only discover its true (natural) form once we live in a free world (not precise quote!)

[Ra****]

@kittenkid20 many people think that there has to have been some kind of traumatic experience. Science researched the matter and outcome is that there is no difference with vanilla people. They both had the same percentage of traumatised persons…