Am I being unreasonable?

[Deleted Member]

I've just been called a rude, dismissive weirdo for not wanting to get all my questions on DDLG answered by a stranger who messaged me. I'd much rather (and have) seek advice from friends or the forum. Thoughts? Already blocked twice today for politely declining an offer.

[Deleted Member]

No, you’re not! You’re doing exactly what you supposed to do to find your match by vetting them properly and in doing so you would remove fake ones, which I’m seeing are the ones you already have dealt with, so well done and keep it up.

Also they’re the problem don’t let them make you believe that what you’re doing its wrong because it’s the right thing to do. Always ask if you aren’t sure about something it’s best to be safe then sorry later 

Edited October 6, 2021 by Deleted Member

[TheBookCollector]

I dont think its wrong to seek advice from multiple sources as it broadens your views.

IMHO.anyone who only wants to preach thier version of a dynamic and not allow other peoples voices to be heard should be raising a red flag. Most decent d-types will not worry that you are seeking advice elsewhere and from multiple people,

[ey****]

it feels a bit weird someone would want to try to isolate the learning - always reads like an attempt to manipulate

[Deleted Member]

3 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

it feels a bit weird someone would want to try to isolate the learning - always reads like an attempt to manipulate

Unfortunately when I came to this lifestyle that’s exactly what was done to me and me being obedient and told they were nice human being felt for it tsk tsk something I won’t do again 

[ey****]

Just now, Amy4U said:

Unfortunately when I came to this lifestyle that’s exactly what was done to me and me being obedient and told they were nice human being felt for it tsk tsk something I won’t do again 

but that's nothing you had done wrong, just remember

just folk trying to groom on naivety of the time

[Ar****]

You already know the answer... what would you say/advice would you give if this were somebody else's post you had happened upon?

 

No, you aren't being unreasonable. Yes, strangers who try to pull this crap on folk are buttholes.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Aranhis said:

You already know the answer... what would you say/advice would you give if this were somebody else's post you had happened upon?

 

No, you aren't being unreasonable. Yes, strangers who try to pull this crap on folk are buttholes.

I did question myself though. Someone else had just had a go at me on another site so maybe it was just that day. But he was outraged that I wouldn't accept his knowledgable advice on the topic. I was trying to look at it from his perspective as a few men have tried to "make friends" of late and...I'm just suspicious.

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

it feels a bit weird someone would want to try to isolate the learning - always reads like an attempt to manipulate

He queried why I'd bother with the forum too. If I was a newbie, I'm wondering if I would have fallen for that line.

[Deleted Member]

To many online Muppets unfortunately if you don't feel comfortable with something don't do it if the other person has a problem with it then that's on them not you

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, TheBookCollector said:

I dont think its wrong to seek advice from multiple sources as it broadens your views.

IMHO.anyone who only wants to preach thier version of a dynamic and not allow other peoples voices to be heard should be raising a red flag. Most decent d-types will not worry that you are seeking advice elsewhere and from multiple people,

It hadn't even occurred to me that he was trying to do that until now! Isolate me, that is. Because I have a status at present that I am new to DDlg. I posted because I was wondering whether I had misread the situation. Ive been around kink for a few years now, didn't spot that red flag but my instincts said no anyway.

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, Amy4U said:

No, you’re not! You’re doing exactly what you supposed to do to find your match by vetting them properly and in doing so you would remove fake ones, which I’m seeing are the ones you already have dealt with, so well done and keep it up.

Also they’re the problem don’t let them make you believe that what you’re doing its wrong because it’s the right thing to do. Always ask if you aren’t sure about something it’s best to be safe then sorry later 

I'm not actively looking for a daddy Dom, I'm just finding out more to consider if it would suit me. To then get called weird and and idiot took me aback. He is definitely the problem!

[Deleted Member]

By the way it took about 18 hours to get approved - this happened yesterday!

[Ar****]

46 minutes ago, Dragonflylover said:

I was trying to look at it from his perspective as a few men have tried to "make friends" of late and...I'm just suspicious.

