Helping me and my Domme to vocalise.

[Wi****]

Hi 

Me and my Domme are early in our dynamic and we're having a wonderful time and building a strong bond.

Online our play, tease and communication is fabulous we have a lot of fun and banter as well as talk seriously if we need to. When we meet we're good about communicating about how things are going our thoughts on play etc thats great. But when it comes to verbalising during play when we're together physically or in our rolls where both struggling a bit. For example talking dirty. Also how can I help my Domme talk more authoritively. 

Thanks

[ey****]

do you/she want/have to talk a certain way?

[Maid-Francesca]

This is a difficult one if it doesn’t come naturally to you, but to get into that frame of mind, text more and more about it - as in Sexting and talk about how you both can bring it into you’re roles. Hope you’re well sis and good to see ya x x x

[Wi****]

25 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

do you/she want/have to talk a certain way?

Just be able to vocalise how we talk when we text. 

[charlias]

I personally found, it can feel really ***d to try and add "sexy talk" to play and for the longest time, i just didn't.
I started lessening my filter and vocalising my inner monologue. Its not porn grade sexytime but sometimes I surprise myself :) and im usually surprised by what has the greatest effect on my partner. Ie claiming ownership of a body part, negotiations, possible rewards you have planned, marking good behavior against previous infractions. Could even pre planned cues you can use during play and develop them in the moment.

[wo****]

Many start trying to vocalize in person - which is very difficult for some.
I would suggest that since you are great during text and such that maybe you are both slightly embarrassed to do it in person. Split the difference and try doing time phone play. That way you aren’t present to see the other, can become more comfortable with it and do so without the embarrassment that can come while in person.
Just one man’s perspective but I hope that you figure it out!
Best wishes!

[Wo****]

Great thread Princess 😚

 

From my perspective....

Vocalising anything during sex and play is a huge "problem" for me... always has been. I'm only just starting to vocalise things with @Boldbald and that's taken us a year of living together to get that far.

 

I dont what the block is. I'm absolutely fine with typing it, or writing it. It's just saying the words out loud. Even on the phone. I did think about doing that but it's just as difficult as in person.

It's not embarrassment. We talk about stuff easily, it's just in play we struggle.

 

I've never been very vocal, as I'm typing this I'm realising that I find it really hard expressing things vocally. The written word is where I'm comfortable, it's what I know. Is that what the block is?

[Phoenyx]

4 hours ago, Willow75 said:

But when it comes to verbalising during play when we're together physically or in our rolls where both struggling a bit. For example talking dirty. Also how can I help my Domme talk more authoritively. 

This just takes time.  I could say that it involves learning each other's limits and triggers.  But, it is more nuanced than that.  It is about becoming comfortable with the idea of "play".  It's about learning the subtleties of each other's reactions.

This is probably the most common question asked in new BDSM relationships.  As long as the trust is there, the rest should follow.  But, don't try too hard to rush it.  Rushing can lead to mistakes, and mistakes can lead to loss of the trust.

I know that there are a few purists who will disagree with this next part:  New BDSM relationships often require a certain amount of "topping from the bottom".  Consider it to be a kind of "jump start"---a temporary suspension of the rules, to help establish a direction for the relationship.  It is just temporary though---a kind of learning crutch.

[bi****]

Easiest way, without telling her how to do things or guide things to what you want is to keep it very simple and comfortable for her. One oif the easiest tricks is to use a couple of words, like "stop" and "no" that are really good when spoken decisively. The reaction she'll get from you should be fun and empowering, and that shoudl allow her to become more comfortable with using them and developing her own ideas further.

Dirty talk, pfft. Verbalising, nope. Don't even think about that kind of porno trivia. Stick to the basics and let things happen naturally.

[Deleted Member]

Well hmmm this is always a tricky thing, you probably have a fantasy in your head, were you are called things, or spoken to in a particular way, and your Domme has the same, but you're both into each other and don't want to mess it up.

Do you have limits regarding what you will do?  I mean physically, well if you do and you both know about them, there's nothing stopping you from adding any language to that too.

You know like you can say I don't mind being called slut but I don't like whore.

As for your Domme that's tricky, they really need to just start saying/speaking to you the way they'd like to and read your reaction, and if you like it you could maybe exaggerate your reaction in case they are not good at picking up the queues at first. 

 

Edited October 11, 2021 by Deleted Member

[Th****]

On 10/4/2021 at 4:18 PM, Phoenyx said:

I know that there are a few purists who will disagree with this next part:  New BDSM relationships often require a certain amount of "topping from the bottom".  Consider it to be a kind of "jump start"---a temporary suspension of the rules, to help establish a direction for the relationship.  It is just temporary though---a kind of learning crutch.

Absolutely my experience…my hubby had a long held desire to be submissive to me, which he revealed during the first lockdown. I was shocked as we had been very vanilla and I couldn't imagine what things might be like. We have been learning Femdom together with lots of ups and downs. He really doesn't want to top from the bottom as he feels it needs to be driven by me to be genuine. I agree with him but have said in the past that as the introduced partner, I have needed (and still do to some extent) guidance from him whilst I gain my confidence and find my inner Domme. 

[Phoenyx]

@TheLilacMistressSounds like you are on your way.  Goof luck!