Sadly I'd have to say being suspicious is no bad thing 😞 

But anybody who sinks to insulting name-calling (quote "rude, dismissive weirdo") when their unsolicited conversation doesn't travel in the direction they planned, well that's enough of a red flag for me.

[Nylon-Nellie]

Red flag for me, is when any potential Dom/playmate isolates me for not wanting to ask other peoples advice or look at forums. Isn't this one way of broadening our horizons, is by picking other people's brains and seeing it from another persons perspective? Would he of isolated you any further, by insisting that you are not able to talk to others?

Every day is a school day, alus something new to learn.

[ey****]

1 hour ago, Dragonflylover said:

He queried why I'd bother with the forum too. If I was a newbie, I'm wondering if I would have fallen for that line.

In general; I prefer to give advice/opinions on the forum even though there are folk I will talk to privately

I am big on community learning and sometimes - lots of people say the same thing which en***s a message

Sometimes there are other perspectives which gives a broader perspective

and, ahem, sometimes there are people who are just wrong.

And - there have been times when I have been in the wrong, and, so kinda - other people can hold me accountable for my comments

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Nylon-Nellie said:

Red flag for me, is when any potential Dom/playmate isolates me for not wanting to ask other peoples advice or look at forums. Isn't this one way of broadening our horizons, is by picking other people's brains and seeing it from another persons perspective? Would he of isolated you any further, by insisting that you are not able to talk to others?

Every day is a school day, alus something new to learn.

I am looking at the conversation again in a different light. He didn't offer himself as a Daddy Dom, just offered advice as a friend. I politely refused and that's when the bad mouthing started

[Deleted Member]

39 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

In general; I prefer to give advice/opinions on the forum even though there are folk I will talk to privately

I am big on community learning and sometimes - lots of people say the same thing which en***s a message

Sometimes there are other perspectives which gives a broader perspective

and, ahem, sometimes there are people who are just wrong.

And - there have been times when I have been in the wrong, and, so kinda - other people can hold me accountable for my comments

I am lucky to know people now that I can ask & in fact I have spoken to two friends who are DDs. But I often ask questions to the forum for the reasons you state. Always encounter something I haven't considered.

[ge****]

Not in the slightest bit unreasonable - who and how you choose to elicit advice is your choice entirely and whether his intentions were honourable or not, his reaction to your polite decline speaks volumes.

Playing devil's advocate for just one second though - the fact you'd posted it as a status is going to attract people to message you about it, so to an extent you have to accept that they will - although you definitely don't have to accept the rudeness that followed

[Ch****]

I often ask questions about kink, but if I'm told a person would like to get to know me better first, I'm going to respect them for saying so on multiple levels.

[Deleted Member]

Nope...end of. Those you know a little you're gonna trust more, from past interactions. Sounds like these bellends and their fragile egos cant hack the knock back, hence the childish block. Least you know the truth of who they are without wasting anymore time

[Deleted Member]

41 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Not in the slightest bit unreasonable - who and how you choose to elicit advice is your choice entirely and whether his intentions were honourable or not, his reaction to your polite decline speaks volumes.

Playing devil's advocate for just one second though - the fact you'd posted it as a status is going to attract people to message you about it, so to an extent you have to accept that they will - although you definitely don't have to accept the rudeness that followed

yes I guess I did expect that I may get targeted by daddy doms but my filters keep most out. And my snark on the forum probably keeps more away so he was the first 🤣

[ki****]

Sounds like a red flag to me. I got told once I shouldn’t read others advice on here as it’s just an opinion and not real just because I disagreed on a few things with him.

[Mo****]

People every day choose where and how they get their information, not wanting unsolicited advice is absolutely fine.....just because you have thought of something and voiced it, doesn't mean you've invited every Tom, Dick and Harry to contact you with their wisdom. 

 

[Deleted Member]

14 hours ago, kinkysub4dom said:

Sounds like a red flag to me. I got told once I shouldn’t read others advice on here as it’s just an opinion and not real just because I disagreed on a few things with him.

I guess it's a pretty standard tactic to isolate subs 😟